A Wrestling Match to Match All Matches!!
So, is there anything worse than wrestling a teen-age girl who is 6 inches taller than yourself and over 25 years younger than you are over, of all things, a portable dvd player and an Ipod. This is what happens when a teen-ager doesn't clean her room after numerous reminders and threats of taking all electronincs from her possession if she doesn't hop to it.
Two hours later her room is still a mess. No amount of cajoling, pleading, or bargaining seemed to work and that's when I entered 'the void' aka a girls personal space aka the bedroom - to take all electronics and suddenly the former life-less blob developes the ability to move and rather quickly at that!
Now, I've seen Wrestlemania once or twice, and that was one time too many, and I'm here to tell you this wasn't like that at all. For one, we lacked a ref and so basically it was a free-for-all with absolutely no rules. Imagine it. Two females fighting to the death over two small electronic pieces of cheap plastic that probably came form China and therefore more than likely would eventually have poisoned us as so many items which come from China do. But... I digress.
Where was I? Oh yes, trying to yank and pull that damn portable dvd player out of hands that have it clutched convulsively and protectively close to her chest. She is, and I kid you not, literally foaming at the mouth! But I am the adult in this scenario and I refuse to give into a little foamy-white teen-aged drool! I will prevail!! I reknew my efforts and with untold strength I manage to wrest the Ipod from her pocket. Success! This, although good for me, is also a stronger incentive for her to build up wild defenses in order to keep her hold on that portable dvd player.
She feints to the left. I match her. She twists and turns at impossible angles taking my arms with her, but I am determined and no matter how awkward and painful my contorted limbs feel, I do not budge. She side-swipes my leg with her own and we tumble to the bed in a mass pile of arms and legs. For a moment I hope that this little fall will disorient her enough to the point that I can snatch the dvd player. Alas, not the case. She is as tenacious as I.
By this point, our struggles have filtered beyond the confines of 'the void' which boggles my mind considering she 's been bellowing the word, Nooooooooo since this whole fiasco began. My partner in crime enters the arena and for a split second I was under the ludicrous impression that we'd be able to tag-team our erstwhile teen-aged girl. Yes, it goes against all the rules of WWF but I was getting desperate. Did I happen to mention that I'm 6 inches shorter than her AND over 25 years older? That being the case, I was getting tired. There's only so much umph a woman my age can maintain through sheer bull-headed stubborness as my poor battered body could attest to.
And what does my partner in crime do to come to my aid? Nothing. She simply stands there watching as I am grabbed by the back of my sweater. You see, I'd almost gotten away with the precious cargo but the teen-aged blitz managed to grab me from behind. I tripped. I stumbled. I banged my knee on the wood part of her bed. I wouldn't have been having all these problems and attempting to avoid obstacles strewn through out the room if she had just cleaned up all that crap like I asked her to do in the first place.
It was getting ugly when I turned to my partner in crime and beseeched, "Help me!" My partner in crime is startled out of her stupor and rushes to my aid but I had no need of her assistance. I held the dvd player aloft, victorious! Before my teen-aged hellion had time to rally I exited the room with my ill-gotten booty. I turned to my partner in crime and asked, "Why didn't you help me when you came into the room?" She says, "I thought you guys were just playing around."
Yeah, right... because all that yelling, screaming, screeching, bouncing off the walls and spittle was a real hoot, let me tell ya. Fact is, I'm ready for another round. NOT!!