Chuck Wendig: Terribleminds

Apple-Obsessed Author Fella

Adrian M. Gibson: Five Things I Learned Writing A Murder Most Fungal

Return to the mushroom metropolis of Neo Kinoko, immerse yourself in a sinister world of gangsters, blackmail, and fungal cuisine, and prepare for a Michelin-star tragedy in six courses.

The knives are out in this fast-paced, standalone Fungalverse novel. Set several months after the events of the award-winning Mushroom Blues, this side story combines the culinary wonder of Jiro Dreams of Sushi, the kitchen chaos of The Bear, and the explosive tension of Hong Kong crime thrillers.

In the aftermath of the “Fuyu Massacre,” riots and whispers of revolution continue to plague the Hōpponese capital of Neo Kinoko. As a result, the iron grip of a foreign military occupation tightens day by day. Amidst this, Pocho Jiro, a once-renowned makizushi chef, has chosen to cook for Duncan MacArthur—the Coprinian Military Governor in Hōppon—as his personal chef… and indentured servant.

A run-in with dangerous fungal gangsters sets off a chain of events that Pocho cannot escape from. He’s left with two choices: Assassinate MacArthur, or watch his beloved sister die in front of his eyes. Will Pocho take up his knife and prepare MacArthur’s final meal?


Shit… writing a second book really is hard

Just before I published my debut novel, Mushroom Blues, I had all these grand, ambitious publishing plans, and even a projection timeline that lined up release windows years in advance. I told myself, “I’ll write and release book two by X date, and then do book three by Y date, et cetera et cetera.” But, well… all of that fell apart faster than a goddamn fungus grows after a rainstorm.

Turns out, writing a second book can actually be as challenging as people say—it certainly was for me. “The Sophomore Slump,” “Sequelitis,” “Second Book Blues” or whatever you want to call it, it’s real! The thing is, as much as I’d prepared myself mentally (even talking to numerous published authors on my podcast about this very concept), I wasn’t ready for how I would actually feel once Mushroom Blues was published, nor was I ready for the weeks and months that followed. I put so much of my mental and emotional energy into that book that I didn’t leave room to enjoy the achievement of debuting, or the successes that followed, or the fact that I had other stories that I wanted to write.

And that’s not to be negative and poo-poo my whole experience—on the contrary. For a self-published debut, Mushroom Blues has done really well: it has sold thousands of copies; it got nominated for a bunch of awards and won many of them; and it even landed 2nd place (out of 300 books) in Mark Lawrence’s tenth Self-Published Fantasy Blog-Off (SPFBO) competition. That’s a lot to live up to for a project that started out as an experiment and has developed into something far beyond my expectations. But that comes with a lot of baggage, too. I set the bar pretty fucking high for my first go at this, so the aftermath of my debut was riddled with starts and stops, ideas that burst into my brain, only to fizzle away after a few self-conscious pages. I found myself plagued with questions that did more to break me down than build me up: Was Mushroom Blues a fluke? Would I be able to write a good book again? What the hell am I even doing? A second book became something that felt more and more distant, even unattainable. 

All this to say, writing a second really can be that hard, because it comes with all of the internal and external expectations of that first book. At least, that was the case for me. I didn’t just produce my first novel through some divine act of inspiration, and I didn’t forget how to write, either. A Murder Most Fungal is proof that I was able to write, finish, edit and publish a second novel, but it took me not writing a direct sequel to get there. (Side story standalones, for the win!) Now, looking back, I realize I was too caught up in the perceived requirements of being a debut self-published author, and I let my entrepreneurial pursuit override the fact that I’m a creator first and foremost. In a kind of self-destructive way, I took the fun away from myself by prioritizing the business side of things far more than the act of writing the stories that would fuel that business in the long term. Speaking of which…

Creativity is sacred (and marketing can only take you so far)

Truthfully, my debut broke my creative spirit. In hindsight, a major reason why the sophomore slump hit me as hard as it did is because I didn’t stop marketing Mushroom Blues for a year-and-a-goddamn-half. I was so wrapped up in making that book a success that I created this tunnel vision scenario for myself, where nothing felt as important as the thing that already existed—this tangible book that had already been published. “I can hustle and get that book into more readers’ hands!” I repeated to myself again and again.

But there was a convergence point that snapped me out of my marketing-induced fugue state: all of my marketing efforts started to plateau, the book had developed its own word-of-mouth snowball effect, and the creative parts of my brain were screaming at me to “WAKE THE FUCK UP AND WRITE!” I realized I couldn’t market this book forever, and the best marketing I could and should do was write and publish the next book. After all, I’d spent far too long desecrating the most sacred aspect of being an author: writing.

With that in mind, I went through a period of serious self-reflection, thinking on how I could move forward in this industry in a way that was creatively sustainable for me. It took a lot of effort, but I began to find joy in the process again. Drafting A Murder Most Fungal really helped, as did my folktale novelette “The Stem-Cutter’s Daughter” (featured in The Book of Spores anthology). Another thing that aided my creative rejuvenation was collaborating on projects with friends, including a graphic novel and an audio drama. I didn’t need to make a sacrifice at the altar of some creative deity, but I did find my way again, bit by bit. And the newfound respect I have for my process is invaluable, such that marketing can occupy the sidecar of my creative motorcycle as opposed to riding the bike itself.

