The Winner Takes It All - Chapter 3 - Remus/Hermione
Title: The Winner Takes It All
Pairings: Remus/Tonks, Remus/Hermione
Characters In This Chapter: Remus, Sirius, Hermione
Warnings: Language/Some might percieve it Sirius bashing, but it's NOT! I LOVE SIRIUS! In this story he's a bit of a womanizer and damn proud of it!
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I own nothing and make no money
Author's Notes: I do not own Khalil Gibran's "Broken Wings" and I tweaked the quote a bit to fit my story better. I also do not own The Kama Sutra (lol).
Chapter Notes: Sirius eats brownies, gives Remus a crash course on women and informs a clueless Remus that once-upon-a-time a certain red-haired, intelligent witch who ended up marrying James Potter, had a major crush on an incredulous Remus.
The Winner Takes It All - Chapter Three
“The History book on the shelf is always repeating itself.” – ABBA
Mumbling past the bite of brownie he’d shoved into his mouth, Sirius asked, “How is she?”
“She’d probably be bit better if you’d left at least one brownie for her to enjoy,” was Remus’ rueful reply.
Waving the hand holding what remained of the last brownie, Sirius grinned, revealing cake-encrusted teeth before answering, “Well, mate…to my way of thinking, I just saved her from herself.” Taking another bite, he mumbled, “Mark my words, someday she’ll thank me when she’s still as slight as a thistle. Birds tend to pack on the pounds after they hit a certain age.”
“That’s a problem Hermione will most likely not have to worry over.”
Tilting his head to the side, Sirius mused, “I don’t know about that. The other day I noticed her thighs might have gotten a bit thicker. But, on the upside, her boobs looked bigger too.”
“Sirius Black!”
“What?” he asked, honestly puzzled at the censure in his friend’s voice. “It’s true. She was wearing those tight jean shorts and that purple tank top, bit hard not to notice, mate.” Remus sent him a sideways glance that could have shriveled a grape. Sirius pretended not to see it and barreled along. “Remember Serena Macklebee?” Remus nodded. “Light as a feather and then – BLAM—almost over night she was wasn’t so light anymore, heavy as a two-ton dragon. But did I mind?” he asked, sounding as if he’d been doing Serena the biggest favor by not dropping her on her large bum immediately. “Nope. And do you want to know why?”
Not really, Remus thought to himself.
“Because her tits went up about two sizes right along with her waist line.” Resting his elbow on the counter, Sirius continued, “They were magnificent.” Sighing dramatically, he stared off into space, apparently lost in the deep swell of Serena Macklebee’s ample bosom.
“That’s different and you know it,” Remus stated, pouring a small handful of chocolate chips into the mix. “This is Hermione we’re talking about so keep your eyes, and other things, off of her thighs and breasts.”
Chin in hand, Sirius eyed Remus with a great deal of curiosity as he stirred the chocolate confection. “Why,” he asked casually, “want them for yourself?”
Remus dropped the spoon and it clattered against the side of the ceramic bowl. Sirius gave a low chuckle at Remus’ apparent embarrassment, taking special note of the dark flush creeping up his friends’ neck. “I wouldn’t blame you, of course, she’s a pretty piece,” he teased mercilessly.
Clanking the spoon with unnecessary force to dislodge remnants of the batter, Remus spoke softly but with real anger in his voice. “First of all, Hermione is not a pretty piece, she’s a lovely young lady and you will treat her as such. Second, she looks on me as a friend, not to mention there’s that little obstacle of the age difference.”
Sirius airily waved that comment aside, replying with a “P’shaw.”
“I’m twice her age, for Merlin’s sake!” Sirius raised his brows at the force with which Remus spoke. “And third and most importantly, I’m in a relationship with Dora!”
Rolling is eyes, Sirius drawled, “Oh, is that what you call it?”
“Sirius, mind your own damn business,” Remus said emphatically, waving the spoon threateningly in his direction. “I don’t poke my nose into your rather fleeting romances of the moment, so please accord me the same courtesy.”
“Don’t get your knickers in a twist, Moony. Short term they may be, they’re fulfilling for all parties involved.” Tapping his chin, Sirius wondered out loud, “What’s it been now? Two, maybe three years you’ve been seeing my cousin?”
“Three years; why?” Remus asked suspiciously.
“Three years is a long time, mate, and my sweet cousin’s not getting any younger. Don’t you think you ought to make an honest witch out of Nymphadora?”
Shocked into momentary silence, Remus whispered, still not quite believing his ears: “Well as I live and breathe. Sirius Black is suggesting that someone of the male persuasion actually settle down with one woman into domesticated bliss. Is the sky falling?”
“She’s expecting it, you know,” Sirius answered, suddenly serious. “I heard her talking to Hermione the other day.”
