(I thought this was very funny =) )

Original speech by Barry Marin (PanThea 2002)

Well, Yes. I became a polytheist because I have a scientific mind. I looked at the evidence: Teats on men. Nose hair. EAR hair! The Krebs cycle. This body has all the earmarks of something designed by a COMMITTEE!

And I know women were involved. Because, let's face it: If a MAN had invented MEN, my balls would not be where they are. They'd be in my chest, or my skull, somewhere SAFE.

My real problem is that they let the trickster Gods into it. Like farting. You KNOW farting was Pan's idea. It's just exactly his style.

I can just picture the animal design committee in my mind. There's Hermes in the corner, making insect after insect after insect. They're small, they fly, they're annoying. Perfect!

So Artemis wanted something to hunt them: invented the Wren. Aphrodite didn't think that was pretty enough: invented the Bluebird. Ares thought that was too tame: made the Hawk. Zeus thought that was too small: invented the Falcon. Poseidon had to top that: created the Eagle. Athena put her twist on the idea: invented the Owl. Hera wanted something more practical: invented the Chicken. That was too ugly for Aphrodite: made the Peacock. Zeus wanted bigger chickens: created the Turkey. And Bacchus chimed in: "Ok, ok! It's a chicken. A BIG chicken! A REALLY big chicken! And it's got a looonnngg neck!" "Looks too big to fly, Bacchus." "It don't fly, it runs really fast!"

"That's nice, Bacchus."

So then, we know Poseidon created the Horse. Aphrodite didn't think that was pretty enough: made the Gazelle. Hera wanted something more practical again: created the Cow. Zeus made it bigger: invented the Ox. Poseidon had to top THAT: invented the Elephant. Cows weren't fierce enough for Ares: made the Leopard. Which Zeus wanted bigger: created the Lion. which now Artemis had to top: invented the tiger. And Bacchus: "Right! So it's a horse, a BIG horse! And it's got a looonnngg neck; And ORANGE POLKA DOTS!"

"That's nice, Bacchus."

And it went on.

Athena made Fish for Poseidon. Zeus made them bigger: created Whales. Poseidon returned the favor: invented Rabbits for Athena's Owls. Aphrodite wanted them softer: made Chinchillas. And, of course, Bacchus: "Ok, So; it's a looonnngg neck!" "How many feet does it have, Bacchus?" "It's got no feet! It's just a loooonnng neck. Slithering on the ground!"

"That's nice, Bacchus."

And so it went.

If you listen carefully and observe the world around you, you begin to hear the music of creation. And it's not the monotone, monotonous march of a monotheistic Deity. What single God would bother to invent 9000 different kinds of Frog? No, that music is Jazz! One idea bouncing off another, and taking off in a new direction. Riffs; and variations on themes, and variations of the variations. Obviously a group effort! Until finally, Bacchus, from deep in his cups: "Platypus!"

THAT'S NICE BACCHUS."

So, yes I have returned from the tropics, I had a great honeymoon, the wedding was prefect and I'm doing great. But, I just haven't really been motivated to write up a big post about it.

For all you LIers, I will be down for the day on Sunday for a late mother's day, and for my birthday. =)

I randomly found this website just a few minutes ago and thought I would share it. It's a live webcam feed from the penguin tank at a Tokyo aquarium. OMFG penguins

http://www.opentopia.com/showcam.php?id=1909&time=1145994935

I would like it to be known that Yankee Candle now has scratch and sniff catalogs. Holy freaking awesome batman.

Now, my catalog and I have some business to attend to.....XD

I finally rented and watched "Corpse Bride" yesterday at about 1 in the morning. I would just like to say it was the single most disappointing movie I remember seeing. Johnny Depp may be hot, and he may be a great actor, but apparently it doesn't mean he can write. It was just awful. Probably the worst Tim Burton movie. If you haven't seen it yet, save the hour and a half of your life and watch something else.

So, out of sheer boredom, I went to find an answer to my question about Target, and what the difference is. Would you believe I actually found an answer? 0.o
Apparerently the "Greatland" stores have larger aisles. That's it. Normal Target stores have 36' long aisles, and Greatlands have about 48'. And apparently now they're building SuperTarget, with a real grocery section. 0.o One stop shopping....Though, I doubt I would trust meat cuts from Target.....

OMG so BORED!!! Need to play Warcraft, but it's broken ;_;

They finally opened up a Target near my new place, which is very exciting since now I don't have to drive a half hour to get to one, and I don't ever have to go into a Walmart or K-Mart again. Yay! Though, while I was shopping, I started wondering just what the heck the difference is between a regular Target and a Target "Greatland". These are the thoughts that keep me out of the really good schools.
I also succumbed to the pressure and got a Target credit card. Bad Kristin. But I like shopping there so much it didn't make much sense not to have one. I'm worried though because I seem to be collecting credit cards - I have a bank visa, a Vicky's card, a David's Bridal card, and now the Target card in addition to my two debit cards.
I rented the greatest movie last week - some genuises turned the 1930's propaganda film called "Reefer Madness" into a musical. It's amazing. It's a shame I didn't get to see it for the year it was off-Broadway in the city. They closed right after 9/11 which is disappointing. But, I'm gonna buy a copy of the movie so it all works out. Alan Cumming, my favorite gay Scottsman is in it too, along with Neve Campbell and her brother, the guy who plays the Crypt Keeper, and one of the girls from the new SNL....Ana something-or-other. Now, if only we could get every politician in Washington to watch some of these movies so they can see how absolutely absurd this "war on marijuana" is. But, that would be dangerous because they would take it seriously no doubt. Funny ass movie though. Even if you don't smoke, or don't give a crap about drugs, it IS pretty funny to see the type of stuff they told people about it in the 30's.