Food makes for excellent worldbuilding fuel

I love me some food. Cooking, too. But at the outset of writing A Murder Most Fungal, I had a lot of trepidations about centering an entire story around food. Not only that, centering it around a chef who is also a mushroom person. Yet as I delved deeper into the role food plays in the culture of the fungal people of my secondary world, the more doors I opened into what it means for them to be them. Ultimately, every biological being requires some degree of sustenance, and that sustenance can take many forms. But once a living being reaches a level where they manipulate their food beyond its natural state, oooooh, that’s when things get fun! After all, even mushroom people have to eat.

That’s because food is a fundamental pillar of most any culture (real, fantasy or otherwise), and it can reveal so much about a people once it becomes cuisine. The food itself represents a culinary chronicle, allowing readers a peek into a culture’s geography and the resources they have access to, the structure of a society and its ability to coalesce around systems like agriculture, manufacturing, transportation and commerce, or how institutions of control (such as governments) impose their authority on how food is handled and distributed. There is also language, storytelling and other forms of communication and how they revolve around eating practices, or the fact that recipes passed down from generation to generation are essentially an adaptive, edible history. Add to that celebrations, festivals and religious practices that incorporate eatables and banquets and the like.

Food is a literal feast of worldbuilding opportunities. You can present these details to readers in a subtle, piecemeal way, through the context of a character and a setting, such that they eat up this information without feeling bogged down or pulled out of the story. I utilized this approach a lot in A Murder Most Fungal, offering readers simple, throwaway details that could add to their immersion and engage their imaginations in the possibilities of this world: “If Adrian describes the main character preparing a meal of fungalfin tuna, what does that mean about other animals in this world? Are they also merged with mushrooms?!” That layering—both by the author and the reader—makes a world feel so much more believable.

So, with that in mind, I will never take the worldbuilding potential of food for granted again—hopefully you won’t either.

Kitchens are a perfect setting for high-stakes drama

Another thing I was hesitant about with A Murder Most Fungal was the narrative potential of a restaurant setting. It’s a pretty confined environment without a lot of space to work with, so would there be enough tension and drama, or opportunities for character and relationship development? But once I started writing the story, my worries were quickly swept away like a crumbs on a kitchen floor. Why? Because I discovered that kitchens are actually an ideal breeding ground for storytelling possibilities!

I look at it this way: kitchens are the modern-day equivalent of a pirate ship. You throw a bunch of random people together, each of whom has a unique background, temperament, skillset, et cetera, and you push them to produce high quality products in a high-stress environment (plus, that environment is filled with things that can burn and stab you). It’s a narrative goldmine! Add to that the interpersonal developments, where intense camaraderie is formed in an almost trauma-bonded kind of way. Or even more complicated if sexual tensions or in-fighting evolve between employees.

So, during the drafting of A Murder Most Fungal, I thought deeply about this particular kind of setting and what it could provide and accomplish. I also spent a good amount of time going back and watching movies, shows and documentaries that I’d seen in the past, sort of as a refresher on how kitchen drama can be done well. There’s the comedic approach of Pixar’s animated masterpiece Ratatouille (chef’s kiss, such a good film!), or the foul-mouthed, fiery approach of Gordon Ramsay cooking shows like Hell’s Kitchen and Kitchen Nightmares. But there’s also a lot to draw from a documentary like Jiro Dreams of Sushi, where the tension stems from an obsessive master chef with high expectations doling out subtle criticisms to his sons and his chefs, in a way that reflects his desire for perfection. And then there’s a show like The Bear, which delivers these anxiety-inducing family struggles and arguments, or coworkers who are at odds, or a business that is falling apart—it’s a shit show, but in the best way possible because you can’t look away. This is trainwreck-style drama, and the restaurant setting is so well suited to it.

Suffice to say, my early doubts were absurd, because restaurants are a perfect scenario for high-stakes drama. After all, a kitchen is bound to get messy at some point, and that mess makes for great stories.

I’m obsessed with fungal body horror

There’s something weirdly captivating about body horror. It’s visceral and unsettling, especially seeing something as familiar as the human body being deformed and altered in ways both subtle and overt. But when it comes to fungi specifically, I love how these organisms can infect the body, making changes from the inside out, until suddenly it becomes this grotesque eruption of mold and mushrooms manipulating flesh and bone.

Looking back, there are two properties that really instilled this fascination in me. One is The Last of Us video games and TV show, which did an incredible job of showing how spores and mycelia creep into hosts, then convert them into freakish fungal zombies with mushrooms blooming from their faces, or bloated bodies that ripple with fruiting bodies and spore-filled pustules. It’s so gross and terrifying, but I always found myself wanting more—even when I was scared shitless.  The other property is Jeff VanderMeer’s Southern Reach Trilogy (Annihilation, Authority and Acceptance). Those books took a different approach to The Last of Us, instead delving more deeply into the psychological and philosophical aspects of being infected and having your mind taken over by an alien entity. Both are creepy as hell in their respective ways, but the result was that I became a massive fan of how fungi can change a host, both in mind and body.

Now that I write my own fungalpunk fiction, it was inevitable that body horror would play a part in it. And while I dabbled with fungal horror a fair bit in Mushroom Blues, it’s nothing compared to A Murder Most Fungal. This obsession I have took a disturbing turn in the latest book simply because of the story’s focus on food. While planning out the climax, I thought to myself, How could food and fungi come together to create a truly fucked up body horror extravaganza? Well, you’ll just have to read A Murder Most Fungal to find out.