Remus’ head jerked up. “What did she say?” Remus asked in trepidation.
Crossing his arms over his bare chest, Sirius continued, “Dora figures that you’re going to surprise her on her birthday.”
Remus closed his eyes disparagingly. “That’s in less than three months time.”
“Uh huh.” Sirius dipped his finger in the bowl, pulled out a large dollop of chocolate goop, and sucked it off of his finger. “You don’t want to marry her, do you?”
There were times that Sirius could be quite intuitive. Why’d this have to be one of those times? And on this topic, of all things?
Sirius reached over and plucked the spoon form Remus’ limp hand, licking it clean. “She’s a good sort, my cousin, but a wee bit on the kooky side. And let’s face it, mate, she doesn’t exactly glide into a room, you know?”
Offended, Remus stated, “Dora is a wonderful woman and you’re just jealous because she’s prettier than you.”
“She is not!” Sirius exclaimed with a wounded look. “Everyone knows that I was graced with the outstanding good looks in the Black family.” Remus shook is head, amused by his friends’ boasting. “Merlin knows where I got them from; my nutter of a mother was as ugly and unappealing as her nature.”
With great relish, Remus retorted, “Regulus was a good-looking chap.”
“So he was, so he was,” Sirius agreed all too readily. “But it was me who was blessed with the brains to go along with this fabulous exterior, and I’m taller. I got the all-around package,” he finished with a triumphant grin.
Remus bent over and placed the tray of batter on the middle rack in the stove, just has Hermione had taught him. She’d informed him that the brownies would burn on the top without cooking properly if placed on the uppermost or on the lowest racks and she’d been right. He’d burnt a few brownies in his day before Hermione had educated him with that little tip.
“Stop right there,” Remus commanded Sirius, who had grabbed a large handful of chocolate chips and was heading in his direction.
“What?”
“There are quite enough chips in these brownies.”
“A few more wouldn’t hurt,” Sirius suggested, a pout already beginning to form.
“No, Sirius. Hermione won’t eat them if there are too many chips. Which,” Remus remarked with great astuteness, “is probably the reason you put extra ones in to begin with.”
“Chocolate is our friend, Remus.” Sirius cajoled, attempting to use Remus’ own weakness for chocolate against him.
Eyeing him sternly, Remus replied, “It isn’t going to work. Put them back.”
Sirius, looking crest-fallen, used his hand as a funnel and started to pour them back into the bag. It was done slowly, as if he’d hoped that Remus would change his mind. When Remus remained adamant, Sirius let the last few chips fall from his grasp.
“You’re pussy-whipped,” Sirius grumbled.
“Sirius, your mouth is atrocious; shut it.”
Shaking his head sadly, he continued, “I can even sort of understand being pussy-whipped in certain circumstances. I’ve even, once or twice, been bewitched by some outstanding pussy. But hell, Remus…you’re not even getting any and she has you whipped.”
Gritting his teeth, Remus snapped, “I said shut it, Padfoot! Hermione’s just upstairs and if she heard one word of what you’re saying, she’d be horrified, not to mention humiliated.” Remus paused before continuing. “Don’t you think she’s suffered enough humiliation at the hands of one Ronald Weasley?”
Screwing his face up into a frown, Sirius continued unabashed. “Well, it’s true! Hermione’s been here, what? Three days at the most, and you’re already kow-towing to her every whim.”
“Great Merlin,” Remus exclaimed in frustration, “it’s a blasted batch of brownies, Sirius! I’m not selling her my soul.”
“Turning your back on extra chocolate is tantamount to selling your soul!” The statement was totally absurd and they both knew it.
“Is this really about brownies?” Remus asked, the light finally dawning on him.
Sirius looked away and guiltily grumbled, “I don’t know what you mean.”
“You’re jealous!” Remus remarked, astounded.
“Am not!”
“Are so!” Remus declared, the childishness of their back and forth comments not escaping his more mature mindset but unable to let it go. “But, why?”
“Well look what she’s doing to you!” Sirius barked loudly.
“Lower your voice, please,” Remus hissed, looking over his shoulder.
“If you’re so concerned that Hermione might hear us, why don’t you just cast a Muffliato spell?”
Cocking his head, Remus said nothing for a moment and then retorted, “No need. She’s in the shower. She’ll be a bit; she likes to take long hot ones.”
“Does she now?” Sirius asked, amused by his friend’s knowledge of Hermione’s hygienic routine.
“Don’t start,” Remus growled low in the back of his throat.
Holding his hands up in mock surrender, Sirius stated, “I didn’t say anything.”
