rubian77

For anyone who's wondering, I really am still posting here. I just do a lot more locked posts these days.

I do accept new readers, but you've got to say something to me. I am not here to increase your 'friend' count and pad your ego, and I don't even know if you can read my journal if you don't comment at least once. Comments to this entry are screened for your privacy! :)

THE SECOND COMING

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: a waste of desert sand;
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Wind shadows of the indignant desert birds.

The darkness drops again but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?


--William Butler Yeats (1865-1939)

Top 5 “Secret Ingredients”

Admittedly, I’m a bit of a food snob. I like my eggs, chicken, beef, and pork from the farm down the road (all natural and pastured, thank you very much) and we make a lot of our meals from scratch. Many of our veggies (and some fruits) come from the backyard or a different local farm up the road.

Okay, so I’m a really big food snob.

If I had the time and wherewithal, I’d start a food blog. But I’ve just got this, and you see how often I’m here these days.

Anyhoo, this here has been ages in the making...there are a couple of things I’ve been thinking about that really set my own foods apart from those prepared by others: those special “secret” ingredients that we add at our house.

Papalo.
You probably don’t know what this is...but you know cilantro, right? Sure you do. And chances are good you don’t really like it. A lot of folks say that the dried stuff is dull and the fresh stuff is soapy-tasting. Funny thing about cilantro: it bolts (shoots up a flower stalk) in hot weather. When plants bolt, they aren’t as tasty. It’s rather warm in Mexico/central America, and they don’t use cilantro – they use papalo, which grows well in hot climates. It’s an ovoid leaf that’s thick and fragrant and smells like gen-yoo-ine Tex-Mex food. If you can find this, try tossing some in your next batch of tacos or guacamole instead of the cilantro. If you can’t find it at a market, you can find seeds online if you’re so inclined to grow your own. It’s best fresh but can be dried or even simmered in butter for later use.

Truffle Oil.
I got mine at Wegman’s, but any larger grocer should have it. It’s a small bottle of olive oil that has been infused with a bit of black truffle mushroom. It only takes a bit – it’s strong stuff. There’s white truffle oil, too, but I think it’s a bit weaker than the black. Add it the way you add sesame seed oil...sparingly...but it really does liven up pasta salads, pasta sauces, and sautéed vegetables. And I know what you’re thinking about eating the bit of black truffle they put in the jar, but forget it; the rubber doodad on the top doesn’t pop out like the one on your soy sauce and malt vinegar.

Black Cocoa Powder.
Also called Double Dutch Cocoa Powder, this is really amazing stuff. It makes cakes and cookies dark like Oreos and gives chili a rich deep color and that little extra something. Think of it as the “Special Dark” version of cocoa powder – but with less fat. Also, it’s heavily processed (alkalized) to the point where it has no acid; this means it won’t do the traditional “red velvet” color without the need for food coloring. But with a rich dark chocolateyness like this, it definitely makes up for that shortcoming.

Cumin.
This is the magic ingredient that makes things like chili, tacos, and guacamole all Tex-Mex-ical, and gives other foods a delightful little kick (especially when paired with a tiny pinch of mace – the outer hull of the nutmeg fruit).

Liquor.
Cognac in clam chowder, tequila in chili or tossed with lime and shrimp, beer on the pork chops, red wine with the beef and white wine with the chicken...yep, the secret ingredient is booze. ‘Nuff said.

Talking about the fact that I have electrolysis done has made me think about choices and priorities. And also assumptions.

I choose to indulge my vain, selfish, and aesthetic impulses by laying out money for things like electrolysis, massages, and pottery supplies. I choose to pay a little more for a good dinner out, to pay more for certain high-quality ingredients when I cook at home, and to splurge on locally-grown eggs, pork, chicken, and beef.

I don't have to, but I do - because I make them a priority in my life. Some people would think I'm nuts for these things when I refuse to pay any more than is necessary for cell phone service, home phone/internet, and miscellaneous groceries (all things equal, I buy what's cheapest; the generic brands are often just as good - if not better - than the name brands!). I don't have cable at all. I'd rather buy stuff to make a new purse myself than spend money on one, and I only buy clothes once a year and shoes every 2-3 years.