Adrian M. Gibson is an award-winning Canadian SFF author, podcaster, book designer, illustrator and tattoo artist. He is the creator of the SFF Addicts podcast, which he co-hosts with fellow authors M. J. Kuhn and Greta Kelly. The three host in-depth interviews with an array of science fiction and fantasy authors, as well as writing masterclasses. He is also the Publishing Project Manager at Grimdark Magazine, heading up their line of fantasy and science fiction novellas. He lives in Quito, Ecuador with his family.

Adrian M. Gibson: Website | Instagram | SFF Addicts Podcast | YouTube

A Murder Most Fungal: Amazon | The Broken Binding

The Calamities Tour! August Dates Now Live

Fiends, demons, dark souls and freaks! You should come see me on tour for The Calamities, coming out in August. Why should you do this? Because you wish to pledge your undying loyalty to me uhh I mean because you want the book and you want me to talk good words at you and deface your book with my heretic scrawl? Did I get that right? Whew.

So!

This is the initial launch —

8/18 — Launch party at Thrillerdelphia! Details tbd.

8/19 — The Twisted Spine in Brooklyn! In conversation with the inimitable and ever-astounding Nat Cassidy! Tickets here.

8/21 — Dark Ink at the Doylestown Bookshop, with the chimerical Clay McLeod Chapman (who may also be launching a book at the very same time) and I’ll be there the next day, too, on Saturday the 22nd for a panel — also, if you’re pre-ordering the book here alongside its extra goodies (stickers! demonic personalization!) you can also choose to pick it up at the event

8/25 — Midtown Scholar, Harrisburg, PA. Tix here.

8/26 — Riverstone Books, Pittsburgh, PA. In conversation with the dandy dapper devil himself, Richard Kadrey! Tix here.

8/27 — Joseph-Beth Booksellers, Cincinnati, OH. Details here.

8/28 — Anderson’s Bookstore in Naperville, outside Chicago. Deets here.

8/29 — Boswell Book Co, Milwaukee, WI. Details here.

Wait, Is There More?

There might be! Cooking up some other dates and events.

Already on the books —

Oct 16-18, Can*Con in Ottawa!

Nov 6-8, Horror on the Hudson, Horror Reader Weekend

Also looking at a few more dates in September just after this batch, and some dates between NYCC (which I maaaaay be attending) and Can*Con. After all, I just can’t keep away from Gibson’s Bookstore, can I? Keep your grapes peeled — will announce more as I have it.

Why You No Come To Where I Live?

Throw me a plane ticket and a hotel and I’ll come to your dang house if you want me to — but I really can only go where I am sent and or summoned from. I try to do my best to cover as much territory as possible, while also trying to keep a wary eye toward the absolute chaos that is gas prices, flight prices, everything prices. I sadly can’t go everywhere on every tour, so I try to mix it up!

Will There Be More Conversation Partners?

I think so! At least one! Maybe more! Again, I’ll keep you all abreast.

OKAY SEE YOU BYE

Emma OSborne: Five Things I Learned Writing Grief Eater

Visceral, gritty, and unforgiving, GRIEF EATER is a zombie story like you’ve never read before. 

When Kristina rises from her violent death, she’s not the same fragile woman her family once abandoned. She’s rageful, powerful, and hungry—for the blood of the ones who were supposed to love her. With a newfound craving to see vengeance and grief served, she launches into a once-in-an-undead-lifetime journey across blood-slicked highways to the scorched Australian bush and her hometown. As her body fails and her mind fractures, she’s left with one final question: Is she here to forgive, or to feed? 

A transgressive, gory examination of queer identity and found family, GRIEF EATER sinks its teeth into trauma and what it means to be devoured by grief.


Flashbacks can work if you do it right. 

    When I was at Clarion West, pretty much ten years ago exactly, our very first instructor, Paul Park, dropped some wisdom into our heads that makes a whole lot of sense. He told us to “Stay in the present moment.” Keep stories in the present. Don’t jump away into flashbacks (unless, presumedly, you know what you’re doing). His reasoning was that flashbacks can end up pulling a reader away from the main narrative at the cost of momentum. I think he’s right, but I also think that sometimes you can justify flashbacks, if you can make them work for you the right way. Now, there are plenty of people who don’t love the flashbacks in Grief Eater (according to early reviews, thank you for reading, reviewers!) and some who find that they really work. I’d like to think that by and large they do!

    In Grief Eater, Kristina, the main character, dies in the opening chapter and is turned into a zombie. Uh, spoilers, I guess? Anyway, her story, which becomes a revenge narrative, needed to have context if it was going to hit with any emotional weight. I suppose I could have started the story earlier and showed the reader selected scenes from her childhood and young adulthood, but that didn’t feel right. I wanted to drop you into the action, so you learn about her past while she stalks her way into her future, her teeth and fingers sharp.

    Short stories sometimes birth novellas and novels.

    There are many writers who try out a story idea with a short story first. My favourite is probably “The Traitor Baru Cormorant, Her Field-General and Their Wounds” by Seth Dickinson which became the novel The Traitor Baru Cormorant (💔) or “The City Born Great” by NK Jemisin, which became the novel The City We Became

    For me, the Grief Eater world began with the protagonist of my short story “Don’t Pack Hope”, who would later be named Josh. I put several fragments of my heart into that story and was delighted when it was picked up by Nightmare Magazine, and then reprinted in Wastelands 3: The New Apocalypse edited by John Joseph Adams. Still, I knew I wasn’t done with that world. I knew that Kristy, Josh’s best friend, who became Kristina, had her own story. And I knew that, unlike beautiful Josh, Kristina didn’t make it out of the city alive.

