Been back a day from hospitalization.
It was the hardest thing I've ever done.
And yet I don't feel any better.
When do I get to live and be okay?

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Last night's dream

There were three of us. Two females and a male.

We were at a zoo in Japan. Everyone was enjoying it, but there was an undercurrent of fear. We would stop at a display and look at the animals. I particularly remember the owls. The staff was subtly following us. At one point, we were surrounded by Japanese visitors and everyone dropped to the ground and shivered in fear. We dropped down too into the sand like everyone else, some in the large playground along the sidewalk, some on the concrete or behind the tables at the zoo restaurants.

The staff was approaching us and everyone was very scared. Not sure what to do, I suddenly started digging in the sand and screamed, "I've dropped my ring!" in Japanese. Everyone, the zoo staff and the scared patrons, blinked anf began laughing. Relieved I began to laugh too and then realized I had confused certain words in Japanese and stated, "I dropped my finger." instead. The staff backed away and the patrons were relieved.

We found a large wooden building. It had a strange feeling to it, like something very frightening was waiting. Inside the building it was very, very dark and light shone through all the entrances. There was one opening out onto a lake with stepping stones leading out.

We found a huge cage partially shielded by a group of crates. There was a low growling sound in the air and we were very scared. We tried to hide enough that whatever was in the cage would not see it while we could see it. As we got closer, it jumped at the cage and we all fell away. The cage was just a false front, the creature wasn't trapped at all. A deep red, smoking and steaming demon with a growling, snarling voice smiled at us. It couldn't decide which of us to chase, so I tried to distract it by sticking out my tongue. In an instant, it caught me by my throat and it licked my tongue with a deep laugh. This was a strange moment - the creature's tongue tasted like a ham. I was scared, but the others were safe, until the demon realized that someone else was still nearby. It dropped me and dove after the male down the hall.

Then I told myself to wake up, I guess having realized I was not in a real situation.

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weird dreams
And now, for something completely different, a very random dream

Last night's dream was in Spanish.

I was living in Honduras again and there was a very pregnant woman who needed help. I don't know if it's worth mentioning or not, but the woman was someone that I met once. In Honduras I was looking for something to do and it was suggested I go to an orphanage and help out. I did and then came to learn that for some reason the person who directed me there thought the daycare center was an orphanage. Anyway, this woman was the mother of one of the children there, a seemingly good-natured woman who very clearly loved her child. She was the woman in my dream. A heavy-set moon-faced woman with brown skin and black hair.

She was heavily pregnant and about to give birth. The emergency services were on their way, but I was worried since Honduras is a third world country and emergency services generally aren't that great there, so I took off the woman's pants and prepared to birth the child. Someone else I knew in Honduras was standing by and we moved the pregnant woman onto a slab of concrete since it seemed like it would be cleaner than delivering in the dirt.

I was standing in front of the woman watching her vagina. The vagina was pulsating and going through a blooming motion like a flower. It was expelling water and blood and a white puss-like substance, and slowly the baby was moving out of the woman. I remember watching a little purple-blue foot peek out of the vagina and the secretions and thinking to myself, "That's disgusting." I felt no emotions as the woman pushed out the baby, but could not stop thinking about how gross it was.

She eventually gave birth to the child and said the same exact thing that she said to me in Honduras, "Este es mi nene." - That's my baby.

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Writer's Block: B.Y.O.B. Holidays


I celebrate winter solstice. I surround myself with warmth and joy in my kitchen and I can spread warmth and joy that. I make cider mulled with spices, apples and cranberries mingling. Nothing is more beautiful than pouring a cup of the cider into a glass mug and stirring it with a cinnamon stick. Everyone loves stirring the cinnamon sticks. I make cookies. I always make huge batches, orange and ginger cookies in the shapes of leaves and flowers, missed but not forgotten in the depths of the winter chill. I mix rosewater and cream with honey for a syrupy sweet cookie. I like to shape them like hearts to show my love for the recipient, and all the better if I have red dye because I can marble the cookies. I love soup in the winter. If I have the time I take a whole chicken and make my own stock, rich and more fatty than anything store bought. If I don't then I do take the time to make my own noodles. Warm and comfortable in the kitchen, I think of how much my friends and family will enjoy the soup, the noodles, the cookies, the cider, and I think of the return of warmth and the rebirth of the sun and land in the spring and summer.

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I'm working as a manager now, but I have a very long commute, so it's hard to find time to do things I'd like such as update my livejournal, but I do still read everyone's journal and like to hear about them. I'll try to be more active on here. I hope you're all well.

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To all the new people
What is up with all these people from Germany and Russia friending me in the last week? If you're one of the 10 or so people who friended me from Russia or Germany then welcome. I always like new friends, but feel free to introduce yourselves as I haven't a clue who you are!

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SQUIRREL.
I don't have much of an update right now except that yesterday I saw an albino squirrel. I'd never seen one before so I found it very interesting.

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I made this based on the meme X grab my Y. It's a fifteen minute sketch, so not fabulous but it makes me laugh. I figured why the hell not post it here?

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Writer's Block: Happily ever after…

This question is kind of weirding me out.

1) If we're talking Harry Potter then he would continue living his life. To him, his life is not a series of books. It may be that way for some characters, but Rowling never broke the fourth wall, so I'm inclined to think it's not that way for him.