But see, when I buy shoes, I spend a little extra and get a decent pair. Because they need to last 2-3 years and Payless pairs don't last more than six months for me. So anyone looking at one single element of what I choose to do would make an assumption – either that I’m struggling for money, or that I’ve got tons to spare. (Spoiler alert: neither.)

Where I work, we direct callers to resources. We get a LOT of people asking for money - which we don't do - because they aren't poor enough to qualify for the need-based resources, but there just isn't enough in their coffers to pay for $200 of dental work each month for the next three months, or they can't fix their cars, or they can't afford their rent. So my job is to look up what's out there, what services they might qualify for, and let them know that they can try talking to their bank/credit union (which is usually countered with "but I have bad credit") and whatever else I can find. I had a lady who once lamented that "she works hard, and she's always worked, and now that she needs something she can't get it because she makes too much money. And people who have never worked get all of the help they need, and how is that fair?”

And I understand how it goes, on both ends of the spectrum. Yes, there are people who abuse the system and get more than what they are due. No, that’s not fair. But you can’t assume that everyone on assistance is walking around in designer clothes and eating lobster every night on food stamps. I also know from personal experience that there are those who use the system and get what they need, and little more. Yes, my husband is on disability – but if it weren’t for my income, he’d have to rely on supplemental income and public assistance because what he makes isn’t enough to even cover the mortgage. Yes, the whole damn system is actually quite broken in many ways. Some of the rules for disability and public assistance are either complicated, arbitrary, or a combination thereof. In some instances (not all) there’s no incentive for a person on assistance to change their situation. Everyone who isn’t receiving public assistance assumes that it’s easy, or that the rules are the same everywhere. Not true.

Our society makes it a cultural taboo to talk about money, but it’s perfectly acceptable to make assumptions about others’ financial situations. Not judging; I do it too, and usually I attribute “not enough money” to wacked-out priorities. Miss “I can’t afford a car payment” always finds the money to get her hair and nails done; Mr. “I can’t afford my child support payment” always finds the money for his drug fix. If someone’s priority is having the latest iPhone, then to hell with the fact that the rent is due.


(Apparently grammar wasn't a priority for the dude who did this meme.)

People make the choice to spend their money on one thing over another, or to spend it on something instead of saving it. And yep, I’m in the same boat. I choose to spend money on certain non-necessities rather than save it. I’ve created a budget in the past, outlining only the barest of needs, and I could save quite a bit if I really tried. But I’m still relatively young and stupid in this arena, so my priorities are still leaning more toward selfish vanity and indulgences rather than long-term plans. (What? I have a 401(k), isn’t that enough?) (I know it’s not, but I’m making a point.) Aha, but the difference here is that I am fully aware of my situation and am willing to take responsibility if it all goes to shit some day. I made that bed, and I’ll sleep in it.

It's been a few years since I've had a tree...so I'm especially thrilled to have one this year! (It's fake, but still.)










Now, as soon as I get another lightbulb adapter for the front porch, I can do some outside lights. :)

I came across this on Facebook the other day:



...and my first reaction was, “OMG YES.” Because I do hate small talk. I hate the superficial insincerity of it, the utter sham that it all is. We make small talk because we feel that we have to, not because we want to. Small talk is a means to an end: finish spending x amount of time with y person without feeling awkward. Words fill the void but mean nothing and are never remembered.

And I suck at small talk. I know it started in college, when I was really upset about my social situation – I had finally, by the end of high school, made friends and established my “place.” But then I went to college, and it all changed; now I had to start all over from square one, learn how to talk to people I didn’t know, and try to make friends again. And all of those old feelings of inadequacy and self-consciousness resurfaced – feelings that I thought I had overcome – and I had no incentive to even try to be outgoing and make friends with total strangers. What was the point? I’d finish a few years here and have to go to the main campus and start all over AGAIN. Then I’d do a few years there and go out into the workforce and start all over AGAIN! The very thought of it was exhausting, and I remember spending some time before one of my classes cynically dissecting small talk that people make when they’re in college: “What’s your major?” “Where are you from?” What was the point?

