If you're gonna REALLY full on sit with it, you better add some extra oomph in there with a self-curated soundtrack. Poke around Ren-17 *and* Ren-15, y'know?

Reliving The Eyeliner

Dun dun daaaaah: Eyeliner and Ass Kickin'! Have some 90's psuedometal industrial-esque nostalgia. Now included: Alternative Rock (can it still be called that...

www.youtube.com

I listed to all their albums incessantly in the late 90s and early 2000s. J had this poster up at his apartment before he moved to SD.

Repost (Public); --tagged-- with Alicia D and Brandi H.

Fifteen years ago today there was an amazing time with a cheese buffet, chocolate-peanut butter cupcakes, "Don't Stop Believing" as an entrance song, fantastic friends, and PERFECT weather during an otherwise rainy week.

I got to wear a beautiful dress and extremely high heels, and didn't change out of those heels the entire night thankyouverymuch.

My sister made a week long trip and vacation out of it, my maid of honor was as perfect as the weather, my brother dealt with sickness but then thankfully good health, and then, on what was the best day of my life, I had the joy and honor and true happiness of marrying my best friend. It wasn't just some random party or hella-expensive overly planned Southern California event. It was a whole entire Bob Ross beautiful painting style moment to show everyone hot DANG do these two love each other. Pretty sure I did not stop grinning during the entire time.

(I I giggled during the full ceremony, partially because my heels were aerating the lawn and trying their best to make me fall.)

(I did not fall.)

Every year on April 23rd I take a long time to look through the many pictures, and sit with really amazing memories. This involves coffee and chocolate, hopefully with peanut butter on top. Today I'm going to do that somewhere that overlooks the ocean.

The struggles since then have been real. I done been through it, as we say. At this point I haven't just been on the struggle bus, I *own* it.

The bad things and pain are all quite real, but that day was also real, and it was - without a doubt - the best day of my life.

Most of the pictures are in my FB albums (forever thankful for you, Ivonne!). Here are a few: there's no way I can pick a singular favorite, and there's definitely one where I look like I just told a dad joke to Alicia & J.

I love the people in these photos with all my heart, even more than I love chocolate with peanut butter.

I'm also deeply grateful and thankful and happy that I still get to regularly talk to 2/3rds of my wedding party crew. They are still as magical as they were then. I love all three of them an incredible amount.

Being able to talk to two out of three, aka Alicia & Steve, is FANTASTIC, absolutely... but that third one is still, and will always be, the other half of my heart.

Yes, people have things to say about that. Yes, I know why I asked for a separation. However, I now understand far more about myself and all kinds of brain injuries that all kinds of people get, and when all of it gets mixed up with too much sarcasm and attitude and bad times, you get..... probably the worst cocktail in the world. NOBODY WANTS BLEACH WHEN YOU CAN HAVE CHAMPAGNE, AMIRITE OR AMIRITE

Anyway.

I sit with all these epic memories and will love them plus the people in them, and I will continue to hope (pray, chant, meditate on, ask the cats about, etc) that eventually J will decide to at least be friends with me again. We have a lot of stupid memes to catch up on, that's for sure.

Hope is a tiny poison, but love is far more delicious.

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