Consider this a Warning

So recently things have been....amazing. It's weird. I thought my life was so great because I was so comfortable in my life. It seemed like everyone would always be together forever and now....things are just so wild and crazy and I love it. Being best friends with Danny, Nolan, and Mike was just the thing to get me out of my funk. Though one could legitimately say it might have also made my life drift so far from the path I think I should be on it is kind of scary, but in a good way. Unpredictability sucks sometimes but it also makes life interesting. Isn't my one worst fear supposed to be monotony? Don't get me wrong, knowing that you have something to come home to is great, but when it was as bad as Neil and I were, it's not the answer. But that leads to the question of what is the answer? I don't know what I am doing nowadays. Sometimes it feels like I am grabbing at straws that I know are soon to break. How much longer can I keep doing this? I can't keep putting off going back to class and I can't keep partying like this and expect to make good grades. So what...do I have to choose one or the other? Because if that's the case...well...my worst fear is that I am going to pick partying. That's what I have always picked and if I want to make a lot of money and not have to be a career waitress or whatever then I have to change that. Or at least moderate my partying to the weekend.

And then there is Nolan. God I don't even know where to begin. He's hot, sweet, considerate...most of the time...and as much as he wants to pretend to be a player he gets his heart invested in things way too much. I just don't understand why he can't invest his heart in me? Maybe if I hadn't shot him down those times when he was trying to make out with me things would have been different but I don't know. He is only 19. I mean seriously...I couldn't take him anywhere which is why the four of us always end up staying at their apartment and get wasted playing beer pong. Which, I must say, is quite fun. Why must I always do this to myself? Mike, Nolan, and Danny are my best friends now. I cannot make the same mistake again. I have lost way too many friends by deciding to go out with one of them. Wouldn't it just be better to have great friends and try and find someone outside of the circle to date? Besides, I'd have a better chance at dating Mike than Nolan. He's all into Gina now who I don't think is all that hot or spectacular. Whatever...jealousy is not an attractive feature and I need to just forget about it anyway. The sooner that happens the sooner it won't hurt. I'll just do what I always do....I mean think about what happened with Justin. He was my best friend. We did make out and have sex and he still chose someone else. Let's not repeat those same mistakes. I'm supposed to be older and wiser, so why is it that I somehow feel more stupid and confused then when I was in high school?

Yet despite all of this the one thing that I know is that I haven't been depressed or regretted my decision since this has happened. And to me, that is the most important thing to consider.

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