why the fuck is he so complicated?
who the hell wouldnt want to go to cancun, mexico?
oh right.
devin.
i asked him if he wanted to go.
and i said id even save enough money to pay for him.
because i know he has his whole school thing to pay for.
i understand.
i figured it would be a nice getaway for a while.
to just hang out, and relax on the beach
IN FUCKING CANCUN.
HE gets mad at ME.
fuck that.
like i just want to spend time with him.
when i told him that hes like,
"we can spend time together here, we dont need to go to cancun for that."
why the fuck not?
we dont spend anytime together.
hes either at school or working.
so he never has time for me.
im surprised hes making effort to see me this weekend for his birthday.
sometimes i feel that just shooting myself would be more easier than trying to figure him out.
you'd think after so long you would know.
but nope.
i just keep learning that he doesnt like doing anything.
nothing i want to do.
its like we're not even alike.
i used to think we were.
but maybe our priorities have changed.
maybe we are growing apart.
maybe we arent meant for each other anymore.
i dont know.
im tired of apologizing after every fight, like its my fault.
im tired of crying over him after every fight.
im just plain fucking tired.
and i dont know what to do about this.
maybe we should take a break or something.
i might be too much for him right now, with his precious schooling and all.
whatever;
he says its my fault that we dont spend alone time.
but i just hate staying at home sometimes.
i love hanging with my friends.
and i dont want to always be at home.
i include devin when i go out.
he doesnt include me with his friends.
tonight i asked him to come over after work.
even if only for a couple hours, since i work early in the morning.
it was like he didnt even want to just because it was a couple of hours.
but like seriously i dont know.
im fucking fed up.
thats it.
im fed up.
fuck it.
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