And my parents NEVER broke away. Our Catholic upbringing was as moral as moral can be. We were 5 girls and one boy. My mother practicing the rhythm method had children 6 years apart except for my brother and I, just 11 months apart. At 19 he set off on a summers day to go to work and never returned. That tragedy destroyed us all.
My 2 older sisters then had shot-gun weddings and the 3rd did everything according to Hoyle and enjoyed lording over all of us how perfect she was i.e. how low class everyone else was by comparison. I forgave her egotism as long as I could until she singlehandedly destroyed our close family unit. The 5th girl was still a child of 9.
At 19 I struck out on my own and forged my own way, subsequently fell into the trap of feminism for a hot year and then abandoned that trash cult when my moral values returned to me. I started to travel into cultures that spoke the same language, ate the same food, took pride and joy in their fiestas. Mostly China and all points south of the Rio Grand. Was on my way to the Muslim country when Obama bombed the bejesus out of the M.E. and dashed my dreams completely.
My 2nd loss was my husband while on a family vacation overseas. We had dinner together and he was gone for breakfast. Another inconceivable loss, another destroyed family. And it starts all over again. Someone once said you have to learn to forgive yourself. Fat chance. My perfect sister never picked up the phone, nor offered condolences to me or her Godchild, never attended the funeral. Miss perfect lost all humanity, all God. I have forgiven her in my own way but never spoke to her again. For me, forgiving those who trespassed against me is easy, my way of unloading burden to come to peace. Forgiving myself for what I coulda, shoulda done is not in the cards. So I live my life doing whatever I can for my family and those in need. Brutus said "the evil men do lives after them, the good oft interred with their bones". I sure hope not.
Oh Wow! Thank you for such a comprehensive account. Lots of aspects I can relate to (I'm one of 5 children, one girl ~ me ~ + 4 boys). My youngest brother went traveling age 19 and never returned ~ devastating loss, as you say! I grew up in a mainly muslim country, in a missionary lutheran establishment. There's less than a year between my elder brother and myself (one of us was 'unplanned' ~ guess who) etc.
My sincere condolences for the losses of your loved ones.
Contemplating forgiveness is already on my to-do-list ~ especially self-forgiving. It's an important topic. Vitally necessary for healing. In my experience it is both possible, and gets easier, the better we understand the process. Sometimes it's like living through a long and harsh winter, in the knowledge that spring must return. Then all of a sudden the ice melts...
And my parents NEVER broke away. Our Catholic upbringing was as moral as moral can be. We were 5 girls and one boy. My mother practicing the rhythm method had children 6 years apart except for my brother and I, just 11 months apart. At 19 he set off on a summers day to go to work and never returned. That tragedy destroyed us all.
My 2 older sisters then had shot-gun weddings and the 3rd did everything according to Hoyle and enjoyed lording over all of us how perfect she was i.e. how low class everyone else was by comparison. I forgave her egotism as long as I could until she singlehandedly destroyed our close family unit. The 5th girl was still a child of 9.
At 19 I struck out on my own and forged my own way, subsequently fell into the trap of feminism for a hot year and then abandoned that trash cult when my moral values returned to me. I started to travel into cultures that spoke the same language, ate the same food, took pride and joy in their fiestas. Mostly China and all points south of the Rio Grand. Was on my way to the Muslim country when Obama bombed the bejesus out of the M.E. and dashed my dreams completely.
My 2nd loss was my husband while on a family vacation overseas. We had dinner together and he was gone for breakfast. Another inconceivable loss, another destroyed family. And it starts all over again. Someone once said you have to learn to forgive yourself. Fat chance. My perfect sister never picked up the phone, nor offered condolences to me or her Godchild, never attended the funeral. Miss perfect lost all humanity, all God. I have forgiven her in my own way but never spoke to her again. For me, forgiving those who trespassed against me is easy, my way of unloading burden to come to peace. Forgiving myself for what I coulda, shoulda done is not in the cards. So I live my life doing whatever I can for my family and those in need. Brutus said "the evil men do lives after them, the good oft interred with their bones". I sure hope not.
Oh Wow! Thank you for such a comprehensive account. Lots of aspects I can relate to (I'm one of 5 children, one girl ~ me ~ + 4 boys). My youngest brother went traveling age 19 and never returned ~ devastating loss, as you say! I grew up in a mainly muslim country, in a missionary lutheran establishment. There's less than a year between my elder brother and myself (one of us was 'unplanned' ~ guess who) etc.
My sincere condolences for the losses of your loved ones.
Contemplating forgiveness is already on my to-do-list ~ especially self-forgiving. It's an important topic. Vitally necessary for healing. In my experience it is both possible, and gets easier, the better we understand the process. Sometimes it's like living through a long and harsh winter, in the knowledge that spring must return. Then all of a sudden the ice melts...
Sending love and appreciation 💕🙏