My brother and I live together.  A couple of days ago, I heard something like him falling over in the bathroom.  I ran in there, and I saw him leaning against the tub; for a few seconds, I thought he was dead.  He started to twitch, and he started spouting gibberish.  I went to get my phone to call for an ambulance, went back to check on him before I did, and he'd come back to his senses.

Apparently, he had taken a hit off a vape pen with an unusually strong cartridge.  He says that he has no memory of any of this (falling and gibbering).  He's disposed of the cartridge, but even now I'm unnerved by all of this.

I'm having a rough time of it at work.  I've been tired and unable to focus.  I don't know why, I've been going to sleep a little earlier to try to fix the problem but it doesn't seem to be enough.  The work itself has been a little trickier than usual, but it isn't unmanageable.

Anyway, I discovered that I can get home much faster by taking a different bus.  The downsides are that it's much more crowded and I have to walk further to get home, but the upside is that I'm home 20 minutes sooner than with the bus I had been taking.  I'll probably stick with this bus until it gets cold, then I'll go back to the original.

I'm not performing at the level I need to at work.  My supervisor was encouraging, pointed out that my numbers are trending upwards, but they're not where they need to be.

I don't know how to improve.  I have a system that works well with simple cases, and I don't think that I take too much longer when there are complications.

I've been looking at other jobs.  LinkedIn suggests jobs that pay less than what I'm making now.  It's like, 12 years of experience and a master's degree and I'm basically unqualified to do anything but entry level work.  I don't know.  It's deflating.

I'm not feeling my best.  I really should develop a social network, or at least find some friends.  I'm not sure how to do that anymore.

I had a dream last night that I was acting like a weird, obsessed stalker over a woman I used to have a thing for, but that woman was married and now it was awkward.  I don't know why I had this dream, but I'm pretty sure I've had similar in the past.

In real life, I've been incredibly shy about approaching women.  The few times I have asked someone out have been disasters.  I'm getting old, and I'm left wondering if I should even be bothering at this point.  It's not as if I don't still find women attractive, it's that I have literally no dating or relationship experience and...

You know, forget it.  I know nobody reads this anymore, but even then I don't really know how to finish that sentence.

Alright, new shoes.  The shoes I bought a month ago weren't very good.  Even with gel inserts, they hurt my feed.  Also, they came untied frequently.

New shoes are the same size, but wide width.  They're also Velcro.  I don't care if it makes me look childish, right now, I'm not in the mood for laces.

Old shoes are in the trash bin outside.  Initial impression of the new shoes: they're comfier, maybe a bit loose.

It's laundry day.  It's my least favorite chore, but like so many things, it has to be done.  I'd prefer to just nap this whole weekend.

Did I mention my foot pain?  I'd had some foot pain, probably brought on by a new pair of shoes.  Anyway, I bought some shoe inserts.  It's not a perfect solution, but at least the pain has been manageable.

Tired and hungry and frustrated all at once.  I suppose I could go to bed early tonight, and I can definitely handle the hungry, but that just leaves frustrated.  That's been around for a while.

It's frustration in my career, frustration in my social life, frustration with my living conditions.  I've done what I know to do, but it seems like I'm missing something because nothing is changing.

Got some news on one of my applications.  I've gotten through the initial application screening (probably the machine scoring), and it's been moved on to human review.  It's a long way to go, but it's a step in the right direction.

They've got me pulling microfiche at work.  It's a slow, tedious process.  Not brain surgery, but time consuming.

I'm left wondering if my performance was bad enough that I'm being relegated to the shit work.  I really don't know what to do anymore.  I've gone to school, I've put in years of effort, and I can't seem to get off the bottom rung.

Laundry day tomorrow (also need to turn my mattress), niece's baptism on Sunday.  At least I have plans, right?

I have a gym membership.  Doctor's orders to try to do something a little social.  I haven't been in about a week, which upsets me.  I'm not sure why I don't just go now.

I'm staying here for another year.  My brother has a job and he says that he's going to help more with the rent starting this month.  He can't afford to go out on his own to get a place, and if I'm honest, I don't have enough money to move.  I'll have to save where I can, and pay down my credit card as I'm able.

I got my replacement CPAP today.  I don't expect overnight miracles, but I hope this helps with the fatigue I've been experiencing.

It's Ash Wednesday, which means fasting.  I haven't really been struggling with hunger pains, that hasn't been much of an issue.  What I have noticed is how much I've been using food to dull my thoughts.  I stress eat a lot, and not being able to eat leaves me alone to just deal with everything going on in my head.

It's getting late.  I can't really go down for the night.

General life angst, I guess.  I had someone on a forum I regularly go to suggest that I focus on socializing rather than dating, and he's absolutely right.  My problem is that I have no idea where to go to do that.  Also, I'm broke and can't afford to do much.

I'm going to have to move soon.  I can't afford this place (I haven't been since last year).  This would be much easier if my brother didn't factor into the equation.  I could just downsize, find something near a bus line that could get me to work.  I've told my brother that we're going to have to make a decision soon, but I don't know how to have the next conversation.

CPAP motor wearing out.  Appointment in a couple of weeks.  Pounding caffeine to get through the day.  Zzz...

I left work early today because I thought I was coming down with something.  After a likely unhealthy trek to the bus stop and waiting out in the cold for a half hour, I finally managed to get... well, close enough to home to walk the rest of the way.

I picked up some lozenges and a couple cans of soup, and I took a nap.  Maybe I'll be ok tomorrow morning.  I'll toss some lozenges in my coat, just in case.

I don't really have any news here.  I'm quite tired, and I'm feeling a bit lost.  I'm thinking of applying for another analyst position at work, despite my chances of getting the job being pretty bad.

I've had the theme song to Zoobilee Zoo in my head all day.  I don't know why, I didn't watch the show as a kid (just a little too old for it).

I've been thinking, I'm basically living like I'm in a studio apartment.  My brother dominates the living room, while I'm stuck in my bedroom on my computer.  This wasn't supposed to be this way.  He was supposed to come here, reconcile with his wife, and then move back out.  That didn't happen, so I was hoping that he'd find somewhere that he could go where he could give his daughter her own room.

Instead, he's living here and not showing any real inclination toward moving out.

The rent here is more than I can afford.  He was supposed to contribute towards it, but he lost his job last year and my mother picked up the slack.  Now he has a job, but he doesn't seem interested in contributing in any meaningful way.

I've told him what the options are once the lease is up for renewal.  If he wants to stay here, he's going to need to contribute more.  If he wants to stay with me but get a larger place, that's also an option.  If he wants to split up, that's fine, too.

I just don't see him taking it seriously.