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A Rearranger

of the proverbial bookshelf

Moar Ramblings: Writing and a Song
sonophax
I think my big hangup, creatively speaking, has been my total failure to complete a single project that wasn't school related over the past six or so years. I'm thinking maybe I have some mental blocks going on, preventing me from pursuing the bigger projects (like my comic and stories) that I'd love to fulfill. So maybe I need to break these blocks with baby steps - find a mini-project that I can get excited about and barrel through until it's completed and I've smashed these flaky tendencies into bits.

Secondly, my musical addiction of choice lately has been Marina & the Diamonds. She has songs that catch my ear far more than the one I'm about to share, but this is the one ear-bugging me tonight.



Spent years singing to forget,
Spent years singing, "No regrets."
Then suddenly, it all becomes clear,
I've been sorry all these years.

I was just a kid that you could not forgive because it's harder.
I was just a kid and all I really wanted was my father.
Guilty on the run and I know what I have done.
Guilty on the run and I'm never forgiven.

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Project Save Annabelle (otherwise known as Pixie needs help)
sonophax

Originally posted by pixiebelle at Project Save Annabelle (otherwise known as I need help)
The Story

On Sunday May 20th, I woke up and realized that my Great Dane, Annabelle, hadn't come in for her morning kisses like usual. As soon as my boyfriend and I start talking, we're usually joined by my giant dog with tail wagging and kisses to the face as she climbs in bed with us to snuggle for a few hours.

I went to check on her and she was on the floor, which is odd since she's a comfort creature who usually prefers the couch. I went up to her and barely got a response. I called Kevin in and normally she can't contain herself with excitement when he enters the room.

Nothing. Her eyes could barely even stay open and she looked uninterested in everything.

We got her to stand up and realized she was not putting her right foot down at all. We tried walking her; she couldn't walk. So we ran her to the emergency vet (since it was a Sunday). My boyfriend had to carry her because she couldn't walk.

The day before she was her normal goofy self. Playing ball at the dog park, and even rough housing with a new Great Dane puppy. She came home and was fine that night. It all happened between when we went to bed and when we woke up.

At the emergency vet, her fever was 104.7. She was a very sick dog. They kept her all day on Sunday until her fever went down. He said her paw looked to be injured but that it likely caused an infection (she had elevated red blood cells). He sent her home with an antibiotic and an anti-inflammatory medicine for the injured paw. Original bill was $900 which I didn't have. I burst into tears because she is my baby and the wonderful vet lowered it to $600.

Sunday night my boyfriend and I slept in the living room because she couldn't move and I didn't want her being too far from me. He slept on the floor and neither of us got much sleep.

I took Monday off and luckily I did because her paw did not stop gushing blood. I had never seen so much blood just gushing without stopping. Obviously, I couldn't let it continue so I took her to my regular vet. She thought it was foxtail that had weaved it's way into the paw, we scheduled Annabelle for surgery the next day and all should have been well.

This was how swollen her paw was before the bleeding even started. It has only gotten worse from here.



However, things turned ugly the next day. When they opened the bandage up, they found that the whole on her paw had grown to twice the original size and her flesh was rotting around it. The vet called and said she felt it was either a brown recluse bite or flesh-eating bacteria (such as MRSA).

I took her in for a second opinion with the emergency vet who saw her on Sunday and he said her tissue was liquefying. It was one of the worst cases he'd seen in a very long time. He was leaning more toward flesh-eating bacteria, but said a brown recluse bite could still be possible. He did say that with aggressive veterinary treatment, she would survive. She might lose part of her foot, but that she would be fine if we did everything the vet is asking of us.

Sadly, we still don't know what we are dealing with.

We just know that her skin and tissue is rotting at an alarming rate. She went from playing catch with us on Saturday to us looking at her dying within the week if we couldn't get this under control.