    Josh is a very special character to me, so I hope you enjoy a story from his perspective if you check it out.

    The lightning bolt moment is incredible.

    Grief Eater is a revenge story, but it didn’t start out that way. No, the first draft had my protagonist, Kristina, being pulled towards her terrible family by an invisible compulsion, a need to find them, to stand before them, to find herself seen. It wasn’t a particularly bad book, but I knew that something wasn’t quite right with it. As I usually do, I let the idea roll around in my head for a while. The narrative made itself comfortable in my lizard-brain until one day in the shower, it hit me. Kristina shouldn’t be pulled. She should hunt. It was an oh god, eyes wide, am I really doing this moment, and it was incredible to experience. I think I literally laughed out loud.

    That moment and that feeling will always remind me to look at my protagonists and make sure they’re strong and active. They should move as quickly as they can towards the things that they want. And what Kristina wants is the blood of the people who wronged her.

    Music can unlock incredible things. 

    I generally listen to instrumental music (usually Zoe Keating, Explosions in the Sky or various video game soundtracks) when I write. For Grief Eater, I knew that I needed to play something savage while I wrote. I needed something heavy, something post-rock. And fuck, I love post-rock. I love big bold ridiculously long songs that swoop through a bunch of different time signatures (Schizm by Tool, I’m looking at you). I love songs with melody and beauty but also with droning guitars and flickering drums and distortion. Enter the incredible post-rock band Godspeed You! Black Emperor. “Mladic” from their album ALLELUJAH! DON’T BEND! ASCEND! became the theme song for the novella. If you haven’t heard it, it goes for a full twenty minutes (!!!) and changes and evolves throughout. I only did a little music theory in school, so there are people that can probably explain exactly why it’s so cool in technical terms, but all I know is that it fucking rocks. It genuinely helped me to take the story to darker and more intense places. Have a listen.

    Villains are sometimes unrealistic, but sometimes their people really are that bad.

    The villains of Grief Eater are Kristina’s parents and her older brother. When I was editing the novella, I had a conversation with my editor, Holly, about whether I should tone things down a bit, particularly their violence, neglect and homophobia. We decided not to go in that direction, and I am so glad that we preserved the characters as they are. I can appreciate that such horrible characters may seem a tad unrealistic, but also, people like that, unfortunately, absolutely exist. Indeed, the sins of Kristina’s family have all been pulled from situations I have personally experienced (not the homophobia, thank god!) or that my younger brother experienced, or that have been experienced by friends of mine who are also in the LGBTIQA+ community. Queer and trans people do experience violence and homelessness due to being expelled from their family homes, although we of course take care of each other in our chosen families. There are, however, plenty of villains whose violence and hate we do experience, sometimes from a very young age.

    In his novel “The Things They Carried” by Tim O’Brien, he writes of the horrors of the Vietnam war. He talks about “story truth,” as in, sometimes real truth is so unbelievable that you need to write about it in stories to fully understand the weight of it. Trauma and villainy are like that sometimes.

    While Kristina’s family are horrendous people, she also has her best friend, Josh, and a supportive Aunt, Jill. I wanted to make sure that though dark, her story still has elements of light. I hope you enjoy it.


    Emma Osborne (they/them) is a queer fiction writer and poet from Naarm Melbourne, Australia. Emma’s writing has appeared in Uncanny Magazine, Nightmare Magazine, Shock Totem: Tales of the Macabre and Twisted, Apex Magazine, Queers Destroy Science Fiction, Pseudopod, Podcastle, the Review of Australian Fiction, the Year’s Best Australian Fantasy and Horror, GlitterShip, Kaleidotrope and WASTELANDS 3 edited by John Joseph Adams. They are a graduate of the 2016 Clarion West Writers Workshop. “Grief Eater” is their debut novella. They currently live in Sunbury with their girlfriend and three wonderful cats.

    Emma Osborne: Bluesky | Instagram

    Grief Eater: Bookshop.org | Amazon

    I Watched The Randolorian And Gogurt And Now I Have Thoughts

    It would’ve been better if it were worse. That’s one of the thoughts that keeps rolling around my head about this movie. That, and “how can a movie that’s so exciting be so boring?” That, and the thing my kid said after leaving the theater, which was, “It was all just a straight line.” (Well, he said that after he said, “So that was a movie.”)

    It’s worthless to me to just go see a thing and simply not like it — that’s fine and it’s fair but I’m a storyteller and I very much like to think about not just how the Story Sausage (ew) is made but also, regardless of how it’s made, what it tastes like and why I do or don’t like a thing. I think this is part of being a storyteller, and something of a cursed part of being a storyteller, this need to constantly dissect material and never really just be like WOO AAAAAH YEAAAH or FUCK THIS SHIT about a story experience. I can’t help it. I like to get into the guts of it.

    A few things, first.

    One, I obviously have my own experiences with Star Wars — it should be understood that generally I love most things Star Wars, even when they’re kind of bad or mad or meh, but also, I have a complicated relationship with Star Wars, and you are free to take that into account when I try to sort through my feelings about this movie. (A movie that is probably not interesting enough to have feelings to sort through, though, if I’m being honest.)

