There is a sentiment floating out there that I need to talk about. In this case, "talk" means "dispel immediately" and "cleanse with fire."

As a bisexual person, I have been told more than once by smug pansexuals, "well, I'm pansexual because bisexuality implies a gender binary and discriminates against trans folks."

Note: not all pansexuals hold this opinion. A majority probably don't. But every time I've been informed about my own sexuality in this way, it has been a smug pansexual looking to justify why their label is superior to mine.

Okay, first of all, that is a factually incorrect argument. Bisexual doesn't mean only men and women. What it does mean is that you are attracted to people like yourself and also people different from yourself. Which means I am attracted to women (my own gender expression), AND other gender expressions. In other words, being bisexual in no way says that I am not attracted to trans*, genderless or genderfluid/genderqueer folks, you dig?

(Also, protip: trans* men and women are men and women, not some mysterious other gender. Yes, their experiences differ from the experiences of cis people. That still does not make them another gender category. Trans* men are men. Trans* women are women. Full stop. But if you ARE trans* and see yourself as distinctly different from cis folks: that is your right, because you get to self label how you choose.)

There may be folks out there of any orientation who claim they are not attracted to trans*, genderless, or genderfluid folks. Absolutely, those individuals exist. What I don't fucking understand is why this is something that widely gets placed on the bisexual community, who largely respond with "wtf, no, that's not right."

Oh right, smug superiority. Got it.

It's not enough that some straight people tell me I'm doing it for the attention. Or that a contingent of the lesbian community tells me flat out they won't date me because I'll leave them for a man. Or the stigma on both sides that bisexuals just can't make up their minds and choose a team. And also that I'm just greedy and will absolutely cheat because I'll ~never be satisfied. No, on top of all that, I have to be told by pansexuals that I'm contributing to the oppression of trans* folk and non-binary genders because of their faulty definition. Awesome.

(Ed: note-- this is not me saying that bisexuals have it harder than any other part of the LGBT spectrum. But it is speaking honestly about the existing negative stereotypes about bisexuals.)

So what is the difference between bisexuality and pansexuality, you ask?

Well, I have a theory. This is just my theory. Discussion is welcome.

My theory is based on a widely-held pansexual catchphrase: "Hearts, not parts." In my understanding, pansexual folks are attracted to people, and that person's gender expression doesn't ever enter into the equation as a factor. Which is a totally valid thing! If that's you, that's awesome. Just please don't make the mistake of thinking that it's inherently better or more noble than any other way someone might be attracted to someone else.

My experience as a bisexual person and as someone who's discussed this topic with several other bisexuals is that for us, gender expression does enter in as a factor. Which is to say that we have things that we look for in various gender expressions that are especially attractive for us. I tend to be attracted to certain traits in women (I like femme women, generally), others in men (I look for certain things in a man that I'm not so specific about otherwise, in other gender presentations, for certain reasons). I tend to be attracted to genderqueer/genderfluid people with a more androgynous presentation. It's not a value judgement, it's just what turns me on. And they're not in-concrete rules, either. It's about having types, I think, some of which may be gender-expression specific.

In the end: ID how you want. It's up to you. But please don't pit one group against another so you can feel superior. That's a) self-delusion, and b) rude as hell. Also, don't be the person who says to someone else, "well, you're really [X orientation]..." Don't be that person. Don't be that person.

And while I'm on the topic of infuriating things people say about bisexuals:

"Ugh, you're just going to end up with a guy anyway."

Hey, I did indeed marry a man! But was it a foregone conclusion? Fuck no. Did it magically make me straight? REALLY fuck no. It just means I chose a person to share my life with, as someone of any orientation does when they get married.

Here’s the thing: statistics. Say you’re a bisexual woman. That means for every 9 male potential partners (straight and bi/pan), there’s 1 potential female partner (lesbian or bi/pan). If we’re being more generous, let’s say the rift is 8/2. (ETA: I know I didn’t include genderless, genderfluid, and genderqueer people in this equation. But only because they are statistically rarer, and I was hoping for easy-to-parse whole numbers.) Already, that means the pool of potential partners is widely skewed towards men. And then look at the pool of lesbians who straight-up admit they won’t date a bi person, so that pool of women shrinks further.

Statistically: which gender are you more likely to end up with? It's just math.