“It’s how you didn’t say anything that has my dander up,” Remus replied waspishly. “It’s the insinuation you put behind those innocent words. Hermione deserves better than the likes of you making any sort of crass comments about her and her showers. ”
“I wasn’t even headed there, I swear!”
Giving Sirius a disbelieving glare, he grabbed a dish towel and, after wiping his hands on it, balled it up at threw it at Sirius’ head. Sirius caught it easily, dropping it and kicking it into the corner near the stove.
“You better hope Hermione doesn’t find out that you have Kreacher ‘working like a slave when you’re perfectly capable of doing your own laundry’,” Remus said, wryly quoting what Hermione had told Sirius two days ago when she’d discovered that Sirius had indeed been using Kreacher as his servant ‘without adequate pay.’ Remus grinned from ear-to-ear at Sirius’ slightly alarmed expression.
“Oh, Gods, please, please tell me you aren’t going to follow me around ‘suggesting’ what I should and shouldn’t be doing! We’re too old for you to be pulling that Head Boy shit.”
“For goodness sake, Sirius, why would I? It didn’t do much good the first time around and, though it seems an impossibility, you’re even more debauched than when we were in school.”
“I do make the effort,” Sirius proclaimed, puffing out his chest in pride.
Testing the setting on the stove, Remus commented conversationally, “Hermione and I are going into Hogsmeade to Flourish and Blott’s after the brownies are done.” Almost as an after thought, he added, “We might be stopping in at the Three Broomsticks afterward, there’s no reason for you to wait up for us.”
Rolling his eyes, Sirius whined, “I wanted to go to the pub tonight, check out the birds; thought you could come along.”
Screwing his face up in distaste, Remus replied, “No thanks, it’s not my cup of tea.”
“You used to go with me,” Sirius snapped back. “Just last week, in fact.”
“To keep you company, Pads,” Remus proclaimed. “Not that you needed it; in four nanoseconds we were surrounded.”
A tidal wave of attractive witches had hit their table with the force of an out-of-control tsunami, washing over Sirius, bathing him in their presence. Sirius gloried in the attention, but Remus was not so happy with the onslaught of the putrid, aromatic odors coming off their bodies. To most men, Remus was sure, they smelled delightful. For him, it was a different matter altogether. His sense of smell was particularly well-honed due to his lycanthropy. Perfumes, colognes, body lotions and the like were often overpowering, marking a burning path down his nose and throat. In such instances he would experience horrible queasiness and head-aches that could have rivaled any hangover Sirius might have incurred during an evenings festivities.
“It’s like Lily Evans all over again.” Sirius bemoaned, sounding as if the sky really were falling.
Slapping his hand atop the counter, Remus groused, “Merlin, you’re infuriating. What is that supposed to mean?”
“In school, remember those days? In school you were always with Lily,” Sirius explained, clearly annoyed.
“I was not,” Remus denied, confused.
“Gods, Remus, of course you were. Walking with her in the corridors; leaving us behind more often than not. Hell, not to mention the fact that you were always sitting next to her in all the classes we shared….” Sirius’ voice trailed off at the perplexed look on Remus’ face.
“She asked me to,” Remus stated simply, as if the answer was as obvious as the aristocratic nose in the middle of Sirius’ handsome face.
“Why?” Sirius questioned relentlessly.
“Well, this is just a guess, mind you, but perhaps she wanted a study partner who would actually, I don’t know…study?” Remus shot back, really starting to get annoyed.
“Well, what about the library?” Sirius continued, himself annoyed at Remus’ obliviousness.
“What about it?” Remus demanded in exasperation.
“Don’t play stupid, man,” Sirius exclaimed, narrowing his eyes. “You’d spend hours in there. Alone. With Lily,” Sirius remarked, determined to not be put off.
“Alone, I believe, would be an erroneous statement. There were other students in the library as well. But, since you yourself, never set a foot in the place, it’s no wonder you were unaware of that little fact.” Raking his fingers through his sandy locks, Remus asked, “Where is this coming from?”
“I’m not the only one it bothered,” Sirius said with a scowl, ignoring Remus’ question. “James was annoyed every time you two took off somewhere.”
“James had no reason whatsoever to be annoyed. Lily was my friend, my friend, Pads. And that was all it ever was.”
“You fancied her though, didn’t you?”
“All right,” he conceded, sighing. “Yes I did, for a while, but we all fancied Lily; even you did, don’t try denying it!”
“I won’t, but it never got James into a tizzy when I flirted with her every now and again.”
“ ‘Now and again’? That’s the understatement of the century. You blatantly flirted with Lily at every opportunity.”
“And your point is….”
“My point is that James didn’t show any signs of being upset.”
“Of course he wasn’t. He knew damn well that Lily wouldn’t take me seriously…. Wouldn’t take me at all. Mores the pity, she didn’t know what she missing out on.”