    Two, if you enjoyed it, at no point should you take this as a missive against you, or an effort to convince you that you were wrong to enjoy it. You should enjoy things! It is right to do so. You should enjoy things I don’t enjoy, and vice versa. As I say quite often, this shit ain’t math. There is no objective answer here — it’s just me having an opinion complicated by the me that I am. I hated the Super Mario Brothers movie and that shit made a scintillion dollars — you shouldn’t trust me to have any meaningful opinion here. I’m mouthing off into the void, as is my way.

    Three, you should know going in I really like The Mandalorian. I adored the show, especially the first season. Even when it wasn’t always great, I really dug it. But I did not love the movie. Even going in with low expectations (I’d heard some things) I was not able to climb over them. I note this just so we know I wasn’t prejudiced going in.


    By the way, this shit is gonna be a long post. Apologies! My bad! You don’t have to read it if you don’t want to! Mea culpa!


    Also, let’s get out of the way some things I did like —

    (Which means some light spoilers are about to ensue, so be advised.)

    The soundtrack is banging. The Mandalorian theme is easily one of the best Star Wars themes around.

    The effects are (generally) rock solid — most of the CGI is pretty impeccable, with the exception of Rotta the Hutt, who mysteriously looks kinda awful. Honestly, he looks too much like when Lucas inserted Jabba into A New Hope. He’s got this uncanny valley Cybertruck vibe that I can’t explain.

    The Baby Yoda (I know, I’m a monster, but some part of me bounces off Grogu same way I bounce off Mandalorian having a name) puppet is the best.

    In fact, Baby Yoda is maybe the best. There’s actually a sequence later in the film which is pretty much All Baby Yoda, and honestly, it’s one of the best things in the film, to be honest.

    I’d argue the movie is at its best when it lets things settle. When it’s quiet. When it lets people talk. It doesn’t do this often. But when it does, it is a win for the movie, and for the audience.

    Favreau is also a rock solid director — I mean, you’re never getting fancy, but you don’t want fancy. He frames things well. He knows just how to put together a good-looking, good-feeling visual sequence. There are some shots from this movie that look like they’re a painting in an art book, like they leapt off the fucking page and are holy-shit-real.


    Okay, so there we go. Some things that I liked.

    Let’s um, go the other way.

    So, watching this movie was — you know, it was a weird experience. You ever do something, or experience something, and all the while you feel like, “I think I should like this, I’m meant to like this,” and yet, you absolutely don’t? You just feel — well, not actively negative toward it, but rather, numb to the whole thing? A kind of anhedonic sensation? You eat a burger, but it just tastes flat, or you go on a date and you know this person and you are soulmates on paper but there’s somehow zero spark between you? There’s this disconnect. And that’s how I felt watching the movie. The whole time, a parade of images and action trying to jumpstart my joy machine, trying to make my brain do a 21-synapse-salute, but all of it kind of slid off of my mind, a fried egg loosed from a well-lubricated skillet.

    So, why? I love action movies. I love Star Wars. I love the Mandalorian!

    And it’s in that first part where I think I want to explore the answer.

    Action movies.


    In action movies — or comics, or books, whatever — there is this persistent piece of advice that I generally believe to be a problematic one, which is, start with action.

    Thing is, some of our best action films don’t do this.

    Die Hard? It’s a semi-divorced cop dad traveling to a corporate party to meet his almost-ex. There’s really zero action until the 20 minute mark, and the first gunshots don’t go off until, what, around minute 23?

    John Wick? We start at the ending, but there’s no action, just consequence. Flashing back to the start still means the first real action — which is less high-octane action and more, well, puppy-killing action — doesn’t happen until the 15 minute mark. And the actual bang-bang shoot-em-up shit doesn’t start till much later.

    Now, let’s talk Raiders of the Lost Ark — there, we lead with what I’d call adventure more than action, a tension-building dungeon-crawl where the actual action (big boulder! betrayals! chase scene!) starts prior to the 10 minute mark, but then it slows down again.

    All that being said, some classic action movies really do jump into the action at the outset. The Matrix? Sure fucking does. Mad Mad: Fury Road? Yup, action right away. Hey, you know what’s another movie that does?

    Star Wars: A New Hope.

    And it all works.

    The Mandalorian & Grogu also starts with action.

    And for me, itdid not work.

    But why not?

    Well — it’s two things, I think, for me.

    First, we have to have characters we care about — and the context to care about them. If they’re just a body on the screen, that’s not enough. They have to have something there to care about. And with M&G, we do care! We go in liking the Mandalorian already. Though it also gives us some other characters for which we have no context — without spoiling, there are some, I guess you’d call them victims? there at the start. And we don’t know anything about them and really can’t speak to their victimization, and so there, the caring-about-them-factor is pretty light. Still, let’s say the movie gives us enough.

    (More on characters, later.)

    The second thing that is important is a good opening action scene or sequence tends to go quite poorly for our hero. John Wick’s dog dies. John McLane has no shoes, no gun, no clue, and is the only guy around to handle the problem. Mad Max is fucked from the outset. Trinity in the Matrix gets some hits in, but she’s on-the-run and is almost killed inside the machine. Indy loses his prize, gets humiliated, meets snakes. It just goes staggeringly poorly. It has to, to establish our hero/ine as someone who is an underdog, who could lose, who can be injured or killed.

    Mando, on the other hand —

    Does pretty great! It all goes mostly fine! There’s little complication, little twist, little turn, little danger at play for him, for the little Yoda Man, and especially for the victims — who are pretty quickly shuffled out of the story.

