Resurrection
I realized today, that it has been over 5 years since I lasted posted on Livejournal.

It feels like...an entire lifetime ago. I look back on some of these entries, and I am definitely not the same person I was when I first started this journal.

These last 18 years have truly gone by in the blink of an eye. Seriously, one day you're going to college, meeting boys, having the craziest adventures - and then suddenly, 18 years have gone by, and you find yourself completely bewildered at the person you've become - and trying to sort through the person that you were.

Right now, I'm wondering, will anyone still see this journal, after so many years of me being away?

As I posted less and less over the years, I've lost touch with many of the great friends I've made on lifejournal. If you're still out there, I would love to hear from you!

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Truth Takes Time
I really wish that people would stop entrusting me with their deepest, darkest secrets. Secrets that have the power to rip families apart and destroy lives. Secrets so terrible that once revealed, will probably take decades of therapy to recover from.

And honestly I don't know why these people tell me. I am the least trustworthy person I know.

I live for gossip. Seriously, at work that's the majority of my day. I gossip for at least 4 hours a day minimum. The other two hours I go on breaks, and then the rest I work.

My cousin entrusted me with a secret about his marriage.

I am DYING to tell someone, I feel like a drug addict, sitting here, wanting to take care of an itch I can't scratch.

Godammnit, what's the use of having secrets if you can't tell them to someone? 

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My Life In Customer Service: Stories of Death Threats, Stolen Urine, and Perverts
Dear LJ friends!

I am sorry I have been away for so long. Life has been crazy busy. Life has been hard. My car just died. My job is SUCKING MY SOUL.

And...yesterday...somebody asked me if I was on that TV show with THE ASIAN PEOPLE in it.

That aside, I have some exciting news! I just finished my first book, and published it on Amazon.

The book is titled "My Life in Customer Service: Stories of Death Threats, Stolen Urine, and Perverts."

This book chronicles the hilarious and crazy experiences I've had working at various customer jobs throughout the years.

Please check it out if you're interested! I wrote it under a pen name, Austin Bell. Here is the link to the book:

http://www.amazon.com/My-Life-Customer-Service-Perverts-ebook/dp/B01B41CRUY/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1453959327&sr=8-6&keywords=austin+bell




I would love you guys FOREVER if you leave some comments or share this on your blog!

Okay, sorry about the shameless self promotion. I hope you guys are all doing well! I'll be catching up on all your entries!

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Carnival
My department at work took a day off to go to the Carnival.

An hour into it, I got seperated from the group and got lost.

Half an hour later, my boss found me, and she was annoyed.

MY BOSS: Ivan! We've been looking for you. Where did you go?
ME: (Eating a giant cotton candy) I got lost, but this nice strange man gave me a cotton candy. He works at the stand over there.
MY BOSS: Ivan! I've told you many times - don't talk to strangers, don't accept candy from strange men, and if you get lost, you go find an adult...well...an adult older than you, tell them your name and that you're lost, and have them call the number on your bracelet. Oh, and if a strange man offers you candy again, you're supposed to scream "stranger danger" and run away.
ME: But...That man was HOT. Seriously...Look at him (motions to the hot, shirtless man working at the cotton candy stand). He's all...tall, tan, ripped...abs you can eat whip cream off of....
MY BOSS: (Looks, thinks about it) Hmmm Ok, I see your point. Damn that is a nice beefcake. I'm going to talk to him, you stay right here.
ME: But I thought we're not allowed to talk to strangers.
MY BOSS: Oh when I said that I didn't mean HOT MEN with abs and cotton candy, that's perfectly fine.

