Responses to the brutal honesty meme
...it was more or less what I'd expected, so I guess that's something. I did get a few valid criticisms-- I get very attached to relationships, I have a hard time taking unsolicited advice. Both are pretty true. Although I can say that I am honestly working on the relationship thing. It's true that I prefer to be in a relationship-- it's nice to have someone to depend on, to sleep next to, to have consistent intimate sex, to be part of something bigger than just you. It's a comfort thing. But it's also that I get very strongly attached to the people I love, so it's more than that. Regardless, I'm trying to get over the notion that I absolutely must be in a relationship with a future, and I'm doing my best to live in the now. Like I said before, I've declared this the Drama-Free Summer, and I'm going to uphold that as best as I am able, watching however the cards fall.
I also got some really beautiful comments. Really, the good ones far outnumbered the bad, which kind of surprised me a little. I especially want to know who's been havin' lesbian sex dreams about me, because to be honest, that's kind of a turn-on. Maybe I just expected the worst. My favorite, I think, came from someone I knew only tangentially in college. I wasn't even aware that she reads my journal. Her comment was very deeply touching-- it filled me with such a warm glow, and the desire to get to know that person better because there seems to be a such good heart there.
I also got some 'huh'? Comments. You know, criticisms that I didn't expect-- things that weren't so flattering, or were just plain random. It's funny how they definitely fell into two categories.
Category 1: It's the internet, I guess I come across as weird. Example:
"I think you're a total nutcase. Pretty, but batshit loony."
I laughed so. hard. It struck me as honestly very funny because of the way it was put, and it didn't offend me in the slightest. I can be a little nutty, but it's usually in a goofy, lighthearted way. I can't really think of many things in my journal that would honestly portray me is "batshit loony"... maybe the whole Paganism thing, which I guess looks understandably whack if you're unfamiliar or it's not your path. Hey, at least I can't say that I'm Vampire Faerie Priestess Rainshower Crystal Cloudfarts. :) As Pagans go, I tend to be in the more skeptical camp. Okay, and maybe my BPAL collection is a bit crazy. Still, I guess I can think of this one as a result of the way I portray myself in this space-- but probably not indicative of the way I actually am. I dunno-- real life friends, care to weigh-in? Really, as long as I'm not the Ann Coulter brand of batshit loony, I think I'll be allright.
And then there's Category 2: Comments of the "whoa, this says way more about the commenter's issues than it does about mine" variety. Example:
Awww...
girltuesday, is that you? Kidding, kidding...
I think I just stared at this one for about five minutes. Because really-- what? For starters, I don't need to try to sound artsy and educated, I am artsy and educated, and if you want to call that pretension, you go right ahead. That really sounded like something my mother would've said in her "if I'd have known college would make you all liberal and edjumacated, ah nevah woulda sent yew!" phase. My posts are long? Whoo boy, I guess I should really curtail the whole writing thing in my own journal. Right. A tip for you-- if you find my long, rambly posts to be well... long and rambly, you can scroll down. You could not click on the lj-cut in my picture posts if they annoy you so. You can remove me from your friendslist. Oh wait... Essentially, some people will be pissed at pretty much anything.
And sure, I can be a little vain from time to time. I'm not above picture posts that go "look at my cute hair," though judging from response to said posts, they seem to be pretty popular. But the most narcissistic woman on LJ? Dude, have you seen rating communities? Come on now. I got over that phase... *counts on fingers* three years ago! :) But seriously, since when does occasionally going "I look so cute today" equal rampant narcissism? I think that's a bit of a stretch, especially when my last hair/vanity post was in March. Every other picture post since then has been photos of trips / outings with friends.
And PS? If I photoshopped my eyes to look bluer, I'd at least make myself look like a Fremen. The truth is, when a camera has a strong flash, my eyes just have a tendency to photograph an odd, opaque shade of blue, kinda like some people (*coughAshleycough*) have perma-evol red-eye. I spend way more time fixing other peoples' eyes in pics than I do my own. As for the weird camera effect? I think it looks cool.
So really, that's the kind of thing that if I were trying to be all high-horsey and pretentious, I'd say something along the lines of *in haughty Britsh accent* "That is so grossly misrepresentative of moi that I won't even dignify it with a response!" But no, I'm just me, so I'm gonna just ask "bzuh?" Because this person doesn't even regularly read my journal. He/she is supposedly just a passerby. And to have that much vitrol about someone you don't know who's never even offended you is kind of... well, special, and not in that 'go you!' sort of way.
In truth, at first, I flushed a little pink. My face was hot with embarrassment, I felt my pulse jump. I went, "oh my god, do people think I'm really a pretentious snot?" And then reality kicked in. I realized that dude, you can't be everybody's cuppa, and that comment was just the kind of ignorant, meaningless slam that you see every five minutes on
ohnotheydidnt-- that is, less about honesty and more about attempting to hurt someone's feelings in order to make yourself feel cooler. (Or, to be more concise, it was lame.) In short, if you have such an extremely negative opinion of some fairly innocuous person on the internet, maybe it's way more about your issues than it is about mine. I guess pretty much anything will look "high and mighty" if your self esteem is in the gutter.
So in short, it was an interesting meme, to say the least. While I can't say that I let public opinions really concern me on a day to day basis, I do have moments of wild curiosity about how I am viewed. And it goes for lots of things. I wonder how I come across one-on-one versus in small groups versus at a party versus on the internet. It's always informative to at least catch little glimpses. Sometimes I do learn things about myself that I hadn't noticed, and sometimes I learn things about others. It's all good. Thus endeth the mental masturbation. For now.