    And then it’s the same throughout the film.

    All of the action is fairly uncomplicated. Mando goes in, kicks a lot of ass, does not usually have his own ass kicked, and it all goes pretty great! Which is nice for him, but less nice for us, the audience. Because we, the audience, are greedy for trial and tribulation. It’s roller coaster shit — we need the fast fall and the slow rise to experience the power of the ride. Otherwise it’s just, you know, a tram. It is, as my kid said when he came out of the theater, just a straight line — a people-mover moving people.

    The movie adds up to a lot of action. It’s near-constant. So that means much of the movie comprises considerably breezy, consequence-free, tension-free action. Especially since Mando is near god-like — his armor deflects everything, he is the best fighter in pretty much every room, and when in doubt, he has a little green buddy to do some Jedi shit to finish the job.

    (I think Superman in the latest film gets more beat-up than Mando does in this, to be honest.)

    The action scenes feel effortless. Like they’re just gliding along. They’re cotton candy — a hard hit of sugar, but no weight to them, and they dissolve fast.

    Part of why this is, is because of what’s missing from these scenes.

    And, really, from the movie at all.

    What’s missing?

    Stakes.


    Stakes in a story, to give a quick and perhaps clumsy definition, are what can be won or lost in this narrative. Simple, life-threatening danger works as a basic, sort of animal-like fight-or-flight set of stakes. It’s real simplistic but hey, it fucking works — oh no, look, this character you like, they’re getting hurt and might die! Oh shit!

    In M&G, Mando rarely gets hurt, and when he does, we don’t generally believe he or the little green baby are gonna get got. Like, they’re on the fucking marquee, Lucasfilm isn’t bold enough to be like, HA HA BOOM, WE KILLED THE MANDALORIAN IN THE FIRST TEN MINUTES, SUCK IT, FANS. WE THREW GROGU INTO A MOISTURE VAPORATOR AND HE DELIQUESCED INTO TENDER MEAT AND HUMID GREEN MIST.

    So, obviously, more advanced stakes can be put on the table, instead.

    There are big, worldbuildy stakes — Star Wars does these often, the kind where THE UNIVERSE IS IN DANGER. There are emotional stakes, too, the kind where it’s like, BUT I DON’T WANT TO GET DIVORCED OR FALL OFF THE WAGON OR LOSE CUSTODY OF MY KID. There are also life-threatening dangers we can give to other characters — heroes are trying to save the lives of secondary characters because they care about them and we care about them in turn. Point being, there are a lot of things you can do to put stakes on the table in a story. The things that matter. The things that we, the audience, want to see won, but we fear will be lost, yeah?

    And it’s in that push and pull of desire and fear that tension is born.


    Tension in a story is simple on the face of it:

    The thing I don’t want to happen is in danger of happening.

    Or —

    The thing I want to happen is in danger of not happening.

    Certainly it isn’t always that simple — more mature pieces of storytelling make this more granular, more nuanced. Sometimes tension can be born out of us, the audience, not knowing how to feel, but just feeling unsettled, uncertain, off-kilter. Gnarly emotional stakes can leave us, as in life, feeling tension over the complexity of relationships and the world.

    But in this kind of story — a pulp-action, two-fisted Star Wars story — we can assume that tension is born when success is threatened, when failure seems certain. The tension is increased with greater, stronger stakes.

    Think of the stakes in this case like a weight on our shoulders. The bigger those stakes, the more it presses down on us. The more we, the audience, have to carry. This sounds bad, like a burden, but narrative burden is useful — we’re trying to get you to feel under threat, somewhat. (Storytellers are cruel.)

    If there are no stakes, or the stakes are light, you run the risk of reducing or removing tension. Which can be okay in a certain kind of story! Maybe less so in the two-fisted sci-fi action tale, though. You can also have huge stakes that don’t work because we don’t care enough about them — a Big Story (you know, blah blah blah, universe in danger, etc) without a Small Story anchor just tends to be like a balloon — it blows up and up and up but is empty inside, and eventually will either pop or fart its way around the room as it loses air.

    (A New Hope is a good example here — sure, there’s this big galactic struggle between Empire and Rebels, Good and Evil, and there’s all this worldbuildy sci-fi fol-de-rol, but there’s also a kid who’s trying to escape the destiny of a mundane life, a princess with the weight of the galaxy on her shoulders, and a gambler under a mountain of life-threatening debts. The small stories anchor them in the context of the big story and make that big story matter.)

    Thing is, none of this — stakes, tension, the action that is the emblem of those two things — really matters without one crucial component, and no, it ain’t plot. So what is it, then?

    Characters we care about.


    Creating a character we care about is the hardest easy thing to do. It’s easy because if you give an interesting imaginary someone a problem and then make that problem difficult for them to solve, you’re already most of the way there. It’s hard because there’s a kind of magic in the narrative empathy required to make those pieces come together in a satisfying way. It’s weird alchemy. We often say we want characters to be likable, and that can be true, but it’s also the softest, perhaps most meaningless way to think of characters. Likable is great, but it does little for us. We want characters we can live with, that we find interesting and fascinating and whose struggles make us feel, by proxy, like we’re enduring that struggle with them.

    And here, maybe, is where the movie — for me! — fails the most. There aren’t really any actual characters in this movie.

    There are, however, action figures.

