For reasons I have described here, 
ciretose is a persona non grata in this journal.
The bannination came NOT because he was a man or had a differing opinion, but because he used several different derailing tactics, including "you're not intellectual enough"/"I know more about this topic than you," and "you're being oversensitive/are taking things too personally", as well as willfully ignoring corrections that were made to him several times in order to perpetuate a faleshood about the purpose and content ofcereta's post, which he has admitted he didn't investigate thoroughly because he disagreed with the premise.
That post, by the way, and the FOURTEEN PAGES + of commentary that ensued, were about how women have shouldered the bulk of the burden of preventing rape culture, and simply asked men who oppose rape and rape culture to help more by being more vocal, because their voices count-- sadly, to other men, they often count more than womens' voices.
cereta's post IN NO WAY stated that all men are rapists, nor that all men are responsible for the sins of the few or that you should attempt to talk known rapists out of raping. I bold this this because he had a particularly hard time grasping these points, despite their diligent repetition. Dudes, I get the whole knee-jerk reaction, but it shouldn't excuse bad reading comprehension.
What that post DID, however, was ask men to be more vigilant in helping us womenfolk (note, not SAVING us womenfolk, wtf?) by policing their own and saying "dude, not cool" when they hear a sexist, misogynist, or sexually violent comment or joke, as those sorts of comments are pervasive in our culture and lead to a climate in which women are devalued, objectified, othered, and otherwise portrayed in a way that makes sexual victimization more normalized. It DID ask men to step in if they see a woman being taken advantage of, and to assist her until she is out of any danger of further harassment. Y'know, to do the right thing. And if you're already doing the right thing, good on you. She also never said that her requests to men in any way absolved women of continuing to do these things, as many of us have been long doing.* If you needed a Cliff's Notes guide, there it is.
cereta also requested stories in which men have helped prevent rape and assault, because those stories need to be told. They need to be more prevalent than, say, laughing at date rape jokes in "Superbad" or "Observe and Report" or any number of today's "comedies" that think it's funny to joke about having sex with a woman without her enthusiastic consent. And the HUNDREDS of comments that resulted were GLOWINGLY in favor of men who have stood up and done the right thing. They were grateful. They were in NO way anti-male.
I again maintain thatciretose's banning was not about silencing a male voice, as several men have participated in that conversation without derailing it and are still welcome in my journal. To drive this point home, do you know who else is not banned? Someone with whom I VIRULENTLY disagree, and whose controversial comment caused much outcry. This in no way condones his comment, but simply notes that he has not yet demonstrated enough willful ignorance for me to have hit the "ban" button.
That bannination may change, but for now, I'm not letting him shit on my carpet any more. These sorts of derailings are dangerous and undermining, and I will not have them on my turf.
ETA:
*I just realized why the "well then why didn't she ask both women AND men to intervene?" thing stuck so deeply in my craw. Here's the thing: women are already shouldering most of the burden of creating a society that's less violent to OURSELVES. We take the self defense classes, we host a large majority of the conversations on sexism and misogyny, we form the bulk of the Feminist movement AND we have long banded together to help women who are being/have been victimized. So, in short, We Got This. The whole point ofcereta's post was to ask men who are on our side to take a more visible role, because by and large, the aggression of MEN** is what causes us to do all of these things in the first place! So, y'know, saying "a little more help would be nice" is kind of reasonable. Whereas insinuating that women aren't helping or should be helping more to stop men from victimizing us is pretty much tantamount to victim blaming. WHICH SUCKS. End rant.
**As a group, not Every Single Man. This is not about you personally. Statistically speaking, men perpetrate over 98% of reported sex offenses.
ETA THE SECOND: Further reasons why he's banninated, as if you needed more. Because as you know, if you consider yourself an ally, the best thing to do is to do something without a woman's consent and then repeatedly refuse when she says no, I don't want this, please undo it. That is the most basic example of "my voice counts more than yours" and flaunting privilege while ignoring a woman's voice on her own boundaries. Furthermore, he blamed is self-described jerkitude on my not "letting him be nice." That's... well, it's fucking creepy, actually. Newsflash: a woman is never responsible for your poor behavior. Your poor behavior is on you, full stop.
In that community, he also repeatedly turned the issue back around to be about him and his feelings and his voice, which means that it was hard to discuss the actual issue. (Sources: One, Two, Three, Four... I could go on.) In other words, he co-opted and derailed the argument because he didn't like the tone it was presented in, and he did it deliberately because he didn't like the way we were having the conversation.
