Older and Wiser

Posted in Life is short and precious by

My Dad once told me “getting older is wonderful” (and I wrote about that in a past blog) but I’m starting to think he meant getting wiser is wonderful or getting to the point in your life where you feel on top of your game is wonderful. Jerry Seinfeld’s interview on Howard Stern was rerun recently and he had a refreshing view on aging which I agree with but it also addresses getting wiser and mature but not old in an elderly sense. I’ll paraphrase what he said here: “The war is over… (and) it’s a very nice place to be…
If you’re a little lucky in life you should enjoy getting older because you’re gonna see more. When you’re young you can’t see what’s going on so well. 
When you’re older (…you say) oh I see what’s going on here. 
I love that.” It reminded me of something a friend once told me which was roughly: In your 30’s you’re “am I doing this right?” In your 40’s you’re “I have arrived” and in your 50’s you’re “F–k you.” (a little graphic but you get the point) I believe these concepts are what could be wonderful about getting older. Diane von Furstenberg said in a June 2013 interview with Talk magazine, “Yesterday for lunch I met the most incredible 90-year-old woman…I just thought, Oh, my god, I still have time ahead of me.” -smilingbug

20130712-120549.jpg

Diane von Furstenberg. Photo by Robyn Twomey.

Remembering Them

Posted in Life is short and precious by

20130617-131219.jpg

There is so much going on each day: we’re laughing, complaining, being silly, working, sending text messages, paying bills, watching shows, running errands, making meals, posting meaningless thoughts on twitter, taking ridiculous photos, cleaning, dancing to our favorite tune. The amount of silly going on here is quite high although we are also working, cleaning, scolding, doing, rushing… like any other busy household. My daughter’s favorite cause is a local children’s cancer organization called Shining Stars. We have their bracelets and totes scattered around and at times I wear a bracelet for a few days and look down at the bold words “CANCER SUCKS” and pray for them, remember what some of them are dealing with while I run to the market or mop the floor. There is so much to do in this life, so many responsibilities, to-do lists and keeping up with day to day living. Then there is all of the fun, the movies, celebrations, family times, lazy days. Meanwhile I think of my friend who lost his battle with cancer and how he didn’t even read the magazines I took to him. No amount of to-do’s or favorite movies could capture his attention, not even food interested him. Do not miss the opportunity to appreciate your ordinary day, seize it and be grateful for it. -smilingbug

Happiness

Posted in Life is short and precious by

20130604-202905.jpg

I heard a statistic on the radio that said 65% of people are unhappy. On the one hand it seems like a high percentage, on the other it seems understandable. I asked my daughter what she thought about people being unhappy and she said “everyone has a problem.” My sons answer was a word: perspective. Sadly, some people are dealing with unimaginable heartache, stress, pain. But others’ pain is self inflicted or imagined while their lives are generally very good. It’s true that life is filled with struggles and challenges but it is also filled with joys. The Helen Keller quote says it best, “Although life is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.” One of my kids told me I had to watch a video about a teenager dying of cancer and how he wrote a song to tell his family what life meant to him. At the beginning, the teenager named Zach says “you don’t have to find out you’re dying to start living.” It is said all of the time (carpe diem) but imagine really living each day and each week as if you did not have countless ones left to live. Perhaps it can not truly be captured unless one has looked at death in the face like survivors of near death experiences, cancer or other illnesses. Zach’s song is called Clouds and since I saw this video I look at the clouds in the sky and remember Zach and people like him. There is a time in the video when Zach is overcome with joy and says “it makes me want to keep going.” What an amazing young man. I hope everyone clicks on the link and watches Zach’s story. Life isn’t perfect but appreciate everything exactly as it is right now. Don’t wait to be happy. -smilingbug

My Last Days: Meet Zach Sobiech
Click here, 22 minutes you’ll cherish.

