(Sighs as she looks over the form her friends had filled in, figuring it was a new year they thought it was time to get her hitched or at least laid) Guess I gotta fill this shit in on my own or it's back to the cesspool that is Tinder...




Subject Name: Lindsay Cockburn
Nickname/Call-sign: Ice
Age: 31
Occupation: Human Resources and payroll (God I hate people, why did I take this job?)
Relationship status: Single (If my dildo had a personality I'd be fine)
Gender: Female (No shit.)
Species: Partial Sabertooth (But I identify as an Apache Helicopter...not.)
Eye Colour: Blue (Changes depending on my contact lenses)
Hair Colour: Natural red (Correct, but it changes frequently depending on my mood)
Height: 5'5" or 167cm (Hey, I'm the tallest in my family, so fuck off!)
Weight: 70Kg (Ugh, don't remind me)


Features:
Rounded triangle ears with multiple gold studs and occasionally a bar or two. (Dumb bitches, they were with me when I got most of these others, clearly they were too shitfaced to remember. I am pierced in other places, though I don't always wear these. Not everyone gets to see some of them though.)
Docked tail (Not gonna lie, that shit hurt.)

Expectations:
Energy Level: Very energetic (No I'm not, I just love coffee and energy drinks...)
Tendency to Drool: Low Tendency to Snore: Low (Though apparently I do whistle if I have my nose ring in...go figure)
Tendency to Bite: Low (Well...depends on the situation)
Social/Attention Needs: Moderate (Again...fuck people)

Personality Type:
Guardian (Screw that, you're on your own.)

Coat:
Length: Short (So if I find a long hair in the bed, don't try pretend it's mine...asshole)
Characteristics: Flat (What the...fuck you! I'm witty, maybe a bit bitchy, but I think I'm funny!)
Colors: Black, red, blue, fawn all with tan markings (Blue...where the fuck am I blue?)
Overall Grooming Needs: Low (Basically I'm low maintenance.)

Personality:
Lindsay is people-oriented and as such is affectionate and sweet with people (The fuck I am...), if socialized and trained properly (Guess I wasn't trained properly, heh). She is loyal and good with children; however, she tends to bond only to one person.(Sounds about right...no that person is not you)

Living With:
Sabertooths...(Saberteeth?) are powerful, energetic felines that need lots of exercise (Or just a good fucking every now and then). If they are not exercised, they are more likely to become irritable or even aggressive(True...so so true). They can adjust well to apartment living if exercised daily.

Careful socialization and obedience training from a young age are essential for this breed. A Sabertooth responds very well to positive reinforcement.(That means a compliment, none of this paw kissing and rose giving gentlemanly bullshit)

No special guard training is needed for anyone who wants a good family protector. In fact, Sabertooth experts often advise against special guard training, which could result in over-guarding and aggression.(Or just deny me coffee and energy drinks, then I'll rip your dick off and feed it to you with hot sauce.)

History:
Ten thousand years ago, tar pits were a natural and deadly feature of the landscape. Animals became stuck and would sink into the asphalt and die. In the La Brea tar pits of California, scientists have recovered over a million bones. This includes one of the largest and best-preserved collections of sabertooth (Smilodon fatalis) bones in the world. Data collected from the La Brea tar pits helps scientists piece together the natural history of the area, including the history of the sabertooth cat. Scientists have learned that the sabertooth cat first appeared in the archaeological record two million years ago. Sabertooths ranged widely throughout North and South America and are related to modern cats. However, no real descendents of the sabertooth cat are alive today.