I'm finally back. Permanently disabled and without computer access for 3 years because of it. More posting and new journal layout and updated profile coming soon...

feeling: melancholy

The world? Not so fun a place lately. If not for the horses and a certain grounding influence I would have lost my mind months ago. Which of course assumes I had one to begin with :) I'm trying to relax and trust that everything will be okay, but it's so hard. The way things are is terrifying, the money situation and everything else. I thought rock bottom was rock bottom, and then I apparently found a mine shaft... This time of year makes everything worse, honestly. I desperately want to have a magical Christmas again, to find the joy and anticipation again and something to look forward to. I mean hell, I feel like I'll never see Vegas or the beach again, most of the time I feel so lost and disconnected that I just don't know what end is up except that mostly no one wants me around and I'm just kind of drifting. Depression sucks.

Anyway, I'm brainstorming ideas of what I want for Christmas. Well Yule. Well something. Mostly things I have my eye on, necessity or just fun. I'm trying desperately to believe that even when financially screwed you can manage to have fun. And sometimes things that mean something end up meaning even more when they come from someone special. As much as I need practical things like food and gas, I also hope to get some things that are just special and sparkly and pretty. And I have a Torrid wish list that's a mile long too. Anyway...

*commencing brain dump*

Mountain Horse Fusion High Rider winter tall boot size 9 Wide
Irideon wind pro full seat breeches size 2x black
Ariat barn gear bag, slate (at Dover)
Devon-Aire schooling tight XL purple; full seat XL sea blue
Riding Sport power fleece tights XL sea blue
Kerrits Sit Tight N Warm full seat breeches, XL navy
On Course cotton naturals full seat breeches 38 white, tan
Crown crystal dressage bridle F/S black
Equus Eventa reins, black
Dansko Fyodora boots size 39 black
so many things from Ariat's new line...

Jumper Earrings
Fearless Ring size 7
Ride like there's no tomorrow T

Back in the Saddle:
Horse Power hoodie XL
The hardest thing about riding is the ground T XL
raised in a barn holographic LS T XL
***Many Shoes Earrings ***
Horseshoe Dangle Earrings
Horseshoe Shelf Brackets
Prancing with the Stars bangle


Pyramid Collection:
Stainless steel free to fly necklace
Faith cuff bracelet
Anything is Possible ring size 7
Rotating Rainbow Crystal ring size 7
Miracle Peace bracelet
Corinthians Mobius bracelet
CZ trinity ring size 7
Deep Breath Plaque
Forest Sunset Skirt 2x
Atlantis skirt 2x
Forest Fire skirt 2x
Crossbone clogs size 9
Lotus Tapestry jacket 2x
paprika top 2x



Gift certificates to: Equestrian Collections, Dover, State Line Tack, Bit of Britain, Back in the Saddle, Smartpak, LL Bean, Torrid, Fire Mountain, Sock Dreams, Dressage Extensions, Zappos, Best Buy...

feeling: lonely

I don't even want to think right now, but I have to say something. Sicily, my beautiful deaf Italian Greyhound puppy, the one in my icon that was my youngest and the light of my life, died today about noon. She started having seizures yesterday and couldn't come out of it. There was no cause and no way to treat them, and I had to let her go. She would have been 3 on April 12. Sicily, my baby, I love you and I will never forget you. Holding you while I let you go was the hardest thing I've ever done. I couldn't have let you be alone though. You weren't here long but you charmed everyone who met you, and you had me wrapped around your little gerbil paw. I'll miss you climbing up on my back and coming up next to my face to intercept my fork, and sticking that nose into anything I had, the spicier it was the more you wanted it. I'll think of you when I have Chipotle, I know that was your favorite. Magic and Sadie are looking for you, but I know you're here. I wish you would have gotten to meet the horses, I know you would have loved that. I bet you got a hell of a welcome at the Rainbow Bridge from everyone who went before you, and I'm sure Grandma and Grandpa are loving every minute of having you. I know I did. You were such a little evil genius, working every ounce of cuteness you had to not get in trouble, and I never could stay mad at you no matter what you did. I keep expecting you to run up the bed and curl up in my arms. I love you.

feeling: depressed

( I-95 South Chapter 5Collapse )

feeling: blah

I'm not dead, really. I'm working on a new layout.

feeling: depressed

yeah yeah I know I'm never here..... today is my last final and I'll do an update. No, really. I will :) This is mostly because someone asked me the other day what I want for Yule and I didn't have a clue so I thought about it and I'm posting ideas. Although I totally love to be surprised. But anyway, yeah. Quick idea list and I'm off to my ASL final. .

black Maryland fear the turtle hooded sweatshirt in the bookstore in the union
black maryland hooded sweatshirt, same place
Breyer model horses, so many pretties
black Maryland jersey
Old style St Louis Blues jersey- the red yellow and blue one size 52ish
cold soldering iron
pretty much anything off my Torrid wish list
from pyramid collection:
cosmic amethyst pentacle pendant
amber sun source ring (8)
amber sun pendant
compass rose amber pendant
Ocean City. A lot.
The CSI picture book
a case for my Zen Vision M
a holder for my phone
a new cordless house phone, preferably something cool like the blue one at the Annapolis best buy

feeling: lonely

Okay, this post is for people who are asking me what I want for Christmas/Yule/my birthday/whatever. I really love being surprised, and I'm trying to still believe in holiday magic, and I will love anything that anyone comes up with. Anyway, ideas:

a black Maryland zip up hooded sweatshirt
the zip hooded sweatshirt that resembles a baseball jersey that's expensive
fear the turtle hooded sweatshirt
#33 football jersey
that black under armor long sleeve pullover thing
pretty much Maryland stuff in general, some of what I've seen looks sooo comfy :)
This Necklace
This one too because I broke it (ok the link is not cooperating, from that page go to the Charmed stuff and it's the Star of Direction necklace)
Sock Dreams Socks (pekeana, this is your fault :P)
CSI Miami season 3
CSI New York season 1
CSI season 5
CSI computer games
Mr and Mrs Smith DVD
a cool license plate frame and decals for my side windows
new tag and stitches for Pooh
a pilgramage to collect seashells
surfboard?
Le Baron Samedi
someone to come with me on a road trip to Country Thunder
cool plans for New Year's Eve
a new baseball cap
hot chocolate and something to boil water in that doesn't involve my scary stove
Breyer Wind Dancers, particularly Kona
to go horseback riding
any equipment I need to go outside and play next summer :)
my tattoo


Okay I need to stop thinking late at night. Surprise me :) It's very easy to make me happy.

feeling: lonely