If everything was taken away from me,
Please let this blessing to write remain in me,
As much as I want to speak it out,
I rather to write and whisper it in,
In every second spent,
To every hours fought,
Struggling and wrestling,
For the right words to be breathing,
And as this physical body,
Struggling to be standing and living.
Living in a dream,
Breathing in a scream,
Running from the chasing specters,
That keeps on haunting me,
Waking up is an escape,
Or to stay is better?
Sudah lama tak bermadah,
Bukan sibuk urusan kerja,
Tapi dibelenggu suasana,
Pasang surut emosi gila,
Makin ke depan terasa makin susah,
Makin perlahan rasa berat kaki melangkah,
Berjuang bukan untuk siapa,
Untuk diri sendiri jua,
Walau kerap memujuk diri,
Cukuplah berjuang tunggulah mati,
Kudrat tak mampu menanggung beban,
Yang membatu di kepala dan hati,
Perjalanan ini mungkin masih panjang,
Izinkan aku pergi bila tiba di persimpangan.
Why is it so hard,
To feel the simplest things,
Like the joy and happiness,
And living up my dreams,
Things get harder,
And harder to breathe,
Only expectations,
Turned disappointment it seems,
If this is the journey,
For me to get through,
I wish I could live to see,
Where this path leads me.
Why does everything,
Feels so tiring,
With the endless pain,
Driving me insane,
Every day,
It eats my self away,
Draining my soul,
Taking a heavy toll,
Looking for calmness,
In this calamity,
In this lonely world,
That is not for me.
There are so many things,
I wish I didn’t hear,
I wish I didn’t see,
And wish I didn’t have to live through,
Some were painful,
Some were ridiculous,
Some were heartbreaking,
And some were unbearable,
They live in me,
Suffocating me while I try to breath,
Killing me while I try to live,
And haunting me like an enemy,
Trapping me in an endless cycle,
Of never-ending spiral.
I wonder what others do,
In my shoes right now,
When screaming no longer,
Break the bricks inside me,
When crying no longer,
Console the drying heart,
When writing down a word,
Feels blank and empty,
Surrounded by the stillness,
And gravitating void.
If you quit,
I would quit too,
Even when the world,
Is all against you,
I’ll be beside you,
Staying true,
The world have shaped you,
To be someone,
The opposite of you,
I will accept,
And always believe,
In the best of you,
Because no one else,
Will be there,
I’m here, I am you.
In every things that I do,
In each breath,
In each steps,
In each actions,
That I tried,
I felt like I gave everything,
Yet,
There are more times,
I questioned myself,
For what,
When I don’t feel,
Any connection,
Or reasons to keep.
This loneliness is more,
Than pettily being single,
It is about existence,
And a reason to live,
I’m untethered to anything,
Want release from the living.
Write Ally! Write! 