I also got some really beautiful comments. Really, the good ones far outnumbered the bad, which kind of surprised me a little. I especially want to know who's been havin' lesbian sex dreams about me, because to be honest, that's kind of a turn-on. Maybe I just expected the worst. My favorite, I think, came from someone I knew only tangentially in college. I wasn't even aware that she reads my journal. Her comment was very deeply touching-- it filled me with such a warm glow, and the desire to get to know that person better because there seems to be a such good heart there.
I also got some 'huh'? Comments. You know, criticisms that I didn't expect-- things that weren't so flattering, or were just plain random. It's funny how they definitely fell into two categories.
Category 1: It's the internet, I guess I come across as weird. Example:
I laughed so. hard. It struck me as honestly very funny because of the way it was put, and it didn't offend me in the slightest. I can be a little nutty, but it's usually in a goofy, lighthearted way. I can't really think of many things in my journal that would honestly portray me is "batshit loony"... maybe the whole Paganism thing, which I guess looks understandably whack if you're unfamiliar or it's not your path. Hey, at least I can't say that I'm Vampire Faerie Priestess Rainshower Crystal Cloudfarts. :) As Pagans go, I tend to be in the more skeptical camp. Okay, and maybe my BPAL collection is a bit crazy. Still, I guess I can think of this one as a result of the way I portray myself in this space-- but probably not indicative of the way I actually am. I dunno-- real life friends, care to weigh-in? Really, as long as I'm not the Ann Coulter brand of batshit loony, I think I'll be allright.
And then there's Category 2: Comments of the "whoa, this says way more about the commenter's issues than it does about mine" variety. Example:
"Sometimes you come across as the most pretentious ass in all of livejournal. The way you write sounds really fake a lot of the time, like you're searching for words that will make you sound as artsy and educated and "in touch with nature" or whatnot. Like in your sidebar, "she drinks coffee like holy wine" feels like you're forcing this high-and-mighty feel in your livejournal. Half the stuff you write doesn't seem sincere. I couldn't imagine actually being ON your friends list, you just happen to be on my friendsfriends so I see your posts from time to time. Furthermore, I find your long, rambling posts to be very tl;dr and I think it's insane that you don't lj-cut some of your longer posts, especially when you start waxing poetic about paganism and hecate. That, and you're probably the most narcissistic woman on all of livejournal, with all those 'look at my pretty hair look at how I photoshop my eyes to be super blue' posts. Get over yourself!"
Awww...
girltuesday, is that you? Kidding, kidding...I think I just stared at this one for about five minutes. Because really-- what? For starters, I don't need to try to sound artsy and educated, I am artsy and educated, and if you want to call that pretension, you go right ahead. That really sounded like something my mother would've said in her "if I'd have known college would make you all liberal and edjumacated, ah nevah woulda sent yew!" phase. My posts are long? Whoo boy, I guess I should really curtail the whole writing thing in my own journal. Right. A tip for you-- if you find my long, rambly posts to be well... long and rambly, you can scroll down. You could not click on the lj-cut in my picture posts if they annoy you so. You can remove me from your friendslist. Oh wait... Essentially, some people will be pissed at pretty much anything.
And sure, I can be a little vain from time to time. I'm not above picture posts that go "look at my cute hair," though judging from response to said posts, they seem to be pretty popular. But the most narcissistic woman on LJ? Dude, have you seen rating communities? Come on now. I got over that phase... *counts on fingers* three years ago! :) But seriously, since when does occasionally going "I look so cute today" equal rampant narcissism? I think that's a bit of a stretch, especially when my last hair/vanity post was in March. Every other picture post since then has been photos of trips / outings with friends.
And PS? If I photoshopped my eyes to look bluer, I'd at least make myself look like a Fremen. The truth is, when a camera has a strong flash, my eyes just have a tendency to photograph an odd, opaque shade of blue, kinda like some people (*coughAshleycough*) have perma-evol red-eye. I spend way more time fixing other peoples' eyes in pics than I do my own. As for the weird camera effect? I think it looks cool.
So really, that's the kind of thing that if I were trying to be all high-horsey and pretentious, I'd say something along the lines of *in haughty Britsh accent* "That is so grossly misrepresentative of moi that I won't even dignify it with a response!" But no, I'm just me, so I'm gonna just ask "bzuh?" Because this person doesn't even regularly read my journal. He/she is supposedly just a passerby. And to have that much vitrol about someone you don't know who's never even offended you is kind of... well, special, and not in that 'go you!' sort of way.
In truth, at first, I flushed a little pink. My face was hot with embarrassment, I felt my pulse jump. I went, "oh my god, do people think I'm really a pretentious snot?" And then reality kicked in. I realized that dude, you can't be everybody's cuppa, and that comment was just the kind of ignorant, meaningless slam that you see every five minutes on
ohnotheydidnt-- that is, less about honesty and more about attempting to hurt someone's feelings in order to make yourself feel cooler. (Or, to be more concise, it was lame.) In short, if you have such an extremely negative opinion of some fairly innocuous person on the internet, maybe it's way more about your issues than it is about mine. I guess pretty much anything will look "high and mighty" if your self esteem is in the gutter.So in short, it was an interesting meme, to say the least. While I can't say that I let public opinions really concern me on a day to day basis, I do have moments of wild curiosity about how I am viewed. And it goes for lots of things. I wonder how I come across one-on-one versus in small groups versus at a party versus on the internet. It's always informative to at least catch little glimpses. Sometimes I do learn things about myself that I hadn't noticed, and sometimes I learn things about others. It's all good. Thus endeth the mental masturbation. For now.