“Oh, I’m sure she had some sort of clue and still managed to survive the loss. Lily was far too intelligent to be taken in by the likes of you. She wanted someone she could rely on and who wouldn’t be off chasing the next skirt that swished by.”
“Exactly! That, right there, is what I’m talking about. She depended on you. Relied on you. Not James, Moony…you. She related to you on some other level that she couldn’t with the rest of us, including James.”
“You’re being an arse. Lily was madly and completely in love with James. A moron of the highest order,” Remus looked pointedly at Sirius, “could have spotted it a mile off.”
Sweeping aside Remus’ comment, Sirius stated firmly, “She was…later. She would have settled on you, you know, if you’d just given her a sign that you were interested. It might have escaped your notice, but Lily had, had a massive crush on you since our 4th year.”
“You’re completely mental, Pads.”
“For someone so smart, you can be quite the dunderhead,” Sirius griped. “If you’d cast your mind back a good twenty-some years or so and look at the events from where you are today, it’s clear enough.”
Remus looked in the sink and picked up the empty pan of brownies that Sirius had consumed in his absence. With a concerned look in Sirius’ direction, he poked his nose in the pan and he inhaled deeply.
“What? What?”
“Just checking for any illegal potions.”
“Bloody hell, Moony! I don’t do that sort of thing. Now, Snivellus on the other hand….”
“Can you really blame me, Pads? Here you are dropping massive amounts of dragon dung at my feet, and you don’t expect me to be concerned?”
“Are you really this oblivious? Let’s look at the facts.” When Remus looked at him incredulously, Sirius continued, “Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s a sorry state of affairs when I’m willing to talk about the facts of any situation. But I’m willing to tarnish my exemplary reputation of acting before thinking if that’s what it takes in order for you to see reason. Now, let’s begin. Lily sent back every Valentines Day card James ever owled her between 1st and 5th years and they were the most expensive, extravagant pieces of colored paper I’d ever seen.”
“So?” Remus asked, shrugging a shoulder. “Lily was always sending gifts back to James. The cards were the least of them.”
“True,” Sirius agreed. “But, you wrote a few lines on slips of plain parchment from time to time and she kept them for years.” Smirking in satisfaction at Remus’ bewilderment, he exclaimed triumphantly, “Didn’t know that, did you?”
“No…I didn’t,” Remus answered, clearly uncomfortable. “I don’t understand,” he mumbled. “I never wrote Lily any sort of love letters.” Remus peered at Sirius intently and growled, “You’re making this up!”
“Why, Remus…” Sirius demanded loudly, “why would I make something like this up? Huh?”
“If they were love letters, they were probably from James,” Remus insisted. “You’ve made a mistake.”
“Unless James’ name somehow translated into your own, than I’m not mistaken. They were yours, you signed them.”
“You read them?” Remus gasped.
“A few,” Sirius stated without the least bit of embarrassment at invading someone else’s privacy.
“Dammit, Sirius, you don’t go around reading other people’s personal correspondence.”
“You can rest easy, mate. They weren’t love letters. Just some notes where you were thanking her for being such a good friend, blah, blah, blah. Just the sort of muck you’d write to a girl.”
“Of course they weren’t love letters, you jackass!” Remus was still astounded that Sirius had not only read someone else’ mail but that he had, even for a moment, entertained the notion that Remus had written Lily love letters. “Anything else?”
“A few odds and ends. What looked to be a piece of hair. A bookmark with a flower on it. Silly stuff that birds keep.”
Remus had given Lily the bookmark, he remembered it clearly. The flower on it had been a calla lily in honor of the girl he’d presented it to. It had been her birthday and, as usual, he’d been low on funds and couldn’t afford to get her anything more expensive. He’d been slightly ashamed at the small token he’d made with his own hands and had given it to her rather tentatively. She’d seemed very pleased by it, even though she’d received other, more extravagant and beautiful gifts.
Could the hair have been a keepsake from his own head? Lily had often clucked and tsked over the state of his ragged and shaggy locks. More than once she’d made him sit through a hair cut, which had, generally, ended up looking worse than before she’d started out. Remus hadn’t the heart to refuse her offers whenever she’d dangle a pair of shears in front of him. How could he, when she so obviously just wanted to help? She would literally beam when he’d thank her on a job well done. Remus had thought nothing of it at the time; Lily had just been being her sweet self in helping out a friend. Hadn’t she?
“I found them in a book; Khalil Gibran’s Broken Wings. You surprised?”
Remus didn’t doubt that he looked surprise, because he was; very. Lily and he often read Khalil Gibran’s work together and Broken Wings had been a particular favorite of them both.
“Is it that fact that she kept them or that I actually know the name of a book?”
