14  Stages of Developing the Malaise & How to Combat None of Them

But first of all, how do we attract this most alluring of possible mates?

1. Work non-stop for an extended period of time.
2. Make sure you take a combination of underground transport, where the air-shafts and sudden bursts of icy drafts send shivers down your spine.
3. Take your coat off as soon as you enter the stuffy, crowded, germ-infested carriage.
4. Work in a place which has air-conditioning so that getting used to an artificially induced cold in late October will make your system work overtime.
5. Ignore any signs your body sends out to slow down, cause really, it isn’t that bad.
6. Every time you’ve slept you will feel better until later when you don’t.
7. Take paracetamol and adopt the placebo-thinking that this will take care of your bodily malfunctions.
8. Prove to yourself that you are a hero and stronger than you think by going to work anyway. Then watch yourself falter.

   

   What Not To Do Once the Amour Fou Has Overtaken Your Body, Mind and Soul:

9. Don’t walk into a 24-hour-Tesco without pharmacy with your hat pulled down halfyour face at 11 pm Friday night when the cashier is counting a stash of cash. Because by that time the throat pain is so bad that you croak at him in the hope of receiving pain killers in exchange, or any pill really.

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