looking up more possible apartments for when we move. We found some really nice ones, including one that’s both fairly cheap and really pretty both inside and out, although it’s further from downtown than we’d considered before.
Sparkly also contacted an old high school friend of eirs (and acquaintance of mine, we were in a music group together for a while) to ask for advice about good neighborhoods, and ended up having a really nice conversation with her.
I ended that last post without really explaining the thesis, didn’t I.
My point was that these things:
1. The authority-figures-dealing-with-kids dynamic of “Why did you do that? Why did you do that potentially dangerous thing? Why did you break the rules? Why didn’t you do your homework?”
2. My various difficulties putting my thoughts into words
3. The times when I more-or-less managed to explain myself and knew that my explanation did not explain anything, it only made me sound stupid and/or crazy
contributed to me feeling really inadequate and ashamed of myself, even though those questions were well-intended.
Related rambling below the cut. (Sparkly, maybe don’t read this.)
IT’S WARM AGAIN, I wore a skirt again, I felt ridiculously excited about the WARM again but it settled down to a reasonable level pretty quickly.
Sparkly and I cleaned the house! Ey vacuumed and I collected up recyclables and took out trash. I really appreciate em helping me with things like this. I’ve been doing pretty well on my self-care to-do list, and Sparkly mentioned to me that ey has perfect attendance in one of eir classes, apart from one day that ey missed because of an important event.
I need to keep making the quesadilla recipe I like, but I need to stop eating them for every meal until they’re gone rather than cooking something else. The whole point is that I can freeze them and have them later.
I don’t really understand why some autistic people dislike the idea of “white lies” so much. They don’t seem bad or even counterintuitive to me; I feel like they serve a pretty straightforward purpose? Maybe I have too much in common with the robot in this story.
My very concrete and sometimes pedantic approach to evidence and proof coexists with a very abstract, very feelings-and-perceptions-focused approach to “things you should say to people”.
The higher-ups of [fan organization] are starting a new thing that I am Suspicious of, but… they haven’t publicized or promoted it at all that I’ve seen? And I’m not sure if that’s good or bad?
Edit: googling it literally gives only seven results, all of them are brief mentions in the blurb/description of an organization event. So they really haven’t promoted it at all, apparently, and no one else is talking about it, either. It was mentioned verbally at the last event, it’s in the description for the next event (but not actually on the event website, even) and that’s it.
Ok I officially allow myself to be pleased now, it’s probably going to flop and Not be co-opted/a runaway success at something I won’t like.
because when they’re fun it means something didn’t go according to plan.
Highlights from today:
I think, when I was little younger– the titular incident was age 12/13– I wasn’t really aware that I didn’t have to listen to everyone who wanted to talk to me, or take what they said seriously. Or I just thought that it was good to listen politely, and wasn’t aware that it might not always be good for me?
This meant I spent a lot of time listening politely to whichever of my peers had the most to say and the fewest other people to say it to. This relates to this post— some of them were people who wanted to talk to me about their (fictional/theoretical) relationships and life plans and so on. They were often also people who enjoyed angst and drama and wanted to vent about it, or pull more people into it, or create it out of nothing.
I remember being aware that many of the things I listened to were either completely untrue or probably exaggerated, but I didn’t know what to do about that. I felt like I had to at least give them some benefit of the doubt unless I could definitively prove they were lying (which of course I never could). So I didn’t confront them– I didn’t say “that’s not true,” “stop asking me about that,” etc.– and I didn’t avoid them either. But I wasn’t (usually) genuinely believing or interested in what they were saying. I just strung along awkwardly, sometimes trying to gently disagree with them, sometimes just listening.
There was an element of doublething involved, in being aware certain things probably weren’t true but proceeding as if they were.
Including getting information together for taxes, and voting, and driving Sparkly to the gym where ey did a double tuck for the first time! Ey is getting pretty good at back layouts too, even though ey took a break from the gym for a while. I’m really glad it’s going well and ey hasn’t been horribly sore like ey was when ey first started going.
The couple at the table behind ours were talking politics. Republican politics. The guy said that Trump “has the right priorities” re: “keeping those people out of our country” among other things.
The kicker is that he said this in a fairly authentic Mexican restaurant where many of the employees speak Spanish. So he doesn’t want “those people” in this country, but he does want to eat their food?
A few days ago it was amazingly unseasonally warm, and apparently my reaction to nice weather is now “Yay, I can wear a skirt!”
I didn’t get to do that during the one day of unseasonal warmness, so tonight I dressed up fancy and went out to dinner by myself even though it was only around freezing. Sparkly and Numbers Guy went out to a fancier dinner together tonight– it was their belated Valentines dinner that got postponed because Numbers Guy was sick.
I’m really enjoying this whole skirt + thigh high socks thing. (These are the socks I have btw.)
Mid-February to the end of March is historically a kind of sucky time for me, and I have been feeling a bit more anxiety than usual, but I still love spring weather and I’m doing ok.
Some Open Space 