The choice: Stay in a relationship with a defined end-date, giving 100% emotion and commitment, and go from being someone's girlfriend to completely alone overnight, or begin to distance myself over time so that the end won't completely break me down, as similar situations have done in the past.
The choice: Hold fast to myself, to all of my strong points and flaws, accepting that who I am is wonderfully human and okay, or to change again-- this time for a relationship with no future, according to someone else's idea of what is "good for me."
The choice: Risk being alone by holding fast, potentially losing someone I care about very deeply, or grant a temporary reprieve to a relationship that still, unchangingly, will end when he leaves.
The choice: Pain now, or pain later.
In the end, does it really matter? He's going to L.A. I am not. If I had to make a list of places that I absolutely would not want to live, L.A. would be on that list. It's highly unlikely that I will change my mind about that. His dream is not my dream, his plan not my plan. Well, I don't have a plan, per se, but I know that moving to L.A. is not something I want to do. And so I won't work against that to fit myself into his plan-- that seems so artificial. The ending is already written, and crying about it will not change anything. All of that logic, and does that help when you feel like you're falling apart? Not one bit. Last night, we decided to see other people in order to make it easier on each other when he goes. Rather, I suggested it, and he said he'd try it if that's what I wanted. I just don't see any other workable solution.
I'm sure that one day, I'll be able to objectively look back and say yes, that was the right conclusion to come to. Someday when the grief is past. But right now, all I have is sadness-- sadness and some bitterness.
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Comments disabled just because this is another case of me trying to work out my feelings by writing them out. I know that I have plenty of support, and I certainly don't want to cause a taking sides or a bashing situation. It's the circumstances that suck, not the people involved.
The choice: Hold fast to myself, to all of my strong points and flaws, accepting that who I am is wonderfully human and okay, or to change again-- this time for a relationship with no future, according to someone else's idea of what is "good for me."
The choice: Risk being alone by holding fast, potentially losing someone I care about very deeply, or grant a temporary reprieve to a relationship that still, unchangingly, will end when he leaves.
The choice: Pain now, or pain later.
In the end, does it really matter? He's going to L.A. I am not. If I had to make a list of places that I absolutely would not want to live, L.A. would be on that list. It's highly unlikely that I will change my mind about that. His dream is not my dream, his plan not my plan. Well, I don't have a plan, per se, but I know that moving to L.A. is not something I want to do. And so I won't work against that to fit myself into his plan-- that seems so artificial. The ending is already written, and crying about it will not change anything. All of that logic, and does that help when you feel like you're falling apart? Not one bit. Last night, we decided to see other people in order to make it easier on each other when he goes. Rather, I suggested it, and he said he'd try it if that's what I wanted. I just don't see any other workable solution.
I'm sure that one day, I'll be able to objectively look back and say yes, that was the right conclusion to come to. Someday when the grief is past. But right now, all I have is sadness-- sadness and some bitterness.
( Read more...Collapse )
Comments disabled just because this is another case of me trying to work out my feelings by writing them out. I know that I have plenty of support, and I certainly don't want to cause a taking sides or a bashing situation. It's the circumstances that suck, not the people involved.
Current Mood: down