I am such a bad LJ'er. I haven't posted in much, much too long.
Things have been pretty good around here, other than the usual money woes (those are actually pretty bad right now. Oh for about $3000-4000 to just drop on my doorstep out of nowhere so I can pay things off, get things fixed, and start focusing on the business instead of just trying to survive day to day.)
I had a great time camping a few weeks ago, with friends from DDO. I've been reading and writing lots. Oh! And I took up sandboarding! Have I talked about that here yet? If not, I need to get my butt back in gear!
Hopefully there will be more posts soon. I'll get some of the writing I've been doing posted up here also, and maybe start tackling some of the meatier topics that have been on my mind lately.
Though I've been pretty silent, I do continue to read. In case I've missed something though... How've ya'll been?
Found this on someone's journal while browsing around and am stealing it shamelessly.
YOU CAN ASK ME SIX QUESTIONS:
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.
No matter how random, revealing, silly, naughty or pointless. I promise to answer them 100% truthfully. All questions are completely confidential. All comments are screened. Watch your inbox for answers to your questions.
1. Reply to this post and I'll assign you a letter. 2. List (and upload.. or linkie youtube videos of) 5 songs you love that begin with that letter. 3. Post them to your journal with these instructions.
nyxie gave me the letter N. Which was actually pretty tough! Had to do some digging through my collection to find these. And no, I'm not going to rickroll ya'll. ;) Though I did consider it.
So, I'm really really bad at picking just five. So... Top 5 will be above the cut, the rest under, if you're interested. My music taste is very varied, so there is all sorts of stuff on here.
The next one is a doors song. The whole song is Celebration of the Lizard, but the two main parts of said song that I like are also separate, as songs of their own: Not to Touch the Earth, and Names of the Kingdoms.. So, I'm just going to cheat and link the full song. The very end, the Odyssey reference, is my favorite.. But I just adore the whole song in general.
The sun was setting over the Great Cathedral of Albria, its red-gold orb looking caught amongst the spires like a jewel on a crown. The sky was painted in shades of crimson and orange, bathing the crowd below in a ruddy light.
Smudge lay on her stomach on the edge of one of the nearby dormitories, her crossbow trained on the stage below. She stayed low, using the shadow of the decorative merlons she lay between for cover. The procession had already filed out and the formally boisterous crowd was hushed, anticipating the doom of the man kneeling on the platform in the center of the stage.
She had been surprised when she burst into Phillip's house the night before, ready to plead for his help in saving Armen from his fate, only to find that Phillip was already plotting to do so. She had been sure she'd have to talk him into it, that it was going to be a test of all her patience to get him to see that it wasn't just the old man's fault that he had gotten caught, but that in getting caught up in all the murky politics going on, they had almost certainly brought this upon him.
But there he had been, pacing his study, books scattered everywhere, cooking up a plot to rescue Armen that most likely would have cost him his own life. She was glad he had listened to reason and let her help. Together, they at least had a chance.
She let out a long breath to calm her nerves and stretched her fingers one by one, keeping her grip on the crossbow relaxed as she watched for Phillip's signal. The lord Justice began his reading of the charges against Armen, and when he gave the church's verdict the crowd went wild, all too ready to see blood.
Phillip leapt onto the stage as the lord Justice gave his declaration. Her finger slid over the trigger and she readied herself, thankful that the target was obvious enough she could get him sighted in before Phillip had to point him out.
Phillip strode forward, his dramatic costume flowing out around him... And held up his hands to quiet the crowd. Smudge groaned inwardly. This was not the plan. Leave it to Phillip to take the most dangerous moment of his life and turn it into a lecture. Was he insane?
To her surprise, the crowd was so shocked they did indeed quiet, and Phillip began to speak.
“They say history is written by the victor,” he called out in the tones of an orator. “It would serve you all well to remember that notions such as law can also be rewritten to suit the needs of those in power. And remember also, that in time – perhaps sooner than you think – those laws may be forced to change again.”
He leveled his staff at the golem controller -Smudge's signal- and motioned with his free hand for he Justice to stay where he was.
“Sometimes, however, one just has to deal with the fact that they are the laws, and settle for flagrantly disregarding them. Now, if you would be so kind as to release him, I would greatly appreciate the opportunity to continue my rudely interrupted consorting.”