Towards evening, the Cute Coworker Boy and I ride in the back of a pickup truck back to the entrace of the Carnival. Our conversation went like this:

Cute Coworker Boy: I just realized that I'm 30, but I've been with the company 12 years, and we've worked together for 10 years. That's like...a third of my life.
Me: Yeah, that's crazy. I've been working at this company for the last ten years, ever since i was 22 years old, it's debilitating.
Cute Coworker Boy: Hey remember when I turned 21, had that huge party, got completly trashed, and started making out with you?
Me: Hmm vaguely. Yeah I sorta remember something like that. But I don't remember the details, or what it was like.
Cute Coworker Boy: (Looks really offended) How can you not remember? We made out for like an hour on my couch. I kept trying to do...other stuff but I was completely drunk and the alcohol made my body uncooperative, otherwise I would have...nevermind.
Me: Yeah...I was really trashed also. I think I took shots. Many many shots. I remember we kissed, but it was all so fuzzy. Like I remember seeing it in a movie.
Cute Coworker Boy: Well...It went something like this. (Leans over...kisses me a bit). Does that ring a bell?
Me: (A bit surprised that he did that) Uhhh...no, not really. Sorry.

But the truth was, IT TOTALLY DID RING A BELL.

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Verbatim: Friday
Happy hour with coworkers went something like this:

ME: You guys, do you remember Tim, that mean old man in I.T.? You know, the one who made the new people cry, and was like hiring hookers so he could use them and not pay them? The one who passed out home-made gay people will burn in hell pamphlets?
CUTE COWORKER BOY: Yeah, I remember. What about him?
ME: (Taking a sip of wine) Oh HE DIED.
CUTE COWORKER BOY: Of HATRED??!!
ME: Oh I'm not sure, he just DIED. Yep. Took a whole week for them to find him.

KATIE: You people don't know what it's like to be married with three kids. Do you know what our idea of date night is? It's GOING TO THE GAS STATION to get gas for 15 minutes on a Friday night. That's as romantic as it gets.
TAMMY: Geeze that sounds horrible. When do you people have time for sex?
KATIE: Like I said, Friday is date night, we only have 15 minutes away from the kids to go get gas. If any hanky panky is going to happen, it's going to be in that time period.
ME: Wait...what are you trying to say? That you guys have SEX IN THE CAR AT THE GAS STATION?
KATIE: (Sighs). You people will never understand until you have kids. All I will say is, my husband and I are banned from the Shell Station near our house.

In other news...the other week, I woke up one morning and randomly decided that I wanted to play VIDEO GAMES. So I went to Gamestop, and dropped $400 on a Nintendo DS, and like 6 video games. Ever since then, I couldn't stop playing. I knew this was a bad idea, because now I'll never get anything done.

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In the Hall of the Mountain King: Stories
Today went something like this:

ME: (To my brother) You know, as I was leaving your place last week, I talked to your neighbor.
MY BROTHER: Oh, you mean the lady who works as a psychic on the waterfront? The one who looks and talks like Miss Cleo?
ME: Yeah, that's the one. Anyway, she told me that she's been secretly reading your Aura...
MY BROTHER: (rolls his eyes) God, I told her not to do that anymore.
ME: Yeah...so she said she's been secretly reading your aura...and she claims that...well...that you are actually a four thousand year old demon masquerading as a twenty seven year old twink.
MY BROTHER: (sighs heavily). Oh Ivan. Because you are my brother, I have to be honest with you. I can neither confirm or deny these allegations. (Walks away from me, starts muttering in some kind of ancient chinese dialect).
ME: (To myself) I KNEW IT.

At the office:

CUTE COWORKER BOY: (To me) I really hate it when people don't listen to me. I just feel like people ignore me because they think I'm dumb.
ME: I'm so sorry, what did you say? I'm eating these really crunchy Doritos...here let me switch to a softer food so I can hear you...

PROJECT MANAGER: (Talking to my Manager and I) I understand the frustration you guys have. But I think you're making a big deal out of nothing. This is just a different project management methodology. No one has to DIE because we're doing Scrum.
MY MANAGER: (Cutting an apple with a really big knife). Wrong. You mean to say...you HOPE no one has to DIE because of Scrum...
PROJECT MANAGER: Uhhh yes. I've been meaning to ask...what ever happened to the old Project Manager on this project? I'm so new to this company.
MY MANAGER: (cutting her apples in alarmingly small pieces) Oh she wasn't working out.
ME: Yes. She just...disappeared one day...

