Category Archives: Uncategorized

London, UK. Remarkably, a UK university with student approval ratings lower than the Mariana trench has announced plans to “improve the student experience” whilst simultaneously planning to reduce staff pensions and increase staff workload. “We’ve sent out survey after survey … Continue reading →

CALIFORNIA. Jean Craig Van Venter has used a massive computer and millions of genomes to predict that tomorrow, between 5 and 6am, the sun will rise and morning will happen. This amazing result has been published in the BSD Journal … Continue reading →

San Diego, US.  According to a recent survey carried out by the Big Data Institute, over 92% of scientists at scientific conferences are desperate for someone, just anyone, to invite them out to dinner.  TheScienceWeb interviewed anonymously one of the … Continue reading →

Edinburgh.  A University administrator has demanded a new tool with which to emphasize parts of e-mails, having exhausted traditional methods such as bold, italics, red text and flashing text. “The simple fact is that people ignore my emails” said Ima … Continue reading →

BREAKING.  The British Prime Minister David Cameron has announced the “100,000 press releases project”, which will place the UK at the forefront of global press release research. The project will aim to release 100,000 press releases, all of which will … Continue reading →

BREAKING NEWS. The Science Web have learned that a huge new “moonshot” project at Google plans to sequence the genome of the bacterium Haemophilus influenzae, a project that was completed by The Institute for Genome Research in 1995. “Look” said … Continue reading →

Cambridge.  The genetic basis of a disease has been found to be directly correlated with how much you are willing to invest in research into that disease, researchers at The Broad Institute have found. With DNA sequencing now being cheaper … Continue reading →

BREAKING.  A 30,000 year old academic has been ‘brought back to life’ in Oxford, UK.  The ancient academic was discovered hidden behind a huge pile of papers in an office at University College, Oxford. Professor Chumley Windsor III, current occupant … Continue reading →

Germany, Europe.  The author of the genome-assembly software MIRA, Bastien Cheval, has finally admitted that he does all of the software’s assembly tasks in his head. MIRA, deemed the “swiss-army knife of genome assembly”, has been around for over 15 … Continue reading →

Pyongyang, North Korea.  It was announced today by North Korean supreme leader, Kim Jong-un, that he is initiating a national genome sequencing program which aims to decode the genomes of the entire North Korean population of 25 million people. It … Continue reading →