“Both, actually. What were you doing nosing around Lily’s books to begin with?” The fact that Sirius had looked at the title, let alone actually opened it, was monumentally startling.
A bit flustered by the question, Sirius offered in what he hoped was a nonchalant manner, “Just curious, is all.”
Not in the least bit fooled, Remus looked at his friend and with one stern word demanded the truth: “Sirius.” Slowly drawing his friends name out into all four syllables, it was a sure sign that Remus wasn’t going to let it go until nothing but the whole truth remained.
Sirius winced. He’d barely, if ever, been able to put one over on Remus. The bastard was just too discerning, and for awhile, Sirius even considered that his friend might have been indulging in a bit of Legilimency. But Remus just wasn’t the sort of bloke to go knocking about in other people’s minds. He had far too many scruples. Sirius, on the other hand? Sirius definitely wouldn’t have had a problem with the having that ability.
“Well?” Remus demanded.
Clearing his throat, Sirius ruefully admitted, “Well, I might, might have thought it was a different type of Eastern book altogether. It was a perfectly normal mistake. They both started with a K. Was it my fault that I mistook that guy’s name for the title at first?” At Remus’ confused expression, Sirius sighed deeply. “Ever heard of the Kama Sutra?”
Choking in surprise, Remus squeaked, “You thought Lily had a copy of the Kama Sutra just lying about?”
“It wasn’t totally beyond the realms of possibility, Moony.” Sirius waved his hand in exasperation, leaving his comment up for speculation, a carrot that Remus jumped at immediately.
Red-faced, Remus retorted angrily, “James better not have told you about his sex life with Lily. There are things you share with your friends, and topics which are private and should stay between two people….”
“Or three,” Sirius quipped, trying to appease his friend with a dash of humor.
“It’s not funny! Gods,” Remus exclaimed once more, running a hand through his hair. “How could he do that to her? How?”
“Get a grip, mate.”
Remus totally shocked Sirius when he did get a grip; on Sirius’ hair, giving it a painful yank. “And I bet you enjoyed every minute detail, didn’t you?”
“Mate, you’re way out of line here. James was ever the gent, never said a crass thing about Lily.” Sirius was speaking the truth and he really hoped his friend had caught on to that little fact. He was more than a little worried that Remus was going to haul off and give him a bloody nose. “Not to mention that I don’t think the birds would like it much if I ended up having to walk around sporting a bald patch.” Sirius was more concerned for his hair than even he was willing to admit.
Remus hesitated before saying in a solemn voice, “I apologize, Padfoot.” And he really was sorry, but he’d seen red, literally. “But you do see how utterly wrong that would have been, don’t you?”
“Honestly? No, Moony; I don’t.” Sirius rushed into an explanation, cutting Remus off when he opened his mouth to protest. “James talked with me about a multitude of subjects and yes, once or twice, sex reared its ugly head.” At Remus’ threatening look, Sirius stated firmly, “We’re guys, Remus; we talk about that sort of stuff. Hell, it’s almost a prerequisite. But sex was least of it; more often than not, we talked about you and Lily.”
“Why?” Remus asked, truly baffled.
“Cripes, Moony,” Sirius groaned, “James loved you and he loved Lily. But he wasn’t blind and contrary to popular belief, he wasn’t stupid, either. He saw clearly what you couldn’t. And what James really wanted was for Lily see him. But she never did, not once. Every attempt he made fell flatter than a pancake. It drove him nearly mental to see the girl he wanted so enamored of one of his best mates.” Remus went numb at the very notion that Lily had been interested in him, of all people.
“But he still tried, he never gave up,” Sirius went on. “Do you have any idea how many times he’d invited Lily to watch him play Quidditch?” Remus shook his head in the negative. “More times than I can count. And where was she? With you; either in the library or down by the lake, reading poetry.”
“Did you take up spying on the side?” Remus asked, annoyed that Sirius seemed to be laying the blame for Lily’s initial disinterest in James at his doorstep.
“Didn’t need to, I used to sneak into the girls’ dormitory underneath James’ invisibility cloak and sit on Stella’s Effleworth’s bed waiting for her. We had a thing for a bit.” No news there, thought Remus. “From that particular vantage point, I had to suffer through Lily singing your praises over and over. Just like that part that she’d underlined in that book. Some gobbeldy-gook about beauty and insights, and singing praises.”
Remus knew exactly which quote he was referring to. ‘Every visit gave me a new meaning to his beauty and a new insight into his sweet spirit, until he became a book whose pages I could understand and whose praises I could sing, but which I could never finish reading.’
