All right, so hi!

So we are, transfiguration and I, discussing relationships and I'm reminded of a conversation that I had with someone I just met about what was going on between her and her boyfriend. At one point she was discussing the level of connection between them and saying how deep it was, and as the conversation progressed she also revealed that there were some problems within the relationship. Issues that she was not satisfied with. She was worried about addressing those things because doing so might create a large conflict which, at the time, would have felt worse than just enduring this dissatisfaction.

Because my goal in life, and certainly when giving advice, is that the people around me come out happier, I wondered how she felt about conflict or suffering in general, especially if it was for a greater cause, or even if it was just for personal growth or happiness. So I used basic debate skills to get her to discuss some of these issues, many of which had to do with feeling overprotected, and as though the people that protect her are in some way being condescending by doing so. She was making an assumption that there was an implicit statement in the desire to protect her that said that she could not protect herself.

So I asked her, "Have you ever tried this? Perhaps you could look at people being overprotective, especially your boyfriend or anyone that loves you, not as saying that you can't protect yourself, but as saying 'I'm sure she'd be fine but why should she have to be bothered?' In that way you could view the inferred condescension just as someone wanting to do something nice and be of service to you as a friend or lover."

She answered that she would simply rather not be protected because, by protecting her, regardless of the veracity of any implication or inference, they were robbing her of her opportunity to learn by failing or going through hardship, and facing challenge head on. I then confirmed, "So, you don't think that it's a good idea to avoid any sort of suffering or conflict as long as you think it will bring about personal growth and greater happiness." She said I was correct, and indeed that she would rather face a challenge head on and learn from that experience even if it was a more painful way at the time.

"Then really it sounds like you should talk about these issues with your boyfriend, seeing as how your stated position is that you'd rather face something head on if it results in personal growth." That was game folks.

After glaring at me for having successfully ensnared her in my trap of the obvious, she relented and admitted that she knew I was right and of course it's untenable to remain in an unhappy situation just as it's untenable to maintain any situation in which you feel a need to alter your behavior on the basis of fear. In this case it was the fear of losing the connection that she has with her boyfriend.

Once she had come to this realization, I then noted that I felt like the connection would probably be deeper if she could be totally honest with him. She then asked, "So what do I do then?" She literally asked, word for word, "I mean should I just tell him exactly what's on my mind?" I began to laugh. "Listen to yourself!" I said. "Did you really just say out loud, 'Should I tell my boyfriend, with whom I have a supposedly deep connection, what is on my mind?' Yes! Yes! Yes - you should."

I was reminded of this experience because last night my lovely fiancee and I each received an email from a concerned friend. I responded to the concerned party with my sincere feelings, but transfiguration felt that there were some things that she was inclined to say yet had some reservations about.

I understand that no one wishes to be misinterpreted or say something that they would later regret or that is only true while said in a moment of emotional response. So I decided to tell my fiancee this story. Hopefully she will be able to use it to think about a good way to word her response, as I know she cares deeply for the friendship she shares with this concerned party.

Who knows? Maybe it will even help light the way for someone else.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1218651/Thugs-attack-men-dresses--turn-cage-fighters.html




( Thugs attack two transvestites... who turn out to be cage fighters wearing fancy dressCollapse )
Click the article link to see pictures and VIDEO.

Sent at 3:07 PM
_Liss: The last 3 hours of the day are always the hardest.

me: yep, boring, and time is all drowsy and slowed down. Time itself naps at about 4pm.
This explains the success of the English-
they had tea, you see

_Liss: Dammit, I drank all my tea already.

me: Used the extra time, and nearly took over their visible surroundings.
That's why it's called "Tea Time"
It's not time FOR Tea, but rather time FROM Tea,
crafty cockney bastards.
This is why the revolutionary Boston tea party was so damning, you understand.

_Liss: odds bodkins, you astound me.

me: they stole literally thousands of man hours from the Brits and dumped all that time in the sea-
and laughed!
So, obviously,here we have the origin of the phrase "time flies",
it also goes splash, but that part lost out to the laughing.

me: Now the British had always hidden their secret tea practices under guise of "gentlemanly warfare" wherein they would actually take breaks from battle, to have tea.
Rarely did their foes also have tea, and so they tended to lose a lot.
Thence comes the saying "mister tea pities the fool" this was how they taunted their opponents, while maintaining the code.

_Liss: Are you going to share this secret with the world?

me: The Tea Secret? Hh heavens no.
The English would eat me for breakfast, another code. They become quite noticeable when you know about the cipher.
Yes the great mystery of Tea Time was in fact by revealed by a priest who served as adviser to the early papacy.
He was later known as Father Time.
He actually became addicted to it himself, Father Time that is.
To the caffeine, I guess. In those days it was a big deal.
In any case he eventually went mad and had to be jailed.
Rumor has it that Father Time always managed to smuggle tea into his cell, and get I don't know, buzzed off it, he'd eat it raw. And drink it, but like HARD Drinkin'.
Even this has spawned a common modern phrase - "doing hard time".
He died near the jail, mad with the Tea Time.
Thinking himself full of "all the Time in the world" he ran right off the edge of a cliff.
It wasn't fun.
And so?
Time did not fly.
But he did go splash.

_Liss:HA!

This is something I often think about, but can't quite get out onto the page. That's because I am not a damn fine writer like my best friend, and evil twin murnkay is. So please, go read this:
http://murnkay.livejournal.com/1492780.html

It is so worth the time. And above all, Rock! On!