Darkest night of the year, indeed.
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Dulcissime
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scholarslayouts. Header image is "Twelve Women with Birds" by Emily Balivet. Used with permission.
scholarslayouts. Header image is "Twelve Women with Birds" by Emily Balivet. Used with permission.22 December 2006 @ 10:10 am
I was called crazy, unbalanced, irrational, irresponsible, a liar, mean, unsupportive, and suicidal.
At no point did I raise my voice, cry, or insult. I wore an armor of calm even when he sucessively hit each of my panic buttons, and did so acknowledging that he was doing it on purpose. Because, as I quote, "[he] has the right to, because it's not illegal."
What did I do that was illegal?
( Backstory.Collapse )
( Last night.Collapse )
Parting words? "You know, I'll miss you. I liked fucking you. You were great in the sack. You're pretty. And you can be really smart sometimes. But you're fucking crazy. If you want to compromise, we can try to be friends."
Basically, he was an emotionally abusive asshat the entire evening.
What's better? I get to see him tonight at the dance. And tomorrow at Scott's party. And Sunday at Dixie's party, which is being held at my house. And he's made it clear that he's not going to be polite to me and will essentially tell his side of the story to anyone who will listen. Very mature.
But I am not going to back down. If I chickened out or acted intimidated, it will validate for him that being an asshole is the way to get what he wants. If he wants to apologize for being an asshole, then maybe we can talk. But honestly, I gave him respect and kindness and honesty last night, and he gave me nothing but vinegar and bile in return. I am not bending over backwards to fix this. I am going to get through this weekend come hell or high water.
I'm going to do what I do best-- clean up nice, put on a pretty dress, be charming, and not respond to his escalations.
I will not let him break me.
Comments screened. I may unscreen them in the future, but for right now, they're staying screened. This is public due to his allegation that the reason why he blocked me is to protect me from self-harm, and I want it known that that is blatant bullshit. I'm going on public record to say so.
At no point did I raise my voice, cry, or insult. I wore an armor of calm even when he sucessively hit each of my panic buttons, and did so acknowledging that he was doing it on purpose. Because, as I quote, "[he] has the right to, because it's not illegal."
What did I do that was illegal?
( Backstory.Collapse )
( Last night.Collapse )
Parting words? "You know, I'll miss you. I liked fucking you. You were great in the sack. You're pretty. And you can be really smart sometimes. But you're fucking crazy. If you want to compromise, we can try to be friends."
Basically, he was an emotionally abusive asshat the entire evening.
What's better? I get to see him tonight at the dance. And tomorrow at Scott's party. And Sunday at Dixie's party, which is being held at my house. And he's made it clear that he's not going to be polite to me and will essentially tell his side of the story to anyone who will listen. Very mature.
But I am not going to back down. If I chickened out or acted intimidated, it will validate for him that being an asshole is the way to get what he wants. If he wants to apologize for being an asshole, then maybe we can talk. But honestly, I gave him respect and kindness and honesty last night, and he gave me nothing but vinegar and bile in return. I am not bending over backwards to fix this. I am going to get through this weekend come hell or high water.
I'm going to do what I do best-- clean up nice, put on a pretty dress, be charming, and not respond to his escalations.
I will not let him break me.
Comments screened. I may unscreen them in the future, but for right now, they're staying screened. This is public due to his allegation that the reason why he blocked me is to protect me from self-harm, and I want it known that that is blatant bullshit. I'm going on public record to say so.
22 December 2006 @ 11:58 am
In the depths of deepest darkness, there is the greatest light.
We never know our true character until we are tested.
Lashing out from hurt is easy. It is, however, not the high road.
Love dictates that I take the high road, even though it is the most painful.
I will not sling mud. I will not muddy the facts.
I will understand that I cannot keep people from believing muddy facts.
Those that do are not worth being counted as friends.
A compromise is not an ultimatum. Neither is an ultimatum a compromise.
I will not take the bait. I will not escalate. I will not fall apart. I will keep my chin up.
I will not allow myself to be bullied. I will not accept bullshit justifications.
I am not crazy or unstable. Those things were said to make me doubt myself, not because they are true.
My past depression should never be used as a weapon against me. This is unacceptable.
If I am clear about my limitations in a situation, they should be respected, not taken advantage of.
A partner who tries to take advantage of my incapacitation to gain the upper hand is not deserving of me.
A partner who tries to badger me or hurt my feelings to gain the upper hand is not deserving of me.
A partner who tries to justify his or her actions with dishonesty is not deserving of me.
I am a good person. Not perfect. But certainly deserving of respect and decency.
I will show respect even when being shown none.
I will show kindness and grace even when being shown none.
I am strong enough to know my boundaries and hold firm in the storm.
What makes me stronger is my ability to see my own flaws.
I may stumble, but I pick myself up every time.
I have friends who love me.
They love me for who I am, not despite who I am.
I will not let this break me.
We never know our true character until we are tested.
Lashing out from hurt is easy. It is, however, not the high road.
Love dictates that I take the high road, even though it is the most painful.
I will not sling mud. I will not muddy the facts.
I will understand that I cannot keep people from believing muddy facts.
Those that do are not worth being counted as friends.
A compromise is not an ultimatum. Neither is an ultimatum a compromise.
I will not take the bait. I will not escalate. I will not fall apart. I will keep my chin up.
I will not allow myself to be bullied. I will not accept bullshit justifications.
I am not crazy or unstable. Those things were said to make me doubt myself, not because they are true.
My past depression should never be used as a weapon against me. This is unacceptable.
If I am clear about my limitations in a situation, they should be respected, not taken advantage of.
A partner who tries to take advantage of my incapacitation to gain the upper hand is not deserving of me.
A partner who tries to badger me or hurt my feelings to gain the upper hand is not deserving of me.
A partner who tries to justify his or her actions with dishonesty is not deserving of me.
I am a good person. Not perfect. But certainly deserving of respect and decency.
I will show respect even when being shown none.
I will show kindness and grace even when being shown none.
I am strong enough to know my boundaries and hold firm in the storm.
What makes me stronger is my ability to see my own flaws.
I may stumble, but I pick myself up every time.
I have friends who love me.
They love me for who I am, not despite who I am.
I will not let this break me.