hmm

yea.



i just needed to get this all out somewhere and i have no one to call, nor anyone to speak to in person. i lost it today. i couldn't keep any control or calm. for a second or two, i would be okay - then it would just be the same, with me in full panic mode. and i cried, almost to the point of not being able to catch my breath. i felt tense and stressed and so fucking tired.

an odd [but maybe not so much] sidenote: two people have told me that they think i have lost weight. i look in the mirror and i don't see that. but they do. around my face... i am not sure if it is all the emotional stuff, the changing of my life stuff or if something is actually wrong with me.

i feel hollow. i need to get this out of me. i cannot take [i was typing 'talk', which fits in perfectly] it anymore. i just want to be me and be happy.
and all i feel right now is fear.