Small talk was a skill that I never bothered to master – and it really is a skill to be developed, though many people have a gift for it. I don’t think I’m one of those people, so it’s always a struggle for me. However, it’s become a very necessary thing in my job because I spend a great deal of time building personal relationships with my client contacts. Small talk is a necessary evil in my line of work, and since I’m not good at it I decided to research it.



I talked to the therapist I was seeing at the time and also listened to Leil Lowndes’ audiobook of “How to Talk to Anyone” - not a foolproof plan, but good places to start.

So, okay. Focus on current events and the other person’s life and interests. Right. That’s easy, I guess, if I prepare a little ahead of time and think about different ways to keep conversation moving. How’s your summer going? Have you ever been to [the city we’re in] before? Aren’t these hors de oeuvres delicious? How’s [your family member I met once]? Smile, nod, be supportive and non-argumentative even if you don’t agree with them (and holy crap is this one hard for me because I am a principled and opinionated bitch sometimes!). Don’t offer them advice unless they flat out ask you (another habit I’m trying to break myself of). Don’t monopolize the conversation because they really don’t care about you. But then they ask questions about me, to be polite, and I have no short-and-sweet answers: What does your husband do? Do you have any kids? Where are you from? How are you doing?

Aw, crap.

At first my brain was all “SYNTAX ERROR DOES NOT COMPUTE” because I hadn’t actually planned for people to turn those questions back to me. Sure, they still don’t care, and probably won’t remember it nine seconds from now, but I still have to answer them. And while I have answers for those questions, they are either short or polite, but not both. People with kids don’t want to hear a flat “no” to their question about children, because now I’m not a kindred spirit even if we have a million other things in common. Suddenly I’m a pariah because I don’t have kids. Ditto to the husband question: I try to keep it short with “he doesn’t work outside the home,” but then they pry because that’s a mystery. “He’s on disability” garners an “Oh, I’m so sorry!” and/or “What’s wrong?” Their sympathy dissipates a bit when they find out it’s emotional and not physical, even if they try to appear understanding about how difficult it is. I’m not “from” any one place and my emotional state is always in five different spots depending on which facet of my life I’m focusing on – so again, no easy answers. And no one wants my life story when it’s just small talk.

So I have spent a great deal of time thinking about this and analyzing it, preparing myself for the next round of Small Talk Schmoozing. I don’t remember if I hit upon this myself or if it’s something that I got from Lowndes, but I realized something very important: most of the time, people ask you the questions that they, themselves, wish to be asked.

Someone who asks about kids is proud of their own, and wants to be asked. Someone who asks about your spouse? Same thing. How’s my summer? How’s YOUR summer? Clearly you’ve done something you wish to brag about.

I do it, too. I stay away from the where are you from and family questions, and ask about hobbies and vacations. I will throw in pertinent questions about family, if they bring them up, because even if they haven’t asked yet they’re going to, and it’s better for me to ask first because the chances are pretty good they won’t ask about mine because they’re busy boasting about their own points of pride.

And that’s the other thing: if the question of kids comes up, I say, “No, but I have pets. How about you?” BOOM! Conversation reflected back to them, off of me, and they can regale me with tales of how their son got engaged in Prague or their daughter is getting married, would you like to see pictures? Oh, of course!

Learning about how Artificial Intelligence communicates has taught me something else about small talk: pick up on keywords and use them to keep the conversation moving. “So, have YOU ever been to Prague? No? Do you like travel?” Of course, there’s one thing to be done that AI may never be able to pick up on: emotions. “Oh, you must be so excited/upset/nervous.” Reflecting that back to them validates their emotions – it’s okay to feel this way.