    Very few of the characters throughout this flick exhibit the traits of what we think of when we think of characters. They don’t have personal problems. They don’t have arcs to complete or changes to make. Mando’s core struggle is that he takes a job and it goes fine until it doesn’t, but the job itself is soft and brings few stakes of its own, and has zero ties to who he is as a character. Grogu is mostly just a cute puppet. There’s no arc there, either. Nobody needs to learn anything. Nobody really even needs to accomplish anything. Most of the villains are like mini-bosses and few have names that I can remember. The side characters are… mostly just there? Often, again, quite nameless. I love, love, love Zeb (Steve Blum Hive, represent), and here he’s just kind of there, a cool CGI recreation of a cartoon who has nothing to him except being marked present on today’s attendance. Sigourney Weaver shows up as, I dunno, somebody, and she’s definitely here to take a paycheck and tick “showed up in another major sci-fi franchise” off her bucket list.

    This post is way too long already, but fuck it, skip ahead if you want — I’d like to unpack what the actual mechanics of this movie are.

    And again, some spoilers here.

    We enter the film not knowing who Mando and Gogurt are, unless we’ve watched the TV show, which the movie assumes you haven’t, but it also does little work in reintroducing you — he’s just a bounty hunter, and Babby Gargoo is his ward, and he, like Batman, takes his Young Ward on incredibly dangerous “missions,” and that’s okay because Little Greengoop has the Force, which again you won’t know unless you’ve seen the show, but also, again, the movie treats you like you haven’t seen the show and does very little to connect that show to this movie.

    Mando works for the New Republic, fine. We begin with a mission where he’s hunting down Imperial remnants and warlords, who are represented by a Sabacc deck with their faces on them WOW I WONDER WHO CAME UP WITH THAT EXCELLENT IDEA THEY SHOULD MAYBE THANK THAT GUY IN THE CREDITS FOR SOME STUFF anyway we’re not really told why these guys in the deck are a huge problem, only that they are, and they’re villains on paper more than in any demonstration, but fine, whatever. Mando takes down the one, gets the job to do another — here, the whiff of a real villain forms in Commander Coin (sp?) but who ends up being a big nothingburger nobody, and we never come to understand why he’s even a mysterious high-priority problem.

    Whatever. Taking this job requires Mando to free what might be the only real character in the movie (who even still has very little arc in that he begins as Buff Young Hutt With A Heart and ends as Buff Young Hutt With A Heart). Mando goes on this journey, it gets hard, then it gets easy, then the easy part gets complicated, then the movie gets quiet for a while as it becomes the Sacred Infant Yoda show (and the movie actually works here!) and then it’s just more action until the whole thing resolves. Nobody is really changed much by the endeavor except maybe Buff Hutt, and the galaxy hasn’t changed much, and the status quo endures.

    Oh also, there’s Embo, and Embo rules, except in this movie, because he does nothing except, as my son suggests, to “aura farm.”

    The whole thing ends and nothing is gained or lost plot-wise, or character-wise. There are also minimal ties to the show you didn’t have to but totally had to watch. No Ahsoka, no Jedi training, no Space Boston Burr, no callbacks or shout-outs except maybe some Paul Sun-Hyung Lee (who is the best). There’s a kind of throwaway bit about Mando not being allowed to show his face to people, which is a thing that really only makes sense in the show, and it’s a thing that’s mostly resolved in the show, but here it’s both a thing that isn’t solved and a thing you don’t need to know but that definitely isn’t explained and it’s all such nonsense.


    Anyway. This is way, way too long.

    To sum up, my problems in a nutshell are:

    The stakes are muddy, and small.

    The characters are action figures.

    The tension is soft, not taut.

    Nothing really happens.

    There are no galactic complications. No personal ones. No emotional entanglements. There’s little threat. There’s no political maneuvering (despite an opportunity to show how fucked up it is that the New Republic makes a deal with the Hutts for information, a thing that is treated like business-as-usual and not a huge corruption scandal for the New Republic). Individual action scenes are effortless, airless, cool for the sake of cool. A lot happens in individual scenes while, conversely, nothing much happens in total. It’s just a lot of rearranging deck chairs. And all of it adds up to wayyyyyy too much slack in the narrative rope. Nobody’s pulling it tight. It’s just laying there in a sloppy, frayed pile.

    (There’s also a lot of little plot holes and weirdnesses with things, but that’s really beside the point. I can forgive those. Though they do rack up, here.)


    I think in this way, this is a worse movie than Rise of Skywalker, which is a very, very bad movie. The Randolorian & Gogurt is, on paper, a much better movie. It makes more sense, it holds together better, looks better, is just a technically better content product than TROS. But TROS reaches for something. It takes some big, big swings. It misses many of them! Just whiffs the shit out of them. But it’s got an ethos. It’s got emotion. Even though it screws it all up (and betrays the two films prior), it’s at least doing something. This film feels like — well, it feels like AI. It’s not. I know it’s not. I just mean it’s got that sense of having no structure — it just strings scenes together, one to the next, and doesn’t even really follow the standard act-structure breakdown you’d expect to come with film. It completely eschews that architecture for, again, a straight line with maybe the gentest of inclines, with a few little bumps and curls along the way. It’s all safe, unchallenging content.


    I know already one of the responses I’m going to get to this, because I’ve already seen it in other conversations: “Relax! It’s just supposed to be a fun movie! Just turn your brain off! It’s for kids!”

