Oh yea.... So Tumblr is helping me to disentangle myself from the Sherlock obsession. I've been in the world of Sherlock for little over a month now. I want to move on to something else. To do so, I'm currently reading Mockingjay the final book in the Hunger Game series. It took me awhile to get back on track since school for the summer session has just ended. My brain feels fried. My poor GoodReads account is off track. I'm behind by 2 books. I don't think it will be hard to get back on track though. It's like a challenge for myself I have no problems striving for. Especially if I have a good book. Tumblr reminded me that there is a great fuss over who will be cast as Finnick Odair, the celebrated sex symbol in the world of Panem. Lions Gate will have hell to pay if they don't pick the correct actor for the part. Sam Claflin is pegged for the role. He isn't my type but maybe others will feel good about the choice. The next thing I'm about to get into is xxxHolic. It's on Netflix and is only 24 episodes long. I can't do that. So...

1. Finish Mockingjay
2. Start So Pretty it Hurts since I have to return it to the library soon.
3. Finish Black Butler
4. Start xxxHolic
5. Become obsessed with J.J Abrams next installment of Star Trek. Its supposed to come out in 2013.
 

This summer appears to be a turning point for many. One of my best friends brother stopped by to talk to me about his sudden good fortune! First of all, he was driving a new car. I didn't ask him about it immediately. I was going to let him spill the beans. Perhaps he got promoted at his current job or got more hours although he can't stand his job. He keeps calling it "Fools Lion" instead of Food Lion. When I first saw him, he had this very vibrant and excited look about him. Why? He finally got that job he had been applying for after 4 years! He had graduated with a degree to work with the Department of Transportation. It took four years!!! That is too long to make a college graduate wait to start their life. He's older than me by a couple of years so I can't imagine how much of a downer it is to be a African American male with a bachelors degree in his late 20's living at home with his parents... but working in a grocery store. Not saying it's below him since a job is a job but to finally get to that point that he had dedicated 4 years of study to is so vindicating.

It was absolutely uncanny how he was notified. He was in the dealership filling out forms for this new car. He was ready to get rid of the one he drives now. It belongs to his ex-girlfriend but they came up with some kind of deal to where he can keep using the car. It was a broken down car anyway as it can't get very far anywhere and the girlfriend has a better car so it's not like she cared. As he is filling out apps, the new job called him telling him to show up for a drug test so he could start working for them in the next week. He was so overjoyed he started crying tears of joy and had to get off the phone. He couldn't believe it. It was like someone was saying "this is it" and he was meant to be in that dealership to sign off for a new car. He will be making much more ($50,000/year). 

He told his father about it but his dad, erring on the side of caution, told him to slow his horses and take it slow. How ridiculously hard is that? After four years! Who could sit still and not get ahead of themselves? His parents were constantly pushing him to do better so that's rather hypocritical. He has no children or a girlfriend so all of that is his to do as he pleases. He mentioned it would take a long time for him to get back into the dating scene. When he and his ex broke up there was alot of dirt she had been hiding that he found out. Thank goodness he didn't get caught up in that. Once he gets gives her back her car that chapter of his life will be closed.  

He asked his father to co-sign for him since his Food Lion position isn't earning him enough to grant him a loan. It's nice that they're letting him ride around in the car until then though. I think he said the guy knows his family and was the one to help his sister get her car just a couple of month ago. As he is telling me all these great things to come (hopefully), I kept thinking to myself "This could be me or my friends! There is a chance for us!". Perhaps there are little pockets of hiring. I did hear that the large hospital in the next city is hiring. For what is unknown and knowing them I'd be underqualified as I've tried many many times before. At least they send me a letter back turning me down and don't leave me in limbo. All in all though, it's so good to hear these stories of hope and inspiration. When you experience so much disappointments it's rather hard to realize there are cpmaines who are hiring. Just keep on keeping on one step at a time.

I didn't get to go swimming yesterday. It was thundering and lightening by the time I got home. They don't allow swimming. Maybe I will be able to go today. After mama gets home around 3 I plan to go to the pool. I really really really need to get into some water and flop about. I feel antsy. It's probably unspent energy I'm sitting on. And a little anxiety. I had a couple of dreams on 2 seperate nights that bother me. One I remember really well while the other is lurking in the shadows of my mind. Both of them made me very angry and insulted. It may have been me sleeping in too much heat. I've had to use the fan for 2 nights now to cool off as I sleep.