The more I think about small talk, the more I look at it like the broad rim of a large funnel. Or maybe the first in a series of sieves. It’s the top edge of communication, the way we (as social beings) filter out the most unsavory of those we encounter. It’s a preview of the person: how they speak, how they hold themselves, and even how they look and smell. You wouldn’t want to get into a conversation about hopes and dreams and atoms with someone who reeks of body odor and has a voice that could peel the paint off walls. You’d be too distracted by thoughts of OMG GET THIS PERSON AWAY FROM ME.

Small talk doesn’t have to be fake. It can be a gateway to serious conversation, but traversing the path from “How are you?” to profound ontological discussions is an art form that takes practice and attention and time. It doesn’t happen in one day; maybe not even in one week or one month. Your mileage may vary. You can have these conversations with your family because you’ve known them all your life, but social acquaintances don’t know you as well (if at all) and you have to start somewhere – trying to jump into the conversational deep end right away actually tends to scare people.



I don’t know if it’s psychology or sociology, but as a culture we’ve lost a lot of our ability to recognize and perpetuate subtlety. I think our brains are wired to notice and appreciate it – even the most straightforward person doesn’t always want to hear or see the end result right away. The best movies and books have a delicate touch, not a heavy-handed approach; think about it, would The Princess Bride be the same if Westley said, straight out upon his return and rescue of her, “’Sup, Buttercup? Hey, chillax, it’s me, Westley!”? Of course not. The Sixth Sense would also be a totally different movie. Another example: the best thesis papers start out general and narrow to a specific premise that becomes the focal point of the paper. And of course, seduction – the loveliest subtlety of them all, whether it’s that initial spark or a round of foreplay. Our attention spans are waning and instant gratification is easier than ever to achieve: Suri, Twitter, Facebook, Vine, Snapchat, and T3 internet lines are all evidence of this. Beyond the realm of social media and the internet, consider how people enter into relationships – the days of “courtship” are long gone, with roughly 30% of first dates ending up in the sack (according to an article by Glamour, so take that statistic with a grain of honey dust). Perhaps simple impatience is a contributing factor (combined with a lack of respect) in the preponderance of violence, especially that against women.

I, too, have fallen prey to the lure of the quick-and-dirty, honing my impatience with every GET TO THE VERB moment I have in conversations with people who tell you how to build a clock when you’ve asked what time it is. I love a speedy internet and an efficient solution to a problem. I’m not immune and I’m not condemning anyone for their preferences; this is all just my opinion, worth the cost of admission.



Like fast food, maybe a fast life isn’t as good for us. Sure, it’s momentarily gratifying, but in the long run it’s unfulfilling and perhaps a little dangerous for our health individually and as a society. To this end I am working on my ability to make small talk; it may be small now, but it has the potential to grow into something greater.

After much thought, I’m going to tackle a rather sensitive subject: guns.

In recent local news, a middle school student was shot and killed by her abusive father; the next week a high school student fatally shot himself accidentally. The president cries every time he talks about gun control, and the right-wingers scream “Second Amendment!” as they clutch their armories like mothers with their children.

I can’t tell you in one or two words where my opinion lies, because it’s complicated. I’ll refer back to this loveable old chestnut:


...because the truth doesn’t lie solely in opinions that simply state “ban guns” or “every kid should have a gun.” You can’t look at a CNN graph and surmise that guns are the only problem, or even the main problem, that the US has.



It’s far bigger than that. Compared to the rest of the world, the US also has a problem with teen pregnancy, homelessness, car accidents, incarceration, pollution (we’re second to China), and poverty (compared to other developed nations). We’re also consistently above average when it comes to infant mortality rates, fire fatalities, and reported sexual assaults. Does this mean that we should more tightly regulate money, cars, and sex? (Uhm... don’t answer that.)

The common thread here is a problem with our society as a whole. A well-adjusted society should be able to own and use firearms responsibly. A maladjusted society uses this tool inappropriately. Firearms are extremely helpful in certain cases such as hunting and national defense. True, they are more often used for homicide or suicide...but while they’re an easy option most of the time, they aren’t the only weapon used to kill.