    I hate this kind of response because:

    a) fun movies are still usually more than just fun movies, in fact many movies are supposed to be fun movies, and yet, they reach for more

    b) if you have to turn your brain off to enjoy something, then maybe that something isn’t actually good — my brain is the thing I use to tell me when something is good or when it’s some stupid shit, I’d really prefer to leave it on, thank you very much

    c) kids’ movies can be deep, amazing things even when they are just fun movies, also why are we to assume this movie is just for kids, it’s definitely feeding off the nostalgia adults feel for Star Wars (count the callbacks and easter eggs) and also the flick is about a guy in mega-armor who straight up kills the shit out of people and not because he’s being attacked but because he’s hunting them, which is fine, and I’ve no problem with it, but Mando ain’t Luke Skywalker

    d) also I had to take out a home equity loan just for three people to see this movie in fucking IMAX so I think I’m fair to demand more of my experience than just being fed a fast food tray of Warm Content


    At the end of seeing this, I was haunted by something said to me in a conversation some time ago when I was pitching a SW story for a comic, and one of the higher-ups in that call said, “We can’t really do anything interesting right now.” This was in reference ultimately to the story universe being so bound up with itself that they had little wiggle room to actually impact that universe in an interesting way. And I took that as a pretty big indictment against the franchise, because the smallest and most meager of your storytelling goals is to make interesting shit. And if you can’t make something interesting, there’s little reason to do it. And this film to me felt like that. It wasn’t interesting. It left no impression — no footprint on the universe, or in my mind, or on my heart. And there was little reason to do it.

    But I’m sure it will at least sell some merch.


    Given the world we live in, I like to remind you again this is just me yelling at the tides! If you liked the movie, I am legitimately glad for you and do not think you have been mule-kicked. I just like to talk. It’s fine. You’re fine. This isn’t a threat to you in any way. Okay? Okay. Cool.


    We all have merch to sell, of course, and I’d be foolish if I didn’t note that a lot of the stuff I’m talking about here — stakes, character, tension — is explored in my book, Damn Fine Story. Which also features a tale about a masturbating elk, so that’s nice for you. Check it out, if you want. And here I was going to link to it on Bookshop-dot-org but for some fucked up reason it’s $27 — in paperback? That’s too high a price to pay. List price is $17.99? Uhh, I dunno. Buy it somewhere it’s cheaper — it is not worth almost thirty bucks, what the fuck.

    The Calamities: Pre-Order For Secret, Sinister Delights

    Why yes, fiendish readers, there is a pre-order campaign for The Calamities.

    As always, if you choose to pre-order The Calamities from my local, The Doylestown Bookshop, you will receive some nifty things that you will not receive elsewhere

    Which is to say:

    You will get the book, obviously.

    I will sign it and personalize it, if you choose that path.

    I will also assign to you your very own, unique-to-you, demonic progenitor, an ancestor from the time of chaos whose infernal blood now fills your own! (This may be inked in the book or on a separate postcard, depending. If so, the postcard will be cool. I promise. And I’ll sign the postcard, too, if that’s the case.)

    And you’ll get a very cool, very freaky sticker of one of the demons from within the text, drawn by the inimitable Natalie Metzger, who did the stickers for Staircase, and who also did all the art for our book, You Can Do Anything, Magic Skeleton.

    Oh! And this will also be sent directly to you! Er, unless you’re a local who wants to pick it up at the bookstore.

    Pre-order from The Doylestown Bookshop here.

    Let’s see. Are there other little tidbits to talk about, regarding this book?

    Probably!

    Will there be a tour?

    Yup. Happening launch week and the week after it — I’m not at liberty to tell you for sure where that tour is going yet, but the theoretical tour takes me from PA to NY to OH to Chicago to Milwaukee. And there might also be a third little wing of the tour later on, in October, as I make my way to CanCon in Ottawa — but more on that as I have it nailed down.

    Is there a UK edition?

    There is! Releasing the same date. Did I ever show you the cover?

    I love that cover. I love the US cover. I love both because they each take a very different approach, while still totally giving the proper vibe.

    Is The Calamities on Netgalley?

    It sure is.

    You can find it –> here.

    Will there be an audio version?

    Yup. Released same day. They’re working on narrator lists as we speak — when I know more, you’ll know more.

    Why should I pre-order?

    Pre-ordering books does feel weird, I get that, especially when the book is not one that will have a tectonic, ground-shaking release because it’s the not the next in the series of The Heartbroken Dragon Riders Of Shadow’s Wing Of Night series, yeah?

    But pre-ordering is good for everybody!

    a) it’s good for the bookstore, because that’s a sale, and they need those to live

    b) it’s good for the publisher, which may not be your primary concern, nor should it be, but that leads to

    c) it’s good for the author because it sends the signal to both the bookstore and the publisher that hey you should carry this author and promote their books

    d) it’s good for YOU because it makes sure a bookstore has stock, that you’ll get one, and also if you’re like me, you’ll pre-order the book, forget you ever did it, and then magically one day you have a new book, a gift from a time-traveling version of you, high-five, Past You

    So, please do pre-order the book! If not from my local, then from your own!

    Or — from Bookshop.org!

    What else can I do to help you?

    SO KIND OF YOU TO ASK, RHETORICAL PERSON I MADE UP.

    Listen — just tell folks. Spreading the word about this is the biggest and best and coolest thing to do. (Aside from just mailing me bags of money.) Spreading the word… well, gets the word out, generates buzz, and helps a lot. So! Please share this. Scream it so the heavens and hells can hear.

    And soon, if the world doesn’t end, you’ll get to meet the fiends…