He felt that he had the right to do this, and that it was called for. Because clearly, his feelings need discussion more than the topic at hand-- discussing ways for men to help prevent sexual assault and rape. This is dangerous, and it is unacceptable. It is not something of which to be proud. Thank you to the other men in those threads who stood up and said so. It is much appreciated.
ciretose is a persona non grata in this journal. The bannination came NOT because he was a man or had a differing opinion, but because he used several different derailing tactics, including "you're not intellectual enough"/"I know more about this topic than you," and "you're being oversensitive/are taking things too personally", as well as willfully ignoring corrections that were made to him several times in order to perpetuate a faleshood about the purpose and content of
cereta's post, which he has admitted he didn't investigate thoroughly because he disagreed with the premise. That post, by the way, and the FOURTEEN PAGES + of commentary that ensued, were about how women have shouldered the bulk of the burden of preventing rape culture, and simply asked men who oppose rape and rape culture to help more by being more vocal, because their voices count-- sadly, to other men, they often count more than womens' voices.
cereta's post IN NO WAY stated that all men are rapists, nor that all men are responsible for the sins of the few or that you should attempt to talk known rapists out of raping. I bold this this because he had a particularly hard time grasping these points, despite their diligent repetition. Dudes, I get the whole knee-jerk reaction, but it shouldn't excuse bad reading comprehension.What that post DID, however, was ask men to be more vigilant in helping us womenfolk (note, not SAVING us womenfolk, wtf?) by policing their own and saying "dude, not cool" when they hear a sexist, misogynist, or sexually violent comment or joke, as those sorts of comments are pervasive in our culture and lead to a climate in which women are devalued, objectified, othered, and otherwise portrayed in a way that makes sexual victimization more normalized. It DID ask men to step in if they see a woman being taken advantage of, and to assist her until she is out of any danger of further harassment. Y'know, to do the right thing. And if you're already doing the right thing, good on you. She also never said that her requests to men in any way absolved women of continuing to do these things, as many of us have been long doing.* If you needed a Cliff's Notes guide, there it is.
cereta also requested stories in which men have helped prevent rape and assault, because those stories need to be told. They need to be more prevalent than, say, laughing at date rape jokes in "Superbad" or "Observe and Report" or any number of today's "comedies" that think it's funny to joke about having sex with a woman without her enthusiastic consent. And the HUNDREDS of comments that resulted were GLOWINGLY in favor of men who have stood up and done the right thing. They were grateful. They were in NO way anti-male.I again maintain that
ciretose's banning was not about silencing a male voice, as several men have participated in that conversation without derailing it and are still welcome in my journal. To drive this point home, do you know who else is not banned? Someone with whom I VIRULENTLY disagree, and whose controversial comment caused much outcry. This in no way condones his comment, but simply notes that he has not yet demonstrated enough willful ignorance for me to have hit the "ban" button. That bannination may change, but for now, I'm not letting him shit on my carpet any more. These sorts of derailings are dangerous and undermining, and I will not have them on my turf.
ETA:
*I just realized why the "well then why didn't she ask both women AND men to intervene?" thing stuck so deeply in my craw. Here's the thing: women are already shouldering most of the burden of creating a society that's less violent to OURSELVES. We take the self defense classes, we host a large majority of the conversations on sexism and misogyny, we form the bulk of the Feminist movement AND we have long banded together to help women who are being/have been victimized. So, in short, We Got This. The whole point of
cereta's post was to ask men who are on our side to take a more visible role, because by and large, the aggression of MEN** is what causes us to do all of these things in the first place! So, y'know, saying "a little more help would be nice" is kind of reasonable. Whereas insinuating that women aren't helping or should be helping more to stop men from victimizing us is pretty much tantamount to victim blaming. WHICH SUCKS. End rant.**As a group, not Every Single Man. This is not about you personally. Statistically speaking, men perpetrate over 98% of reported sex offenses.
ETA THE SECOND: Further reasons why he's banninated, as if you needed more. Because as you know, if you consider yourself an ally, the best thing to do is to do something without a woman's consent and then repeatedly refuse when she says no, I don't want this, please undo it. That is the most basic example of "my voice counts more than yours" and flaunting privilege while ignoring a woman's voice on her own boundaries. Furthermore, he blamed is self-described jerkitude on my not "letting him be nice." That's... well, it's fucking creepy, actually. Newsflash: a woman is never responsible for your poor behavior. Your poor behavior is on you, full stop.
In that community, he also repeatedly turned the issue back around to be about him and his feelings and his voice, which means that it was hard to discuss the actual issue. (Sources: One, Two, Three, Four... I could go on.) In other words, he co-opted and derailed the argument because he didn't like the tone it was presented in, and he did it deliberately because he didn't like the way we were having the conversation.
He felt that he had the right to do this, and that it was called for. Because clearly, his feelings need discussion more than the topic at hand-- discussing ways for men to help prevent sexual assault and rape. This is dangerous, and it is unacceptable. It is not something of which to be proud. Thank you to the other men in those threads who stood up and said so. It is much appreciated.
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