As Phillip declared his hostility those on the stage began to move again, their shock overcome. A bad feeling had set itself, heavy, in the pit of Smudge's stomach at those words. They had an effect on the crowd. The silence was broken, and where they were all calling for the blood of Armen before, now some called out against the church.
Now, amongst all the other charges that could be leveled at them, they were inciting revolution. The church's power in politics was wavering as it was. They'd be hunted twice as hard for this.
There was no time to worry about it now, twice damned was still damned. Smudge let out her breath and took her shot, the blunted bolt sailing out to catch the golem's controller square in the chest.
Smudge held her breath, praying that the enchantment Phillip laid held true. The golem controller swayed a moment, then fell heavily to the ground. Quickly, without waiting to see how the golem reacted, she ducked her head and covered her eyes with her arms.
Below, Phillip unleashed his spell, a brilliant flash of light that blinded those on the stage, followed by a deep booming, not unlike a peal of thunder. The cathedral bells resonated with the sound, and Smudge looked down, shaken somewhat by witnessing just what her friend was capable of.
The golem turned from her to Phillip, readying itself for a charge. Quickly she fired off a shot at the golem, knowing it would be immune to the magic of the bolt, but hoping that it would prove a distraction. The bolt shattered against its head and the giant turned, holding up a bladed arm like a shield. She reloaded another bolt, took aim, and shot the controller again, taking advantage of the fact that the golem would protect its controller first and foremost.
Briefly, she wondered if the effects of the bolts on the controller would be cumulative. They were supposed to keep him unconscious for a few hours, maybe a day each. She really hoped the more bolts she hit him with, the longer he'd be out. It might give them a chance to get far enough ahead of the golem before they had to worry about it getting smarter, under the priest's control.
She shot another bolt at the controller as she watched Phillip dive and grab Armen, pulling him from the stage. The golem charged, leaping from the stage to the square and landing with a deep metallic boom.
I realized something this morning, in my sleep deprived state.
I've been spending a lot of time online lately. At first like over the summer and fall, it was listless poking at LJ, email, facebook, IM's to see if anyone was around. I was feeling lonely and rarely finding anyone to talk to. It made me feel worse, feel more disconnected.
Now, recently, I've been chatting with old friends, and I've been roleplaying a LOT on DDO, and chatting with new friends from there when I'm not RPing. It has been nice. I have been happy to be talking, sharing, laughing.
I don't have a lot of close friends locally. I just.. Eh, haven't found many people who click. When I do, they move, or live a few hours away and we never see each other. So, other than when we get people together for gaming (which consists of Jav (for those tuning in fairly recently, that is my hubby's best friend since they were little kids, who is also our housemate, and a good friend.), Jav's brother (tazdaddy on here. Who is awesome and also a good friend), and Jav's nephew) I really don't have much of a social life or have friends I can just hang around and TALK to. Jav and Tazdaddy are awesome, but... Probably don't want to know much of what goes on in my head, or really want to listen to me ramble.
Shadorn is amazing, and he is my best friend. We talk lots. We share the same interests and literally do pretty much everything together. I love this and wouldn't have it any other way. But, it doesn't scratch the social itch, ya know?
Despite being a fairly introverted person, I've always been pretty social. I have always had my few close friends and spent most of my time with them. So, there is still that need.
So, as usual, watching myself and my reactions, trying to understand the why of what I do, I was trying to figure out why it was I was spending so much time on the computer. What changed to make me suddenly care so much about finding this social outlet? What had changed to make me care that there was someone else out there to talk to and ramble with besides Shadorn? (who is ever patient with my rambling. ;) ) Actually, it took me a bit to even realize that I was looking for a social outlet. It took me finding it to realize that was what I was missing.
At first, I figured that it was just because until about a year and a half ago, I was working in a busy office and I had enough social interaction there. But that wasn't it. That didn't fit. That was FAR from good social interaction, save for one or two people most days. And for like 8 months after that, it wasn't a problem. I was fine.