Grown Ups

Posted in It's about the little things by

20130525-131544.jpg

Just when you think you’re all grown up, life keeps bringing the growing and the lessons. My kids made me take the “what is your mental age” app test and I turned out to be just a few years younger than my actual age. My husband who is a stitch older than me but was not showing any signs of being a grown up when I met him turned out to be mentally older when he took the test. Go figure. Sometimes I feel ancient. Other times I feel fifteen. One day I’m keeping a lot of moving parts synchronized, paying bills, doing tax prep, whipping up loads of laundry. The next day I’m screaming Lady Gaga lyrics, in denial about making dinner for the family and my son is saying “Mom, you have to clean up around here, really.” Life brings so many experiences, so much joy and so many fall on your face and learn your lesson experiences. By the time you’ve been here a while you think you’ve seen it all: you haven’t. Being a human is a wild ride. If you think about the people killed by a storm in Oklahoma or the kids growing up mistreated, or the families of the children of Newtown, the whole analysis of our stumbles, maturing and lessons sounds meaningless. I don’t have the answers but I do want to live it to the fullest and do things right, take time to be kind, appreciate every day. What a big world filled with people living, learning, laughing, loving. What’s your mental age? -smilingbug

Don’t Sweep My Feet!

Posted in Life is short and precious by

20130510-102311.jpg

Every time I sweep I think of my Grandma saying “Don’t sweep my feet or else I’ll never get married” each time I swept her workspace at our family business. It was a superstition of hers. She said it every single time anyone was sweeping, without fail. She never worried if it got old or lost its punch. She was married and had been most of her life to my Grandpa. I miss him so much and it’s difficult to believe that he has been gone almost 17 years. It just doesn’t seem I could have lived all of this time without him being near but here we are. Talking with a niece recently about a loved aunt who passed away she told me that she imagined our aunt with all of her friends who were also gone, sipping wine, reading on the beach and enjoying their favorite pleasures. She joked that her warped Catholic view of the afterlife made her feel better about missing our aunt. Atleast she has a vision of the afterlife. I thought and joked to her “I have to work on my warped view of the afterlife” but no matter how I try I can’t make anything of it. I miss those people who are gone. All of the life events that pass, I wonder how this could be going on, day after day and year after year, without them. It’s not possible that they could be absent from these meaningful moments. My daughter says she isn’t afraid of dying but is afraid of losing all of the memories of this lifetime that mean so much to her. We are here for a tiny flash in the scheme of time but we are so attached to this life. A man on PBS talking about mother’s day today said “Dinosaurs were mothering their offsprings 65 million years ago.” How can the scrapbooks and memories of each one of our lives stack up to that? I remember a good friend who was losing a battle for his life saying that he was ok with dying but didn’t want to miss everyone. It breaks my heart and yet it’s a part of life that is as normal as the sun rising and setting each and every day. What I got most from my niece’s conversation about those who have passed was a loud and clear reminder: Appreciate the joys and the highs, count bleasings. -smilingbug

Polaroid Moments in Life

Posted in Life is short and precious by

20130502-112100.jpg

There is tavern near town that pins up polaroid photos of patrons. Some of the snapshots are a few years old, others are from 15 plus years ago. If you start looking at the many polaroids on the wall, you become hypnotized by the faces and can not stop moving along to see the next one. Some people in the photos are laughing, others smirking, children are proudly holding up a menu or posing with their birthday cake. So many stories, so many moments in life. We all know the many cliches about time: seize the moment, life is fragile, every day is a gift. Yet the days pass and the responsibilities of life fill them up completely. A week turns to a month, next thing another year blows by, another birthday, yet another holiday season, vacation and so forth. When I look back at my old photos I remember thinking “this shirt looks awful” or “I didn’t workout once this week,” plus all sorts of meaningless critiques. Then, many years later I see those photos and think “wow, I was young” or “I remember that blouse, I wish I had it now.” It’s like a cruel trick the way one can get caught up in nothingness yet is wanting to treasure the moment, then just like that, twenty years have gone by. Looking at those polaroids at the tavern, the children in these photos are grown now, the patrons are older, maybe some are gone or have fought battles with health issues. The journeys that have been undertaken and the years that have passed are poignant in these images. Looking at each one, the subjects are happy, dining out, celebrating with loved ones, their joy is shining through each snapshot. Yet the day each photo was taken, many of them were undoubtedly coping with something in life. If they reflect on the photo now, they would likely remember it as a wonderful moment. The delicate balance of being human and capturing the joy of life each day is always with us. One of my hopes for the time I have here: appreciating more and fretting less. Who is with me? -smilngbug

