Shall I describe this pain to you, A pain unseen, Unlikely on the skin, Yet it cuts deep, On this chest of mine, Made my heart skip a beat, Made me gasping for air, Made me gagged, Nausea, I need it cut open, Take it out of me, The pain brought sadness, And everlasting curse.
Today’s prompt made me want to share how I feel whenever I take a walk or a run in the park.
I honestly enjoy a walk in the park. I would usually go alone at least once a week. I spent most of my days walking and commuting to work and being able to walk in a park feels much more refreshing to me.
I enjoy looking at the trees, noticing how far their roots have spread, the pattern of their bark, the green lushes of their leaves, and some with bright colorful flowers dangling from their branches.
Then, I can’t help but notice the butterflies flying around the park. The one flying alone looks free flapping its wings taking it on a path that no one knows. Then, there’s the couple butterflies that always look like dancing around each other and chasing each other. What a big world for those lovers!
There are also the birds hopping from tree to tree. I wonder what kind of birds are in the park. Are they common? Are they rare? Or are they an endangered species? I can’t help wondering what kind of life do they have here in the park. Do they have a nest here? Or they are on a big migration from somewhere else. Do birds greet each other from a different species? Who knows?
And then there is also the subtlety of sounds in the park. I have to listen really closely to hear the insects, the brushing leaves, the cracking branches and one that I usually call the symphony of nature.
Taking a walk at a park really made me feel grounded. The sense of enjoying the moment and place one at a time. After a couple of rounds, it is just the peace that I need once a week.
When can I sleep in peace? Waking up with happiness, Waking up with peacefulness, Waking up with kindness, Waking up with the sense of, “I had a well-rested night!”,
When can I sleep in peace? Without crowded crows in my head, Without hundreds of slithering snakes in my mind, Without the rush of storms in my heart, Waking up without the sense of, “I am exhausted after waking up”.
It was a hot yet damp afternoon, The sky was bright yet filled with white cotton cloud, I walked on a pavement yet my head walks over problems, Each steps led me somewhere yet not the destination where I want, I saw trees in rows yet I never saw a flower, I saw people yet none being familiar,
I knew where I am yet not at a place I truly belong, I was lost yet I recognized the road.
I’ve walked this plane for too long, As this soul ages faster than the graying of my hair, I’ve gone through the painful barbed tunnel, Only to enter the abyss filled with sharp blades,
I grew up knowing these words close to my heart, Loneliness, sadness, and suffering, The theme of my life as far as I breathe, On repeat like a sitcom tv show,
A part of me is relieved, For some of them are cast away, Forgotten in the chaos of my mind, A part of me wept,
Don’t pry for that side of mine, A menace you’ll find inside.
Before the sun stands on the top of my head, My journey took me to a park of love, A place blessed by colorful trees, Whispering closely among themselves, As I take my steps, The breeze greeted me, And the clouds graced me with its shade,
The park of love, Filled with butterflies, Different colors and sizes, Flying in couples, Chasing each other’s, And lost between the grass,
The park of love, Filled with dragonflies, Swarming above me, Dancing freely like a ritual, Living their best life, Even when their days are counted,
The park of love, Filled with birds, I can’t even name one of them, Singing gleefully, Flying swiftly from trees to trees, Insecure of me approaching them,
The park of love, Filled with life, A world of its own, I’m but an outsider, Yearning for my own, Park of love.
To the loveliest, And the brightest, Sun that shines upon me, Your warmth still lingers, Your light still guides, Your presence can never be forgotten,
As far as my eyes can see, You keep shining from afar, Words of praises, Born of deep admiration, Worthy of worship,
As you keep on shining to the rest of the universe, Greedily I want yours to be mine alone.
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How far do I go for something that I believe in? How far should I go before others call me a fool? How far should I go before they tell me to stop chasing? How far should I go before admiration turns to madness? How far should I go before all the sweetness turns to poison? How far should I go before the determination breaks me? How far should I go before I realize that it is unreciprocated? How far should I go before this body of mine turns into scattered dust? How far should I go before I give up on you?
If there is an end, If there is a doubt, Why do I even start?
Today, I want to share my thoughts on a song that made me feel seen, heard and warmly embraced by a song. It is Jiwa Yang Bersedih (Sad Soul) by an Indonesian singer Ghea Indrawari.
Ever since I started to listen to this song a couple of days ago, I can’t stop listening to it daily. I have never felt seen and heard by a song. It is too relatable and I can’t stop my tears from falling every single time.
On the pinned comment, it’s from the singer herself dedicating the song to those who have tried yet failed, those who have spoken but not heard, and for those who have to smile even though they were crying inside.
The lyrics spoke like a warm presence in a cold winter. Like the safe tight embrace of a lover. Like an acknowledgment that we always yearned for. Like the final words needed to comfort someone before they do something that will harm them.
“Menangislah, Kan kau juga manusia, Mana ada yang bisa, Berlarut-larut, Berpura-pura sempurna…”
Roughly translated to;
Just cry, You are just a human, There is none, Can keep on, Pretending to be perfect
It is just a part of the song and I think the whole song sounds really meaningful. The voice of the singer and the music blend well too.
Somehow, this song allows me to be vulnerable and it immediately picked me apart. Unknowingly, I have waterfalls going down my cheeks. I can mostly relate to the struggle of trying and failing again and again. And the absence of acknowledgment from all those struggles. It really breaks me open from the inside.
. So, take a couple of minutes of your time and listen to this song. It is totally worth it.
Write Ally! Write! 