The question isn’t “why aren’t we doing something about the guns;” the question is, “why do many people place such little value on human life?” What is so damned great about ISIS that makes people want to join them? Why do people enjoy movies like Kill Bill, shows like Dexter, and games like Grand Theft Auto? Our society is so flooded with depictions of violence that as a culture we think nothing of it.

If you take away all of the guns, those who are intent on killing will find another way: knives, hands/feet, blunt objects, and bombs. Would dying at the hands of some lunatic with a pipe bomb be less a tragedy than dying at the hands of a lunatic with a machine gun?

Another thing I’d like to point out is that “gun control” is not the same as banning all guns or even certain types of guns. The goal of gun control is to keep firearms out of the hands of those who shouldn’t have them. But there are multiple problems with the current system: first, this assumes that people are obtaining guns domestically by legal methods; second, it assumes that the person is obtaining the gun for him/herself and not another person (intentionally or accidentally); third, it assumes that the buyer’s prior history of nonviolent activity indicates that nothing is going to happen in the future. It also assumes that the system responsible for tracking criminals and lunatics is uncompromised, up to date, and actually being used at the time of the sale.

That’s...a lot to go wrong.

Let me back up a moment and return to an earlier statement about taking away all of the guns. We both know that won’t happen and can’t happen, because a.) they’re already out there en masse and it would be impossible to confiscate/recover all of them; b.) only a fool would think that a government which completely bans firearms would not hoard some for themselves; c.) gun manufacturers, as well as retailers, make a pretty penny on gun sales, and so have very deep pockets and dedicated lobbyists; and d.) gun rights advocates like the NRA also have deep pockets and dedicated lobbyists. Funny thing about lobbyists: they are folks who are paid by a corporation or organization to petition congress to pass laws that are favorable to that corporation/organization (or to dispute bills that are unfavorable to the same). The latter two make money hand over fist and use a small percentage to ensure that they continue to do so by manipulating the lawmakers of the country.

It would be great if the solution were as simple as educating people about the actual destructive power of firearms – real life damage, not Hollywood damage – and requiring that a person desiring to purchase a firearm must complete an educational course (at that person’s expense) that includes a practical segment proving that s/he knows how to use (as well as store) the weapon appropriately, properly, and safely. Or if we could impose stricter laws regarding the manufacture and sale of ammunition and its components. But the sad fact is that until we find a way to turn around our whole society, we’re just going to keep running in this same circle.

Once upon a time, my husband went to the doctor complaining of allergies and really bad sinus problems. So the doctor prescribed Claritin-D. Funny thing about Claritin-D: it works because it has pseudoephedrine, which raises one’s blood pressure. (Side note: he was also smoking at the time; another thing that jacks it up and doesn’t help the sinus trouble.) So the next time he went to the doctor, he got some lisinopril (an ACE inhibitor) for his slight hypertension. Some of the side effects of lisinopril include confusion, tiredness, nasal congestion, runny nose, sneezing, headache, and sweating. Did you notice how a couple of those mimic allergies? But the doctor didn’t mention that, and possibly didn’t even think about that because not everyone gets the side effects. The main thing that blood pressure medications are designed to do is reduce blood pressure, obviously, but I had an epiphany one day – what if increased blood pressure is a way for the body to help keep the arteries clear of plaque build-up? You know, how high water pressure in a hose or pipe keeps gunk from accumulating. Isn’t that one of the benefits of regular exercise, to flush the arteries of cholesterol clogs? It only stands to reason that if the body has a higher level of cholesterol in the blood, that on its own it would realize this and increase blood pressure accordingly to compensate. Biological mechanics are funny that way.

I came upon this epiphany when I realized that my husband hadn’t had to even go on medication for his high cholesterol until after he had been on the lisinopril for a while. And he was also on a beta blocker for a few years, because the lisinopril wasn’t quite doing it...what the doctors never considered was that he was a) not changing his diet, and b) still taking allergy medication with pseudoephedrine in it. And the simvastatin on its own wasn’t bringing down his cholesterol enough, so the doctor also prescribed fenofibrate.

