The weather seems to be doing what it wants these days… I say that Mother Nature has found her way into the now-legal marijuana and just doesn’t care!  A writer would say that wouldn’t she?  Naturally!

But I have been feeling under the weather as well but for different reasons…

Remember the call from Thursday?  The one with no voicemail and me thinking I had screwed up somehow by not being home to answer it?  SIGH!  I have to stop having those thoughts.

I heard back and had to chuckle… the response was that when it went to voicemail he realized that the idea he was calling about needed a bit more thought and was going to take the weekend to mull it over… what does that mean?

As writers don’t we do that all the time?  Don’t we jot down a couple of notes, open a blank document and realize that we can’t flesh anything out?  Of course we do.  If we didn’t we’d never get anything written.

So I am looking forward to hearing the ideas that have been mulled over this weekend as I sit here with the dread about tomorrow once again creeping in.  I don’t have to do anything other than wonder if my alarm is turned on for that dread to start seeping through me like blood pooled under a murder victim.

I had tea, dessert and a wonderful conversation yesterday as I caught up with an old friend who has been very helpful in the last while as far as my faith and feelings of being trapped go. I was so grateful that we had, and made, the time to get together and it left me with some food for thought.

The thought I have yet to verbalize until this weekend is I don’t know where to go from here as far as nursing goes.  As of this month, I have been a nurse for 25 years.  For the first several it was slow going and I worked as a teller.  I got my foot in the door and I have tried many aspects of nursing before I got settled into family practice where I thrived the most.  But I have watched the system change, not for the good, over the last several years.  I have watched care decline and the impact of a lack of funding at various levels.  I have seen the delays in patients getting the care they need and felt my hands  tied as far as helping them.  It has made me realize in travel medicine, how needy people can be and how adamant they are to get what they want when they want it.  In all honestly, I don’t want to be a part of that system any longer.

There, I said it!  I think the changes that are coming, any discoveries as far as cures go will be fascinating to watch and research but I can’t say I want to be front line any longer.  I had a no-show at the wellness studio almost two weeks ago and I had been incredibly excited at the concept of meeting with that patient and I believe that if I can see patients at that level on those terms that it will fulfill that tiny little part of me that will likely continue to scream about stepping away from medicine.

In these last weeks, writing and editing the medical-related articles that I have been paid for and exchanging emails about the weekly newspaper and having the interview have boosted me up, ever so slightly!  The dredge of the “other job” continues to override and overwhelm but I’m sure you get where I’m going with that feeling of excitement.

I work the next two days with Tuesday being my long day but with Easter this week I won’t have to work again until Saturday (I know… I’m not impressed either) and have the full intention to bask in those three days!

I will keep you posted as everything unfolds… it’s like a story in itself doesn’t it?