This morning, talking to Shadorn, I realized why. All this time, living out here in MI, I'd always had my dad to talk to. We'd chat online for hours, send each other random stuff via email and IM. About once a week, or sometimes once or twice a month depending on life, we'd call each other and talk for hours. I know a few times I can easily count 7 hours on the phone, and I know there were days closer to 12. We talked about everything and nothing. We'd sit on the phone like teenage girls do and just do other things and chat as the conversation came up, sometimes just quiet for a while. I listened to him vent about things and talked them out, and vice versa. We were so much alike that he understood how my strange brain worked, because his worked the same way.
I had that outlet. It didn't matter that I didn't have a lot of close friends here, didn't really occur to me often.
And now, I don't have it anymore. This is a hard realization. It opens a wound I thought was starting to heal. I have dealt with the actual loss. Knowing everything that was going on medically, I am at peace with it. I am actually glad for him that things happened as they did. He didn't suffer, and he didn't have to deal with all the procedures and a drawn out life of poor health. That would have been so much worse for him. He was ever the invincible 20something, even when he was almost 50. That part I can handle, now. I can even accept and cope with the fact that there is so much of life left that I won't be able to share with him.
This though.. is something new. This is something I hadn't really looked at too closely. I mean, I realized it was gone, and I missed it, but I hadn't realized went as deep as it did. It makes the loss fresh again.
It is good to understand why things have changed for me, such as they have. It clears a lot of whys up, looking back over the past few months... But, it is hard, just the same.
The square before the great cathedral of Albria was full to overflowing with a bustling and raucous crowd. It seemed nearly all of the poor and working classes had gathered today in festive celebration. They were to see something this evening that had only been seen maybe once or twice in their lifetimes.
All day, the lord Justice and his advisers had been at council and prayer, deciding the fate of some fool man who stood accused of a great crime against the church. Of course, no one seemed to know exactly what that crime was. Some whispered that it was mage-craft, summoning up the Umbriag to come and eat little children and rape women. Other stories said that he was just a poor man, falsely accused because some wealthy merchant wanted his property. Either way, there was to be a show this evening. When the doors to the Hall of Justice opened, they would either have a pardoning, or an execution. Most were hoping for the execution.
Phillip looked out over the masses with a disgusted expression. They seemed to him like a flock of vultures, excited over the latest bit of rotting carrion. Why the people gathered and celebrated over the possible killing of someone whose death did not benefit them in any way, he just could not fathom.
He shook his head and ran his fingers over his face tiredly, gently pulling on the false beard he wore to make sure it was still stuck on properly. He'd had to shave off his goatee so that this beard would be convincing enough. He'd had to straighten his fashionable curls and set his hair wild and unkempt, shining black powdered to an iron grey. He no longer looked the part of the gentleman he so often played, the gentleman he would have been playing tonight at Lord Eritson's grand gala, if this mess had not happened.
Today he wore another costume, played a different part. The grey hair, the beard, ratty grey robes, and long gnarled staff, conjured up the look of the wizened mage, at least the one so popular in the “historical” plays and stories nowadays. It chafed him to play such a stereotype, but if he wanted to get out of this alive, the disguise, and the effect it would have on the crowd, was a necessity.
Bwahahahaha! Writing. The story is a dramatic rescue. Pandora has a sense of humor.
On my nice, quiet, mellow station, which has lots of lute music, baroque, some occasional mellow trancy stuff, and the occasional theatrical score, comes.... The mission impossible theme. *giggles and facepalms* Second time it has done this to me.
Mind kicking me in the butt if I don't have at least part of my story done by tomorrow night?
I have the whole story playing in my mind like a movie. Perfect and clear. However... I am NOT good at sitting down and getting it out without the pressure of a deadline. heh.
Edit: Wrote some tonight. Egad. This is going to be long, but then, when are my stories not? Almost to a thousand words and I've really just set the scene and set up for the action. Action has yet to come, and I still need to fill in some info. Ahh well. All that matters is that I am satisfied with it, which I won't be if it doesn't have everything I want in it. If I don't make it to next week because it was too long and people didn't want to read, ahhh well. ;)
Well pooh. Paid account ran out today.. Doesn't look like they're doing that nice thing they did last year with the codes. Hrrrm. After Christmas I guess.
Edit: Grrr. didn't realize I couldn't pick which icons it kept. No huggles icon.. noooo!
Urgh. Guess what? It either wasn't the PSU... or the bad PSU caused more problems (like I figured it probably would).