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Truth Takes Time: Stories
Sometimes, we hide the truth to save ourselves from being murdered. Example:

MY BOSS: (Looking in the refrigerator/freezer) Okay. Who ate my ice cream bar? I am really cranky and I've been looking forward to that all afternoon. I swear, I will KILL the person who ate my ice cream bar.
ME: (Quickly crumples up ice cream bar wrapper, hides it under my desk). Uhhhh I think it was the new girl. I SAW HER.
MY BOSS: I see. I will go kill her. Thank you.

Maybe that priest was right about me, maybe I am evil. *shrug*

Then somtimes, I think we hide the truth to prevent family drama. An example of this came when I had my violin lesson last week with my violin teacher, an 88 year old man who taught both my dad and I. Once upon a time, in his youth, he had won dozens of international violin competitions and awards, and eventually became one of the greatest violinsts in Europe. While he is still very mentally sharp for his age, sometimes his memory goes, and he confuses me with my dad. Last Saturday, our conversation went like this:

VIOLIN TEACHER: So, tell me, how is the child doing? Is he better since you've dropped him? You shouldn't worry - I've accidentally dropped my child a few times before also.
ME: Wait...What? What child?
VIOLIN TEACHER: (Pauses...looks closely at me) Oh. I am sorry. I thought I was talking to your father.
ME: What's this business about dropping a child?
VIOLIN TEACHER: Oh you know, he just had his first born, and when you try to give the baby a bath, the soap is very slippery in the tub, and if you're unexperienced you might end up dropping the baby over and over and over...
ME: WHAT!!?? But I am his firstborn. You're telling me that he DROPPED ME many times as a baby?
VIOLIN TEACHER: Oh. Wait. I wasn't supposed to be talking about this. Ooops.
ME: Ok, what else have you been hiding from me?
VIOLIN TEACHER: Nothing. Nothing at all, I promise. But...okay, has your dad ever mentioned anything about taking you to get an IQ test because he was afraid you were slow?
ME: HE WHAT!!?? NO!!
VIOLIN TEACHER: Oh. Eh, this conversation is making me uncomfortable...let's change the subject. I do like how you're attacking these passages on the Bruch Concerto...

And sometimes, we hide the truth because...we just have to.

CUTE CO-WORKER BOY: You know what's ridiculous? Cindy thinks that if you and I go out of town for that conference, we shouldn't share a room because I am in love with you. And that you are in love with me. Isn't that insane?
ME: Oh yeah. Obviously insane. I mean...just look at your haircut.
CUTE CO-WORKER BOY: What's wrong with my haircut?
ME: Uhh nothing.
CUTE CO-WORKER BOY: I mean, it's just ridiculous. Sure we spend a lot of time together...outside of work also...but we don't like...see each other on Tuesday and Thursday nights when I have night school. AND...you're slightly...I don't know...EVIL.
ME: True...
CUTE CO-WORKER BOY: So it's no big deal that we share a room. It shouldn't be uncomfortable.
ME: No, not at all. It's not like we secretly think about running away together, getting married on a beach, then adopting 2.5 kids, buying a minivan, a house in the suburbs, and getting a dog.
CUTE CO-WORKER BOY: I would probably want a cat also.
ME: I'm allergic to cats.
CUTE CO-WORKER BOY: Oh. Yeah. See...It's a ridiculous theory. Very, very ridiculous.
ME: Ineed. 

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The Old and the Restless: Stories
Ever since I turned 30, I began noticing that my memory and mental competence has been declining.

And not it's just not me, I began noticing that it has been happening to the people who work around me also. An example of this happened last week. It went something like this:

MY MANAGER: I think I've lost my mind. I came into work this morning, and as I was walking to my desk, I felt that something was off. I looked down at my feet, and I noticed that I had two different types of shoes on. One is red and the other is black. I put on two shoes that did not match at all. No one better find out about this. As a former beauty queen, I would be publicly shamed.
ME: I'm sorry, can you come a little closer? I am texting EVERYONE I KNOW about your wardrobe mishap, I just need to take a picture of this.

