Wandering with Words

Random musings of a reckless soul.

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34 Things I Have Learned in 34 Years

Every birthday, I write down the things that have made me wiser over the years. I am still learning and discovering life every day, but here are the things that made the list:

1. Learn to love your life and yourself.

No matter how messed up you or your life may seem (or people say it is) there’s always something unique about you. Find that. It’s there somewhere, you just have to look carefully. Be grateful and appreciate being alive.

2. Chocolates, books, and music can uplift your mood.

In that order.

3. The sunrise, the sunset, and the moon are three miraculous beauties that come to you every day.

Learn to appreciate it. Find some time in your busy life to sit and look at these beauties and calm your mind and soul.

4. Never stop learning.

‘One who stops learning becomes old. One who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing you can do is keep your mind young’ Henry Ford said that.

5. Improve. Mature. But never “grow up”

I have seen people give up on many things just to look more “mature”. Make sure you never lose the inner child in you.

6. Smile when you wake up and forgive people before you sleep.

Somethings you should do for your own peace of mind.

7. Eat, sleep, laugh, and talk in moderation.

Because an excess of anything is bad. But smile a lot! Smile and shine!

8. Give charity and gifts regularly.

Charity softens your heart and gifts increase love between the giver and receiver. It doesn’t matter whether it’s small or big. It’s the intention that counts.

9. Make time for your family. Family is very important.

Love them. Serve them. Be with them.

10. Make sure you spend some time with people below 7 and above 70 regularly.

They know the magic to make you feel better.

11. Tell your parents you love them. You may not have the chance later.

And I mean, tell them! Like, tell them on their face, “I love you, Dad” or “I love you, Mum”. The regret of letting them go without letting them know is too much to handle.

12. Spend a day without your phone. Spend another without looking at the clock.

Experience the slow-mo life!

13. Selfishness is a virtue.

Sometimes.

14. Stop complaining about how life sucks.

It doesn’t. Even if it does, get up and make it better.

15. Spend time with people who support and believe in you.

And be that person for others. Be someone that is happy for others’ success. Remember, what you give out comes back to you.

16. Travel

It’s the only thing that money can buy that makes you richer. And travel to places to explore the culture, the history, the food, the language, and the people, and not just for the Insta-worthy selfies.

17. Do yourself a favour and follow your passion.

Figure out what lights your fire and then chase the match.

18. When in doubt, always ask mom.

She carried you safely for nine months. Trust her. Remember, when in doubt, ask mom.

19. Not everybody will like you. Stop trying to please everyone and get with it.

After all, you are not the centre of the world.

20. Chivalry is not just for men.

Courtesy before chivalry. Always.

21. Listen to your body.

It talks to you. Befriend your body. Listen to its signals and you are sure to feel calm, peaceful, and aligned.

22. Think before you speak and read before you think.

So basically, read more, speak less.

23. Let makeup empower you.

But never be ashamed of your natural self. Believe in your beauty.

24. Drink more water.

And when you do that, your skin, hair, mind, and body will thank you.

25. First impressions are worthless 50% of the time.

So try not to judge people over that.

26. Never cease dating your spouse.

That’s a fine way to keep the spark alive!

27. Dream, dare, and droll.

Get a wishbone, a backbone, and a funnybone.

28. Nurture nature.

Beauty lies in the green of trees and this earth needs nature to survive and we need the earth, don’t we?

29. Stop eating after 7 pm.

Call it intermittent or whatever you like. Just give your body the time to reboot and refresh. 

30. If you can not find a door, look for a window. 

Life becomes even more beautiful with an optimistic attitude. 

31. There is always time. 

Each morning is a fresh start. If you couldn’t do it yesterday, now is a good time to start. 

32. The world is not white or black. 

“The world isn’t binary. Everything isn’t black or white, yes or no. Sometimes it’s not a switch, it’s a dial.” Jeff Garvin said that. 

33. Do not waste time trying to “fit in” or “stand out”.

Just be yourself. 

34. When you buy something new, give away something old. 

It helps you simplify your life, declutter and improve someone else’s. 