But no, I guess the only POSSIBLE explanation for why bi women tend to end up with men is that they're not really into women, or not gutsy enough to date a woman publicly. That TOTALLY fucking makes sense. /bitter sarcasm


This post brought to you by the letters B, I, and the number 100- as in the % that Christina is totally fed up with this bullshit.

Bear with me-- one thing about me is that when I write about things, I find what I mean to say as I go along. So this will likely be incomplete and rough around the edges, but I did want to try to get some of my thoughts down, if only so I can understand them more fully.

I have often heard people express the sentiment that labels are unnecessary. That labels do more harm than good. That labels actually create problems because they keep us all from realizing that we're all part of one race, ~the human race (oh, that chestnut).

I very much disagree. Labels, like practically anything, can do harm or good. But it depends how they're used. If they're used by people, knowingly or unknowingly, to box people in and limit them, then of course they're bad. When people use any tool to perpetuate oppression, it's bad.

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In a world where so many gay and lesbian and other non-straight couples are denied basic civil rights, if you have the fucking balls to say that this issue is "trivial" or "minor" or play the "we should care more about X" game, go fuck yourself. Full stop. Seriously. I will not be polite or equivocate on this. I do not give the teeniest, tiniest of shits if my telling you to go fuck yourself hurts your wee tiny little fee fees. My fuck forest has burned down and I have no more fucks left to give you. Go fuck yourself.

And if my stance of "go fuck yourself" bothers you even the tiniest little bit, unfriend me immediately. And then go fuck yourself.

I know it must seem that I have been uncommonly quiet of late. And it's true, I haven't had much that bears writing out in long-form. But I have been very active lately online-- my Facebook is all ablaze with the latest rounds of political fuckery and the GOP's war on ladies and their ladyparts. My twitter, as well, with slap-dashes of work updates, kitty blurbs, and makeup lemmings. And then there's my tumblr, which is full of pretty images and words to keep in your pocket. So I am around. I am just searching for something that bears repeating for this space.

Though marriage equality was signed into law here in Maryland yesterday by Governor O'Malley. That certainly bears recognition and notice. I am very proud of my state right now. (However desperately wanting to smack detractors with rancid fish. If I see ONE MORE argument comparing the union of two consenting adults to child marriage or bestiality, I will lose all of my ladylike composure. Those fuckfaces.)

Work goes forward. Yesterday was spent on making colorful resin jewelry-- Effervescence earrings are making a return, and I ended up using duochromes in some steampunky pieces that shift colors beneath gears. I found out that my work will be featured next Friday on the Ice Queen Zine, the official blogspace of Ice Resin and the Grande Dame of resin jewelry, Susan Lenart Kazmer. So that's really exciting! It's nice to be acknowledged by artists you admire.

Tomorrow is Transcendence practice, where we finalize our set for Art of The Belly later this month in Ocean City. Then dinner with family I don't see as much as I'd like. And then Sunday is Gaelic Storm at the Birchmere. Very excited to have wild music running through me. Looking forward to it.

Aside from that: I have the urge to write. I think I need some prompts.

This weekend's Charm City Tribal bellydance show went off wonderfully! The house was sold out, the emceeing was fantastic, the CCT/Lilam ladies did an excellent job at organizing things, many of us did our first solos, and everything pretty much looked awesome.

Here is a link to everyone's dances: 2011 Bellydance Extravaganza. My solo is under the cut, for those of you who didn't get the friendslist sneak peek:

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I do believe that from here on out, I'm going to use "Sihaya" as a dance name. I've been hemming and hawwing about this for awhile now, and the more I think about it, the more I think that the me onstage is a persona. My public face. So I think I'm going to make an official switch soon.

Other than that, things I have been thinking about:

-- Jewelry. Update sometime next week. Wirework, some PMC, some resin.

-- I need to lose winter weight IMMEDIATELY.

-- Major decisions are about to be made at home. Jason is seriously considering taking a new job. I would even say he is leaning TOWARDS a new job, since his current job seems to be a "one step forward, two steps back" sort of thing any time he thinks he's making forward momentum. The job he's considering would be a blessing, financially, but possibly a setback in other ways. So it's in the air while he decides what's most important to him right now. If he does take the new job, there's a possibility for us to move closer to DC eventually, and I'm not very happy about that. But we'll see.

-- ALL YOUR CHOCOLATE ARE BELONG TO ME.

