The thing is, if it’s about “recovery”, then I’m already friggin recovered. I haven’t done anything that drew blood since high school; I haven’t picked at an accidental injury in a year-ish; I’ve even cut down on picking at dry skin in totally harmless and non-painful ways, because it upsets Sparkly. I felt weird about that thing Emily posted, but I didn’t do anything. If that were it, I would be done, I would be totally fine.

The only reason it’s an issue is that I want to be allowed to want pain in a masochistic way, but I don’t feel like I can prove there’s a difference to other people’s satisfaction. So lingering self-doubt and the desire not to upset people stops me.