Yes. At one point my husband took two hypertension meds and two high cholesterol meds, on top of the three medications from his psychiatrist.

Oh, but let me get back to that beta blocker, shall I? That was a fun meddy-go-round. Felodipine was not only expensive when it came off the formulary but also caused him to gain a good 30-40 pounds. What the hell good is a blood pressure medication that causes one to gain weight? Isn’t the goal with high blood pressure to lose weight? Of course it is! But the doctors just kept saying, “well, just diet and exercise.” Great, doc, but you’ve got him on not one but FOUR drugs that all cause tiredness, several of them cause joint and/or muscle pain, and at least two cause sweating or frequent urination (which leads to dehydration, which makes one very tired). And excessive weight gain is a known, listed side effect of felodipine. At some point the doctor switched him over to amlodipine, which is chemically similar but was on the formulary so it was much cheaper...however, the side effects are basically the same. We went on a hardcore diet (no exercise, just keeping ourselves to 1800/2000 calories a day) and he lost about 50 pounds. At that point he went off the amlodipine – I don’t remember if it was with the doctor’s blessing or not, but his BP is on the high end of normal even now.

Rewind back to when I was in college – we’d eat at the local Chinese buffet almost every Friday, I’d go with him to his parents’ house or my mom’s house for the weekend, and on the way to and from State College we’d often get some fast food. His mom cooks with a LOT of butter and my mom loves desserts. We also didn’t get a lot of exercise, and for half of that time, he smoked up to 3 packs a day. It’s no wonder his cholesterol was high back then!

But things have changed. We eat healthier (comparatively), and we get a reasonable amount of exercise (not high-intensity cardio, maybe, but I go up and down steps all day and he’s out in the garden – compared to being in college, when I was sitting on my ass in class for a good 4-8 hours a day and in my room or the computer lab for practically the rest of the time; or in a car, driving back and forth). Much less fast food and less butter, too, though it’s not cut out completely....let’s not be crazy, here. Also, he quit smoking and had sinus surgery, so his sinus issues aren’t as severe as they used to be.

In the meantime, his non-psychotropic meds have remained generally the same. I’m not even going into the issues with the psychotropics he’s been on over the years (Zoloft, trazodone, Ativan, Buspar, Wellbutrin, Seroquel, Risperdal, and maybe a few others that I don’t remember) because that would make this twice as long; suffice to say, there are plenty of problems with those as well.

So, to recap: lifestyle changed, medications haven’t, the doctor he sees at least twice a year hasn’t put this together and refuses to acknowledge that any of the medications he’s prescribing are the ones causing an insane amount of perspiration, muscle aches, joint pain, tiredness, lack of motivation, gastric issues, confusion, and sundry other side effects that are affecting my husband’s ability to function like a normal person.

Seriously, he would lie in bed all day long; sometimes sleeping, sometimes paralyzed by depressive/obsessive thoughts, but often just inexplicably exhausted to the point where the only thing that could make him get up was the desire to avoid urinating in the bed. Even the lightest of exercise – going up and down steps, walking from one end of the house or yard to the other – would tire him or make him out of breath, and with more strenuous tasks (mowing the lawn, for example) he’d often start perspiring so much (especially in humid weather or anytime it was over 70F) that he’d literally soak through a t-shirt and an over-shirt. I don’t just mean a few damp spots – I mean soaked through. I could – and did, on a few occasions – take the shirts and wring them out, with noticeable results. He’d easily go through 3-4 shirts on a warm day if we were out in the yard for a few hours doing weeding or planting or harvesting.

