Winter Wonderland

From This Entry On, this LiveJournal is . . .

Updated: December 12th, 2009


;; Want To Be My Friend? ;;
If you can follow these simple rules I will add you to my friends list.

♥ Everything said in my journal stays here. If I hear of people not on my friends list learning about something I have said, whoever spread the news will be deleted off my friends list IMMEDIATELY, no questions asked.

♥ No drama, drama is part of the reason I made this journal friends only.

♥ No hating, flaming, disrespecting, any of my friends, family, or fandom.

♥ If you don't like what I am saying in my journal, why read it. This is my personal journal and I am free to say whatever I want, if you have a problem, you shouldn't be on my friends list.

♥ I like to only have people I know or share similar interests with on my friends list. This doesn't mean I won't take the time to get to know you.

♥ If you have been deleted off my friends list, there is a reason, don't ask to be put back on.

♥ Please comment on my entries every now and then. Let me know you are there.

♥ Comment to be added, with a small introduction.

;; Un-Friending ;;

♥ I don't generally unfriend people. I don't really like to word, or the idea. But, because of recent troll activity I've had to be a little less understanding. If you and I no longer have anything in common, you don't use your journal, or you've given me reason not to trust you it's likely that you've been removed from my friend's list. If you feel there was a misunderstanding comment on THIS ENTRY and I will consider adding you back.

;; Ambellina ;;

I am a Mommy, please keep that in mind when friending me. I talk about my life here and she is the largest part of it! I wouldn't suggest adding me to your friend's list if you don't like kids.

;; Rhyan ;;

I lost my little boy in November of 2009. I expect EVERY person on my friend's list to respect his memory. If you are uncomfortable with grief or infant loss then it might not be a good idea to friend me. Rhyan will always be my little boy and he will forever be missed, I have no intention of keeping him out of my journal or my everyday life.

For the all mighty stamp post.

Here are all the stamps I have gotten from different rating communities. Please enjoy.

( StampsCollapse )

Hello everyone, my sister is in a contest to be featured in a pin-up inspired calendar that will be shipped over seas for the troops. All you have to do to vote for her is "like" her photo! Only the top 5 people will make it into the calendar. Her boyfriend is in the Army and ships out to Afghanistan in May, so this project means a lot to her! All the support you can give is appreciated, please reshare with your friends and family, she's pretty far behind! With your help we can bulk up the numbers!!

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=271839206216842&set=a.258379860896110.66754.188392814561482&type=1&theater

I need someone to do a wig commission for me. I can't afford an arm and a leg; but I'll have a little extra money after I get my tax return.

Here it is;




I'll need the wig before ACen in May.


Comments are screened. Leave a quote, a couple images of samples, and an e-mail address to contact you at.

It has been brought to my attention that several people would prefer to donate to Rhyan's headstone fund instead of buy something. I am extremely grateful for those of you who have made this offer, no matter what your reasoning.

I will still be making a public sales post, but for the time being here is a donation post for those who are interested. I just started using paypal, so I hope that I set this up correctly. If you would rather send a money order or CAREFULLY concealed cash you may do so at your own risk, I'll e-mail you my address.

All donations will be put toward purchasing Rhayn's headstone, nothing else.

You can make a donation in memory of someone, or in honor of someone. At check-out there will be a "message to seller" box, just put that information in there. Once Rhyan's website is completed there will be a special section for those of you who donated in memory/honor of someone.

If you feel in the giving spirit but can not give I would always appreciate a re-post.




I can not, adequately express in words how much each and every donation and purchase means to me. The sooner we have the money for Rhyan's headstone the sooner we can get it ordered and laid. It kills me every time I visit his grave and see that horrendous temporary plaquard.




If you are new to my journal or you've been sent this way by a friend you can read a little bit about Rhyan's journey here.

In Loving Memory Of . . .
Rhyan Thurstan
Born Sleeping @ 39 Weeks 4 Days
November 29th, 2009

There is no pain greater the that of losing a child. The natural process of life is that your children should bury you, not you should bury your children. No person can truly understand the loss that is felt when that child is gone before they even took a breath outside the womb unless they've been there. I wouldn't wish what we've gone through on my mortal enemy, but I have no regrets. For I now have my very own guardian angel watching over me.


Until we meet again little man, I will hold you in my heart because I cannot hold you in my arms.

Had you asked me who my heroes were a few years ago, I would have answered with some celebrity or friend, but there's nothing like having children to change your views on the world. I've always known I wanted to be a Mom, but I never would have expected how much having children can change you. My children are my heroes, they've taught me so many lessons about life and myself, lessons I never would have learned about them.

When life has me down, and I think I'll never get back up again my daughter utters "I love you Mommy" and all those problems go away. I can look at her, and realize, all that's important in this world stands on those two chubby legs. She's my everything, my world. The reason I get up each morning, and the thing I pray for each night. Without her my life would be incomplete. The day I had her, my heart split in two and she took a part of it with her.

I never thought I'd be able to love someone as much as I love my daughter until the day I found out I was pregnant with my son. I was terrified at the thought of having another child, but my son has been the biggest blessing to me. He's taught me so much about myself, and my inner strength. You never know how strong you really are until you're put into a position to use that strength. I gave him the longest, best life I could and in return he gave me a new outlook on life, a new faith in myself, and a new faith in god. Although he isn't here with me, I can feel him smiling down on me and giving me the power to stand alone on my own two feet and move forward, one baby step at a time.

I have my children to thank for the woman I am today. The woman who can stand up and say she's proud of who she is, and the decisions she's made for herself and her children. I can't say where the future will take us, but I know that no matter what happens in life I'll have my children with me. My daughter by my side and my son watching over me from above.

In case you're not on Facebook . . .