New power supply in, and still getting blue screens (maybe even more often now). It would be nice if they were at least the SAME damn screen every time. Might be able to pinpoint the problem then. I think it is the motherboard. Specifically the memory controller. One of the slots will throw errors if there is RAM in it, so it is empty. So, the RAM is not exactly in the slots it wants to be in.
So, $50 more to buy a new mobo... Or I buy it piece by piece and put a new one together as I can. I can't really do both.
I'll take Newegg gift certificates if anyone wants to buy me a birthday present! ;P Joking... mostly. ;)
Money is still tight since going out east. Shadorn's mom broke her arm and so money is tight in the whole household. My credit card bill is staying steady, but it isn't going down as fast as I'd like. I owe around $850, which I know most people would "pfft" at... But when business is slow and you're only making around $500 a month, yeah, that doesn't get paid off fast.
Plus this lack of money to do much of anything besides pay bills and get to work is really stressing me out. It would be nice to do something fun once in a while without having to stress over it and feel guilty because the money should go towards bills. (Seriously. If I buy myself a $2 ice cream cone I stress because that money could go towards my prescriptions or the credit card.)
Late at night, when the house is silent, But for the gentle snoring of my dog and my beloved, When my whirling mind settles, Calm in the cool blue glow of my monitor, Ideas creep into my head, On padded kitten feet, They tackle each other and wrestle, Batting at balls of brightly colored yarn, Tangling up together to weave rich tapestries, They beg to be put to words, To flow from my fingers in a cacophonous clatter, An almost primal drum of fingers on keys, But the clock ticks, and time flows away, The thought of curling up to my beloved, Warm and soft, skin and satin and snores, Pulls at me like the moon to the tides, And, with some regret, I put the keyboard aside, And crawl beneath the covers, with hopes to dream, To court my muse, and grasp tightly, These ephemeral inspirations, Perhaps to pen them, Tomorrow......
The other night, I kept myself up until 7:30am with a little bit of inspiration. See, we have this character for the novel who we knew some of what he was going to do, and we knew his strengths and personality, but we only had vague notions of background. Well, it all fell together. There is something to be said for a long bath with a pot of tea for relaxing the mind.
Anyway, I really like it thus far, so I thought I'd share a little for those of you on the trusted filter. Comments are welcome and appreciated, but understand that this is a rough character sketch and has not been edited very much. This is not going to end up in the novel as it is, it is simply for my own mind (and Shadorns) to get a good firm hold on the character's background, personality, and such. I probably have another 5k words or so to go to really finish this. If there is interest, I will post it when it is done.
Oh, and a couple of the terms are kind of placeholders. Umbriag I like (or some form of it), but Celestars, though I like it, may get changed as we go. It is just a handy term for celestials until we can cement something that clicks. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is with excitement that I begin this journal. I believe I am striking out into new territory with this experiment in magic, and the implications make even this old and studious man giddy.
It began with a young boy. About 6 months ago the child, skittish and curious, began peering into our little village from the woods. He could have been no more than three years old, and was naked as the day he was born. He was thin, but not emaciated, with tanned skin covered in scrapes and scratches from the thick underbrush. Every day he would come shortly after the women began to stir the hearthfires and begin cooking breakfast, the smell of good food permeating the tiny town. Deep in the bushes he would crouch, dark, serious eyes peering into the village with curiosity.
Now, I moved to this tiny town of Meria, far into the Alerian wood, miles from any other town, to be sure I could study in peace. Meria is far from any civilization, and miles from any center of the church, or any of my colleagues. The people are quiet and close-knit, mostly woodcutters and the odd farmer (as much as you can farm in woods so thick that but an hours walk from town the light of midday is turned to dusk) or craftsman.
So, the arrival of this child was a curiosity to be sure. There was no other settlement he could be from, and the people of the town knew each other's business so closely, that they could certainly have matched his approximate age to a woman who had perhaps said she'd lost a child in childbirth. No one had any idea, however, where this child could have been from. He was different from the stock of these people as well. They tended toward pale skin and hair, and strong, stocky frames. He, however, was thin and lithe, angular of features, with dark eyes, and a mop of tangled black curls.
After a few days of watching, he became more bold, and would sneak up to windowsills to snatch the morning's baking that had been set out to cool. When the womenfolk figured out what had been going on, they began to leave him treats and watch for him. When they saw him, they'd talk to him in that gentle, sing-song voice that all women seem to use when they talk to young children. He would stay always out of arm's reach, but became more and more used to the mothering of the women.
