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Managed to finish the race in approx. 35 minutes. Was a bit too excited to take a more accurate time from the race clock but I'm happy with that, considering I only started running 11 weeks ago.

10k here I come!

Well I'm doing Race For Life 5k tomorrow here in Barny, I'm dead excited! We're going to OH's parents after and I'm going to make a baked cheesecake for the special occasion! lol

I've got new running capris too, and a pink top to wear, now I've just got to pack my donation bag and I'm ready to roll!

Weeks been sort of crap so this should improve my mood a bit, as long as I don't fall flat on my face or come in last!

Tired today again. Could not get myself to out for a run after coming back from volunteering. I'm going to have to wait for British Gas tomorrow probably until 1pm or 2 pm, as they are notorious for being late or no-shows, and go for a run after that. Another early start for me it is.

Trying to find some music to listen to (to waste some time) on my pc and found a selection of 80's tunes. Loving Tears for Fears atm.

Extremely tired today. I want to do things but can't get started on anything. I've even had a skinny latte today to try and kick some energy into me, didn't work however. Got up early yesterday and again today (well, tried to), and it's caught up with me. I don't do early.

I've got plenty to do. The washing up needs doing, there's some washing that could be run through the machine, need to stick a bin liner in the bin and litter to pick up and de-clutter generally. I can't be bothered.

I think I might get told off later on, that's how bad I am today. Not even been for my run, I just can't get my ass moving.

Well, I'm still unemployed. 6 months later. I've lost all will to do anything about it and I'm getting too comfortable sitting on my fat arse doing nothing.

Saying that, my fat arse is getting some exercise from having picked up running. I run 3 times a week now and am hooked. Only drug/feel-good/euphoria I experience in my life. I'd like to buy some new gear but can't justify spending the money as I'm not earning anything.

I did have a 1 day temp job yesterday. Wooptedoo. No more than that going on, it was a panic job as they realised they weren't going to finish the project in time in case they didn't get some more hands to help.

Basically how can you believe in yourself if no one else does, and how can anyone believe in you if you don't believe in yourself? It's an odd vicious cycle, I can't quite explain it. I can't afford to do a masters at the moment. I live in the country side too so short courses are limited and obviously don't start until the new school term starts in September.

Fuck it all, I'm sick of feeling like shit and useless. There. I needed to say it.

Tried to get into doing something about my dead websites. I opened photoshop and rage-X'd everything after I couldn't do anything in 10 minutes. I've lost the faith in my own creativity too. There, it's in writing. Anything else I can whinge about???

Hello folks.

I have missed a lot of action, sadly not because of RL action, but because my laptop is slowly dying a painful death. I am awaiting funds for a new spiffy little beast. Not little, or even a laptop. I'm hoping to be able to afford a nice desktop pc with a shiny dual core processor and newer graphics card. It's so funny really, I've been looking at these "mid-range" PCs, which cost around £1,000. WTF!?!? Seriously, who the hell can afford that? On a student budget? These are obviously gaming specs for sad bastards who get their parents to buy it for them. Or self-sustainable professionals that are too tightfisted to get a "top-range" one.

I wish I could be one of the latter group.

I thought I would put a bit more energy into my websites now that summer term is over. I've got a pile of books to read over summer as research for my dissertation, which is due for Christmas this year. But I can only handle so much of post-modernist ideas entangled with semiology, and auteur theory in contemporary film practice (my main case study). In fact, I keep renewing books from the library, not because they are that good, but because I can't be arsed to read them within the loan period. Oh well, I get to keep anything borrowed over the summer till late September so that is good...ANYHOW, my original point being, ashke.nu is due for renewal soon and it made me realise I need to used the services I pay for, so I'm definitely going to work something out on that end.

I am gutted, but my laptop refuses to play my computer games anymore. My fav game guildwars lags too much from my graphics chip heating up too much. It used to be fine, but it is giving in! I haven't played properly in weeks, apart from a lone occasion when my chap let me play for an hour to finish factions. I nearly cried from the amazing performance, no lag whatsoever, and I was suddenly a massively better player. Ahem. Yes. Enough of that. But this has limited what I can do during my days. I wake up, late, have breakfast, enjoying being bored for about 5 minutes before it gets annoying, play my ds, think about my next meal, think about how much I've been eating, go for a run (only started this week, I'm just trying to make myself sound fitter than I am), come home, cook, eat, watch big brother, bored again. Actually, I cannot recall doing anything over the past few days really, apart from reading forum entries about weight loss and what food is best in health terms. Reminds me I haven't drunk enough water today...

This is mildly entertaining, reading about recipes, calories, and how to adapt your favourite foods into a healthy lifestyle. Apart from the fact that it makes me think up stupid ideas such as cooking up a moussaka, that now will have to be frozen for future lunches, as it was clearly too exotic for my englishman's pallet. Shame really, a quarter of an aubergine went to waste, but it's my fault. I was the brave one making it, as I knew I was the only one who liked it in the first place.

This entry has been a rather chaotic one, being one to make up for a lot of time I haven't written anything at all. So any apologies to people that have made it this far.

I really do need to find things to amuse myself with. At least my mum is coming over for a week next Sunday, that will keep me on my toes for a few days.

Looking at my blog archives, I see that I’ve been writing something every month from June 2003 (and that’s as far as my archives go, I know I wrote before that, that was just the switch to movable type). Up until last January.

I feel completely out of date with everything, I’ve completley left most of my websites to their own fate, whilst doing what instead I don’t know. I find that all scripts I used to use are out of date and have “major security risks”, and I find it a dread to check my e-mail, just knowing the amount of spam and randomness I have to sort through.

The internet is not a fun place anymore.

I have to remember to update my fanlistings, and this time I actually let it slip a bit too long, as I didn’t update since August until today.

But I forget.

It’s so easy to forget chores, isn’t it? I find myself reading more things, than doing my own things. Participating in message boards is much cooler and entertaining than it was a couple of years ago, and I’ve found other things to occupy my mind with.

Sort of. I mean I’m still constantly bored out of my mind, and this has made my unbelievably lethargic regarding everything. I can’t be bothered to go to redundant tutorials one day a week - only lesson we have in a week regarding practical studies. And I find myself getting more and more alienated from the film making, and more invited towards the visual theory - which I btw chose a unit unrelated to my own course.

Passion and ambition is just not in me anymore. To be frank - I just can’t be arsed.

And that’s what happened with my websites. Now I’m simply revamping the whole site, because I found another purpose for it, and thought I might as well go through everything I’ve got on here, delete it, and revamp anything usable. And update the fanlistings which I so dearly hang onto.

I need to get more in touch with things, I’m getting embarrassingly bad at everything, just because I haven’t been practising. At the same time I find myself going to much simpler approaches to webdesign, rather than trying to impress with my fantabulous skills, which we all know I possess…

So what am I actually doing at the moment [in general]? Not a thing. Trying not to die out of boredom, and trying not to get too obsessed about losing the last of the “puppy fat” I’ve been trying to lose the last 6 years, which is pretty much what my life consist of (tracking what I eat and reading nutritional values on product labels). So maybe writing over-long posts like this will bring some life back into me. Or just cure the boredom for at least 10 minutes. Let’s hope so anyway.

I have succumbed to peer pressure TWICE this month already. First this, then this. NOT GOOD, NOT GOOD AT ALL! And for what reason? Gaaaah!

Just saw Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

Liked it, am not sure if I think it's the best one yet, tho. I might change my mind, when I've had time to think about it.

Yeah, That's it for now.

Ta.

Contrary to what I thought until yesterday, I am not a eunuch.

QUITE the contrary.