Rhyan Thurstan was born sleeping on November 29th at 10:47pm.
3lbs 2.4oz 17 3/4in
He has his Daddy's feet, a full head of beautiful strawberry blonde hair, Mommy's mouth and chin, blue eyes and the biggest hands you'll ever see on a 3 lb baby.


We're leaving the hospital today, his funeral will be on Thursday.

Those of you who have been on my friend's list for quite some time may know they effect suicide has had on me and my family. In September of 2005 I lost someone very near and dear to me; Melanie. She was like the big sister I never had, she had the sweetest smile and the kindest heart. It is because of her that I want to become a nurse. She was just so caring and compassionate, all of the qualities you would want in a sister and a nurse.

Since then I have struggled with suicide as a topic, I've even gone so far as to obsess over depressed friends and yell at those who threaten to commit suicide. This time of year is especially hard for me as she is frequently in my thoughts.

Then, in February of this year we lost my cousin Steven to suicide. He and I were never very close, but when we saw each other in passing he always had a smile on his face and a joke to make me laugh. No matter what kind of mood I was in, after talking to Steven I couldn't help but smile. His death made the reality of these losses set in.

This is an epidemic.

So, this year my family and I are going to participate in the "Out of the Darkness" walk hosted by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. My hope is that through this walk we can help raise awareness of the reality of this epidemic, better understanding, and help prevent suicide over all.

If you have the time I ask that you PLEASE visit my donor page;
http://afsp.donordrive.com/participant/heathernelson

Every little bit counts; even it it's only $1. Please help me reach my goal and spread awareness! You can donate anonymously or in memory of someone.

If you don't have the money to donate I ask that you please re-post the above link to spread awareness. You never know who has been effected by suicide or who would be interested in donating to the cause.

I thank you in advance for your love and support. The walk takes place on Melanie's birthday November 1st, 2009. We will be walking for her and all of the people around us who have been lost to suicide.

This LiveJournal post has been extremely hard for me, it has taken me days to come up with the emotional stability to even sit here and write this. My life has been pretty dark the past few days, so please excuse my absance from the world.

If you are on my livejournal friend's list, or you just so happen to come across my livejournal in passing; it is EXTREMELY important that you read this. For that reason, no part of this post is going behind a livejournal cut and it isn't going to be friend's locked.




As many of you already know, I am pregnant with my second child; 19 weeks pregnant to be exact. On the 30th of June we scheduled my anatomy scan in hopes to find out the gender of the baby before I left for vacation. My whole family has been taking bets on the gender, so I was excited to find out if it was indeed a boy like everyone suspected, or if we were having another beautiful baby girl.

Never in my wildest dreams had I imagianed that the 30th would be the day my world started crashing down before my eyes. NEVER had I even suspected that we would learn of anything more then the gender of the baby. Sometimes the world has it's way of turning it's back on you when you least expect it, and this is one of those instances.

The scan started out the same way Ambellina's had, however my Mom was along for the appointment this time. The ultrasound tech (Becky) noticed that the baby was measuring a little small at 16 weeks 3 days, and mentioned that could be the reason we couldn't clearly see the gender. I naturally thought, well, maybe I'm not as far along as we originally predicted. She left the room and said the doctor may be back in to do another scan once he looked over the pictures. Not even 5 minutes later he was back, to break my heart into a million little pieces.

First he pointed out that there wasn't very much amniotic fluid around the baby, he then asked me if I had been leaking amniotic fluid (which I haven't.) He then pointed out that he wasn't seeing any bladder function on the ultrasound, which lead to our ultimate diagnosis. Our baby suffers from a birth defect known as Bilateral renal agenesis, meaning, absance of not one but BOTH kidneys. Explaining why there isn't very much amniotic fluid, and why the baby is measuring a little small.

Anyone who knows basic human anatomy understands that you can't live without any kidneys, so we were given two options;

1. Terminate the pregnancy.

2. Continue with the pregnancy knowing that our baby's condition is not compatiable with life.

Those of you who know me well know my stance on abortion, so we have decided to continue on with the pregnancy.

My baby, right now, dispite it's lack of kidneys, is a living human being. It has a strong and beautiful beating heart, arms, legs, fingers, toes and a perfectly shaped head and brain. Why would I take away what life this baby has?

I know and understand that in the end there is no hope, there is no cure, our baby will die. But I want to give this baby the next few months to live and grow, because that is all he is going to get, and that is all I can give him. It gives me great peace knowing that in the end I will get to meet him and hold him in my arms, he will die at peace surrounded by people that love him and I believe that god meant for it to be that way.

Physically I am fine, emotionally, I can't really say.

This will not effect me, or my health, in any way. We will continue to treat this has a normal pregnancy, they are pretty sure I will care to term (37 weeks) or pretty close to it. There is no special monitering the doctors will do, I will have another ultrasound on Aug 11th to measure how much amniotic fluid I have and to HOPEFULLY see the gender of the baby, and then I will have one last ultrasound closer to my due date to get a measurment of the baby and amniotic fluid.

The baby will be small, ranging from 2-5lbs. I asked the doctors, and they said the baby will not suffer after birth, it will be a very peaceful transition. Before you ask and think I am a selfish, heartless person.

Provided there are no complications I should be able to have a natural delivery as I did with Ambellina, only no drugs (at my request.) We will be given as much time as we want with the baby, no rush. We can hold the baby, bathe the baby, take pictures, etc.

We will have a funeral and memorial for the baby.

And . . . I don't really know what else.

I have been asked several questions in the past week and I have given every answer I can think of. I am not afraid to talk about it, and I am not afraid to answer any questions, it is just extremely hard for me to talk about and I cry ALOT.

This is extremely jumbled and mixed up, but I think I got all my thoughts down.



( More medical information on Renal Agenesis.Collapse )