| How I'm Going to Get Rich - Pt 48 |
[Aug. 18th, 2009|05:25 pm]
Lukewarm
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I'm an "ideas" guy, which is what men say when they don't want to say "I'm lazy".
The good news is that my ideas are brilliant, and will make me a very rich man if I ever get around to implementing them. Of course I won't because, as I mentioned, I'm lazy.
I've shared some of my better ideas with people like Berny. He's great because he just adds more fantastic ideas to mine. I'll never forget the superhero restaurant we plotted out in Michigan one summer. Others, I'm keeping for myself.
It was on a recent 8 hour car trip that I began to formulate my most recent scheme: I'm going to make my own Space Camp for children and young adults. You may be thinking that this would cost a lot of money up front, and require the input of people more highly educated than myself, but the brilliant part about this Space Camp is that it really won't. This is not any ordinary Space Camp I'm dreaming of, but one that will have as its target market the offspring of concerned, overbearing, under-informed parents. The entire purpose of the camp will be to indoctrinate young people so that they come out believing that space is far too dangerous, and that they should never go there.
I'm going to call it Abstinence-Only Space Education.
I will not teach any theories on rocketry, aviation, zero-grav safety, or practical astronautical skills. I will purchase a one-room schoolhouse, a whiteboard, and an overhead projector (do they still make overhead projectors?). With these tools, I will instill my campers with a deep sense of fear and mystery about the horrors of space, so that by the time they leave, they'll never want to go there and fact-check my program. There are plenty of things that are scary about entering an airless vacuum in nothing but a explosion-propelled tin can and a pressure suit, so I won't even need to make things up for the most part, but if there are some hold-outs, I will invent terrible medical conditions such as "space-pox" to close the gap. I will stress that you can contract space-pox even if you only go into space one time. I haven't decided on the symptoms, but they will have to be some mixture of plausible, and scatological.
I should note that this is NOT a political statement, or a critique of modern western society. It's just a scam that I think could totally work. I might even get a government grant, which will go straight into my pocket, because as I said, I'm not going to purchase any equipment. I'll probably just get some sucker to donate what little I do need.
I know there is a chance that someone may see this some day and steal this amazing idea, but I'm willing to risk that to share it with you. By the way, if anyone wants to get in on the ground floor of this, and owns an overhead projector, please call me. |
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