Today is Wednesday and from the massive amounts of a variety of antibiotics, she's doing better. The wound hadn't grown any larger for the first time since this whole ordeal. It's not reversed yet, no healing is present, but the fact that it stopped spreading the way it had is a good sign.

Her clotting tests came back normal showing that her body is healing the wound.

Everything is pointing to good signs if we keep up treatment.

The issue is cost. I have spent $2,000 since Sunday. That's over half my monthly salary. I pulled money from my IRA to pay for services and I am running low over there.

Today alone was $870. Tomorrow? Another $300. And until she shows healing, it could be $300 a day to hospitalize her. Then it will be regular vet visits with special bandage changes ($55 a day - I am hoping to negotiate or learn how to do this myself at home). Once she starts healing, she will need surgery to remove to dead tissue and to either stitch/graft or amputate as needed depending on the damage that is done. This could add up to a couple thousand more depending on the course of treatment.

She requires all of this to survive. Right now, it's looking more and more like a flesh-eating bacteria. A super bacteria of sorts that got into her injured paw and is killing the tissue. It's crazy how she can go from being fine on Saturday to having her foot rotting away on Tuesday. It's mind-blowing and terrifying.

How she is today (Wednesday)

For a dog with flesh-eating bacteria on her foot, she's almost back to normal personality wise. The antibiotics seem to be working on the internal infection, it's just the wound that needs to heal up. While at the vet this morning, she climbed up in the chair next to me like normal. When I came to pick her up this afternoon, she pulled the vet tech down the hall to get to me. She's now putting a little weight on the paw which means the pain is subsiding. She's happy to greet my roommate once again, and she even begged for food last night (which I spoiled her with two hot dogs because she's been through a lot).

She's on the mend, the treatments may be working. Though without knowing what the bacteria is immune to, it's going to mean a lot of trial and error to get this under control for good.

My Situation

I won't go into my sob story great length since this is about Annabelle. But I left a really bad relationship about 2 years ago, moved out to California for a job opportunity to be in my field... and Dang, it's expensive out here. Rent takes up half my monthly salary and I wish I was exaggerating. It's tough. I have barely been able to save up anything and I live very frugally to make ends meet. My pets always come before me, their needs get met before mine and I make sure they eat better than I do. They are my world.

I had to get Annabelle spayed last August, and because she is a Dane, I also had her stomach tacked to help prevent bloat (You can Google it. It's a Great Dane issue). I used Care Credit to fund that. She had sickness associated with the surgery which required a lot of vet visits, and Care Credit came into play again. Then my cat got sick a few times... and my Care Credit is maxed out. They can possibly raise my limit, but I will know in 7-10 days.

I don't have 7-10 days. I am running out of money and the vets I have found don't take payment plans because they push you to Care Credit. They require money up front, which I don't have anymore of. I've dug into my IRA and will deal with penalties later. The $1000 I pulled out yesterday is already gone to the vet, I am broke once more.

My family is poor, I can't get it from them. My savings are burnt up from this. I really don't know where else to go. I am so ashamed to be asking for help, and hope no one thinks poorly of me for it.

Help Needed

I hate asking for any help, but this girl is my baby. Anyone who knows me knows that this dog is my world. I talk about her nonstop, I take her everywhere I go. I make sure she has the best possible life I can give her, and I go without in order to give it to her.

I have had a rough few years and she's been able to bring me so much joy. I seriously can't imagine life without my giant beast of a dog. She's a cuddle buddy who loves nothing more than being loved on by a human. She doesn't have a mean bone in her body and adores everyone she meets.



(This is a photo from a month or so ago. She's snuggling in bed with Kevin on a Sunday like we do every Sunday until this last one shook us all up.)

If you know of any charities that would donate to the vet on behalf of Annabelle to get her the services we need, please let me know. I am researching it a bit, and doing my best to find help that I can get right away. This all happened so fast and needs to be treated fast. If you know of a vet in the Orange County, CA area that would take payments or help me out, that would work great too. I just need it quick.

