Chapter 5
In which my biological father explains himself

As I've mentioned in previous chapters, I had somehow found myself to be the ward of one Nathaniel Richards. The irony was not lost on myself, as I'm sure Victor would succumb to his rage having learned that my well being was in the hands of his nemesis' own father.

As you would guess, it would come as quite a shock when a very inebriated Nathaniel took me aside on my 16th birthday and presented me with quite an unusual gift. It would seem that he'd taken it upon himself to purchase one of the local woman as a token of his apologies. I of course was completely confused as to why he would be offering any apologies, other than leading me through an array of broken worlds in which I was never allowed any attempts at domination, but we've already discussed that in Chapter 10. I also have to admit, that despite his efforts, the woman was not in my interest. I've made it quite clear that I tend to prefer blonde females, and this woman was of the graying variety.

I politely refused, causing Nathaniel to protest more so than I've ever encountered. He began to lament on lives lost, wives of old, and children with whom he'd lost all contact. Honestly, I was certain at this point that he would not survive the coming year. It's one thing to ruin a boy's life, but to ruin one's birthday is far worse.

Then he mentioned the name Anna, who as you can recall, was the name of my Mother. The man was insinuating that he was indeed my father. Obviously my reaction to this

Kristoff Vernard
Fantastic Four (Marvel Comics)
273 words

The following "steps" are those that have been programmed taught by my former master. I have found that they do indeed work wonders when negotiations are not proceeding as you wish.

* Ensure that those you are negotiating with are fully aware that your solution is best.
* The above may be achieved with a visible arsenal.
* Ensure the fates of those who have failed to negotiate to your liking are well known.
* Have them tour your residence. Include a visit to the dungeon.
* If all else fails, dispose of their bodies and have it appear as though they were never there.

Of course, not everyone is so inclined as to follow the above procedures, and if you are hesitant to pursue such a violent means of negotiation my biological father has supplied me with a variety of techniques that will ensure your will be done in all negotiations.

* Lie.
* Withhold pertinent information.
* Subtle manipulations.
* Altering events via the space time continuum

I am fully capable of mentioning other means of negotiations, however those solely result in compromise. Why anyone would want to do such a thing is beyond me.

Kristoff Vernard
Fantastic Four (Marvel Comics)
183 words

OOC NOTE OF DOOM: We interrupt your normally scheduled Kristoff for a bit of crack.

THE ODD COUPLE : IN HELL - PILOT TEASER

TITLES - FADE IN

Various scenes from the series intermixed with the [yet to be chosen theme song]. Kristoff's name and Scott's name are in BOLD letters. This lasts for 30 seconds.

( INT. BAXTER BUILDING LABRATORY 12 - DAYCollapse )


Kristoff Vernard
Fantastic Four (Marvel Comics)
285 words

Insanity is completely relative to the life one leads. If one spends their time with super powered individuals their reality is far different than that of the old woman who surrounds herself with felines, however both are considered to be equally unbalanced in comparison to those who place such labels upon them.

I believe one would call such a person "your average citizen". These average citizens as it were are so vastly different in experiences and society that they have no choice as to label others in such ludicrous fashions. For what reason? It's quite simple, really. It's in justification of their meaningless existence fraught with substandard technology, asinine productions and fulfilling their own twisted vanities.

One has to wonder when one stumbles upon a so called luxury of "average citizens" why these people fail to see their obvious shortcomings. It's as simple as turning on a television, the media has made an excellent effort to provide the vapid masses with just enough indistinguishable drivel which further debases the human race as a whole. The entire premise behind it is declaring sanity through clothing one's pet in ludicrous fashions and purchasing whatever Hollywood's current most tart is promoting.

If one has the choice of following the path of the feeble minded majority or the path of those assumed to be mad, I would much prefer you all continue your silent accusations of my derangement. After all, it appears I shall be the only one who truly possesses the knowledge to properly discern the condemnations.


Kristoff Vernard
Fantastic Four (Marvel Comics)
251 words

I'm assuming that this list will have you all viewing me as a degenerate, however the majority of these were not of my choosing. This may also be the result of a certain woman threatening to destroy a potentially lucrative weaponry prototype if I don't indulge her. One would think that a person's sex life should be kept far from the public and any outlet that lends itself to media coverage.

Of course in this time I've spent explaining my disgust, she has somehow found the time to compose an equally disturbing ransom note. If she does follow through, I must admit it would be quite amusing to see her explanation when our superiors ask what became of their newest investment.

She is now scowling at me, which obviously means I have no choice but to finish this and return to other more important matters. That being said, I do wish she would stop laughing.

1. The Avengers Tower. I also believe it was at that point where we were both no longer permitted to imbue alcohol at any official S.H.I.E.L.D. or Avengers function for that exact reason.
2. The last Quinjet. Although I highly doubt it counts as it happened to be attacked mid christening.
3. The Bedroom. Obviously.

I'm beginning to tire of this list, in fact at this point I'm absolutely certain that if I refuse to continue there will be no adverse effects as I can simply blame a certain blonde individual who has provided me with proof of her incomprehensible sabotage.

[Hacked by the "Supposed crazy significant other" because Kris is an absolute jerkoff with no sense of whimsy.I wasn't going to break it, obviously. Geez.]

3. What are your personal responsibility and accountability in your recovery process?

[Locked to Group]

Victor is the reason I am the way I am today.

Due to situations that I could not control as a youth, my mind has been altered to a state that I cannot truly be held responsible for. As a result my coping stratagems are hardly appropriate and need to be further adapted to ensure a high quality, narcotic free life.

My significant other has forced me to attend some form of therapy in prevention of any further outbreaks of delirium and possible outbreaks of personalities that are not my own. In accordance with the therapist's will, the following outlines who is responsible for these outbursts and dependences. Honestly, who employs these people? I hardly believe 2 years of education is enough to counsel someone who's mind has been destroyed because of some highly disturbed terrorist's meddling.If given the opportunity I would most likely throw her outside of her gawdishly decorated office. Not only is she completely vacuous but is in need of an interior decorator.

Blame Victor.
Blame Richards.
Blame Victor.
Blame Lang.
Blame Victor.
Blame Nathaniel.
Blame Victor.
Blame Cassie.
Blame Victor.
Myself
Victor made me who I am. He is responsible and his blame is perfectly acceptable.

Kristoff Vernard
Marvel Comics
187 words