Later that morning...

CUTE COWORKER BOY: You want to know something funny? I just went to the bathroom, and noticed that I had my underwear on backwards. I laughed about it.
ME: What?! How does that even happen? I don't think I've ever put my underwear on backwards before. (Thinks about it). This might be crossing the line...but what type of underwear do you wear? Because isn't it pretty hard not to notice when you put your briefs on backwards?
CUTE COWORKER BOY: Hmmm...Why are you so curious about what underwear I have on? You want to see? We can totally go to my car at lunch and you can see.
ME: What!? No. No. No. I don't want to see. I...well...STOP FLIRTING WITH ME, IT'S DISTRACTING.
CUTE COWORKER BOY: I AM NOT flirting with you.
ME:  You are too flirting with me, you do it all day long. Like last week, when we went out for Mexican food. You accidentally dropped those chips in my lap...and then you went to retrieve them. Like you were digging for gold down there, even though I told you I'd do it myself.
CUTE COWORKER BOY: Hey. There was hot cheese on those chips, I didn't want you to get burned. Besides, It was a complete accident that I touched your...
MY BOSS: (Interrupting us) Okay, you guys need to stop flirting with each other and take me to the shoe store. Mama needs a new pair of shoes.
ME: We are not flirting with each other!
MY BOSS: (rolls her eyes) Please, I feel like a gay porno is going to happen right in front of my eyes when I stand in between you two.

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Marco Polo
I just finished watching the whole Marco Polo series on Netflix.

Has anyone else seen this?

After finishing it, I am a bit confused as to why it got such negative reviews from critics. Don't get me wrong, I'm not raving about it...I think it was OK. It's nothing to write home about. If I had to rate it, I would give it a strong C +, possibly even a B -. It had its moments - there was a naked woman doing battle with three soilders, and a blind monk who was a martial arts expert.

Also, I'm really not understanding some of the critics saying that it played into Asian stereotypes and that it was offensive? I am so confused by this! As an Asian man who spent my college years studying cultural appropriation, I am always the first to point out how some movies are crazy offensive (really Juno? There is like only ONE person of color in the entire movie, and it's an Asian person who doesn't speak English? Really Todd Solondz? All your movies are completely about the White experience, which is OK, but you just had to bring that one person of color in, and that person usually is a caricature of the grossest steroetypes of their race?).

Marco Polo is probably one of the LEAST offensive movies I have seen regarding Asian people. The women portrayed are strong, capable characters who are not crying with an accent "I must save honor! I must save honor!" They are not waiting for a White man to save them. These characters don't speak with an accent.

By the way, have I ever mentioned how i HATE IT when they make Asian people in movies talk about HONOR? NO ONE DOES THAT, PLEASE GO STAB YOUR WRITERS.

I always cringe, because it's like people expect me to suddenly break out and say "Oh, I must not run this red light, it will betray my family's honor!" NO ONE SAYS THAT. NO ONE THINKS THAT. PLEASE GO DROWN YOURSELF.

The Asian women of Marco Polo are not Dragon Ladies or helpless Damsels in distress. The Asian men of Marco Polo are not sexless, one dimensional oppressors of women, which every single piece of literature in the last hundred years have portrayed them to be (Amy Tan's Joy Luck Club, I am talking about you).

So...really, I am befuddled by the criticism of the show. If anyone has seen this show, please let me know your thoughts! I would really like to know why they're so hard on it. 

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Dear Livejournal Readers...
I have a question for everyone. What do you all do on your free time/weekends for fun?

Sometimes after work or on the weekends when I stay in, I feel like I'm wasting my life away.

I'd be curious to know what you all do on your free time. What sorts of activities do you people do? Hobbies? Do you guys go out, or stay in?