Knowing I can save her if I just had the money... I have to at least try. I have to at least ask.

Don't feel any obligation whatsoever, especially if you have helped me in the past with anything whatsoever. I don't want to be greedy or pushy. Several people have asked to help me with the vet bills and I am passing this along because I can't deny that I need help. If you can't help financially, but want to help out somehow, then feel free to pass this along. Pass it along anywhere you can think of, I don't mind.

Anything. Any little bit will help here. Even your thoughts and prayers mean the world to me since I believe in the power of positive energy. So keep those coming as well. Or just pass it on even. Maybe someone out there can help me in a way I never would have thought of on my own. You just never know.

Thanks everyone. I will try to make sure everyone gets at least a personalized "thank you" card if I get your address (so please consider leaving that. I may include a photo of Annabelle once she's healthy once more). I am more than willing to repay the favor in any way I possibly can. Never hesitate to ask.

For more about Annabelle, here's a video and a public post I wrote up about her. You can see that she really is a terrific dog and I love her so much.

http://pixie117.livejournal.com/616200.html






(PS: The donate button doesn't seem to work unless you go to the button on the original post.  You can also simply log in to PayPal and send money to kristenrericha@gmail.com.  Thanks, dears.)


Bittersweet Chocolates
sonophax
It's been a blast, my dear fellow LJ Idolers. I would have liked to stick around to the very end, see when I was voted off, but alas - not this season. :) Reading through everyone's work these past several months has been the equivalent of running through a literary chocolate shop with free samples *everywhere.* All of you bring something special and awesome to the table and I'm a little sad I didn't get to know most of you better, though I did make a couple wonderful friends over time!

Unfortunately, this is final exam time for me and I just didn't have the mental energy to get something done this week, much as I would have loved to try.

So, without spending too much time on wistful salutes in farewell, I will instead invite anyone who likes to be my LJfriend! If there are any 'getting to know you' questions you might want to ask me to see if we could be good buddies, feel free to PM them or leave them in the comments below. I would love to know more of you all! And, of course, special thanks to Gary for being a wicked-cool administrator and for putting together the epic competition in the first place!

Much love and best of luck. <3
- Angel
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LJ Idol, Topic 22: "The Straw That Stirs the Drink"
sonophax
In the beginning, before mortals and the madness that sprang from their dreams, desolate in the depthless eternity of oceans vast and viridian, there lay the bulk of a god yet unformed. Around Its dark mass churned currents teeming with antediluvian precursors to life, which were caught by Its pebbly beginnings of a body, as moss on the moisture of stone.
Volcanic ash swelled with the tide...Collapse )

Moar Dreams!
sonophax
This time, I am on a beach with dozens of people my own age. I catch a glimpse of my reflection: plain brown hair, but nicely sculpted features. Delicate. Close to Keira Knightly, a bit. I think we're all students because once we're done wandering up and down the boardwalk, we go into a cramped trailer and have to take a math exam. I almost miss the teacher handing them out; but apparently so did nearly fourty seven others! Math isn't my strong subject, so I'm slow and wind up being the last one working on it. Drunk people keep turning the lights out on me and I have to yell at them to switch them back on so I can finish. It takes several shouting matches, with them often mocking me, before I'm able to finish and go outside. There's a bonfire now and it's dark, dusk left not long ago.

I notice my dream-friend...Collapse )
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LJ Idol, Topic 21: "Bridge"
sonophax
"Hello." Angela stood in front of the camera, her stance balanced evenly and lips cutting a stern swath through her otherwise well-sculptured face. "You're probably wondering what's going on. In theory, that's normal. But, in theory, this is impossible, so it's really all conjecture."
But we are both products of our destinies...Collapse )

LJ Idol, Topic 20: "Open Topic"
sonophax
One of my favourite goals to pursue is the idea of living my life with no regrets. I am quite enamored of the notion that I could own every decision I make, as well as the consequences, and still say that I would not change it. It's a lofty, almost laughably difficult aspiration, to be sure, and a razor-thin line to walk, but I've followed it closely enough to present it as almost entirely true. Almost.

