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[28 Apr 2010|11:33am] |
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My mom cries at least once a day now. Sometimes I feel bad for her, sometimes I think she's an overdramatic piece of crap. Either way, it's annoying.
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| End of the Reign of Frost |
[24 Apr 2010|04:33am] |
Time refracts the darkness
In the plane of moving song,
As entities unfold
Beneath the echos of the dawn.
A ghost without a spirit,
And a mem'ry without fear.
A light without a meaning
As we slowly disappear.
Fallen in abyss,
As reason maddens into sound,
The air around me groaning
With the voices of the ground.
I am alone, and am aware
Of isolation's depth,
For I have often felt the grasping,
Cold fingers of death.
Wrapped around my neck
There is no noose of mine own make;
No talisman of glory
And no chain for beauty's sake.
I wear only a symbol
Of the one thing I hold dear,
A locket with the words inside:
"Dear friend, the end is near."
Oh, ending how I long for you,
Awaiting every scream.
The fear of death, undying shame,
Regret for where we've been...
These things escape my knowledge,
For I have no fear or dread.
You see, it is not death awaited-
Just a place to lay my head.
---Ben Morse Jr, 2010
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[16 Apr 2010|01:18am] |
Doomriders are amazing. Great show at the Middleast, nice venue and great crowd.
Fang Island played first, and they were really good. Solid, tight, and innovative, they caught my attention, but their set was really short. I didn't really have time to love them.
The Riders played next, and they blew me away. I've seen live stuff online of theirs, but none of it compared at all to the real thing. Fantastic.
Here's the setlist from the Doomriders show. Holy shit, I knew every word to every song. That hasn't happened since the last time I saw *cough*Avenged Sevenfold*cough*.
So this isn't exact order, by the way, it's just all the songs I can remember them playing. I was wayyyy too into singing along and moshing to recount all of it now.
Heavy Lies the Crown
Darkness Come Alive
Mercy
Bear Witness
Equalizer
Fuck This Shit
Deathbox
Ride or Die
Black Thunder
(at this point, I dropped to the back and had to drink water and sit for a second. It's a little blurry, cuz i was moshing really hard)
???
Jealous God
And I think that's it. Sadly, right after they played I had to leave. Red Sparrowes are really good, but not as good as a ride home and a bed to sleep in.
...Sleep time.
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[03 Apr 2010|12:14pm] |
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So, i got another facebook. I fail.
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[24 Mar 2010|01:43am] |
Holy crap. Why can't I be Tom Gabriel Fisher/Warrior? I think I may truly believe that he is one of the most perfect and amazing musicians ever. I want his guitar tone. I want his voice. I want his band.
But beyond that, my band is good...I sorta wish it was darker though. Punk is fun, but a little dissatisfying. I need heavier. I need darker.
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[16 Mar 2010|03:00pm] |
Wow. Women who are angry are really scary online.
It hurts my head.
But the band also has two NEW songs recorded, and they sound fantastic.
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[14 Mar 2010|08:58pm] |
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POKEMON SOULSILVER. Nothing else matters!
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[13 Mar 2010|01:31am] |
I started my first day of work at N.C. It is amazing. There is no job that I can think of that would be a better fit for me. The people there are amazing, I'm constantly surrounded by music, I work with the friggin' lead guitarist of the Doomriders. I am in heaven. I think I'm going to be abusing my discount a little bit though...
And is it just me, or am I the only one that still consistently uses Livejournal on a day-to-day basis?
On another note, Xatatax is playing at the Raven again on the 3rd of April, and then at London Billiards again on the 11th of April. Just so you know.
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[10 Mar 2010|01:51am] |
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Another day.
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[08 Mar 2010|01:12pm] |
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So there's no legal way to get the debt out of my name. Where the fuck am I going to get $4300?? Bankruptcy is an option, I suppose...
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[08 Mar 2010|03:06am] |
Grrr.
That was ridiculous.
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[06 Mar 2010|08:22pm] |
Ugh. Sometimes it just feels futile.
I'm doing all this shit for the band, pretty much spending every waking moment trying to further my career in music, and I usually end up just feeling shitty about myself when the show's over. Not because we make music poorly, not because we didn't perform well, but because nothing feels real. Nothing is there. It's just a big blank page, with no color, and no emotion, and no meaning. The world is blank, so I need to fill it all in with darkness.
The void consumes me. The lack of color, the lack of anything...I have created in the void, and all my time is spent there, yet no one else seems to know of it. The only way for me to escape my void is to fill it. So the next step to freedom is matter.
