In case lj thinks i'm dead or whatever. I usually post on tumblr now but lurk around here too for the fics. If anyone sees this, check out my still angry and bitter ranting at crackinwise.tumblr.com

Now with new zesty RadFem flavor!

No, i haven't been writing any stories because my motivation is even less than it was here. how am i not dead

Facebook and tumblr are down at the same time.

I'm just sayin.

S'up?

Quick recap of life: Quit work because ARGH. Still haven't applied anywhere yet because i'm unwell. Blood pressure problems persist, along with anxiety. Okay? Okay.

I really should stop looking up recaps of new Merlin eps. All they do is piss me off something fierce. And if it's not canon that's enraging me, it's fanon. See, ever since Lancelot walked into an ep and treated Merlin far better than Arthur was currently doing, fandom fic has taken to putting Merlin with any knight who comes along. Even if it's just fooling around to help Merlin deal with his feelings for Arthur. So there's Merlin/Lance, the canon Merlin/Freya (ugh), and now Merlin/Gawain. Which is weird because as far as i can tell, whenever Merlin has adventures with another (future)Knight of the Round, there is always tons of situations where Merlin will gush about Arthur or give him The Smile while the knight is around and the knight always gives this eyeroll like "so married."
What i really hate about fandom doing this, though, is the implication that Merlin would cheat on Arthur so easily. We already know Gwen drops Arthur in a second when Lancelot is in the picture. Even in this AU canon of the series it's been established Gwen didn't wait very long before jumping at Lance again. But Merlin spoke the words "If she feels as you do, she'll wait." So how can we then make Merlin do the same thing? Believe him to say forget about Arthur because he's sick of waiting and fall to someone else? It's horrible. No matter what, Merlin is Arthur's destiny. His constant who does EVERYTHING to keep Arthur safe and happy. I know Arthur can be an asshole but after like two years in his service you'd expect Merlin to shrug it off. It's utter evil to write Arthur being betrayed TWICE. The latest Gawain thing, at least from the recaps, i saw as great friendship that'll prove loyal once he is a knight. Even if Gawain said he was coming along for Merlin's sake only, Merlin is still in this all for Arthur.
What really gets me is you would think going to an Arthur/Merlin comm only would prevent me from seeing any of this bullshit, but no! No, they just stick whatever shit pairings they can think of in there like it's all fine. Why can i never find a fucking purist community?

I don't know if that whole thing made any sense. I haven't slept all night. No one will read it anyway. Meanwhile, i've suddenly discovered i want 3rd Rock slash between Tommy/Harry and it's completely the show's damn fault! I have pics to prove it! Inner child is weeping again.

Forgot how lonely it is on LJ.

Holy shit, i last posted in June?

I've been off work on vacation since last Saturday and i go back this coming Monday. It's not all yay because i have a head-cold, i'm on my period, and somehow my blood pressure is staying way too high. The only thing i changed was going off Lexapro last month. I'm wondering if staying on an antidepressant for too long can mess with you in that way, or if it's just all anxiety. Of course i'm not going back to work to see a doc on my vacation tho. I'd rather have a stroke or go to the hospital first. Meanwhile, i may quit my job. I wrote it all down a while ago and i perform 7 individual jobs there, which at our other office is done by 7 individual people. Yet i only get paid $9/hr. This makes sense after we recently found out Accounting has no fucking money to buy even the simplest of medicines needed because we're expanding. You'd think you would make sure to have enough money for such an expansion first off, right? The only boss i liked just quit too, so lord knows what bitch will be replacing her and making my life a living hell.

I figure maybe i should start annoying my friends over here instead of FB because now it's all mostly Inception wanking. Arthur/Eames or straight-up JGL obsessing. Which, really, i'm still not entirely comfortable with. I mean, yeah, i've gotten over my squick about nostalgia still seeing him as a orphan who can see angels (in a movie that still makes me misty-eyed). I've moved on to separated those images, mostly thanks to Mysterious Skin pics and gifs (haven't watched full out yet, thanks) of the boy grown up and being a seductive little shit for older men to sex. As expected, watching him take it turns me on more than watching him give it to a woman, so there goes my last shred of pseudo normalcy.

But anyway: Whereas i am totally comfortable letting everyone know Matt Bomer is my husband and saving pictures of him on my harddrive out in the open, i feel increasingly shamed each time i see a pic of JGL that makes my brain give a little tingled "oh" and save it to some hidden folder i only share with others anonymously. So, like, WTF is that about? Lily, how do you reconcile your many loves?

Now i must eat. Which i never feel like doing anymore because of a constant urge to puke. Eh.

And taking quizzes to prove how boring my life is.

Mingle2 - How Sexually Experienced Are You?9

Also, is there a strategy guide to L4D2 or do i suck that much? Probably better to depend on real friends instead of the fail AI.

ME: SMOKER! DYING! CHOKING IN A MOSHPIT OF DEATH!
AI: Hurr Durr what's over her--OMG A WITCH! *dedz*

Or

BRO: *leaves my ass, only to die further along by a Tank*

BZUH. My head.

Also.

Jack/Boone.

WTF Vincent--Here, boy! Come!

Can i dare say i liked the Vancouver Opening Ceremonies better than Beijing? Gorgeous.

So they declared the death "athlete error" BUT they erected higher walls around the turn, which i was bitching was the entire problem last night. On the normal course, maybe your walls can be that low, but when you're coming out of a turn on fucking ice doing 90mph there's no reason for low walls with steel beams THAT close to the track. I know it's not fair to place all the blame on that but you can't fault a kid for flying off your deathtrap track and hitting your poor-structure-planning! I hope everyone else stays safe tonight.

I don't know if it was watching him hit the beam that made my heart drop, or the paramedics working to try to revive him through all the blood.

I don't feel like celebrating tonight. ;_;