It’s funny – I had never noticed how bad it had gotten while it was happening. The progression was so gradual; every year it got a little worse, every season each basic task was a little more difficult for him to complete. Dishes, laundry, cooking meals, keeping house, yardwork, gardening...all of it slowly fell by the wayside as his energy levels deteriorated. There was no medical explanation, according to our doctor – his TSH levels were fine, so it wasn’t his thyroid. He didn’t have lyme disease or lupus or fibromyalgia. He wasn’t “sick” in any way they could figure out. And of course, we trusted our doctor – he’s a doctor, you know. Someone who went to years and years of schooling, someone who keeps up with medical know-how and is in charge of helping people to maintain their state of wellness – he’d know if the answer were simple, wouldn’t he?

One day, while lying in bed and looking things up on the internet, he came across something about statin drugs that made him reconsider taking the simvastatin that he’d been on for at least 10 years. It started with the article about statin drugs possibly causing Alzheimer’s, one of my husband’s great fears. He’s always prided himself on his keen wit and sharp mind and in all honesty would rather die an early death than suffer the slow torture of losing his mental faculties. In the past five years or so, he’d complain that he couldn’t remember things. He’d get off-track of what he was going to say, even when no one interrupted him. He’d struggle with mildly complicated concepts that shouldn’t have eluded him.

“I’ve lost my pretty mind,” he’d lament. “I used to have a pretty mind!”



He started looking at the side effects of the simvastatin, and everything fell into place: THIS was the reason he was constantly sweaty and uncomfortable. THIS was the reason he couldn’t get out of bed (known side effect: “aversion to exercise”). THIS was the reason he was confused and in pain almost all the time. So the next thing we looked up was how to safely get off the medication. He tapered off, and quit.

Even if his cholesterol is through the roof when he gets it checked in September, he’s not going back on that drug. We’ve agreed on that: he feels worlds better, and I have my husband back. He’s not 100% yet – I still have to make dinner on most days, and there’s a shitload of catching up to do – but he’s been up and out of bed by ten am every single day, doing at least 4 hours’ of work outside in the yard (splitting the time between tending the garden and maintaining the grounds), doing dishes daily unless they don’t need it, helping with the laundry, and is actually motivated to do more things around the house in general. Oh, and he only goes through one shirt on a normal day.

I wholly endorse the lifesaving efforts of doctors and other medical professionals. And I take medication myself, to regulate my thyroid, so this isn’t a blanket anti-medication rant. Medications can be wonderful things if one really needs them – but this whole experience has left me wondering how many medications are prescribed just to shut the patient up and make them feel like they’re getting something tangible for their co-pay?

My husband’s doctor could have said, back in the late 90’s when he was diagnosed with hypertension, “Diet. Exercise. Quit smoking. Your BP will go down and it will also help your sinus issues. Plus you’ll lose weight and it’s good for your heart and lungs. You’re in your early 20’s and that’s too young for medication.” But the doctor didn’t say this, and it started a chain reaction of side effects that led him to prescribe additional medications on top of each other – treating the symptoms instead of the cause.

I get the feeling this happens far more often than people would be comfortable knowing. Doctors are supposed to be this elite group of erudite citizens, the holders of the sacred knowledge that is Medicine, and the ones in charge of doling out the precious miracles that come in tiny pills and bitter elixirs. But they are human and fallible. They’re about as smart as anyone with a modicum of insight who can navigate the internet (or, in lieu of that, simply have access to a medical textbook and the Physician’s Desk Reference). Doctors are tacitly bribed by the pharmaceutical companies to write scrips for brand name drugs that may not even be necessary. Most people won’t question their doctors when something is prescribed because we’ve all been led to blindly believe that doctors Know What They’re Doing.

My doctor recently told me to start taking a baby aspirin a day, because having migraines puts me at a greater risk for ischemic stroke. However, taking the aspirin puts me in a higher risk group for hemorrhagic stroke (as well as other problems). Needless to say, I’m not taking the baby aspirin.

So. Can medications be good? Of course. I couldn’t function without the Synthroid. Are they prescribed when not wholly appropriate? Oh, hell yeah. There is no reason that an otherwise healthy 20-something should go on blood pressure and cholesterol medications. Are the FDA and the pharmaceutical companies comprised of pill-pushing fearmongers who are just out to make a buck and damn the long-term consequences? Absolutely. Consider the number of side effects listed on any drug. Half the time the side effects are basically symptoms that the drug is supposed to eliminate, like a migraine drug that causes headaches.

