[ -Chris- ]

what was once a home
is now a prison
neither convict nor warden

i feed myself to this machine
im fed to this machine
i am fuel to this machine

i want to leave
i need to escape
i have to abandon

the glasses
the plates
the petty piles of dust

my running in circles
around them in spiral insaniny
the same stubborn straight lines

crooked
bent
and twisted

my commitment
my sacrifice
my ovelrwhelming desire to please and be pleased

i WANT to runaway
i NEED to runaway
i HAVE to runaway

i miss my ruin

and i know i could never be with you

maybe this is for the best.
i dont see why youd wanna patch this up. this bridge was burnt down for a reason and now you wanna rebuild it?

forget her. you dont have to prove anything to552675275 or even yourslef .

you know you could so just leave it. it would only add more complication.

'trust me to hold your hand then i'll turn and walk away'

'you know what im like'

theres no point being cheeky.

If i were to fail again id have to leave.
Im not to sure what id do after all of this

should i like some based on the fact that they remind me of someone else?

i dont think its actually that anyway. i like her and she just happens to remind me of someone else that i liked. thats just my types isnt it? thats human.

or do i want something i cant have. thats just so chris.

like a cheap substitute.

i wouldnt say that. im different now? i dont know anybody anymore. my ties are severed and they dont seem to exist anyway.

so whats the problem. i just like a girl ;)

im 21 and ive just passed my test.

my mum was really happy.
she said she was proud and now ive achieved something in my life.

ive never heard her tell me that she was proud of me before.
im sure ive achieved a lot of things before now.

i felt really dissapointed with my self when i heard her say that

im still a million miles away from her and i always think about her.

ive not tried to speak to her for months and she wouldnt have my new number.

i had a dream again last night. i walked her home. a truck crashed into a building. it was drama and i was back at school with sarah.

sorry im just thinking now.

you known sarah longer than most people. all thre shit youve been through shes been there with you. you should try talking to her.

if i can get hold of her i suppose.

'wake up, our past stops right now'

just over a month in.
midnight rendevous were over and i slept in your arms
now three years on.
all i wanna do is take a gun to my self

the black hole ive become
on this june 10th

no chris dont get involved

hold hands, embrace turn, and walk away

you can trust me to do that

so its driving lesson day and i actually have the money this time. no need to dip into the tips jar. my two huge vodka bottles full of tips. one silver and the other copper. i wanna fill them up and be all like mega rich and the fact that people just give them to me for bein super mint is pretty mint itself.

my fingers are cold and they ache and i dont think ive really had to type for a while. my laptop is pretty screwed up and most of the programs dont work. i think it needs rebooting. mozilla seems to work fine so im not that bothered.

shut up mother. the kids can run around screaming at 7 in the morning and wake me the fuck up but its a totally different story when i want to listen to music.

i think today is a good day to carry on watching Hex. the last time i did a picture fell off the wall and i was more than scared.

so i was mooching around and guess what i found
a paperdoll.

yes a pretty star.

we started out just running out spreading like wings.

it seems strange how its like one end of the string. like when i was the begining and now im a totally new piece next the old. the resemblence it scary. but thats the way the worlds works and i guess i cant change birds into bees