Alot has happened since my last post.

Grayson is walking 90% of the time. He has said doggie, fish and apple. He constantly says mama and dada, sometimes dad and daddy. If I am sitting cross legged, he will come and crawl into my lap. So I have become the mommy chair. He helps with getting dressed, likes getting his teeth brushed. Loves giving hugs and kisses. He has finally started petting the dog nicely...even though he still grabs sometimes, it not as much as before. Chaplin finally doesn't run from Grayson, he just lets out a small growl when Grayson goes for his face.

Grayson knows the noises for pig, lion, cow and monkey. He loves helping me with the laundry, he just takes the clothes out of the washer for me! I do have to grab them before they hit the ground, but still its nice to have the help. He loves being outside, going on "adventures" he squirms and wiggles for joy when the garage door opens. He dances so much!

I am going into work to tomorrow resubmit my SIN and banking info. I will be getting 30 hours and will be baking and sales. Rob said he would work around my hours. He currently works as a first aid attendant/traffic flagger. They are paving at night right now, so it works out perfectly for me to go back to work. However Rob's company just implemented some new policies that require us to buy more things. Which makes for a unhappy Rob, so he might take this opportunity to find a new job.

I want to make a list for Rob, more like a book on how I do things. Simple things such as if Grayson wakes up at 7 he will nap at noon. If he is going to nap around noon I give him a snack before and after, instead of a full meal before or after. If he wakes up later his nap is later, meaning I would give him a full lunch instead of two snacks. I know he will do a good job, I just want to leave tips that I have learned...sometimes the hard way. I just thought of separation anxiety. The last time Rob took Grayson out, Grayson started to freak out. They were gone for about an hour, and that was it they had to turn back. Rob would later tell me that Grayson calmed down when Rob asked him if he wanted mommy. Then again the boys will be in familiar territory, so Grayson will be 100% comfortable.

The more I think about work the more excited I get. Actual non baby related human contact. I am certain I will be returning next week, I am surprised how fast everything fell into place.

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Grayson has boomed so much in the past two months. Standing on his own for half a minute, finally figuring out how to crawl and just recently he used his walker. He was walking between Rob and myself for a short time on Thursday or Friday. It didn't take long before he was getting frustrated, so we stopped. The next day Grayson decided he wanted to take his highchair on a tour de living room.

He only stopped when he "drove" his chair into the wall. (Thank goodness for the plastic bits on the corners of his highchair legs = no scratched floor or walls) When he stopped he got down right pissed. I decided that I would stand in front of Grayson and his chair to steer. We moved at his pace and made laps around the living room and kitchen.

Everyday since his tour, he has to walk. Rob and I took turns steering him and his walker yesterday. Today (Tuesday) he has been walking with anything that isn't tied down. The kitchen chairs, his toy box, walker and high chair.

I really was joking when I told him he had a month to start walking. Looks like he took me seriously.

He also waves at anyone and everything. He waves at the tv, at chappy and cars driving by. When he waves he moves his whole hand, think of the queens wave just sloppy.

Is it silly that I am freaking out about the attendance to his party? I gave people until the 11th to rsvp, which is still 2ish weeks away, so there is still time. I am just getting anxious, two people have already confirmed, so I just have to try my best and be patient.

Thank goodness for the olympics, they completely captivate Grayson when I try to trim his nails or change his diaper. Anything to distract him from fidgeting is great.

I have a feeling that I am going to cry on his birthday. Its a good thing his party is after his birthday, I really don't want to cry in front of everybody.

Rob's HS2 live course is Thursday. So we find out soon if he will be going up north. I really don't want him to go, because things have been so amazing lately. However if we are to get out of debt, this is the best solution....really its the only one we have left.

August 2nd my passport gets sent to me. The thought of being able to go anywhere just ahh its amazing. I feel that nothing can hold me back.

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So I have put on my big girl pants and have decided it will be best if we stay here. I am surprisingly okay with my decision.

Sitting in my living room, zoning out while looking outside helped. It helped me in a way make peace with myself.

UPDATE: FUCK YOU CIBC! Never use CIBC for anything! We get told we can refinance, and so we call them and ask "Hey can we get our refinance process going again?" That was a fucking gong show. Call this number, oh you have to call this number.The agent we finally talked to said that we would have to go through another financial assessment. First question - Where the fuck did our first assessment go? Second - Who the hell are you to tell us we can't refinance even before you get ahold of our assessment?

Banks are only out to help themselves. All they ever want to do is fuck over the little people, who by the way are trying their damnedest to survive. It is taking everything I have to not break down right now. I can feel the stress and frustration welling up into giant water works. After the water works I'll end up folding in on myself and just be a blob on the couch. Which isn't good, because its not fair to Grayson.

If I am in trouble for something, I'm sorry! Life, Karma, whatever are you happy now! I am emotionally spent!

The only thing I can think of right now, is to go soak in a hot bath.

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I'm done mentioning anything to do with Lethbridge, or Alberta. I know its only 15ish hours away, but it could be as far as the moon at this point.

Every time there is a possibility to go home, I get burnt. Its that damn kid with a magnifying glass and ants. I'm the stupid ant who always goes back for more.

Life. F U

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So Thursday was great!

I finally went to the passport office and sent everything away. I would have sooner, but finding and extra $87 has been tough. According to the woman who helped me, my passport will be sent off on August 2nd. Grayson and I also went and bought birthday presents! There is a great series of board books called "Amazing Baby" Grayson absolutely LOVES them! We found them at this amazing new and used bookstore. The Amazing Baby books are all on sale, sometimes marked down twice. Finding $16 books for only $3 makes my day. So we bought 3 more, and even though I was saving them for his birthday I read him one to see if it would calm him down. It worked! He likes helping me turn the pages.

Nev I know its early, but I have your birthday present too. I am horrible at buying presents, I just want to give them out the day I bought them. If I do that I end up buying something else to replace the previous present. I even want to wrap everything right now, but if I use Christmas wrapping it would bug me so bad.

We have another open house tomorrow. I think I will make a trip to the dollar store and see if I can find decorations. Yes it is early for Grayson's party, but the dollar store is going out of business. 25% off of already cheap stuff, I can't pass that up. I will make an amazing birthday party on a budget!

That is all for now. I must start cleaning, its going to take today and anytime available tomorrow. The house isn't that messy, Grayson is just that active.

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As predicted the offer on the house sank. I am not mad at the buyers, I completely understand not wanting to live in a place that tells you how to live.

Gloomy's ascot of hope has turned into a sun hat of hope. Apparently the Rise (the name of the area we live) is having a huge open house "celebration" Sunday. There are 6 units still for sale, and the prices have just been lowered again. Ellen has decided she wants in on this, so we are going to join in on the open house fun. The last open house brought us our first offer, so another one won't hurt at all. Plus its advertised all over the place, I am really hopeful.

Rob's H2S...HS2 whatever course is on August 2nd. If all goes well he will be up in northern alberta 2 weeks from that date. It means he will be here for Grayson's birthday, but he will miss the party. Which is okay with me, it means Grayson gets two parties! I really don't mind keeping most of the decorations up for three days! OMG YAY! I have just figured out our cake or cupcake dilemma! Of course this all depends on when Rob leaves, but I am not stressed about cake anymore. Fuck Yeah!

Well Chaplin is waiting to go outside, and Grayson is playing with his leash. I should go for now.

Thats it! Gloomy (for the time being) is no more, I am happy and hopeful about everything.

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I just deleted some posts by accident, because I am a noob with this iPad app.

No news on our house yet - this waiting isn't good for my health.

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