Category: Clearing out drafts

Memory

I guess I have a “good” memory, a better-than-average memory, but when it comes to anything besides academic stuff that I deliberately memorized, the main reason I remember stuff well is echolalia.

I don’t have to try to memorize song lyrics, because if I give any song a chance, it will “get stuck in my head” and repeat endlessly in the background, and through repetition I’ll have memorized it without meaning to.

And I sometimes do something similar with quotes from books or TV– I’ve realized that I don’t do this as much anymore, because I don’t give myself as much time to repeat things. When I was younger, I’d read a line in a book that I really liked and get up and pace around for a little bit, just thinking about it. Or I’d close my book and sit there in silence thinking about it. During advertisements on TV, I’d pace around in the same way.

There was a period of time (when I was in middle school, I think) when I was super-excited about the final season of my favorite TV show, and I would literally go outside and run laps around my house during the advertising breaks just to burn off that nervous excited energy.

Now, I’m less likely to get up and pace, and more likely to be distracted by other things (and with Netflix et al. the nice consistent breaking-up of TV by advertisements is much less consistent) so I don’t usually think about things for long enough to automatically absorb them.

This is actually partly a good thing, because the other thing I used to do besides run around was go to the kitchen and get snacks. I eat more at meals and less in snacks now, which is probably good for me.

It just means I have a smaller store of Cool Witty Lines From Things than I used to.

Dissonance

Related to “well fine then I’ll stop existing, so there!”

Very rarely do I have dissonance about my thoughts– thinking things like “Why did I think that? That’s not like me.” or “I shouldn’t have thought that, that’s bad.” or “The fact that I could think that scares me, what if I act on it?”

I don’t normally think that stuff. I feel like I have a layer of mental insulation from perceiving my thoughts that way. Like…

Either my thoughts are so much me that I can’t really distance myself from them to question whether I should be thinking of them,

or, if I can criticize them, they’re not really a part of me, so any problems with them don’t really reflect on who I am.

————–

Looking back on this, I’m not sure if it really is related to the thing I linked to. That sort of implies that I’m choosing to distance myself from certain thoughts, selectively, and it certainly doesn’t feel like that’s how it works. It’s more a habitual way of thinking than something I switch on for specific circumstances. And I guess, looked at that way, it’s not unusual. Thinking of things as Just Stuff That Happens, Oh Well, when I  ought to be asking myself if I should do something about it, is a common problem for me. I’m definitely more aware/critical about things like that than I used to be, though.

What I believe about disability accomodation in schools

in an abstract, “if everything were perfect” sort of sense.

In an ideal world, anyone who is capable of learning the skills/information taught in a class should be able to get a school transcript with a passing grade in that class, if they choose to put in the time to learn those skills and information.

If the material being taught is not beyond a person’s grasp, but the format of the class makes it prohibitively difficult for them to learn the material or complete the assignments then they should (again, ideally) be able to get accommodations or an equivalent class taught in a different way.

Some examples:

A person might be able to do all the assignments for a class, but not be able to physically attend the class every day because of pain or fatigue issues. They might be able to do an online class instead.

A person might be able to do school assignments sometimes, but not always on a regular schedule, because of symptoms that occasionally flare up and then improve. They might still be able to finish all the assignments for a class, if allowed to turn them in late.

A person might be able to learn the material for a class, but not able to complete a particular type of assignment. Someone who can’t give a speech might be able to write an essay instead, and if public speaking isn’t the topic of the class, an essay could be considered equivalent to a spoken presentation.