Dear someone,

 You know yourself, my words here are for you. Read them as though they're coming out of your mouth, birthed by your mind alone, then read them as they are; as a letter from me to you. Please don't judge yourself too harshly, or me for that matter. I'm sorry if you feel offended or sorry for me, I just need you to move past that and read this with an open mind. when next you see me, take my hand and tell me you got me.

let your ears guide you.

I'm watching my every move like a cop trailing a criminal, I reckon I'm hypocritical in the sense that I'm always telling people to stop enabling the bad habits of their loved ones whilst I'm single handedly enabling every Tom, Dick and Harry that crosses my path. Nonetheless, there's only one person that's draining my enabling cup more than anything I've ever experienced. Each night, I refill my cup with mental pep talks, telling myself how I'm undeserving of this emotional fatigue, how no matter how much he drinks from my cup, he'll never be quenched. I fall asleep knowing that the next time I'm around him, I wont offer him a drink to moisten his parched tongue or wet his cracked lips, I vow to myself each night -sometimes subconsciously (with the single tear that always threatens to put an end to my strength) -that I'll let him thirst until he finds another source of water; water that won't satisfy him as much as the one that comes from my cup, water that won't go down easy, water that will leave him chocking to a metaphorical death. His resurrection will be the realization that I got this thing figured out, I wont need to be the enabler anymore because I am the voice of reason, I am the rehab and not the dealer, I am the remedy.

let your ears open your heart for you.

I'm watching my every move like a cop trailing a criminal, I reckon I lie to myself when I stare at my reflection and tell myself that the growing pains don't affect me, that my skin is too thick and my soul too sturdy for me to feel the disregard to my emotions. I put out so much love and affection but rarely receive any, I assume that's partly my fault because you see, the lies I tell myself are the truths that other people believe. To the world... I am strong, I absorb each shock wave, wrap it up in positivity and release it to the masses as something pleasant while losing a fragment of myself in the process. I'm scared that soon I'll be too used, bent out of shape and too rusty. To most I'll be the old piece of furniture that gets thrown out while to the select few, I'll be an antique piece of jewelry or the prized family heirloom passed down from generation to generation, an epitaph of past times, when I was at my best.

Let your ears be a companion for you.

I'm watching my every move like a cop trailing a criminal, I reckon I'm constantly in denial of the things that have been bared out in the open for me. I don't need to be everyone's savior, I may want to walk this earth like Jesus did...but I'm not Jesus. The more I try to help, the more I push them away because I can be very forward; I speak things that need to be heard but they don't want to listen because I point out their flaws, I pick out every nitty gritty detail from every crack and crevice hidden in this life and beyond. I go deep, unearthing every dirty little detail with no apologies; most times I keep the findings to myself and only speak about what's necessary, mine is not to judge, I simply observe silently but don't fail to voice my solutions whenever I'm the sole confidant. I want the best for everyone around me, indeed I care more about their mental health sometimes than I do my own.

let your ears bless you.

I'm watching my every move like a cop trailing a criminal, I reckon at a glance I seem standoffish, utterly unapproachable and downright unmesswithable. I apologize for how I choose to protect  myself, I fear rejection more than anything else; it's something that's been engraved on my soul since before birth, hence I tend to keep every situation - that involves me getting hurt- at bay. but don't get me wrong, I handle rejection better than anyone I know, I sit tight holding on to whatever willpower I can conjure and say to myself 'they let one of the best things that would ever happen to their lives pass them by'. my words don't mean I'm proud, not at all, my words are a declaration of the fact that even though I fear rejection so deeply, I can always rise above it because I'm bigger than rejection, I'm the David in this body and my rocks are the words I feed myself each time I'm beaten down and left to rot in my own misery. I'm bigger than what the world makes of me.