I am very lucky to be surrounded by so many wonderfully talented people. Two of them took and gone and went and teamed up and created a group they call Murder Ballads. A bit macabre, but thankfully that genre is not the be-all and end-all of their musical catalogue.

Their first album, “Pretty in Scarlet,” was funded by an Indiegogo campaign, and I figured I’d throw a few dollars their way and get in on the physical CD as well as the advance copy of the digital download. I listened online, listened to the digital download (which, btw, has an extra track that’s not shown on the Bandcamp page!), and formed much of this review – however, I wanted to wait for the actual CD before I published this because I had a few questions/things to address that would be answered by the CD’s insert. Also, I wanted to hear the CD’s sound quality (more on that later).

First things first, and full disclosure: I know Adam very well, on a personal level. I don’t know Catt as well, but any friend of Adam’s can’t be all that bad, especially when music is involved. So getting this album was kind of a given to start with, especially since Adam’s been pandering to my new/different/awesome music addiction very influential when it comes to my musical collection. Neither Adam nor Catt asked me to review this, but since I really liked the album I want to share my thoughts with the interwebs at large – and if it encourages you to buy their stuff, all the better.

So! If you want the TL;DR version – buy this album because it is full of musical awesomeness.

I’ve listened to this album countless times, and find something else each time: musically as well as lyrically. Some of the tracks are re-done versions of Adam’s songs (“Step it out, Mary,” “Strowler’s Song,” “Kessel Run”) that I already know by heart; some are re-done versions of Catt’s songs (“Battle Raven,” for example), plus there are a handful of covers and some originals that I didn’t know before but am making it a point to know, because they’re catchy and fun to sing along with.

I’ve expounded before on how much I like Adam’s voice, and it sounds to me that his old nervousness and self-consciousness has abated considerably since he’s started to do a lot more work in front of groups. Which is excellent, because when he cuts loose (which you can really hear on their cover of “Dead Egyptian Blues”) it’s a beautiful thing.

Catt’s voice is amazingly dynamic. It ranges from sultry (“This Way”) to crazy-powerful (“Five”) to light-hearted and fun (“Captain America’s Disapproving Face”). Not only that, she’s a songwriter in her own right as well as skilled at bass, guitar, and kazoo. I’m impressed!!

Together, their voices meld wonderfully – the only thing that I would change, if I could, is the mixing/production. The sound quality is perfectly acceptable, but there’s so little echo/reverb/not sure what you’d call it that it’s kind of unnatural and a little tinny at times, and it’s especially harsh when the vocals are most dynamic. Also, the backing vocals often overwhelm the lead vocals and make them unbalanced. (I tried fiddling with my bass and treble settings, but to no avail.) It actually gives the feeling of being a recording of a live performance, so maybe that’s what they were going for?

At any rate, don’t let that dissuade you! The music itself makes it all worth it – “‘Till We Have Faces” and “Battle Raven” seriously give me chills. (As an aside, I looked up “Battle Raven” online and found a YouTube video of the Crimson Pirates doing a version at the NY Ren Faire. I prefer the Murder Ballads version overall, though I do like the Crimson Pirates’ treatment of the bridge.) And “IDK” would fit in nicely as Night Vale’s Weather, HINT HINT.

Adam and Catt have done a fantastic job on this. Their guest musicians/vocalists were perfect choices, nicely rounding out tracks like “Driven Like the Snow” and “Strowler’s Song.” I’m not only pleased with their current efforts but also excited for their future offerings. (Which, according to the mailing list, is coming soon, perhaps? *puppy dog eyes*)

I really don't like the new LJ post page. Where are my options to change whether it's friends-only, public, or to a custom friend group? :(

Oh, but y'know, that repost box sure looks good. No problems with THAT, of course.