“She’d go on and on.” In a mock-girlish voice, Sirius mimicked, “Remus is so sensitive. Remus is so intelligent. Remus doesn’t need to prove he’s a real man by showing off on some stupid broom.” Returning to his normal voice, he continued, “Nauseating after a while; let me tell you.”
“She said all that?” Remus was totally stunned. It was beyond unbelievable that the beautiful, popular, and massively intelligent Lily Evans had ignored James Potter, second most available and adored wizard—according to Sirius (who claimed to be the first)—at the Howarts school for witches and wizards, had fixed her heart on him instead. Unreal.
“And more. It was pathetic. It got worse after she found out the reason for your monthly sojourns into the Forbidden Forest. She used to go on and on to the three of us about poor Remus suffering from an incurable illness.” Snorting, Sirius continued, “She thought you were a tortured soul, mate. Her words, not mine. Merlin, she ate that shit up.”
“You think my disease was some sort of babe magnet?” Remus asked. “You are one sick pup, Sirius Black. There was never anything romantic between us. She was kind and accepted me, claws and all. I was grateful for her support and understanding, just as I was when my best mates became Animagi to keep me company during the darkest hours of each and every month. Besides which, I was well aware that James had his eye on her since 1st year and Idon’t go after the girls my best mates like, now do I?”
“That’s not fair!” Sirius denied the charge against him indignantly. “James didn’t even really like Evelyn! He was just using her to make Lily jealous. Failed effort there.”
Ignoring Sirius’ attempt to exonerate him self, Remus stated with firm conviction, “That was an example, Pads. I had never and would have never laid a hand on Lily in any type of inappropriate manner. Never! I wouldn’t! Couldn’t!”
“I believe you, mate, and so would James, if he were here. The thing is, she only gave James the time of day after she figured out you weren’t going to pick up on her not-so-subtle signals. And even then, it took two years for her to give up altogether.”
Confused, Remus commented, “I just don’t get it.” Sirius sighed; it was getting old, all this “I’m not good enough for any witch to love me” shit. Remus was far too hard on himself. “It never occurred to me that Lily wanted something other than friendship. In my mind, she’d always been James’ girl.”
“James knew that, Moony,” Sirius quietly consoled his friend. “He was a persistent devil and there was a part of him that refused to concede that he and Lily wouldn’t one day end up together.” Grinning, Sirius said, “He was pretty full of himself.”
Laughing, Remus exclaimed, “Now if that isn’t the kettle calling the cauldron black, I don’t know what is.”
“Be that as it may, I speak the truth and stay with me here, because here’s where it gets interesting.”
“I’m all agog,” Remus said, clearly not taking Sirius seriously and still reeling from Sirius’ disclosures regarding Lily and her supposed crush.
“Okay, smart ass, but here’s the kicker. I can see it all unfolding again; smack dab right before my eyes. Déjà vu at its finest.”
“What the hell are you spouting now?”
“Who,” Sirius asked, “in our little entourage, reminds you of Lily? Huh? And be honest here.”
Remus took a moment to think on it before saying slowly, “Hermione has similar attributes, I suppose.”
“You suppose!” Sirius repeated loudly. “Where do you get this ‘I suppose’ shit? It’s like she’s Lily Evans’ clone or something, at least in the brains department. She doesn’t look a thing like Lily.”
“Hermione has her own brand of beauty, quit looking at the surface,” Remus snapped.
“I do believe I commented earlier on the attractiveness of the young lady in question, so get that brownie spoon out of your arse. I’m merely pointing out that you and she seemed to have developed a similar relationship to the one you shared with Lily—with a few modifications here and there.”
“It’s perfectly natural that we’re close. We spent quite a bit of time together during the War, you know that. Our research was one of the key components to our salvation. Don’t turn it into some romantic interlude. It wasn’t like that at all.”
“Don’t get me wrong, Moony. I like Hermione and she obviously cares for you, so I don’t have a problem with the two of you hooking up. Just don’t forget about your best mate here like you did when you and Lily would spend time together.”
“Are you for real?” sputtered a stunned Remus. “Hermione is devastated! The man she loves let her down, barely three days ago,” Remus reiterated. “The life she thought she’d be sharing with Ron has been totally decimated. Why in the world would I make a play for her now?”
Smirking to himself, Sirius caught the subtle difference even if Remus hadn’t. His good buddy hadn’t denied a romantic interest in the Queen of Swots, just made it clear that now was not the time to indulge in that interest.
“All I’m saying, mate, is that she could use a little TLC right now and an understanding, sympathetic ear to bend. Luckily, that’s right up your alley. Birds are grateful for that sort of thing. All that consoling garbage can often lead to more.”
Stupefied, Remus whispered, “You are absolutely incredible.”
Preening, Sirius agreed, “So I’ve been told by all the ladies of my acquaintance.”
