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[29 Jun 2007|09:35am] |
I keep wanting to write things, about indecision, and how much I resent not being productive. But I can't decide where to start, and I don't feel it will be a valuable or interesting practise.
So instead I'm going to do some home baking, rather than mull it over...
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whisper |
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[05 Jun 2007|11:57am] |
Well I have moved back to Edinburgh now for the summer: I just need to collect a few more bits and bobs from my flat in Glasgow, then hand in the keys...
It feels like a step back: that I'm leaving so much behind. This isn't strictly speaking true, as many of my friends have returned to their hometowns for the summer. But then it's more than that. I hadn't realised how important my independence had become, and how much I'd grown used to it. Sunday night dad offered me a lift home from the churchhill theatre, but I walked a fair way and took a bus instead because I wanted to be able to. When I considered it I felt a little panicked; as though it marked an end to independence. Does this sound daft?
People want to know where I am now, what I'm doing, who I'm with... I don't want to be a worry to anyone.
And last night it seemed to me that my mum had regressed, maybe relapsed. Nothing like on the scale of how things used to be; I hope she never does become that bad again. Yet she was saying things that revealed her insecurities, offering every little service to us, setting herself up to appear used. You see you have to be a few steps ahead of my mum. Maybe in her mind she's assuring herself that she's still my mum, still responsible for me. She really wishes I was still young.
She is still my mum, and always will be, but our relationship has shifted in most aspects save name. It isn't that we're not close... rather that it's on a different level. For a while I thought how much of that change was natural, and how much was because my mum is who she is. But then i realised it was unfair to attempt to define it, because, and I dont mean this dismissively, but things are the way they are.
We can only try to help.
Roll on the week? I'm helping with a dancing show, doing that backstage thing again. So far I've done a bit of everything: putting hair up into buns, dishing out costumes,
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7 comments | whisper |
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| Stolen from Bwiel |
[20 Jun 2006|10:59am] |
Please leave me a comment (yes they are screened) with one or more of the following:
- a secret
- a criticism
- a crush
- a compliment
- a death threat
- a love note
- a song
- a picture
- anything else you want.
Then paste this in your journal for the fun to begin.
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7 comments | whisper |
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[11 Nov 2005|07:24am] |
Today the coffee is strong, and tastes like real coffee, despite the knowledge that's it's instant, and at any other time of the day would be mediocre.
I have a snuffle which is very much determined to remain a snuffle, rather than decide to be a proper cold, which I could complain about.
There is a lot of 'stuff' floating around my head, which it's too early to even look at.
I am somewhat asquee, as my friend has her job back at Clintons. Things will not be the same again... back to the old days, alas, without the speech impediment. Lucky Wench got the 8 hour contract.Ach. Our assisstant manager will LOVE discovering who our latest recruit is :D
Nana has done something on the carpet, which I can't look at.
Today is photo day, and I'm not really feeling particularly photogenic.
I took a photo of Chomble and Snodgeheg last night.
If that wench moans at me one more time today, there shall be Wenchery.
Is this it?
Well, good mornin :D
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2 comments | whisper |
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[01 Mar 2005|07:30am] |
This winter just refuses to end, doesn't it?
*stares at the new snow* it just won't stop!
*pelts people with snowballs*
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7 comments | whisper |
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[08 Aug 2004|07:02pm] |
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This Journal is Friends only.
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whisper |
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