I overheard them talking one morning, and decided I had to see the child for myself. I went out for a walk in the wood early one morning in the direction he often came from. Armed with a basket of pastries and a spell of calming in mind, I set up a little picnic and waited. I munched a pastry and murmured a spell that would carry its scent out a bit further than was normal.
Within a few minutes, the boy came up to my little clearing, and stood just outside the perimeter, looking at me with suspicion. His nostrils flared and he tilted his head back a little, like a dog smelling a strange scent. I called to him quietly and his muscles tensed as if to bolt. “Come boy. It is alright. I brought these for you. Be calm and unafraid.” I set a plate on the far edge of the blanket and then sat back across from it, leaning on my hands.
“Tene salren, tene branten.” I murmured, putting a whisper of my will into the spell; he was but a young boy.
Getting closer to posting pictures. I just pared 364 down to 169. I just need to do a little more paring, and some rotating and sizing and stuff before I post some. :) I'm REALLY happy with some of these. I may end up submitting them to a couple of kayaking magazines.
Back from camping as of late Monday. We had a lovely weekend! The weather was wonderful, warm in the days and cool and very clear at night. Very much a taste of indian summer. The foliage was fantastic, and the wildlife watching was great! At night, we laid in our tent and listened to the wind in the trees, the patter of falling leaves, the chorus of insects, and the hooting of the owls.
We ate lots of tasty food, from foil packets of veggies and steak tossed over the coals, to spaghetti and a nummy meat sauce, to wild blueberry pancakes, and veggie stew. There was stick bread (bread dough wrapped on a stick and cooked over the fire) and s'mores of course.
Popeye did great. The first day, he was mourning the loss of his couch, though. He would not lay down on the grass or dirt, and when he sat, he wouldn't quite touch his butt to the ground. We ended up hauling him up onto one of the camp chairs. He settled in eventually though and ended up laying in the dirt under the picnic tables with no concern. He did amazingly well around the campsite. I thought I'd have to keep him tied to a table leg all weekend, lest he run off, but he did a great job of sticking around his people. I just left the 10' leash on him and let him drag it, so if he did run off, he'd be easier to catch. I had to watch him like a hawk any time he got near the water though, he wanted to dive in so badly! I just didn't want a smelly dog covered in duckweed in my tent at night!
The only negative this weekend was the people! Usually this campsite is really secluded, and that is why we pick it. Most times we've seen a few people paddle by, or hike the trail behind the site and use the outhouse near the camp. That's not a problem. This weekend, it being most likely the last beautiful weekend of the fall, we had people hiking through our site all the time. They'd land their boats at one end, and hike up to the bathroom, without even hailing the camp and making sure it was ok (it would be, but it is nice to ask!!). We had one big group land, start to picnic on the edge of camp, and one lady even walked up to the picnic table next to my mom in law and start chattering. The last day, two fishermen walked down to the edge of the water, parked, and started fishing, without even asking if we minded. Then when they left, they left bait boxes behind. *rolls eyes* Next time, we won't camp on a weekend!
All in all though, it was a blast. :) Lots of pictures were taken, and I will post some choice ones soon. Shadorn and I found a NEAT old ruin just off the hiking path. We're not sure exactly what it was, maybe an old house, maybe a storage building, or farmhand quarters. All that is left is a foundation and some interesting artifacts. Oh, and the front stairs, which have a tree to either side where the door frame would have been. It was really interesting to explore, and I want to know more! I need to research owls as well. One night, a piercing shriek followed by maniacal owlish laughter woke us up out of a dead sleep. It was neat to listen to once my sleepy mind realized what it was, but it was definitely haunting!
What a great way to end the summer, and enjoy the beauty of fall!
Mmmm. Breakfast today is about half a mango and a banana, frozen and made into a smoothie with some milk and the yogurt out of a fruit on the bottom peach yogurt cup (so semi-peach flavored yogurt but not the peaches themselves). YUMMY!
