One of my best friends from New York got engaged today, and I'm really happy for her. The relationship moved fast, but it seemed to work for her, and the guy seems good. Again, it feels bittersweet. My friends move on to another chapter in their lives and I feel like we'll drift a little further away. 

I've been thinking about things way more than I usually want to think about things lately. Ever since my aunt got diagnosed with cancer, I've been forced to confront my own fears of losing people I love and of being stuck where I am in life. I feel alone and scared at times. For now, all I can do is be here for my aunt. 

I think about my own mortality now too. Where do I want to end up in my final days? What will I have lived for? Will I be happy where I am? Do I want to make some grand exit, or quietly pass away into the night? What do I want to accomplish before I die? These questions come frequently now. I wonder what my aunt thinks about these things, but I don't need to ask. I know she's proud of her life and everything she's done. 

 But I've come to realize that I don't know what I want for my own life. I've lived my life to prioritize my family. Once they're gone, what will my priority be then? What is it that I want? 

I don't have to answer it now.