I need to get some reading done too. I've fallen behind my schedule! I was doing so well until I started knitting again. Now that mama's chair throw is coming along marvelously, I can't put it down. I keep wanting to read Mockingjay but I shouldn't read that unless I finish reading Social Transformation of Medicine in America, a book required for class. Social Transformation is alright but I'm not in the mood for it right now. Too bad because it's going to be on the exam and I'm only 20% throught the pages. In fact, it is a book I can find myself reading on my own but at a leisurely pace. Not the frantic pace I must get into in order to finish it on time.

This is why I don't touch knitting needles during school. I end up using it as an excuse to not do homework.

Plans for Friday

1) Go walking with my dog for a couple of miles. Nothing like getting my body going to wake up.  About 10ish if not earlier. I would love to go earlier but that's wishful thinking the way things are going now. The plan is to go early enough to where it won't be too hot for him. Last time he just stopped in the shade on our route and didn't want to move. I had to hose him down when we returned home.

2) volunteer at the hospital from 12-1ish. Possibly eat lunch. Sometimes the woman I volunteer with constantly encourages me to get the free lunch even though I haven't accomplished the 4 hour minimum. It doesn't seem like they enforce alot of the rules I'm supposed to follow. Regardless, though, I try to follow them. Like the whole wearing shorts fiasco. I just went home that day because I was so uncomfortable.

3) Go swimming at the pool afterwards. after 2pm. That's where free swim starts. I can't wait to try out my new swim cap and goggles. And I'm so proud of myself for finally learning a new swimming technique. Plus I need to attempt to learn to tread water. Going into the deep end. It's not so bad. I used to jump off the diving board but they took it away. I have no idea why.

4) Of course I'll have to wash my hair afterwards because swimming caps don't stop all the chlorinated water. This color in my hair is getting brighter. Too bright.

5) Do some work on this presentation due next week. Thank goodness it only need to be 8 minutes. And our topic is extensive. I'm more worried about keeping within the time limit. There is so much to say.

6) Knitting! Knitting my Dr. Watson scarf and working on mama's chair throw, which is coming along very nicely. This new pattern was so much easier than that other one I attempted. The Dr. Watson scarf, is boring to create because it's the same standard knitting techniques over and over. But it won't take long if I keep going.

7) Maybe I'll make a home made pizza as well.

I wonder how well I'll keep to that schedule. As long as I start the day off on a productive note it shouldn't be a problem at all to keep the ball rolling. I just wish I could see my Love like I used to every Friday back before he started working. I hardly see him anymore. He says the hours are crazy for now because it's summer. During the fall and winter they'll slack off.

 

So today I'm going to meet one of my old roommates from my undergrad years. After having no contact with her for 3 years, I figure we should catch up. Just to see how things are going in each other lives. I confess I don't have much to brag about as far as achievements after graduating but I'm making do with what I have. There's a quote I found that I can easily relate to.

"Even if the path is a little blurry, keep walking. You'll focus in when you know what you want. Then the picture of you life will be crystal clear. Just don't ever give up."

I would much rather be else where than where I am now in life but I lack the focus and motivation. I could easily blame the economy but that would be too easy. I'm not trying to live up to anyone expectations but my own. I'm not 100% happy but I'm managing. I have nothing to prove to anyone so I hope I'm not crazy for revisiting the past like this. I hope I don't end up feeling inadequate in other words. I don't know what I'm expecting but I'm not filled with trepedation as once was. It is what it is. This particular roommate never caused me to feel awkward or weird. We'll see how this reunion turns out.

Working in the public arena has many downsides and even more if you're a female. Some men, for whatever reason, take kindness for permission to hit on on woman. It's my job to be nice to them. It's just so unnecessary the things they say or ask me. I just wish people would leave me the hell alone. Several times in the past couple of weeks I've been asked why don't I smile more often or why do I look so serious. I want to fling back at them, "Is it any of your business?". I may have had a bad day or have something on my mind. It's none of their business. Can I have a straight face occasionally without someone commenting on it? Or some man trying to come in an be the one to change that?