2) If we're talking Daniel Radcliffe, then we'll probably see him go on to act in more movies.

Of course, he is a bit typecast, as this question suggests.



Yay Harry Potter!

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Today was a weird day. I felt...very much not there all day. At work I kept forgetting to give people change and actually called my manager in confusion, made incomprehensible noises and hung up. He sent someone up out of concern. At home, I stared at the sink for a while and then realized there was another sink off in the house. I turned it off and proceeded to sit for a while. Space cadet.

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Writer's Block: Avast, me hearties!

It's probably telling that my first thought was Tortuga Island, and then Somalia.

This is a strange question - first of all, to ask the location of a hideout. Second of all, anything I could imagine now wouldn't likely be suitable for a life of crime and plundering simply because I'm not involved in a life of crime and plundering. I would likely be too naive at present to choose a location that wouldn't cross the minds of other people or whatever local police force exists in that area. The mindset is too far apart from anything I can presently fathom and therefore I do not believe that I can accurately offer an appropriate response to this question.

However, taking into consideration my present knowledge, I would likely choose a small desert island. I would look for something with little to no redeeming value upon first glance. I would prefer a rocky island to a flatter island as it would be significantly easier to fortify and conceal a building. Particularly, if I had the wherewithal to create the building out of rock or mud or whatever local material happened to be available.

Regardless, I do not think I would make a very good pirate. Too much parley and not enough stabbing or plank-walking. Logic was not the ruler of those days, so it stands to reason that nor would I be.

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So I've gotten back into sewing again lately. I'm slightly more than half way through a stuffed tiger and actually fairly impressed with it. I don't use patterns (not because I've got anything against them - I just don't think to do so), so they're probably not as professional looking at they could be, but they're completely unique. I'll post pictures when I finish. Three more paws and some stripes.

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 I just figured I should post since I haven't in about a month.

I've been busy with work. I'm doing management training which is good. If I can get into management then I could maybe actually afford to be more comfortable. My plants are doing all right. The unrelenting rain has been...unrelenting. I don't think we've had a day without rain since the last day it snowed. It's a bit ridiculous. I'll just say that I'm not much of a fan of the Midwest.

I've been keeping a diary of my everyday actions for my doctor. It's interesting what I'm noticing in keeping the journal. I definitely have a lot more periods of "not being present" during my every day life than I ever truly realized.

I guess I've been a bit depressed lately. I think partially it's the weather and partially it's that I'm sick of something always being wrong with me.

On the plus side, there's a gigantic foodies market about an hour away. It's one of the best I've been to in years. I could probably live there and never run out of things to explore.

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Haven't had a lot of time for posting lately, but I've moved and don't currently have Internet in my apartment.

And this month is ScriptFrenzy.

Which means I'll be in a frenzy for the next 30 days.

Yay?

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Going to the Caribbean. See you when I return.

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 Things I saw that were interesting today

1. Half an opossum (It was identifiable by its tail)
2. A dead squirrel with its mouth frozen open and its fur matted like it had been in the bottom of a puddle.
3. A Hindu temple
4. A dead blackbird (I find birds particularly interesting in death for the differences in their body, small feet and wings)
5. A bird's nest
6. A tree covered in dead leaves under a street light
7. A living squirrel
8. A living rabbit
9. A piece of paper about taxes in transliterated Russian

I feel lately my focus has been on death, dying and the arts thereof. I'm not sure what precipitated the shift.

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 1. Saw the doctor
2. ZOTZZZZ
3. Got some library books
4. Bought some lotion
5. Got a new watch

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 1. Brussel sprouts
2. Tried to a new recipe
3. Strawberry bubble gum
4. Sat in the sauna for a while
5. Ate almond cookies
6. Read some of Day of Honey
7. Slept in 'til 8:30.
8. Had an egg with brussel sprouts
9. Doodled
10. Got a lot done at workplace one.

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 1. Got to try Amaretto tea
2. Found a place that sells pasta presses
3. Got some paperwork done
4. Had a good dinner
5. Took a nap

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 I took a nap and dreamt a little dream of weird.

Initially, I was traveling in a car with lanovran  and his father and looked out the windows at the beautiful concrete steps, blue skies and piers of the world. We stopped and got out and purchased snacks at a market at the bottom of some steps. I got a jar of computer-animated silver fish in pickles. The jar had star-shaped holes in its side yet the liquid was not falling out. This was blowing our minds. We also bought a yellow jar that may or may not have contained lard. We had several other snacks, but I don't recall what they were.

So we drove away.

And I became a princess of some sort while lanovran became a prince. I was separated from everyone else and I went into a dark underground cave. A huge black tower rose up toward the ceiling and somehow I knew a demon king lived there. The demon king was a big black sheet, with horns on his head and occasional flames of fiery red.

I hide outside of the castle near a giant toadstool near the side of the castle and a dragon that was connected to me by an opal in its tail came up to me and enfolded me in its wings. The dragon was white and very smooth on the side it folded over me. As the dragon came into contact with my skin, I turned fiery red and the dragon became increasingly warm. The dragon's outer side was as black as the sky, like onyx, shiny. I don't know if the demon king noticed the light but he appeared directly in front of me like he intended to seize me. The dragon rotated around me protectively and I glowed a little before the dragon's black top closed over the both of us.

I suddenly felt very tired, like I could never wake again, but we all know how that ended.

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