A lot of times when I'm at home at night, watching Netflix, I do wonder...what on earth are other people doing with their night? Are they wasting it in front of the TV like I am?

Thanks!

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A Picture of my Life through Text Messages
It's 10:00pm and I get some text messages from my boss. It went like this:

MY BOSS: I have to tell you something. Thirteen years ago, I was a BEAUTY QUEEN in California. I had a traumatic incident that caused me to lose the Miss California title. It was an incident that involved another girl, and sabatoge. The swat team had to come.
ME: .....
ME: Why are you telling me this? I'm in the middle of watching the Vampire Diaries, please stop bothering me.
MY BOSS: And because I could not be a BEAUTY QUEEN, I ended up getting an MBA from Yale and now I am slaving away at a corporation. I lost my dream.
ME: Again, why are you telling me this? Elena is about to choose between Stefan or Damon. Please GET TO YOUR POINT.
MY BOSS: My point is...I was hoping that you would feel sorry for me, and wake up early to take that 6:00am conference call with Europe in my place.
ME: Umm...you hoped wrong, I will do no such thing. 

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The Office: Stories
There is never a day without drama in my office. Today went something like this:

CINDY: (To me) Ivan I am sooo sorry I missed our presentation. I was -
ME: (Stares her down with daggers of DEATH) YOU. ARE. DEAD TO ME. I had to do the presentation all by myself, I had to hand out all those phamplets, and had to talk to that woman in Marketing who picks her nose.
CINDY: But -
ME: DEAD TO ME!!!
CINDY: Ivan, will you just listen? I -
ME: (plugs ears) la la la la I don't hear anything, you are DEAD TO ME!!
CINDY: (Turns to my boss) Can you please make him listen?
MY BOSS: Oh Cindy. If I could make Ivan do things, I wouldn't be drinking vodka out of a flask at 11 in the morning. And by the way, I know it was you who stole my yougurt from the fridge. YOU ARE DEAD TO ME ALSO. (Turns and walks away from her).

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If I should die before I wake...
This afternoon at work, we learned that the entire water supply on Mercer Island has been contaminated with E. coli.

This was after I drank two venti cups of of ice water, straight from the Starbucks tap.

While Starbucks water is triple filtered for that lovely pure taste that mostly only pregnant women and I can detect, I doubt it does anything against E. coli.

Basically, there's a chance that I have contracted E. coli, and may be dead in 3-7 days. (Okay, I'm being a drama queen, it's pretty rare for a healthy adult to die from E. coli infection, mostly you just have diarrehea and vomitting for a few days. But you never know...many people with bad cases do die.)

You know, as a former Life Insurance Medical Underwriter, I have within me the ability to make a very good guess on the life expectancy of a human being, based on 150 years of medical and actuarial research harvested by the insurance companies. And yet, I would have never, ever in a million years guessed that I might die from drinking a cup of ice water after collecting a free Starbucks reward.

I always knew that work would one day kill me, I just never imagined it would go down like this.

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Lazy
I think that my biggest, most pressing goal right now is to find a way to not work.

I really hate working. Not just my job in particular...just overall, I just...don't want to work.

Yes, I am really, really lazy. I just want to stay at home and do nothing.

So far, I've only come up with two solutions:

1. Marry a rich man.

2. Win the lottery.

None of these plans seem to be working out. Ugh.

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It's determined by FATE
I was at the park yesterday, sitting on the bench at lunch, watching the waves crash against the lake. A dirty old woman comes and sits next to me on the bench. She takes a jar of peanut butter and a knife from inside her coat. She proceeds to eat scoop after scoop of peanut butter straight from the jar, using the knife as a spoon.

I got up and walked away when she started telling me, "It's not safe here for you, Chandler. In my previous life they tried to pry my legs apart and I screamed."

In other news, it's just a month of waiting. No matter how hard you try to change the course of your life, some things will be determined by FATE, and there is not a damn thing in this world that you can do about it. 