“Don’t be an ass, Sirius. You know what I meant and it wasn’t a compliment.”
“All I’m saying is, there must be something wrong with your relationship with my cousin or you’d want to make the ultimate commitment to her. You should have seen your face, mate, when you heard that she expects a ring and a declaration of undying love and devotion to go along with it.”
Looking uncomfortable, Remus answered, “You know how I feel about marriage. It’s not something I’ve ever considered and you know why.”
“You can spout that werewolf bullshit all you want, but with the right witch, you wouldn’t think twice about it.”
“Since when have you become an expert on relationships? Mr. I-Wouldn’t-Know-How-To-Commit-If-My-Life-D
Sirius shuddered. “If I ever start spouting commitment nonsense please, I beg of you, as my best mate, have me committed.” Sirius pulled himself together and stated firmly, “It’s not me, it’s you we’re addressing here and you are the type to make a life-long commitment. Just not with Nymphadora, that much is obvious.”
“Oh really? And what makes you so certain?” Remus wondered, sure that this was going to be worth hearing.
“You don’t touch her in public, for one thing,” Sirius stated concisely.
“That’s it? That’s your major clue on whether or not Dora and I have a viable relationship? Wow,” Remus answered sarcastically. “Your insight is truly remarkable.”
“It’s true, though,” Sirius replied, before demanding in a haughty tone, “Name for me one instance where you’ve made any sort of effort to—I don’t know—show some sort of public display of affection. Just one.”
Remus grimaced. “I don’t believe in flaunting that sort of thing in front of others; it’s embarrassing, not to mention private.”
“Yet you don’t have that problem with Hermione. Why is that?”
“What are you talking about now?”
“Hermione,” Sirius said. “And touching. In public. You, touching Hermione in public. Clear enough for you, bright guy?”
“Are you naturally this much of a wanker or do you have to work at it?” Remus asked, dismissing Sirius’ observations.
“Now mate,” he said, wagging his finger at Remus. “If you have to ask, then you haven’t been paying attention; and you, supposedly my best friend, too.” Sirius placed a hand over his heart. “I’m hurt.”
Remus couldn’t help it; he laughed. “Natural all the way.”
Sirius grinned, showing off his perfect white teeth before sweeping his arm out and making a low, regal bow.
“It’s different when I touch Hermione,” Remus said, returning to his serious demeanor. “With her it’s out of affectionate friendship and that is acceptable in company. Dora and I are lovers, and those sorts of displays should remain in the bedroom, behind closed doors.”
Frustrated, Sirius started up again. “Moony, I don’t think holding Nymphadora’s hand is in the same league as ravishing her senseless in front of witnesses.” Leering, Sirius said, “Not that it would stop me any if I fancied a bird enough. I’d just take her round the corner and have my lusty way with her.”
“You are without a doubt one of the most disgusting wizards of my acquaintance.” But it wasn’t said with too much heat. One couldn’t stay angry with someone who didn’t go out of his way to hide his true nature. Though he’d never say it, Remus found it refreshingly honest in a world where most nobles hid their true natures behind the façade of upstanding, morally correct citizenship.
“But of course!” he agreed jovially. “But you love me anyway.”
Remus said nothing; it was true. Instead, he sighed deeply. The sort of tired sigh that overly patient parents make while dealing with an incorrigible child and failing miserably at controlling or disciplining them. Such was the theme of his life when it came to James and Sirius.
“Listen,” Remus said slowly, as if speaking to a half-witted child. “Giving in to your passions indiscriminately, whether it be with a person or at a specific place, is a loss of control that I would not be comfortable with.”
“Is it because you lose total control at least three days out of every month?” Sirius paused, a frown marring his brow. “That’s beyond your ability to prevent, mate. I bet my cousin doesn’t mind it much either. Don’t think I don’t remember how randy you get right before the full moon.”
Remus blushed. This was a topic he most definitely did not feel comfortable discussing. It was true that his libido went into overdrive around those times and there was nothing he could do to reverse this particular symptom of his abhorrent disease; he’d tried countless potions and spells, to no avail. Therefore, to his disgust, he had no other choice but to indulge in his baser instincts.
Sirius was correct, Dora didn’t mind in the slightest; she said sometimes that it was the best sex they ever had. And it was those types of disturbing comments which had made him uncomfortable and even a bit insecure. It made him question his ability to please her as a normal man. At times, he’d get so caught up in those thoughts while he and Dora would be having sex that doubts would assail him en masse to the point that his desire for her would dwindle, making it hard to stay hard. Lately, it had become an altogether too common occurrence.
Yet Dora never complained, and for that he was extremely grateful. She remained uncommonly understanding but Remus knew she wouldn’t be content with the situation indefinitely. Being held close and cuddling was all good and fine, but it was generally a lovely aperitif to the main meal as well as the sweet dessert.