The wedding is coming up really soon and I'm starting to get nervous. Really nervous. In the next few weeks I think I'm going to start loosing sleep. We;ve only just started thinking about ceremony stuff and we can't seem to decide what we want. I find myself worrying if I forgot to do or buy something, and I'm obsessing over little details and everything that can possibly go wrong. How am I going to give out the favors? What place-cards should I buy? What if the limo shows up late? I could go on and on....and of course all you ladies teasing me about not knowing anything about the shower.....please for the love of all that is holy stop. Ok, I get it. It's a surprise. I'm now allowed to help. Please stop rubbing the fact that there is something having to do with the wedding going on that I have 0% control over. I'm neurotic enough about the wedding already. Though, I really wish you guys would just pony up and tell me when it's going to be. I need to meet with people and finalize things, and I would be a lot more comfortable making plans to do that if I knew I wasn't making them the day of the shower. What are you going to do if you tell me "Oh, come here on this day", and I have to be somewhere else?

I picked up on this knitting craze a short while ago, and I'm about 1/3 of the way through my first project. It's pretty boring (just a garter scraf =p), and I've also gotten started on a ribbed scarf, but I've only gotten a few rows done. I'm really liking it - I feel accomplished after I sit down and bust out a handful of rows, even if I should be vacuuming or doing lunadry lol. At first I had a hard time working with the Homespun, but eventually I got it. About 75 rows and not a single dropped stitch. I'm quite proud. The only bad thing about knitting is it's interfering with my diet - I'd rather be knitting than working out. lol
The cats are enjoying my new hobby as well. Eris likes it so much she decided to model my scarf-in-progress:

( kitty+yarn=cutenessCollapse )

I caught her sleeping in my yarn bag one morning. It was so adorable. They both like to sleep on the new afgan that was knit by my great-grandmother that happened to get passed down to me when my grandmother moved into her new place. It's very beautiful, and I consider it my firt (and only really) family hierloom.
I think after I finish the two scarves I'm going to use some leftover yarn and make Knitty's Dim Sum before I get on to a bag. Kitties need some catnip wontons.

The first PureRomance party last saturday was excellent - I wasn't as nervous during my demo as I thought I would be, however I did loose track of my cue cards and demoed some stuff out of order and got a bit confused. I'm really hoping that it will be this "easy" when I'm with people I don't know so well. ^^; I'm having mountains of fun doing this, and as funny as it sounds, I am quite proud to be doing this, especially with this company. I mean, come on....they sponsored sex week at Yale! lol I wonder if I could get them to come to New Paltz.

At the party someone discovered that the little penis erasers I gave out make great caps for knitting needles. And, indeed they do:

( Look ma, penises on sticks!Collapse )

I've also been thrown back into wedding planning mode. I have to make all these little decisions, and figure out how to pay for it all. =/ I'm also trying in vain to get in touch with the hairdresser......I keep calling, and she's busy, and they say she'll call me back. And then there's the issue with the limo company - they have the wrong hotel. But I'm putting off calling them until I'm sure what I want to do about the after-party. The big party limo that would fit most of us is $120 an hour, and that's gonna be a lot of money to have them drive us to the city and back, on a saturday night. So, I'm not quite sure what I want to do. I did make my final guest list today, and it comes out to 120 people. Not too bad.

Ohh....and some little douchebags hacked my website at some point this week. One of the guys on WoW pointed it out to me yesterday. It was really easy to fix since all the little fuckers did was rename my index file and replace it with some spanish text. Took me about two minutes to fix. But still....I want to know first of all how they found it (there's nothing ON it for it to come up in search engines unless you're specifically looking for it), and why the bloody hell would they hack an empty website? But that was about the biggest exitement of my week. And that's just how I like it ^_^

302 Calories

How great is that??

My washing machine is making the most God-awful noises right now, and I don't know why. It goes to change "modes", and it sounds like it's going to shake it's way out of the closet and down the stairs. It also sounds like my towels are drowning and screaming for help. More like gurgling for help but you get the idea.

I fail at life. :p

A lot of people think that I'm the kind of girl who's totally got her shit together. Man do I have you guys fooled. ^^; It's a reeeaaaaaaallllllllyyyyyyy good thing I skipped school is semester, or I'd have been committed by now. I really just can't keep up with anything, and Chad's mother has gone to great lengths apparently to make him totally useless around the house, so everything becomes my job (hell, the only thing he does is sign the damn checks for bills). Which would be ok if I didn't get overwhelmed so easily - there's so much to do I just can't sort it out in my head and well....nothing ever gets done. And then he's got the nerve to complain when the laundry isn't done.

Anyway, all the big things for the wedding are finally done, including the honeymoon. I had a major freakout yesterday because I realized that nearly every wedding debt we have right now has to be paid off in march, and the total doubles the monthly paycheck. However I've been assured it's not a problem. *shrug* His money.

On another note, my parents and Mike are officially moving to Michigan. My grandparents already found an apartment and are packing up thier stuff. It will be sad to see them go, all of them. I'll miss that house a lot, and I'll miss being able to go to holidays with my extended family - that was always really special to me, even with the problems between my mom and grandmother and all that shit. No more weekend trips to the Island either.
The upside is that now when I visit them I can fly out and stay a little more than just a weekend. Though....I can't be gone too long, Chad can only subsist off Chineese food and pizza for so long ^^;
Truthfully I'm not sure how I feel about this really. On the one hand it's sad that they are going, but...well, I hate to say it but the upside is I wont have to see them as often. They make me uncomfortable when I'm there - I get the impression that my mother thinks there's something wrong with me and she doesn't want to be around me. And I haven't even told her about my job. So, at least it'll take off some of that pressure.

And, the TV finally went up! It looks awesome, and you can actually walk around the room now. Can't wait to get a new couch, curtains and paint that room. ^^