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Haunted
You guys, I'm totally not making this up, sometimes I really think that my office is Haunted.

Picture it: It was 5:00pm on a Tuesday night. Everyone in my department has left for the night, because they all come in earlier than me (I am LAZY and I can't get up early for the life of me). So I'm sitting at my desk, trying very hard to file my nails, eat half a box of Oreo cookies, and shop for Lifetime Movies starring Joanna Kerns on Amazon (don't judge me, you don't know me!) at the same time.

The Legal Department is next to ours. Their department is just three cubicles away from my desk. So I'm sitting at my desk, ordering my DVD's, when I hear what appears to be someone in the legal department typing furiously on their keyboard. And I swear to God, I heard a woman laugh. Funny, I thought to myself, I could have sworn that all the lawyers left a 4pm. But I wasn't weirded out at that point, because our head attorney, Cynthia, sometimes worked late.

I hear more typing. Someone clicking on the mouse.

A minute later, one of our Directors, Doug, came to my desk. The conversation went like this:

DOUG: Hey there, looks like it's just you and I left on this floor. Do you want a cupcake? They're left over from Shari's retirement party.
ME: Oh sure! (Takes cupcake, starts shoveling it in my mouth). By the way, you should ask Cynthia if she wants one, I think she's still here, I heard her typing away.
DOUG: Cynthia? No, can't be, she left this morning to Texas for a business trip.
ME: Really? Oh then it must be someone else.
DOUG: You really heard someone typing? The other Lawyers are also in Texas, they left yesterday before her.
ME: What? No, can't be, someone is there. Here, lets go see...

So we walk to the legal department, and there is NO ONE THERE. All the computers were off, and there was not a single piece of evidence that would indicate that anyone had been working the last few hours.

Weird, I thought to myself. My brain must have been playing a trick on me.

A few nights later, I was alone at the office again. It was around 5:00pm, and the lawyers were still in Texas. I was stealing candy from my boss's desk, when I heard someone typing in the legal department again. No, this can't be right, I thought to myself. All the lawyers were gone. They were all still in Texas. Even their secretaries and assistants all took the week off. I paused and listened. Someone was typing, and clicking on a mouse, I swear. I walked quickly to the legal department, and NO ONE IS THERE. NOT A SINGLE SOUL.

I haven't told anyone at work what happened, because I'm pretty positive that they'll think I'm crazy. Heck, I think I'm crazy. Surely, ghosts don't exists, right? I'm thinking that in my old age, my brain must be playing some tricks on me. Either that, or someone is sneaking into the legal department, banging on the keyboard and mouse, then quickly running away, I don't know.

All I know is, it is creepy as hell. 

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Somewhere Out There
I was looking at my user profile, and noticed that I started Livejournal on May 10, 2002. That's almost TWELVE YEARS AGO.

TWELVE YEARS.

My world has completely changed in ways that I couldn't even begin to explain to you. I don't  even remotely resemble the person I was twelve years ago.

Twelve years ago when I started this Livejournal, I was invincible. Or, I felt like I was invincible. I thought I knew EVERYTHING. The world was full of possibilities.

I'm sitting here, more than a decade later, and I'm definitely not invincible. I definitely don't know ANYTHING. The older I get, the less I know, that's for sure.

I must have done an entire lifetime's worth of living in these twelve years. I'm not one to shy away from adventure, and I'm definitely not one to dedicate my life to work (screw that, I've only worked more than 40 hours a week ONCE in my entire life).

Back in 2002 I was still living with my parents and going to college. Since then, I've graduated from college, gotten a job, climbed up the corporate ladder, and bought a house. And, after dating many, many, many...many...men, I've finally settled down with someone.

In the course of all of this, I've made a lot of Livejournal friends, especially in my early years at Livejournal. This may seem strange to say, but at one point it seemed like I became good friends with some of my Livejournal friends, even though we've never met in real life? I remember staying up late into the night talking to some of them on IM. I was born and raised in Seattle, and to make Livejournal friends who were from places like Australia, London, New York...that was pretty cool, since they lived so far away yet they still had so much in common with me.