-- My state Senator, Bobby Zirkin, is awesome. He voted for marriage equality in MD and sent me a nice little letter about how he voted on all the proposed amendments to the bill. He's pretty great, and I'm thinking of volunteering on his next campaign.

-- IS IT SPRING YET? YOU GUYS, I NEED IT TO BE SPRING.

O'Malley held the governor's seat in MD. I don't think he's a great candidate, but I will literally pick a clapping monkey toy for governor over Bob Ehrlich. Ehrlich doesn't want to give GLBT people "a whole bunch of rights" by supporting marriage equality. God forbid gay people have the same rights YOU do, amirite?

Bob Ehrlich, fuck you sir, and go crawl back to that dank dark hole from whence you came. Please do not come back.

And if you need me to call the whambulance for your passive-aggressive butthurt over my pretty emphatic stance here, I will. Gladly. Because FUCK. THAT. SHIT. I will lose not one wink of sleep tonight over calling out a homophobe with bad transportation, financial, and environmental policies. Homophobia gets my teeth bared, as it should. If you don't intrinsically believe that all your constituents should have equal rights, you don't deserve to be governor and responsible for taking part in key decisions re: civil rights.

Now, in fairness, O'Malley doesn't personally believe in gay marriage. He's Roman Catholic. But he has the good sense to know that his religious beliefs have no bearing on equal rights, and has stated that he would sign a marriage equality bill into law if given the opportunity. I'm cool with that. Is it ideal? Fuck no. But it's at least fair, and a good way to acknowledge personal beliefs vs. the ideals of equality our nation was founded upon.

Also, Barbara Mikulski, you are fiiiiiiierce. All four feet of ya.

Nationally: PRAISE THE LORD, Angle and O'Donnell went down! Now, let's vote out Rand Paul ASAP before head-kickings become a new trend in Kentucky.

"Moral disapproval alone is an improper basis on which to deny rights to gay men and lesbians. The evidence shows conclusively that Proposition 8 enacts, without reason, a private moral view that same-sex couples are inferior to opposite sex couples." --Chief U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker

Proposition 8 Ruled Unconstitutional.

Halle-fucking-lujah.

You know, I really like figure skating. I watch it whenever it's on and get really excited about the Olympics. And you know what? Some Canadian skaters-- current and former-- have been total assholes lately. And they all seem to be taking aim on Johnny Weir.

( Warning, offensive interview ahead.Collapse )

AGH I HATE YOU SO MUCH. PLEASE TAKE YOUR FREAKING MEDAL AND SHOVE IT RIGHT UP YOUR HOMOPHOBIC, SMUG ASS.

In conclusion:

I have not been posting much in the way of political and social stuff lately. I've had my hands more than full lately, and they will continue to be that way straight through Yule, I think, as I am entering my busy season (and also my favorite, wherein I voluntarily spend at least 10 hrs in the studio a day because I love fall just that much). But I have been paying attention to the news and suffice it to say I want to beat people over the head with a big club for using the term "Obama's death panels." The "grassroots" (read: insurance company-funded) tv ads that talk about how Obama wants your little old granny to suffer make me want to choke a bitch. It's deliberate misinformation, and I am fucking tired of dealing with these people. I am fucking tired of these being the rich assholes who get to control shit. And beyond that bit of swearing, that's all that I have really time for right now, though I will continue to pay attention.

Also, I'm just posting this to further the word-- linkses to people who've actually written thoughtful, measured responses to johncwright, the Tor writer who went on an unbelievably vitriolic homophobic rant that he deleted after getting about 10 pages of both reasoned answers and "I will never buy your books ever ever ever again." Alas, the internet is forever, and here is a screencap.

Responses:
catvalente / Cat Valente - An Open Letter
naamah_darling - A Closed Letter
The Sodomite Hal Duncan - An Open Letter to John C. Wright

So, y'know. I know I have a booklist about twenty kajillion books long right now, but I DO read sf/fantasy for the bulk of my pleasure reading, and this guy joins Orson Scott Card and a lot of this year's racefailers on the list of people I will never ever ever monetarily support. (And also for my reference, because I haven't gotten around to it yet and have a tendency to accidentally close browser tabs, when people refer to his wife's recent shenanigans, this is what they are talking about.)

Anyhow. That's what I've been thinking about in the tiny little space of my mind not currently occupied by kittens, jewelry, and wedding.