1. Have you ever farted so hard that, just for a second, you think you might have accidentally crapped your pants?

2. Have you ever been walking next to a complete stranger in a public place, such as a mall or a grocery store, then cried out, looked at them, and yelled, “Don’t touch me there!”? (A side note: I’ve done this before. The look on their face is priceless. I’m hoping that people will read this, videotape themselves doing it, put it on YouTube, and start calling it Revis-ing.)

3. Why is it that you almost never notice that the toilet paper roll is empty until after you’ve started dumping?

4. Have you ever noticed that drinking grape soda turns your crap green?

5. Why does grape soda turn your crap green instead of purple?

6. How freaked out would you be if your crap was purple?

7. There’s a bunch of toilet questions on here, so why didn’t I put this in “Thoughts from the Throne”?