Looking at my friends list, I am saddened that I've lost touch with a lot of my old Livejournal friends. I've never de-friended them or anything like that...it just seemed like...over the years, they've stopped updating, and then I would not update for a span of months...then years will have passed, and before you know it, twelve years have passed and I'm sitting here wondering...what ever happened to these friends of mine who I've been chatting with for all these years?

So, I'm hoping that by some miracle, some of my old livejournal friends might be reading this, and get in touch with me. I know they're out there in the world somewhere, and I'd love, love to catch up with them. If you're one of my old Livejournal friends who I haven't talked to in AGES...you know who you are, send me a message!

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A Post about being Lazy
Do you ever get the horrible feeling that you're wasting your life away? I'm being serious here.

So I'm sitting here, eating a bucket of fried chicken, and watching episode after episode of "Law and Order: Special Victims Unit." My eyes are glazed over, I've been watching these episodes since I  got off work.

I have sooo many things I want to accomplish, but I just don't have the motivation.

These were my goals this month, and I haven't accomplished any:

1. Clean the house.
2. Start cooking food instead of going out to eat every day.
3. Study and pass my insurance exams.
4. Start exercising again.

I try to start on these goals, but I get soo lazy. I'm easily distracted by shiny objects and food.

I'm afraid that by the end of this month, I will have accomplished NOTHING. 

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I am definitely NOT the Julia Child of the Gays

You guys, I have a confession to make. I have cooked about FOUR TIMES since 2003. I swear to GOD, this is the honest truth.

And I remember the four times that I have cooked in the past ELEVEN YEARS very vividly. They were:

1. The night I moved into my first apartment.
2. The night I moved into the first house I bought.
3. The night I bought my second house.
4. The night I lost my virginity...for the second time...(It just felt like the right thing to do, since it was christmas eve, all the restaurants were closed, the guy was really hungry, and there were eggs and tomatoes in the fridge for some reason...)

Anyways, the point is, I have honestly only cooked/prepared a meal for myself about four times in the last eleven years. I've basically eaten out at restaurants every single meal. Breakfast is ALWAYS something at Starbucks, usually a pastry with coffee. Lunch is always either Qdoba, Jimmy John's, Subway, some Thai or Asian restaurant. And then dinner...basically is me and the boyfriend driving up and down washington state looking for a new restaurant to try every night, whether it is the Cheesecake factory, or some family owned Mexican restaurant...whatever looks interesting.

My boyfriend's mom (who still thinks that I'm that Asian reporter on channel 7 news, because, OF COURSE ALL ASIANS LOOK ALIKE), thinks that this is madness, you can't go through life eating every single meal at a restaurant. (However, she calls my people "the orientals," so my opinion of her opinions are...ehhhh...)

Basically, I just don't like cooking. I don't like having to wash dishes, silverware, bake and fry things. I always make a mess when I cook. And when I share the food I cook with people, words like "attempted murder," and "oh god I think I'm dying" gets thrown around. They say this at a time when I'm actually NOT trying to poison them for once, do you know how hurtful that is?

The other night, I got out a frying pan, and my boyfriend looks at me with SHEER TERROR in his eyes, like I was preparing to drown a baby or something.

MY BOYFRIEND: What are you doing with that thing?
ME: I was thinking of cooking.
MY BOYFRIEND: Cooking? What's that?
ME: You know...where I heat food and we eat it?
MY BOYFRIEND: Don't lie to me, you don't know how to cook. Did you take out another life insurance policy on me? Am I going to die? Is this where you kill me?

Needless to say, we ended up at the cheesecake factory.

I had thought about putting "cooking" as one of my new years resolutions, but I can see that this clearly won't pan out.

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I'm back for 2014!
I'm back, people! Sorry I've been away so long, things just got really, really crazy. My new years resolution is to keep updating this journal on a regular basis and keep it alive!

How is everyone? Did I miss anything crazy?

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