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Small things; infinite happiness

All this time and nowhere to go gave me the opportunity to relive some old school memories. I was going through my treasured stuff from school when I saw the slam books from then. Along with all the nostalgia came a lot of surprise, embarrassment and self realization. You see, the first page of every slam book was filled by me and my own answers made me cringe. Boy, was I a silly girl back then? You betcha! 

Throughout my school-life I had wanted to be extraordinary. Who doesn’t? Wouldn’t we be all lying if we said that we didn’t desire to have that glory?

The road to nostalgia was filled with chagrin at every turn and it reminded me of all the things I had wanted to change about myself back then, beginning with my name. Yes, that bad. 

I mean, what kind of a name is Irfana (it means wisdom, meh!) anyway? The fact that Irfan Pathan gained fame during my adolescent years wasn’t helpful either. People who mispronounced my name went as far as calling me Irfan Pathan. 

I wasn’t happy with my nose either. It felt too big for my face. Could I be anymore Asian? The two slightly crooked teeth in my mouth bothered me too and how nice would it be if I could get rid of all that baby fat? My feet seemed too big to me and I was invariably desperately in need of a wardrobe makeover. 

And then there was all that stupid acne! Young chocolate lovers would know what I mean. 

Besides these physical changes, I wanted the freedom an Indian teenager never gets- to see the world and rule it. I wanted answers for my philosophical self. I lacked confidence and knowledge but there was no worrying about it because I lived in my own bubble of ignorance. 

I had dreams but no plans. And to top it all, I was hopeless romantic ! 

Years passed, ups and downs and bumps later, I made mistakes and gained experiences. A lot in me changed. Not at once of course, but I know I’m not the same girl I was in school. 

With time, confidence filled my mind and optimism filled my heart. I learnt to be content with things I have while striving towards the things I want. 

While I pursued my passion, I found my calling in teaching. When I started working as a teacher, I became a student of life. I fell in and out of love and realised that it’s fine. I learnt how to nurse a broken heart. I hated the world and fell in love with it all over again. I found peace at libraries and orphanages. I found solace in poetry, stories, prayer and friends. Different things worked for me at different times. 

And one day, I just woke up with the wisdom that happiness resides in the little things in life. 

I love people who just don’t talk about their big achievements but more about how much they love life, how they see beauty in others, how they appreciate every little thing and how they have the hunger and enthusiasm to serve this world. 

Striving for an extraordinary life is foolishness. Putting all your efforts for that one entitlement is foolishness because it makes your happiness conditional. Don’t you wonder if you are anything more than mere titles? 

Rather what’s extraordinary is to discover the joy and marvel of an ordinary life. 

Waking up to the sun bursting through the clouds, seeing an old friend after a long time, a child’s innocent laugh, a blooming flower, biting into freshly plucked fruits, an old tattered book, a text from someone you love, a cup of coffee on a rainy day, random gifts, finding money in your old jacket, the glint in the eyes of your lover when they look at you, a kiss on the forehead, smell of freshly baked bread, being barefoot on grass or beach sand between your toes, the first hug from your child(well, that’s huge!), stories told by grandparents, silence… All these and much more!

Little things are far truer, far more genuine and difficult to falsify. 

I’m not condoning a lack of ambition here. A life without goals becomes boring but try focusing on the ordinary things that feel special too. My pursuit of happiness has lead me to become a teacher, a designer, a wife and a mother. It made me read, write, teach, paint, love and nurture. 

Not everything has changed though. I still laugh out loud like an idiot without a hint of feminity, I refuse to diet, I still experiment with my hair, I still do wear my heart on my sleeve and embarrass myself quite often.

I was a git, I still am a git. But a better one now. 

So from wanting to change my name, my nose and my family, the only thing I changed was my attitude and it has been one of my finest decisions in life. 


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28 by 28

I guess it’s about time to change my age in the About section. 😛

28 things learnt by 28 :

  1. Learn to love your life and yourself.

No matter how messed up you or your life may seem (or people say) there’s always something unique about you. Be grateful.