People have told me that I have a welcoming and warm personality but they don't realize I'm constantly suspicious of people. I'm always thinking they're up to no good. There's an ulterior motive because, to be honest, I have one myself half the time. I don't smile with strangers because then they'll get the wrong idea completely and come at me. Some of these men... I can't stand them. I've been with Clo for a long time and he's the perfect gentleman. Doesn't overstep. Why can't these men I tell no or give a "not interested" sign just take the hint and leave me alone? In an idealistic world, if I say "no" to a guy, that means no. Not "If you keep asking then yes," or "I'll change my mind later". It means No. And these undercover flirts... I suppose if I wore a wedding band they'd back off. Some would still try though. Perhaps in this frame of mind it bothers me.

I was signing in today at the front desk when I heard his name.... The receptionist and another lady were talking about some kind of trip she was planning to take. Then I caught the part where she said he would be driving down from school on that particular day to catch a plane with them. I was so incredibly tempted to say his last name to see if it would catch her attention. If it did, then I'd know she was talking about Turtle. I managed to keep my mouth shut and went along to my department. The less I hear, the less curious I'd get. I might would've thrown caution to the wind and, out of character, asked her.  

After walking away, I told myself there had to be plenty of guys with his name who could be driving down from school somewhere to catch a plane with his family. Because how could I rationalize being at the right place at the right time to hear his name!?!?! The hell!!! And I'm in a hospital so of course there are going to be all kinds of names mentioned, even though his name is rare... The one monumental comfort I took was the fact that I knew that woman wasn't his mother or his sister. So all in all, it couldn't possibly be the same person I was thinking.

It couldn't be.

Anyways. I was so over it after 30 minutes. A testament to my hold on hard fought for sanity. Though it is precarious. God I need my sanity if nothing else. I can't go back to that time.

Maybe I'm mentally drained... But I didn't do much! All I did was a 9 page research paper on a very interesting topic: Mental Health services access for Older Adults (65+). Maybe it's the heat and the mental work. I hate the way the new Galileo is set up. Thank goodness someone told me of scholar.google.com. My partner asked me if that was how I did my research. I pretended it was. She unknowingly taught me something valuable and time-saving. Type in your topic of interest and find an article there. Then type it into Galileo and if it pops up voila! It's a peer reviewed article free for usage! NO more crawling and digging through all that complicated information!

The paper itself wasn't bad. Or so I hope. It was the presentation of it in class. I don't know. I guess I was having an off day and the heat just zapped all the enthusiasm I had throughout the morning. I wore the wrong type of clothing and shoes for class. Tell me why I wore dark colors and oversized clogs. Got to the campus only to find out I had to go across campus to the library itself to recharge my printing card. Ugh. Printed out my stuff but should have had a better plan and printed out a summary of my paper. Because by the time it was my turn to present (I planned to present it from memory) it was a lousy fail. It was suppose to be a 3 minute explanation. I think I only did 2... if that. I don't think anyone minded too much. There are 16 students in the class. Some of them can be so lengthy in explanations. In my case, I was so nervous and winded and tired and hot and ugh!!! I felt my mind just cloud over. I couldn't overcome it.

After my turn, I gave an honest go at listening to others papers. Some did the same type of topic as I did. And there were a couple of other interesting ones that I wish I'd thought of. Especially pre-existing conditions barring people from affordable health insurance. Why didn't I think of that? I decided I was going to go shopping after class since it would be a short day. I got to my car and saw that I finally got a parking violation ticket. And we only have 2 weeks of class left. It wasn't a parking violation ticket. It was a ticket for having an out of date parking decal. Fifteen dollars. About as much as getting a parking decal in the first place. I would have prefered to have not gotten a ticket. Especially after I saw it was written 3 minutes before 5pm... the damn cut off time for parking tickets.... So instead of shopping I opted for sushi and then hit the interstate to go home with Linkin Parks "Living Things" album blasting. Stopped by the store for banans to make a banana splits for later. I've been knitting and watching tv since I've gotten home. I wonder how well I'll sleep tonight.