There is one thing.Collapse )
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LJ Idol, Topic 19: "Et tu, Brute?"
sonophax
Some have said that Death was a river, a tunnel, or a bridge. They said that Death was a path to whatever came after life, be it pleasure, pain, or oblivion. It was a transition. Jamie didn't know who was right, yet. One thing everyone had neglected to spin in their tales was how lonely she would feel, having left everyone else behind. For Jamie, Death was a hallway, not unlike the ones in high school, with soft lighting and innocuous linoleum flooring. Maybe there was more to it, but she didn't want to find out. Not yet.

Not yet, Jamie whispered to herself, facing the only door she could see.Collapse )
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Rec list!
sonophax
Super special awesome recommendation list! Ordinarily I'd do a little bit on what I loved about them, but these are so fantastic I think they'll stand on their own. Obviously I loved many, many more than these, but they shone particularly brightly in this group of entries, for me. :)

cemetaria - http://cemetaria.livejournal.com/6126.html

dblicher - http://dblicher.livejournal.com/4624.html

medleymisty - http://medleymisty.livejournal.com/169600.html

rattsu - http://rattsu.livejournal.com/180469.html

sketchybrunette - http://sketchybrunette.livejournal.com/782756.html

the_day_setup - http://the-day-setup.livejournal.com/5478.html

Whirlgig - http://whirlgig.livejournal.com/5176.html
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LJ Idol, Topic 18: "Iamthesea"
sonophax
The blazing summer sky skittered across the slate blue waves of the ocean as they crashed against the sandy Delaware beach. Up and down the stretch of land were multicolored beach towels, suits, and umbrellas. So many people, so relaxed and warm, and so unaware that they were in for a display of true greatness. With the patience of a saint, four-year-old me waited to be covered head-to-toe in sunblock. This was acceptable, I reasoned, because superheroes were never seen with flaky lobster skin. I had my image to think of, after all.

When this trial was complete, I planted my feet in the burning earth and turned to face my foe. Oh, it was big alright. Bigger than anyone had dared to face before me. Perfect. With a powerful cry that would have shaken even the most stalwart of enemies, I ran at the ocean waves, shrieking at the top of my lungs. They receded before my very approach! The cowards!

"Ha-HA!" I squealed fearsomely, smashing a water droplet from the sky with a tightly clenched fist. "You can't fight me!" Mustering its nerve, a wave swept back towards my position in the surf, coming in for the low blow like the yellow cur it was. Without hesitation, I raised my leg high and brought it crashing down on the water in a beautifully executed karate kick. "Hiiiii-YA!" Just like on TV - what a true hero I was!

But the sand specks slipped from beneath the foot I still had planted on the ground! My position was weakening! Water up to the knee and balance threatening to give way! What trickery was this?

With all the grace of an ordinary four year old, I tumbled backwards and was immediately swept away with the water, turning over and over in the gritty tide with no sense of direction. There was water up my nose and all around and no air, knees and elbows scraping roughly against shells and sand. For all my thrashing, I couldn't break the surface of the deep. Was this how a hero came to an end? Drowning like an ordinary person?

The answer to this vanished as my mother and grandmother fished me out of the water and pulled me back to shore, where I sputtered, coughed, and spat out huge mouthfuls of bitter ocean water. I gazed up into their worried faces, wrinkling my nose as it drip-dropped with evidence of my defeat. Finally able to catch my breath, I asked them the question that had been burned into my brain from this near death experience.

"Who put salt in the water?"

This has been a non-fiction entry for the eighteenth topic of LJ Idol's eighth season, which is choosing another contestant and writing an entry inspired by them. While there are many who inspire me, Iamthesea kept popping into my head alongside this memory. Thanks for being both an awesome writer and having such a great username! ;)
Concrit encouraged, appreciated, and welcomed!
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