I'm undertaking something extremely time consuming, mind-numbng and annoying.... Namely, organizing my computer files. Now, before you think I'm crazy, there is a reason! :P About 13 years of accumulated 'stuff' is scattered across various hard drives. Whenever I replaced a drive, I'd shove things in random folders on the new one and move on. Now, I'm needing to do a reinstall of windows, and I'm realizing I really just need to clean all this junk up so I can FIND things easily, and so when I go to back things up I know I have everything.
So yeah, mind numbing. If you're bored too, find me on IM? Please? IM's listed in my profile, I think.
On another note.... I have some weird pandora stations. heh.
I had a fantastic evening last night. Friends came over late, and we gamed (D&D) until about 4am. :) Much fun was had by all. Shadorn told me that he didn't have anything all that epic planned, and we ended up taking on three pirate ships and a friggin blue dragon. Not epic, my ass! hehe. I will likely be writing that up for my BF entry this week (if I make time to write).
Tonight was one of those transcendent nights. It is absolutely gorgeous out! Shadorn and I went for a walk right around midnight, and savored it. The temperature is absolutely perfect, warm, but not hot, with a cool wind carrying with it portents of fall. It sprinkled on and off today, so the air smells of warm, moist earth, mixed with fruit from the vineyards, and the dusty smell of drying corn in the fields. It is the perfect melding of all the good things about August and October at once. The sky was swirled with streaks of high clouds, but was clear enough for the stars to shine through. As we walked the stretch of road near the corn field, we heard what we think was deer, slipping between the rows. As we walked back along the fields, a wind picked up, causing the dry leaves and husks to rustle and crackle like a hundred deer were about to burst from the field.
I could happily live somewhere that was around this temperature, maybe varying up or down about 10 degrees, all year. It is perfect. I adore these nights. Sitting here writing this, I hear the wind picking up even moreso. Perhaps tomorrow we'll go out to Lake Michigan after our training client and catch the sunset on the waves that have to be pounding. :) Maybe swim in the shallows if it isn't TOO rough or chilly. These are the times I love Michigan.
For those interested in just what is going on with the computer... Posted from my comments in the last post.
So, it started with RAM related blue screens... The first one was shutting down one night and it just hung on shut down. Then lots of irritation with blue screens on boot. (Off the top of my head, I don't have the number but it is a corrupted ntdll.dll... Well, it THINKS it is anyway. It also threw a corrupted Reg. error the other day, and then booted fine.)
So, I've run diagnostics on the RAM and found errors on one of the sticks. I put them in one by one to figure out which one. Then something distracted me away from the computer so I forgot which one. I started the process again, and anytime I put it in the first RAM slot the test just wouldn't start.. So I figured hrrrm.. Maybe it is that slot, and moved the RAM into the other slots. I will be re-running RAM diagnostics later today with the RAM in a different computer to figure out whether it is the RAM or the slot.
So, all along while playing DDO, (and really it's the only game I've been playing lately, so I don't know how it is doing in others, not that that matters SO much) I have been getting slowdowns like CRAZY. Until last night though, it always recovered. I figured it was update 6 because it started JUST after the update. Basically it would feel like it dropped to around 1fps and get jerky, and after a few seconds catch up. This time it did not. It hung about three seconds into one of those slowdowns. (sounds JUST like your problem, eh?) No blue screens though because it was a hang and not a stop.
Now, at first, I thought this was because the other day I had the vid card overheat because of an ID10T error. ;) When futzing around inside I had accidentally unplugged the fan. UGH. But as the night went on, that's when we started considering that it might be the power supply.
*ponders* What else... Oh, yeah, been having issues with the onboard sound, pre-video lockups. Put in an SBlive I had lying around and those seemed to fix.
Actually, update on this... It is, in fact, the first RAM slot that is giving me RAM errors. So, possibly motherboard rather than power supply... Or both. PSU problems causing motherboard problems.
Grrr. I just need a new freaking computer anyway. Maybe sometime in Nov. :/
Argh. Business needs to pick up. My computer is dying. :( Crashing over and over while I was playing DDO tonight.
I think it is either RAM, power supply, motherboard, or vid card, or a combo of the above. ERGH. Still paying off the trip to Maine. I cannot afford a new computer now.
More troubleshooting tomorrow. Hopefully it's an easy fix. *crosses fingers*
amused
cheerful
accomplished
melancholy
listless
calm
Frustrated
sleepy
ecstatic
bored
cranky
frustrated