Kindness When it’s not easy

Posted in It's about the little things by

There is a friend of one of my kids’ who has been very difficult to handle in years past. After many attempts to have this child around I got frustrated and did not want to deal with him. He acted out, did not listen to repeated requests to behave, did not demonstrate the most basic manners, had no social skills with my other kids, at times he was flat out rude. I should have tried harder, could have turned the other cheek and found a way to tolerate him but I selfishly chose to not make him part of our plans when I tired of unsuccessfully dealing with him. I thought it was self preservation then and now I think it was a lack of compassion. Yesterday we gave him a ride when none of his family could be reached and no one was at pick up for him and I looked into his big eyes and felt sad. I had not seen him for almost a year, he has grown and he can be a sweet kid. During our ride he had trouble getting some words out and I realized he had started to struggle with a stutter, something he did not do last year. My heart sunk. How to reach and find the kindness and compassion when the recipient is challenging, difficult? I read something interesting at a site I found on tumblr about being compassionate when people are difficult and it said “Try to see them as people who also suffer and struggle in many ways.” Reminders to be kind are everywhere, it’s up to each of us to listen to them, to reach for kindness sometimes when it’s difficult to do. -smilingbug

image from http://www.thehappyproject.com

20130426-103217.jpg

The Helpers

Posted in Life is short and precious by

image (12)

Probably like many Americans most of what is on my mind is those innocent people killed and injured at the Boston Marathon finish line yesterday. Lives changed forever because of a coward or cowards, maybe mentally ill, maybe filled with hate. I like to be compassionate and think of all people as dealing with something, so don’t go so hard on them. Thinking of the trauma and pain caused yesterday, it’s difficult to think of compassion when wondering who caused it. I saw some tweets that mentioned how other countries deal with these type of attacks regularly (Iran, Afghanistan, Somalia, Syria, Pakistan) and it is truly sickening. Then there was the image of Fred Rogers with a quote that read “Look for the helpers. You’ll always find people who are helping.” When Dr. George Velmahos and his colleague addressed the press today about the status of their patients, feelings of admiration and awe for these helpers filled my heart and made my eyes swell. He told stories of patients who woke up missing a limb and expressed feeling “lucky” to be alive. He explained that the whole of Boston was traumatized but the medical staff set their emotions aside and took care of the patients. Dr. Velmahos described the patients as “amazing people.” That is coming from the man who literally was saving some of their lives. Thankful for amazing medical professionals and modern medicine, always. Praying for the family who lost an eight year old son and the one who lost a 29 year old son. Thinking of the innocent people in the hospitals healing, fighting for their lives. Proud to be a part of this great country where people are donating blood, offering their homes to travelers in Boston and yesterday, were running towards the bomb scenes to save lives. -smilingbug

image (13)

image (15)

photos from the internet

Conversations of the Heart

Posted in It's about the little things by

photo from Tumblr, no photo or art credit was listed.

During an interview that Paul McCartney recorded with Howard Stern in October of 2001, Paul mentioned consulting with the deceased love of his life.  He said one night he was asking Linda if he should be with the woman he was dating and he said when you do that “of course you are just talking to yourself.”  That sounded sad to me, how he wanted to share and talk with his deceased loved one but then just feeling he was talking to himself.  Then McCartney explained that after he asked Linda the question he heard an owl off in the distant say “who, who” and he took that to be a yes.  Of course we all know how it went with that girlfriend he was asking Linda about, Heather Mills.  During the interview, while Heather was Paul’s fiance, Howard joked that he would have heard that owl’s answer as a “no” and everyone on the set laughed.  Sounds funny but seriously, who doesn’t wish they could communicate with someone who has passed away, someone close to their heart, share stories and have heart to heart chats.  When I sit to write letters to my relatives who appreciate snail mail I still want to write one to a special aunt.  No more letters, emails or phone calls with someone, ever, hurts.  Then there are the feelings that the person we miss is all around us, in every reminder and in our hearts forever.  But the missing never goes away.  -smilingbug