Recently I was detailing to a friend my experience of being sick for over a month with a bacterial infection.

This infection took 2 rounds of antibiotics to get rid of. It took 3 trips to urgent care over 2 weeks to even get the first round of antibiotics.

And $400 of medical bills later, I’m quite bitter about the whole experience.

But I’m also thankful to be feeling better.

During this time, we had just gotten back from a trip and within a few days of being back, our dog was acting strange and got diagnosed with diabetes.

So not only was I sick, but we had a dog that was peeing on the floor 3-5 times a day, who now needed insulin injections (I’m horrible with needles and even watching my husband do it was a lot), was waking us up 3-4 times every single night, and I was reckoning with his mortality.

After I told my friend about all of this he looked at me and said, “I’m so sorry. I feel like you’ve been chasing normalcy for so long and just can’t get it.”

And not to throw myself a pity party or anything (although, there will be cake), but he’s right.

For the past few years I’ve been saying things like, “I can’t wait for this to happen because then life will feel normal.”

And every time I say that, some other random variable comes out of nowhere and turns everything upside-down.

At some level, I know that’s just life. But I feel like a break is well-deserved at some point. And I just can’t catch a break.

And then I wonder why I’m burnt out and exhausted.

So today, I want to just let out all the things that have made my life annoying and exhausting over the past few years. This is definitely going to be me whining and complaining but I just need to get it out for my own sanity to know if I’ve been being dramatic or if I’ve actually had a rough couple of years.

I also hope to whatever greater power exists, these are not apart of my normal over the next 3 years to come:

• Running out of your house to your car so you can get some semblance of peace and quiet before you rant to your mom about your roommate situation.

• Finally getting to move out of your bad living situation to a home you just bought but having the worst migraine the whole moving day and almost puking in the Burger King drive-thru. Then actually puking on the first night you’re staying in your new home - the perfect christening.

• Within a month of moving, getting an infection on your leg from a freak ingrown hair that has to be cut open, all the while you’re trying not to cry the doctor is telling you how starting a business was a bad idea, that buying a home was also a bad idea, and that you’ll definitely change your mind one day and want kids 🙄

• Hearing scratching in the walls of your new home, staring at your dog and telling him, “be a dog, do something!” hoping he can somehow kill whatever is living in your walls.

• Taking apart your basement ceiling to clean the tiles now that your mice infestation is (hopefully) over and wanting to burn it all down when you find a mouse skeleton.

• Deciding both you and your dog need to destress so you go on a walk where all of a sudden you look down, he’s bleeding, you pick him up and run home, find an emergency vet, and discover his claw has been ripped out.

• Knowing you’ve just spent a long night in the emergency vet when you get Taco Bell for breakfast and proclaim their coffee to be the greatest in the world (it was filled with sugar lol)

• Getting recognized at the emergency vet because you’ve been there so many times over the course of 2 years.

And now, the newest interruption to my life: On Monday we were informed our dog was infected with the parasite giardia. And basically, to get rid of it, you need to deep clean your house as if someone had lice.

All surfaces have to be disinfected, all poop immediately cleaned up, wipe his paws and butt after every time he goes to the bathroom, baths twice a week, quarantining him to an area of the house without carpet, doing as many loads of laundry as possible in a week, and so much more.

In this time I also got sick from breathing in all the disinfectant and spent a night puking when I desperately needed the rest.

Oh and it’s possible to catch from your dog! It’s rare and only certain kinds of it can go from dog to human, but just a nice little extra variable for some added paranoia.

He also had a tapeworm (thank God it’s so much easier to get rid of) and just got diagnosed with hypothyroidism. So now he’s on an antibiotic, a medication for the parasite, meds for his thyroid, meds for his liver, meds for his gallbladder, a special food for pancreatitis, insulin for diabetes, and meds for his seizures.

I think I need a chart to remember when he gets what.

Thankfully he’s still his normal self and is being such a good boy through it all.

But gosh am I tired.

Maybe after all this time, this is technically my “normal” but I need a breather.

Thank you so much for reading In the Clouds! This is a personal outlet I created to nurture my own creativity and to connect with other artsy people out in the world.

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