Internet dramaz
I had been pondering removing someone from my friendslist for some time. It's one thing for me to do a periodic friends cut every so often for people I've drifted from, who no longer update, or what have you. It's pretty rare that I defriend someone because my opinion of them has changed so drastically that I no longer want to interact.
This particular (male) person had a habit of entering discussions about womens' issues and discrediting the viewpoints of the women posting personal experiences. At one point, he insinuated that I was exaggerating my experience because the women he knows never talked about that kind of stuff. On another occasion, he was warned because he had become outright insulting. Overall, he just couldn't grok that he, as a dude, had cultural privileges that women generally don't. And that would be a sort of innocent ignorance were he not so gung ho on telling me and other women that our experiences didn't count, then returning the topic to his own (male) experience. You know, being part of the problem. But still, I try to keep the discussions that happen here pretty open, so I resisted cutting him off and had been persisting with a thought-out, balanced argument.
Today, he posted in his own journal about privilege... or specifically, he's tired of people whining about it and they should just "get over it." The post turned into a total travesty. Most people remained civil, and I wanted to hug the one gent who explained that the discussion of privilege "isn't to necessarily 'discount' the white-male/able-bodied persons's POV, as to recognize that it comes from a different paradigm, where some of the factors that the unprivileged don't have to deal with." I was like 'right on, dude!' especially after he explained it's not something he understood right away but was able to grasp after someone patiently explained it to him in a way he could understand. So double points for him-- both for getting it and being able to clearly articulate it to someone else.
As for me, when I pointed out that "get over it" is an unacceptable thing to say to someone trying to relate their own personal experiences with racism or sexism or what have you, I was told by one of his regular posters to... "get over it." So original. (She also then followed that up with "Or am I being too privileged?' God forbid I should have an opinion" in a perfect flounce of drama-baiting / failed reading comprehension.) This great little specimen then went on a rant about how hard it is to be white and have minorities get scholarships while she has bills to pay. Or something. It was kinda incoherent.
When another (white) poster posted about white privilege, detailing all the ways it makes life harder for minorities, the same little gem posted some drivel about she'd been wrooooonged for being white, including that white people are at higher risk of obesity or some such nonsense. Seriously, it made no sense. She was about one post away from typing "white power!" or so it seemed to me at the time. What she did say was "So sorry, you might catch my white. My bad." That's freaking close enough.
But all the background noise aside, the OP and I managed to have a decent enough discussion for a bit, which seemed to be going somewhere positive or at least reaching a place of mutual understanding. Then he made a racist joke about Latinos letting their kids run around the laundromat like little animals. I'm paraphrasing here, but that's pretty close to what he said. I would check, but he's already deleted the entry entire, because it "hurt peoples' feelings." Seemed more to me that he wanted to cover his tracks. People who did not see his comments are lauding him for that, saying he's such a great guy. Kinda makes me want to scream. But then hey, I've known enough shady bastards that cover the truth of their words and actions in order to keep some semblance of decency. At any rate, when he was called on the racist nature of the comment, his response was "relax, I was just trying to inject some humor into the situation." The situation being a conversation where we were discussing the pervasiveness of racism and how it's wrong to discount minority opinions. Like... does not compute, but hey. At least he showed his true colors and the subtle vein of several -isms that had been running beneath his arguments finally sprung to the surface.
Anyhow, he's officially removed from my friendslist. I don't know what I personally intended with this post, other than I needed to get it off my chest, as I have been really frustrated about it all day. But it was totally the right choice. I am done trying to civilly discuss things with people who cannot see past their own experience, and attempt to silence other viewpoints that do not fall in line with their own.
Mr. Uberreniger? I'm not over it, but I am totally over you.
This particular (male) person had a habit of entering discussions about womens' issues and discrediting the viewpoints of the women posting personal experiences. At one point, he insinuated that I was exaggerating my experience because the women he knows never talked about that kind of stuff. On another occasion, he was warned because he had become outright insulting. Overall, he just couldn't grok that he, as a dude, had cultural privileges that women generally don't. And that would be a sort of innocent ignorance were he not so gung ho on telling me and other women that our experiences didn't count, then returning the topic to his own (male) experience. You know, being part of the problem. But still, I try to keep the discussions that happen here pretty open, so I resisted cutting him off and had been persisting with a thought-out, balanced argument.
Today, he posted in his own journal about privilege... or specifically, he's tired of people whining about it and they should just "get over it." The post turned into a total travesty. Most people remained civil, and I wanted to hug the one gent who explained that the discussion of privilege "isn't to necessarily 'discount' the white-male/able-bodied persons's POV, as to recognize that it comes from a different paradigm, where some of the factors that the unprivileged don't have to deal with." I was like 'right on, dude!' especially after he explained it's not something he understood right away but was able to grasp after someone patiently explained it to him in a way he could understand. So double points for him-- both for getting it and being able to clearly articulate it to someone else.
As for me, when I pointed out that "get over it" is an unacceptable thing to say to someone trying to relate their own personal experiences with racism or sexism or what have you, I was told by one of his regular posters to... "get over it." So original. (She also then followed that up with "Or am I being too privileged?' God forbid I should have an opinion" in a perfect flounce of drama-baiting / failed reading comprehension.) This great little specimen then went on a rant about how hard it is to be white and have minorities get scholarships while she has bills to pay. Or something. It was kinda incoherent.
When another (white) poster posted about white privilege, detailing all the ways it makes life harder for minorities, the same little gem posted some drivel about she'd been wrooooonged for being white, including that white people are at higher risk of obesity or some such nonsense. Seriously, it made no sense. She was about one post away from typing "white power!" or so it seemed to me at the time. What she did say was "So sorry, you might catch my white. My bad." That's freaking close enough.
But all the background noise aside, the OP and I managed to have a decent enough discussion for a bit, which seemed to be going somewhere positive or at least reaching a place of mutual understanding. Then he made a racist joke about Latinos letting their kids run around the laundromat like little animals. I'm paraphrasing here, but that's pretty close to what he said. I would check, but he's already deleted the entry entire, because it "hurt peoples' feelings." Seemed more to me that he wanted to cover his tracks. People who did not see his comments are lauding him for that, saying he's such a great guy. Kinda makes me want to scream. But then hey, I've known enough shady bastards that cover the truth of their words and actions in order to keep some semblance of decency. At any rate, when he was called on the racist nature of the comment, his response was "relax, I was just trying to inject some humor into the situation." The situation being a conversation where we were discussing the pervasiveness of racism and how it's wrong to discount minority opinions. Like... does not compute, but hey. At least he showed his true colors and the subtle vein of several -isms that had been running beneath his arguments finally sprung to the surface.
Anyhow, he's officially removed from my friendslist. I don't know what I personally intended with this post, other than I needed to get it off my chest, as I have been really frustrated about it all day. But it was totally the right choice. I am done trying to civilly discuss things with people who cannot see past their own experience, and attempt to silence other viewpoints that do not fall in line with their own.
Mr. Uberreniger? I'm not over it, but I am totally over you.