  1. Chocolates, books and music can lift your mood.

In that order.

  1. The sunrise, the sunset and the moon are three beauties that come to you everyday.

Learn to appreciate it.

  1. Never stop learning.

One who stops learning becomes old. One who keeps learning stays young.

  1. Improve. Mature. But never “grow up”

Make sure you never lose the inner child in you.

  1. Smile when you wake up and forgive people before you sleep.

For your own peace of mind.

  1. Eat, sleep, laugh and talk moderately.

But smile a lot! Smile and shine! 

  1. Give charity and gifts regularly.

It doesn’t matter whether it’s small or big. 

  1. Make time for your family. Family is very important.

Love them. Serve them. Be with them.

  1. Make sure you spend some time with people below 7 and above 70 regularly.

They know the magic to make you feel better.

  1. Tell your parents you love them. You may not have the chance later.

And I mean, tell them! Like, tell them on their face, “I love you pappa” or “I love you mummy” You have no idea about the regret of letting them go without letting them know.

  1. Spend a day without your phone. Spend another without looking at the clock.

Experience the slow-mo life!

  1. Selfishness is a virtue.

Sometimes.

  1. Stop crying about how bad your life is.

It isn’t. Even if it is, get up and make it better.

  1. Spend time with people who support and believe in you.

And be that person for others.

   16. Travel

   It’s the only thing that money can buy that makes you richer.

  1. Do yourself a favour and follow your passion.

Figure out what lights your fire and then chase the match.

  1. When in doubt, always ask mom.

She carried you safely for nine months. Trust her.

  1. Not everybody will like you. So stop trying to please everyone and get with it.

After all you are not the centre of the world.

  1. Chivalry is not just for men.

Courtesy before chivalry.

  1. Listen to your body.

It talks to you. It really does!

  1. Think before you speak and read before you think.

So basically, read more, speak less.

  1. Let makeup empower you.

But never be ashamed of your natural self. Believe in your beauty.

  1. Drink more water.

Then your skin, hair, mind, body will thank you.

  1. First impressions are worthless 50% of the time.

So try not to judge people over that.

  1. Never cease dating your spouse.

That’s a fine way to keep the spark alive!

  1. Dream, dare and droll.

Get a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone.

  1. Nurture nature.

Beauty lies in the green of trees.  

 

 


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Dear me.

Dear twenty-years-ago me,

I am sorry. I have lost everything you had. I was helpless.

You lived the life of a queen, I do not.

I have to look after myself. No one takes care of me anymore. I do my own chores. Nobody changes my clothes anymore. I have to be neat and clean and make sure nothings messy anymore! You may not believe me but I even have to eat by myself! I even cook for myself by myself!

Back then, when I was you, people were of two kind – good and crazy. The kind who gave us chocolates and the other who made faces and pinched our face and stopped us from having fun.

Now, people have become complicated. They say Santa isn’t real. Love hurts. You would not believe how hard it is to survive, without losing most of the innocence we possess as a child. That’s a part of growing up.

But have I grown up? I still do, secretly, enjoy melting chocolate on my fingers and licking it. I still play in rain puddles, sleep sometimes with my shoes on, and try to count stars, eat maggie masala, fight for swings and get scolded for having fun.

They say I need to be responsible. And more civil. They tell me that when I go to parks, I can’t play in the mud. And guess what, school has finally ended! Anndd I miss it!

Well, life has changed. A lot. I can’t tell you how and in how many ways. Dad isn’t around anymore. His princess is no longer a princess. But life isn’t so bad. There’s family, there are friends. Real ones. There are memories and there are adventures waiting ahead. There are aims, there’s hope. There are sunrises and sunsets, there is beach and sand.

But you wouldn’t understand all this. Your world was very different from mine. You loved yours, I love mine. Sometimes I hate it, but then I learn to love it again.

So yeah, when someone tells you that you have a lot to learn, believe them. But when they tell you that it’s a dark world out there, don’t believe them! Remember, you could always be the rainbow in somebody else’s life.

Love,

Me. 🙂

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