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my true name is a growl

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(no subject)	[May. 18th, 2018\|12:17 pm] my true name is a growl
my dreams of yoshimi are always the same. suddenly she is there, under the bedcovers, or curled up with loki in the basket. and thats where she's been the whole time. she never went anywhere.
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1 year	[May. 18th, 2018\|12:07 pm] my true name is a growl
one year in london. a strange year. things are good now but i thought they wouldn't be. some kind of breakdown when we first got here. ocd, depression, anxiety, a feeling of constant doom, fear of doors and windows, fear of noises, inability to leave the house. can't even remember now exactly why any of it was important. we lost yoshimi at christmas. and all of the rest of it meant nothing. checking the doors and the cooker didn't stop that from happening. and i can’t write anything about that right now. still too hard, too sad. but good things happened too. we made a movie. or, ross made the movie. i helped. and now, the movie is being edited. it's spring again, things look nicer this time around. i like the river. i think i became a pseudo-city person after all but that's okay. but i feel bad that i only miss the forest when i remember to miss the forest. we sold our car. and then decided to keep the shonky old porsche from the movie. it fell apart immediately. it's being fixed. i'm working on book illustrations. loki is ♡ i don't always wear shoes when i go outside.
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(no subject)	[Apr. 6th, 2018\|01:15 pm] my true name is a growl
this ghost town doesn't even have any ghosts
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things to get used to	[May. 30th, 2017\|05:04 pm] my true name is a growl
the sound of cars and people instead of the sea. and having to wear shoes to go outside.
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submerged in a pool of noxious swamp water. and the fire alarm is going off	[Feb. 14th, 2017\|10:52 am] my true name is a growl
i've been researching the sound of this tinnitus. or more specifically, the colour of sound. and how to mask this incessant fire-alarm-ringing. it seems that blue noise does the trick. and then down the youtube rabbit hole we go, and i find that actually, the sounds of the planets do the trick. or certain planets. saturn. uranus. pluto. miranda (who is actually a moon). planet songs. and my head feels better. for a while. thanks, past me, for once watching those videos and having them in my feed of watch-again. pluto, my ♡
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moving again, again	[Jan. 24th, 2017\|03:48 pm] my true name is a growl
last time i ventured into town, i nearly bought the book called "your cabin in the woods". today i tried it again, went especially to buy it. i had book vouchers. but still came away without a book called "your cabin in the woods." we are moving to the city. i am entirely sure that i need this book to remain reasonably sane. i also worry i might turn into a city person. or a complete hermit. anyway, the point is that i have lost the ability to buy things. i am out of the habit of buying things. ah, well. i guess there is no chance i'll become a city person.
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death valley//an arrival	[Apr. 5th, 2016\|09:55 pm] my true name is a growl
flew into l.v, stayed the night and then woke early and headed west. through mountains (funeral mountain range! everything in this valley has great names.. coffin peak, owls mountain, badwater..) and into the desert proper, stopping the car almost every ten minutes to get out and run around yelling because it is so stunning. it's hot as hell. we walked a short walk on the badwater salt plains and it felt like miles it was so hot and glaring and i thought i'd pass out, but it was too beautiful to let that happen. And then a drive through a pass called artist's drive (because of all the different colours of the mountains; peach, mauve, green, brown, grey, blue..) and then we looped round and did that drive again and gathered some rocks and photos. i wish I could identify the wild flowers and plants we've seen. i know the desert sunflowers. and the little 5 spot ones i've forgotten the name of. i saw one cactus as we drive past.. I need to find more. i want to know what these beautiful pale green bushes are that practically glow against all the dust and rocks.
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(no subject)	[Feb. 6th, 2016\|08:11 pm] my true name is a growl
listening to the wind. and yoshimi purring in my right ear. and the sound of my stomach complaining. been working all day on tea fields. and all week. and the week before that. when i'm falling asleep at night, i see tea fields, and when i wake up in the morning i'm thinking of tea fields. endlessly rolling. i can draw them in my sleep. my brain is so tired. florida next week.. i hope there will be baby alligators.
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(no subject)	[Jan. 9th, 2016\|11:33 am] my true name is a growl
death valley - yosemite - mount shasta april 2016 a pilgrimage of sorts.
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(no subject)	[Jan. 5th, 2016\|04:04 pm] my true name is a growl
a long time ago i painted this mountain but didn't know what mountain it was. it was based on an old drawing from the wilkes' exploring expeditions of the united states in 1800-something-or-other. we want to go on an exploring adventure, and ross said he was compelled to visit mount shasta, and he told me all about mount shasta, and it sounded perfect. we got a book on the mythology and lore of mount shasta, and a few pages in, there's the original drawing from the wilkes' expedition. the mountain has been calling for a long while. had to wait till we both heard it. going to start this year off right. 2015 went slowly down a rabbit hole. no resolutions, but for the memory of the brownie motto: i will do my best. i have a very big project to work on, and a lot of books to read. nothing to say. and yet i only write here when my head's in a tangle.
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