Mindprobe

I've felt social phobic all week. Just didn't want to face people. Not sure why but I ended up with a super headache and feeling physically crummy so I am wondering if it was just a weird side effect to being sick. I feel better now, just in time for work. Not sure if that is good or bad but at least I feel better.

Time to get back on track with my diet and exercize and working on the things I've been putting off. Still got some final tibits to the yard then I can get back to doing what I want to the inside. Luckily the work I already did bought us some time but i don't want to push my luck.

Work was a bit chaotic with issues popping up left and right. I gave the yard a rest but I need to force myself to get back to work today. I'm making progress but still got a bit to do. My motivation is low this morning but I was up late watching the olympics. Anyone know if USA Men's Volleyball won last night? I was too tired to watch the last set.

I woke in a sour mood this morning but I think I am pulling myself out of it. In my dreams I kept arguing with people at church over stupid stuff and in one dream I was trying to kill a serial killer while he was trying to kill me. Really weird.

I need to make a game plan tongiht, I got so much to do between work home and special projects and I feel like I am going chotically between them and not making much progress on any of them. Pastor Bill if you read this, I did not forget about September 1st.

Well a lot has happened in a year and I am going to try and start posting again. No promises on how lng or often. Got in touch with my high school friend Cathy. Was good to talk to her agian. Mom got ovarian cancer earlier this year but is now cancer free. Wife and I are closer then ever. The zoo has got even zooier with the addition of a new puppy. My company got bought out by HP. Many more exciting events too that I will try to remember later.

When I was three until I was about 10 or 11, I lived in Cherry Hill. We rented half a house over a barbershop and what I think was a realtor's office. I hated it. Every moment of it from the point I started going to school and making friends in the neighborhood. All my friends had big fancy houses, really nice toys and birthday parties that everyone wanted to go to. I didn't mind at first but once Kindergarten started we practiced an evil little ritual that our teacher pushed upon us. A ritual that continued unofficially in the minds and hearts of all the kids I knew up until the moment I finally escaped. Yes that's right...Show and Tell.

I never felt deprived of anything as a kid until the rich and happy middle class kids were kind enough to show me the error of my ways. I never felt my Burger King happy meal magic trick wasn't up to snuff after all it could make a penny disappear. Heck I could even bring it back if I flipped it back over. Surly that was as cool as the hand held Pac Man game that everyone else had. But the other kids were kind enough to show me the errors of my ways. After all, even though the mini version only made batteries Vanish, it's big brother in the arcades were making whole quarters disappear. Perhaps if I had been more clever though I could have pointed out how only the arcade owner could make them reappear, well unless enough of there friends managed to flip the machine over, but then cops would be involved and those machines were much heavier then my little plastic box from burger king. My box was cop free.

There were always things I couldn't afford and always someone to point that out. My show and tells were never good enough, even when it switched from the official presentations on the Kindergarten Carpet to the unofficial venues at recess and after school. Ironically it was never the Rich kids that tried to make me feel bad. In fact my best friend at the time could have anything he asked for and lived in a house that made even the Middleist Class Kid's home look small. But he loved to share what he had and got excited when the penny vanished, or at least pretended really well. Perhaps with no one telling him his stuff was not up to par, he didn't feel the need to point that out to others. Too bad he had to move to Atlanta. And yes I did just make up my own word, Middlest. It's my language I can do with it what I want. If you don't like it stop using my language.

Eventually we moved out of our big, half a house and into a tiny trailer. Some would have considered it a step down but I was happy. We moved to an area where the kid's toys were even worse then mine and I was finally free. I tried very hard not to show off my magic penny box and I always smiled when they showed me their stick forts and there home made guns. They were 100% grade A tree branch and shot real rubber bands. Who was I to judge.

My time in cherry hill taught me much, as did my time in Mantua, though left me with a complex. I am overly sensitive when people seem to think I or my offerings are not up to par. There are people who appreciate that you sometimes have to use creativity to deal with limited funds. Usually they are the types of people that have had to do the same themselves from time to time. They are the people I feel comfortable with, they are the people I feel like I belong to.

A productive weekend it has been. I have taken my room completely apart and almost have iut back together. I am much hapier with the layout and it will be easier to stay orginized. Play practive was rough. The kids did not want to behave today and one of the main characters quit a week before the play. Despite this we recovered and I think we will do well next week. i ma behind schedule on what i wanted to acomplish due to the downtime of being sick but I believe I am recovering quickly now. Everything I need to have ready for Christmas should be done in time. Now that my room is getting cleaner I feel more productive.

Tonight my prayers are focused on a member of the Church Family who is in the hospital and a member of my family who's work has become inhumane. If anyone can spare prayers, pray for Rich and Mike.