He desired Dora. Who wouldn’t? She was amazing, one of the best Aurors in the Ministry’s employ, unique and positive to the extreme. She made him laugh and he really needed that in his life. On top of it all, for some unfathomable reason, she was in love with him.
Unlike, Ron, Remus did know the difference between loving someone and being in love with them. Remus loved Dora, completely; but he wasn’t completely in love with her. It was wrong, he knew, to continue the relationship when he didn’t feel the same. It might be cowardice on his part to keep it going, but he’d been lonely before Dora had made her attraction clear. He wasn’t ready to be alone again. Wasn’t ready to do without companionship.
It was horribly unfair to her, he was aware of that, but Dora had known from the start that he thought himself incapable of falling in love, and didn’t want to; not really. His affliction was burden enough for himself; he was stuck with it for a lifetime. He had no intentions of burdening a witch with it. But she’d assured him that it didn’t matter, that she wanted him anyway, and he, in his loneliness, had let a relationship spring up between them. Now, it appeared as if Dora thought she’d changed his mind on the matter of marriage. Had he unconsciously given off signals that he was ready for them to take the next logical step? It had been, as Sirius said, three years.
It suddenly struck Remus that he and Dora had been involved for relatively the same length of time that Hermione and Ron had been. And the correlations didn’t end there: neither wizard was in love with his prospective witch, while the reverse was true for the women. Both of them were outstanding in their own ways. They were both beautiful, both intelligent, and both striving to make this world a better place, Dora with her Auror duties—intent on overcoming the remaining dark forces—and Hermione with her endless list of causes, in her own fashion attempting to overthrow darkness by working tirelessly to bring awareness into the prejudicial minds of wizards and witches.
It wasn’t just house elves, either. She focused her energy on all who were considered lesser beings. She was hell-bent on gaining equal rights for the werewolf populace, the majority of which had no say whatsoever in being made into what they were. People tended to conveniently forget that little fact in their zeal to eradicate “dangerous” half-breeds. Then they had the actual gall to use that black-hearted devil, Fenrir, as an example for the reasoning behind the horrendous laws and stipulations put into effect for werewolves everywhere. An absurdity if there ever was one.
Goblins, though powerful in the own right (holding all banking transactions within their knobby fingers), were on her list too. Remus had chuckled when she’d filled him in on that little notation. They, like the centaurs, would not appreciate any effort she’d make on their behalf. Both species were made up of proud creatures who basically kept to themselves, protecting and caring for their own. Still, it was an admirable idea, though Remus had suggested they be scratched from the list. Hermione had pursed her lips and stood her ground, determined not to be swayed from her original plan.
If that weren’t impossible enough, she’d taken on the giants as well! Another group who kept mainly to their own lands deep in the hills, avoiding all human contact unless absolutely forced to deal with outsiders. Remus suspected that Hagrid’s half-brother, Grawp, was the initial impetus to Hermione’s plans for the giants. Who could blame her? He was a sweet, misunderstood, awkward, overly large child; he meant no harm. The problem was that he was very large, which gave many the mistaken impression that he was a danger to others, which wasn’t the case at all.
“Hello, anyone in there?” Sirius asked, snapping his fingers in front of Remus’ face.
Batting his hand away, Remus answered, “Yes, just thinking.”
“Dare I ask?”
“No…you don’t,” Remus said firmly. “You might blab every thought that enters that void you call a brain, but I don’t.”
“Okay, okay, relax mate.” Then, grinning widely, he suggested, “Keep your dirty secrets secret if it makes you feel better.”
Walking over to the stove, Remus asked, “Have I told you lately what an arse you are?”
Making a moue with his mouth, Sirius tapped it thoughtfully and quipped, “Not within the last five minutes. You’re slipping a bit in your old age.”
Pulling a mitt onto his hand, Remus reached into the stove, grabbing the hot pan and placing it on the counter before retorting, “You’re six months older than I am, you depraved, clueless idiot.”
Before Sirius could come back with a zinger of his own, Hermione entered the room, bringing with her the delicious scent of vanilla and lavender. If possible, the aroma rivaled even that of the yummy brownies currently cooling behind them. She was dressed in the very same shorts Sirius had commented on earlier, though she wore a different top to go with it. Out of the corner of his eye, Sirius saw Remus’ eyes flick briefly to her legs. Hermione didn’t notice but Sirius, a born watcher of women and their wondrous limbs and curves, recognized the subtle movement. Sirius wasn’t nearly as brain-dead as most people supposed. And watching Remus talk quietly with Hermione, had Sirius wondering who the real clueless wizard was out of the remaining two Marauders.