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[05 Mar 2010|01:08am] |
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Another day.
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[03 Mar 2010|01:26am] |
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Holy crap. I think I finally got the "urias debt" over and done with. Oh man.
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| New places, dead faces. |
[02 Mar 2010|01:16am] |
It's one thing to find something new. It's another thing to leave everything old behind. I feel abandoned by so many people, it's ridiculous. Hopefully no one feels that way toward me...but I can think of a few that might. To those who may at some point read this, I'm very, very sorry if I've left you behind in my ignorance, and I'm very pissed off at you if you've left me behind in your own. Yes, I am a hypocrite. But be honest with yourself, and answer this: Who isn't a hypocrite?
No one.
Exactly.
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[01 Mar 2010|02:00am] |
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Entering into deprived numbness.
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[27 Feb 2010|02:34am] |
That gig was beautiful. We were one of only three out of seven bands that actually showed up, and one of only two that stayed the whole time. We loaded up my dad's new Saturn station wagon, took off, got lost, and finally made it to the London Billiards/Club Oasis. We played at 9, for literally the members of the two bands that were there, and we were awesome. The second band, Bears., was crazy noise music that made no sense and was really hard to listen to because it gave me a headache. The third band, Western Massacre, had been together for a reeallllyy long time, and played literally from 10:30 until midnight. They got really drunk onstage and just started playing random metalized cover songs that were entirely obscure and nonsensical, which eventually faded into the bassist just doing impressions of the drill sergeant from Full Metal Jacket. It was amazing. They were really cool guys too, and hopefully they'll give us some shows out where they're from in western Mass.
Things can only get better. Soon we'll be on the road in a tour van, or bus, or whatever, and we'll be sleeping on lawns and in parking lots and bumming food and just living, breathing, and creating music. That is all I want out of my life, and I will have it, no matter what. Even if it kills me.
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[26 Feb 2010|01:58am] |
I sometimes just don't know what's wrong with me. I long for more than what I have? Why? I should be content, but I'm not. I should be happy, but I'm not. I should feel lucky, but I don't. I still feel insecure and unattractive and incapable. I still feel a huge lack of confidence. I constantly long for what I don't have, and I constantly crave what I can't have. Though, I am definitely on my way to getting most of what I want from life. An awesome job working with music, an amazing band, a lot of live shows, a beautiful girlfriend, a place to live...But I'm still in so much debt, and I'm still missing friends, and I'm still having difficulties with my current friends, and I'm always fighting or complaining or whining and it gets ridiculous sometimes. I have to learn to just suck it up and deal with what I have, for now...
...But it'll all change soon. I know that it will.
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| Two Lyrical Works. |
[26 Feb 2010|01:48am] |
Wrote two new songs with the band, over the last few days, so I thought I would share them with everyone.
The first is called:
"Oral Retribution and Corruption Sustained".
What is in the eyes of man?
Hope and dreams slaughtered inside.
What is in the eyes of sin?
Revelation will confide...
What is lost in what we've become?
Strength and will and love and light.
What is lost in man's misfortune?
Now we are too weak to fight...
Dying in this lack of respect.
---Ben Morse Jr, 2010
The second is called:
"Incubator".
In the wake of emptiness
I had become paranoid,
So you came to save my life;
Entered in to fill the void.
Now that I am on my feet,
You think that you own my soul.
I don't owe you anything.
I am under my control.
I have waited so long,
I have wasted my time.
I have wasted my life
Holding on to the past;
Holding on to old hands
As they crumble to dust.
Resentment is my delight.
Incentive is all but dead.
There is no simple answer,
So I must kill the godhead.
I have waited so long.
I have wasted my time.
I have wasted my life
Holding on to the past;
Holding on to old hands
As they crumble to dust...
---Ben Morse Jr, 2010
And that's that.
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[25 Feb 2010|08:50pm] |
I am drained like crazy right now. I'm entirely out of money, and Urias is still being a dick and not paying me the money that he owes me, that I need to move on with my life since he fucked me over so long ago. I don't understand how he can say that I am still his "best friend", and then continue to ignore me when I need him to fix the mistakes that are costing me dearly.
Also, I don't know what to do about my friends. There are just things that I don't respect at all, like breaking up with someone just for some minor instant gratification, and polygamous relationships, etc. A lot of things that my friends are doing. It makes me question why I'm friends with them at all, and why I ever thought that they were respectable.
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